[Caution: SFW] Holy crap, it's cold outside. Outdoors there's no way I can win. Oh, lord, dead mold inside. I'm off to the community inn. Oh Jeez, there are deadly bugs. Where can I go? I fall and break a few jugs. My misfortune seems to grow. I sit and think about the way Santa skipped over me today and My mind seems to wander, And I start to ponder in that little hotel chalet. I look down I look up I see my wound I taste upchuck I start to fade I'm not afraid Its just a raid I had had it made! I die and loose half of my gold. I punch my computer. I was killed by looters! I rage and rage and rage-quit with shame. {The infamous Spire has left the game}
This is a very unique mix of different styles. I found the reveal at the end delightful. Thank you for sharing this with us!
I doubt it, there are a lot of great entries so far, and more to come I am sure! Before I posted it I probably spent about 7 hours looking over it, not including all the other time I spent thinking about it when it wasn't in front of me. I still feel like it is missing something, but I don't know what yet.