Critique (or create!) Your Character!

Discussion in 'Writing' started by Combozone, Sep 21, 2016.

  1. D.M.G.

    D.M.G. Master Astronaut

    Welp, for that, I must let you know that in Starbound, you can create weapons and armors with JSON coding, but in game, that's a mix of his gears and his inner power, revolving around materializing his ideas, sorta like a psy power
    For the hacking part, he only learned it to get data for his weapons, and had some allies to help him, tho most of them have disappeared
    And finally, for the space-time problem, it was when he was testing a new thruster for his ship, an attempt that went terribly wrong
  2. RowanEx

    RowanEx Pangalactic Porcupine

    Now... let me show you my first character.

    Mark Johnso— *bzzt*
    Whoops. Sorry. So, where was he supposed to... Oh, right!

    I'm Mark Johnson H. Crafters, 31 years old in the year 2032. Yes, it's very specific. I'm a man, and my life is divided into eight.

    The first part, spanning from when I was just 11 until I was 29, where I was, and I quote, 'Abducted by Herobrine and placed in Minecraftia, then cursed.' I won't tell you about the curse since it just turns everything on my left, from my left hand to my left eye, turn black and violet. Oh, I also founded this company called International Science and Magic Division and a country which is now called Cordiem, after Destroia and Markia.

    Now, this is where it gets interesting. I got killed, but luckily I had a fancy discovery that made me regenerate like a Time Lord! Of course, that was when I learned about the Legendarians, or Legendárs. I like that second name better. So, at first, I renamed myself. Alexis Rivercross, then I founded the Rivercross Safety Team. Loopholes caused him to exist outside of me. Thanks for the mention! You're welcome.

    Third part, death and revival, retook the Crafters name, and I mostly watched a rival company destroy my old one. Alerith Labs, I think. But luckily, a lot of people, or OCs, have came. I think a war happened on my country! But yeah, it's a slow week.

    Fourth and fifth are just aesthetic changes. And of couse, the Director Five, the Five OCs that were specifically meant to host the creator, or Director.

    Sixth is just... bizarre. I literally became my creator, who was 13 at the time. Forgot his name. Heh. Adopted by the sister of a guardian that I had found on my fourth part.

    Seventh part... hmm... I don't know, space travel?

    Eight part is where I am. The First of the Five, the Captain of a ship named SS Explorer, a human because Legendárs only get 7 revivals, and a man living in a 'tower' which is just a prison block. I own the top floors.

    Now, imagine a man, with sideburns and brown hair. A 5'2" man. Then, give him a black shirt, a gray jacket with faded company logos, and jeans. And blue sneakers. That's me. Oh, and bye—

    For goodness sake stop doing that, Mark! I would do a bit better in a more... styled format...

    Now I remember! My name during the sixth part was Justin Nickel, and that's when I became a Pokémon Trainer too!
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2016
  3. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    @Combozone thank you very much! I'll try to type up some more later tonight. If you're interested, I can PM you some more background on the Key'Shin as a species as well.

    EDIT: Here goes

    Setting notes: This was in a post-apocalyptic setting a friend of mine made for what was originally planned as a one-shot. The gist is that a computer virus wipes out every electrical grid of the entire western world in the middle of winter. We were playing in Finland.

    Name: Jounas Kakkillen
    Gender: Male
    Age: 28
    Appearance: Surprisingly well-kept blonde hair and beard, deep blue eyes, average height and build. A few smaller scars here and there, but nothing too serious. Usually has a really large military surplus army ranger backpack on him.

    Jounas did not start his reclusive life because it as fun or anything, it began with a pretty tragic but mundane story - his father left early in his life, his mother was a drug addict, and eventually this culminated in homelessness. He wandered far into the woods, partly because he wanted to die, partly because he wanted to be found and brought to a better place, an orphanage maybe. He ended up in an abandoned hut. After a few days in there, burning through what little firewood was left, he suddenly felt something he never felt before - he felt at home. Over the course of a decade, he honed his initially low survival skills and became very good at skiing, hunting, gathering firewood and the myriad of other skills it takes to survive out there. What little money he needs he makes by selling pelts and christmas trees. His home has no electricity, no central heating, no TV and no internet. Officially, it doesn't even exist, and neither does he anymore.

    When the apocalypse hit, he was the last to notice as, much to his dismay, suddenly a small group of strangers stood before his door and asked for help. He really wanted to turn them down, but ultimately couldn't bring himself to it. He had to helplessly watch as his cozy little hut slowly but surely got turned into a fortified camp for the few survivors who made it there. You can usually find him either gathering firefood, checking his traps, fishing or mumbling insults about city dwellers under his breath.

    During his years in the small, moldy apartment with his mother, he developed slight claustrophobia, so giving his house up to others isn't that much of a sacrifice for him as long as he gets to sleep in a warm bed every now and then. In fact, the more people suddenly flock to his "little piece of peace" as he calls it, the more time he spends outside doing necessary tasks he deems the others 'too spoiled and stupid' for. Still, he has a soft spot for anyone in need, since he knows what it's like not to get the help one needs.

    In the future, he will most likely go on longer and longer trips. It's not sure yet whether he will survive or not, maybe he will finally open up to having a big large pseudo-family around him, maybe he will snap and search for a new and lonelier refuge deeper in Karelia.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2016
    Combozone likes this.
  4. Tuliup Man

    Tuliup Man Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    Thanks for the compliment btw it is misspelled on purpose. This is because of how he was illiterate and doesn't have the humility to say it was a typo.

    As for defining traits, the ones he has, he doesn't know of. This is the same for his crew and they are a band of merry florans looking for what they are good at in the universe.

    As for defining looks... how about this, think of a floran. Think of a sarcastic floran who doesn't know how to read and always scrunched his eyebrows at words. Think about a lovable fool. This is that guy. Except he is a man of action... and a man of impolse. And by man I mean floran. Male.
    Combozone likes this.
  5. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    @Tuliup Man I sorta like the intentional missspelling thing. Given what I know about Florans, it really does fit them. It's also kinda cute, which gives the Florans some extra creepiness :D
    Combozone likes this.
  6. Jimmy Cool

    Jimmy Cool Title Not Found

  7. Double Pwned

    Double Pwned Poptop Tamer

    Hey, just wanted to say that this is a very nice gesture to all the new/beginning authors! :D
    Also, I wanted some ideas about my character:

    - Filikos Amival
    - 25 Years
    - Male
    - Pacifist, Semi-philosophical, witty, cunning, resourceful,
    And an all-around extrovert, everyone's favorite ENFP personality.
    - Abilities: Renowned smith, miner, excellent healer/doctor, can make friends
    with near anyone non-magically, Master of Magenta(enchanting) and Amber(mending) magic, the Strong Smith.

    Background: Born to a woodsman and a Mender, Filik was ascribed to be a generous and caring soul. When he was 4 years old, his depressed mother left him for Amber College after his father died the day before.
    Left on the doorstep of the strongest and most caring blacksmith known to man, he grew up being taught to be humble and outgoing. He also picked up a few, if not all, of the tricks and trade to smithing.
    Being naturally resilient and born Magical, Filik was talk of Frael, the town he was brought to, where the kind and strong souls were rarest. Being the innovator he was, he even made an interesting new kind of shield, and discovered a new school of magic!
    His shield, being the first of its type, was all defense, a mountain of sheer unbreakable metal. Link for image: (
    Magenta: The Fortify Spell, the Defense Spell, and the Enchant Spell. Known to last longer and harder than any other school of magic, Filik is the only user of the 7th specifically color-coded magic art.

    Hope it's good so far!
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2017
    Combozone and Jimmy Cool like this.
  8. Jimmy Cool

    Jimmy Cool Title Not Found

    I like it so far, my friend. If I were to offer guidance, It would have to be to develope more of the personality a bit. Explore more of his weakness and Strength. I would also like to know a lot more on how he became who he is.
    I'd also like to learn more about your magic, I like how you named them after colors.
    Keep it up my dude.
    Double Pwned likes this.
  9. Double Pwned

    Double Pwned Poptop Tamer

    Will do! Thanks tor the input!
  10. Jake9039

    Jake9039 Pangalactic Porcupine

    Name: aqu (pronounced akoo)
    Story: this novakid was captured from his home village by the miniknog , which he does not remember. His brand was torn off by the miniknog and he is the only one to survive that treatment. First thing he remembers is that he wakes up in a cell, is set free by my other character, and then steals a ship, and makes a quiet enough living on mu muster III.

    His motto; screw the galaxy I'm living on my farm!
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2017
  11. Combozone

    Combozone Existential Complex

    Alright, an ok backstory. Nothing amazing, but it's sufficient.
    What is Aqu like? What are his likes and dislikes? Does he love burritoes? How about ice skiing?
    Think of some interests and disinterests that Aqu has; it helps others understand who he is.
  12. Combozone

    Combozone Existential Complex

    Thank you! I made this post specifically for that audience, so I'm glad I'm reaching out to those people!
  13. Jake9039

    Jake9039 Pangalactic Porcupine

    Try 2:

    Name: aqu (pronounced akoo)
    Likes: peace, solitary life, roasted carrots, guns, avians
    Dislikes: people, apex, florans, Esther, erichius ghosts, rice
    Personality: brash, no-nonsence. Caring once freinds.
    Story: this novakid was captured from his home village by the miniknog , which he does not remember. His brand was torn off by the miniknog and he is the only one to survive that treatment. First thing he remembers is that he wakes up in a cell, is set free by my other character, and then steals a ship, and makes a quiet enough living on mumuster III.

    Appearance: yellow, no brand, bandit costume. Often seen with ether his scythe/hoe or his assault rifle. Has spear on his back.

    His motto; screw the galaxy I'm living on my farm!
  14. Tuliup Man

    Tuliup Man Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    Really confused on how he would survive a brand ripping, as well as the miniknog doing it... don't novakids like, supernova if their brands are removed?
  15. Jake9039

    Jake9039 Pangalactic Porcupine

    What happened was, the miniknog wondered why they were humanoid, and Did a bunch of tests on him.(including adding hormones from apex/humans) They don't actually know HOW he survived, and would do more tests. Except that he got rescued.
  16. Lintton

    Lintton Guest

    @Combozone are you still looking at these?

    Name: Harita Lintton
    Species: Human
    Gender: Female
    Likes: exploration, cooking, Tall buildings, martial arts movies, vlogs
    Dislikes: bandits, negotiations, paperwork,

    Story: Lintton had been one of the relatively few earthlings to jump in on the colonization craze, which never really caught on on earth for various reasons. She first entered into with dreams of wonderful worlds and verdant paradises. Reality (exposed by earth media networks at the time)proved far different.

    Then the earth was destroyed, and all she ever knew, family included, was gone in a flash. Calls and communications were made for human spacefarers to develop colonies and homes for those displaced. WIth her knowledge of the Matter Manipulator, Lintton helped in these construction efforts, assisting in efforts to relocate human refugees and building reintegration centers for the many penal colonies of the USCM, several of these contacts would later join her crew and assist in development projects.

    The Miniknog capitalized on Humanity's need for outposts, and contracted Lintton to set up colonies in the Luna system, a known base of operations for the Apex Resistance. Within a month of the Luna IV colony being set up, All communications from the resistance base on the planet vanished, as well as all trace of their camp. The details of Lintton's contract remains confidential in accordance to Outpost Development regulations.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 10, 2017
  17. Airship Captain

    Airship Captain Void-Bound Voyager


    Skin tone........Pale gold
    Leaf color.......Cyan
    Rakia is a lean-built, nimble Floran from the Rainleaf Tribe of planet Iaainia. She likes to stay light on her feet, never carrying more than a few pounds of gear on her several-month-long expeditions under the Protectorate. She enjoys studying magical arts, manuscripts, staves, and the like. Her main hobby is playing sports/video games, but she does not like sports video games at all. Her aim with a spear is unparalleled, but she usually resorts to using one only if a spell won't do the trick, or if she is hunting for food. She cannot hit a target with a gun no matter how much she has practiced, annoying her to no end.

    When she was younger, Rakia could never settle for a traditional life on her home planet. She always wished to explore the stars, and on her twentieth summer, the chance arose to do so. While she and the other hunters of her tribe were gathering food, they were ambushed by pirates; moments before Rakia and ger companions were shipped off to a life of slavery, a Protectorate, named Daxion, and his crew captured the brigands and freed Rakia. This sparked her curiosity of the Protectorate, leading to her inviting herself onto Daxion's ship; fitting into tight spaces has always been a breeze for her. When they landed, Rakia asked him to help her join, and eventually with his help she was accepted into the Protectorate's ranks.

    Even though she is easily considered a progressive member of her species, Rakia faces constant internal battles with the traditional teachings of her tribe. What she knows, deep down inside her, is the right thing to do often conflicts with the viewpoints of her tribe and family. This mental turmoil can leave her feeling distracted and sometimes quite saddened. She is close friends with Daxion and a Glitch Knight-Protectorate named Leonidas, both of whom often provide her with much needed perspective when she is at a moral crossroad. Because of the difficulty she encounters when making impactful decisions, she usually prefers to avoid large-scale leadership roles; however, she constantly challenges herself to do better. If the Protectorate needs someone to lead a small group to infiltrate a facility, or ask for someone to aid a village, she is always the first to volunteer.

  18. Combozone

    Combozone Existential Complex

    I love it!
    I honestly have no real problems with this backstory. You establish a setting, how and where she got where she was, and who she knows, what she's good at, etc.
    Very well done!
  19. Airship Captain

    Airship Captain Void-Bound Voyager

    Well thanks! Brilliant idea on this post btw, was hoping I'd find something like this.
    Combozone likes this.

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