Story The Tau Ceti Gang - A Serial Starbound Adventure - *What's up with Hart? Find out!*

Bye the way georgeV said he couldn't to anything because that was this speciality so he recommended just posting it in suggestions (but I can't to that properly because my iPad (how I post) has a bug with the suggestions page)

 

That's ok! As long as people are reading it, I'm happy

 

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
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The young Floran was terrified. It had probably never been on a ship before. But it still bravely refused to tell them anything about it's home or the whereabouts of Captain Vernier.
“Hairy one!” it yelled at Brandis. “We'd have to boil you before we could eat you!” But despite it's threats, it's eyes were wide with fright and sweat beaded on it's forehead.
Met with such resistance, they had been unsure of what to do at first. Of course, neither of them really wanted to hurt the Floran, and torture was definitely out of the question, but they still needed more information to find out what had happened to Captain Vernier. Eventually, Hart had remembered something, when the Floran's face had reminded him of Verden for an instant. He left the Floran on the medical bay table where it had been strapped, and took Brandis aside. After a short discussion, and a brief edit of the ship's visual logs, they re-entered the room.
“Well, it seems obvious you're not going to tell us anything.” Hart said blithely.
“That's right, metal beast! I'll never betray my people!” the Floran gave a wide, angry grin, sensing it had won out through it's persistence.
“Very well,” said Brandis, tapping at a monitor. “But we obviously can't return you home. You'll just tell them that we're here. Hmmmm, I wonder what we can do with you.”
“Let's just dump it at the next planet.” said Hart, shrugging.
“Of course! That's just the ticket! Now lemme see, that would be...” She brought up the visual logs for Faranor Zeta III that she had quickly edited together. The planet looked even drier and more desolate than she remembered, the sand-filled gales streaking the planet with yellow and white. She switched from an orbital view to a view of the surface. The driving sand obscured most of the scene, but the shifting surface of dust and debris pushed on by the cyclonic winds was still clear enough.
“No!” shrieked the Floran.
“Oh yes!” said Brandis, grinning. “Don't worry, you'll get used to it. At least until the sands bury you, or the wind-born particles start to strip off your skin.”
“Oh, I hear you'll suffocate in the sand long before that's a problem.” added Hart.
The Floran had become rock-still with horror almost as soon as the video had started. It heaved a deep breath. “What do you want to know?” It said at last.

After that, the discussion had been much more civil. The Floran had not recognised Captain Vernier's name, or the name of the actor Thomas Liflin, but it did recognise “the dirty human in the cape.” It explained that they had been planning to eat the human at a great feast, as the other food had escaped (Brandis wondered, but did not ask, if that might have been referring to her), but the Chieftain of the tribe had changed the plan. It seemed that while taunting the human, the Chieftain had discovered that the human had come to the planet in search of a great weapon.
This made Brandis and Hart pause, and wonder how much the Captain knew about Verden and the seed weapon. But the Floran continued, and told them that the dirty human claimed the great weapon was an ancient secret, hidden in a cave on the planet's surface. It wasn't too far from their village, so the chieftain had taken the human and some guards south to find the cave. They had been gone for two days, but as the terrain was very rough they expected them to be gone for very many more.
Now that they knew where to look, Brandis was able to focus the ship's scanners on the vegetation to the south of the Floran settlement, and it wasn't long before they located a large party travelling slowly through the trees. They could not make out much more detail through all the leaves, but they could pick up the heat signatures. Hart guessed that there were at least two dozen bodies in the party, but it was impossible to tell if one of them was human.
After telling his story, the Floran turned to them with dread-filled eyes. “Now you have what you want, will you kill me decently instead of sending me to... that place.” It looked up at Brandis imploringly.
Silently, Brandis took the biggest needle in the medical lab and approached the Floran. As the tip of the needle hovered over it's pale green arm, she said, gravely “This injection contains tiny explosive nanobots. They'll swim through your blood up into your brain, and if you ever speak of us, or our discussion today, they'll shatter your skull like a dropped eyeball-melon.”
The Floran started in shock as she plunged the needle home and injected the saline solution into it's arm.

Afterwards, when they had transported the Floran back to the planet, near the river where it had been fishing, Hart asked “Do you think the story about the nanobots will keep him quiet for long?”
Brandis shrugged. “Probably only a few days, but it'll give us a head start. And it means we don't have to leave the poor kid locked up on the ship. Sooner or later though, the sprout will blab and then wonder why his head doesn't explode.” She grinned at the thought of how surprised the Floran would be then. No doubt the poor kid would feel horrible for a while, but it was better than being a prisoner.
“So, what's next?” she asked Hart.
“Well, we have the advantage of being able to watch their progress from up here. Then, when we're ready, we can transport down in a good position to see what they're doing. Until then though... fish for dinner?”

 

Woot, over 500 views!!
This is getting very long (which I'd expected), hence the chapter list at the start, but I'd be interested to see if anyone managed to sit down and read through the whole thing at one sitting now that it's this long!
Don't forget to gimme your likes, especially if there's a particular chapter that appealed to you, so I know to do more of that

 

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
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Brandis sprang out of her seat, bashing the display panel to bring the infrared scan back to the main screen. Popcorn sprayed across the room from the bowl that had been in her lap.
“Are we ever going to finish an episode without your jumping up?” complained Hart. “First you need a snack, then you need the toilet...”
“It's not that, it's the video feed.” Brandis said impatiently. They had been watching the Florans (and presumably, Captain Vernier) walking through the jungle all day, but it had been very boring watching coloured blobs trudge through a jungle, so they had gone back to watching more Dread Pirate Hunter episodes. Brandis considered this only slightly less boring, but at least it had some sort of plot line. But while their attention had been drawn away from the infrared display, something had changed.
“Look!” she said, pointing at the screen. The display showed only the cool green and blue signatures of the trees, swaying in a gentle tropical breeze. The angry red squirms - the heat signatures of the walking Florans – had disappeared. Brandis anxiously rewound the feed until the red blobs appeared again, then began to watch.
It seems the Florans had suddenly stopped near what the topographical scans showed as a small, steep hill. They wandered around a small clearing for some time. Some blobs had separated out into pairs and scouted the area, while others disappeared from view. Then all the blobs had gathered again.
“It seems like they're having some sort of discussion.” said Hart, squinting at the swirling colours. Two figures at the centre of the group were gesturing wildly enough that even the infrared could pick it up through the trees. And then, not long after the discussion, the figures had all disappeared one by one at the base of the steep hill.
“It must be tha cave!” Brandis clapped her hands excitedly.
“You know, I had thought Captain Vernier had made that up to give himself a chance to escape.” Hart said, puzzled. “I was just waiting for them to make camp so we could take a peek at them.” He shrugged.
Brandis fast fowarded back to the real-time view of the planet. “Well, at least they didn't set any guards outside. We should be able to go down and take a look without much problem?”
“Right.” Hart stood up and grabbed his fancy Pinstorm pistol, which he always kept nearby these days. “Let's go and see what we're dealing with.”

They beamed to the surface a short distance from the clearing. Back in the humidity of the rainforest, Brandis was glad they had been able to skip the long walk. The Florans were probably used to it but Captain Vernier must be exhausted.
She let Hart lead as they crept forward. Soon they stood at the edge of a clearing filled with tall stone pillars. The pillars were obviously ancient, covered with vines and worn smooth with time, but it was still obvious that they had been carved into unusual geometric shapes.
“Ancient treasures, huh? Sure looks like the kind of place.”
Hart hissed at her to be quiet.
They tiptoed carefully through the soft grass of the clearing to the side of the steep hill. The hill was covered in huge trees, so from the ground it was not even clear it was a hill, but they knew it was there from the ship's topographic scans. Hidden by a sheet of hanging vines, they found the entrance to the cave.
“Great Ape!” Brandis gasped in awe. The arch of the cave was even more finely carved, the shapes unlike anything she had ever seen before. It reminded her of the Gaudi bar on Galang 27, with it's twisted geometric shapes, or the serrated rows of teeth of a space lamprey. It did not resemble the ancient buildings of any culture she knew.
All was quiet, so Hart beckoned her forward under the hanging spikes of stone.
The echoing space inside was quiet except for the chitter of the mouseflies that hung from the ceiling, but they could clearly see tracks in the muddy floor, leading further into the cave. The walls of the cave were rippled with faint intersecting diamond patterns.
They could see the tunnel twisting ahead, descenting slowly as it went.
“They must have left sentries.” Hart whispered, puzzled.
“Maybe they think they're safe here, so far from their settlement?” Brandis hoped so, anyway.
Hart shook his head, but led her deeper into the cave.

Brandis had expected it to get dark, something she was not looking forward to, but as they walked further she noticed a shaft of light in the ceiling. As they came closer, they saw that the tunnel in the ceiling was filled with cracked crystal, like quartz, that reflecting the diffuse sunlight down from the surface but would keep out the rain. Tree roots were creeping in at the edges of the crystal, but it was still bright enough to see. They would have light as long as the sun was up, with no need to draw attention to themselves by using their torches, but as it was already late afternoon, they would have to hurry.
They continued on, footsteps crunching on the dirty stone floor. As they rounded a corner, Hart's arm swung out in front of Brandis like a steel bar.
“Whuh!?” said Brandis, but she remembered to do it quietly.
Hart pointed.
Brandis did not need Hart to explain his alarm. Not once she saw the two Floran bodies, speared to the wall with a single silvery lance.

 

I love this series,buy the way trowzers, what's your fav race?

 

I'm not sure! I keep changing my mind. I used to think the Avians were my favourites, but I like Brandis, so Apex might be an option too... I kinda like all of them

 

CHAPTER NINETEEN
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“Wow, do ya think the Captain did this?” whispered Brandis. The two Florans were speared neatly through the chest and pinned to the wall of the cave. They were obviously dead.
Hart had been examining the walls of the cave. “No, not the Captain.” he pointed to a small hole in the wall of the cave and a broken tripwire near the floor. “These two must have been in the lead when they passed this way.”
Brandis suddenly began to pay careful attention to where she was standing. “You mean this place still has traps? It looks ancient!”
Hart shrugged. “Whoever built it, they wanted it to last. But I'm still surprised this hasn't been triggered by an animal. Come on.”
Reluctantly, Brandis followed Hart deeper down the tunnel.
The light shafts appeared regularly, but there were still some deep shadows in between the light. It was in one of these shadows they found their next surprise.
“Whoah!”
Hart had slipped on the stone floor and stumbled back into Brandis. “Careful there, Sparky.”
They had almost passed the slippery puddle on the floor when the smell made her look more closely.
“Aww great banana, it's juice!” The strong scent of coriander wafted from the green ichor covering the floor.
“That's horrible.” whispered Hart, as he caught sight of the finger of a Floran, trapped between two slabs of stone in the wall – all they could see of the body.
Both he and Brandis spent a moment scraping their feet on the dirt of the cave to get rid of the Floran ichor.
“You don't suppose any of these traps could trigger more than once?” said Brandis nervously.
Hart shrugged. “I had hoped my optics would pick them up, but their materials are too similar to the stone of the walls. We'll just have to be extra careful.”
Brandis thought perhaps the Florans were being careful too, but she didn't share that thought with Hart.

They picked their way even more slowly through the tunnel. There didn't seem to be any side tunnels, just the one long tube of stone gently descending into the earth. The walls were still scored with broad, diagonal patterns in between the carved pillars, but there was no other ornamentation.
“Ha!” Hart pointed ahead between the pillars. “It's another spear trap, but this time there's a pressure pad in the floor. The others must have missed it.” Reaching forward carefully, he crawled along the floor toward the pressure pad.
“You sure that's a good idea?” hissed Brandis, as Hart reached forward to press the trigger.
“It's ok I'm well below the..”
SPANG! A silver spear had sprung from the wall and clattered harmlessly against the other side. But two more had also sprung from the ceiling, and driven deep into the stonework either side of Hart's head. Hart crawled backwards slowly and stood up gingerly next to Brandis.
“I won't do that again.” he said stiffly.
They left the two silver spears in place to mark the trap (in case it was one of the ones that could be triggered again), but Hart took the third silver spear, and began to use it to tap quietly at the floor ahead of them as they proceeded.
They soon spotted new traps. They were hard to miss. The first was a yawning pit in the middle of the floor, too big to jump over, but there was a narrow path on either side. Brandis cursed under her breath as she shuffled carefully across the gap, even more because she knew she would probably have to do this again on the way out. If they got out.
When they were across, she asked Hart. “How many do you suppose fell down there?”
“I can't see a bottom, even with my augments. We have no way of knowing.”
“And what if the Captain fell down there too?” Brandis would be very angry if he had, because it would mean she just crossed that awful ledge for nothing.
“I guess we'll find out eventually if we keep going.” Hart led her on, deeper into the tunnels.
The next hole in the floor was shallower, but lined with spikes. They spotted two more Floran's pierced on the spines as they edged past. Brandis began to see that the builders who had trapped this tunnel belonged to a certain aesthetic, and started looking for holes in the ceiling where giant boulders could fall out. That seemed like just their kind of thing. But the ceiling remained a solid mass of stone, studded with the crystal light shafts, until they rounded a corner and found themselves standing before another ornately carved archway. And beyond that...
In the centre of an enormous chamber, striped with the light from dozens of crystal light shafts, Captain Vernier stood alone.

 

CHAPTER TWENTY
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There was a moment of stunned silence. Then, catching sight of Brandis and Hart standing in the archway, the Captain turned to address them.
“There has been an unfortunate accident.” he said, flicking his tattered cape back from one shoulder and pointing his chin at the ceiling. “It is my deepest regret that I was unable to prevent it, and to save this poor fellow.”
He gestured towards the floor to his side, and Brandis caught sight of what must have been part of another trap, sticking halfway out of a long slot in the floor. The long, scissor-like blades were jammed around the body of another Floran. It wore a twist of purple vines around it's tawny brow, and a multicoloured cape covered with thousands of feathers fell from it's shoulders.
“The Chieftain.” Hart whispered.
“Yes, he was a remarkable fellow.” said the Captain, striking a thoughtful pose. “So generously willing to help a fellow adventurer on his quest.”
Brandis looked at the Captain quizzically. “But you were a prisoner, weren't you? They were goin' ta eat you!”
“A misunderstanding.” explained the Captain, waving a hand as though brushing Brandis' statement aside.
Hart looked around. He said asked the most obvious question, “Where are the other Florans?”
The Captain almost looked embarrassed. “I regret that there were several accidents I was unable to prevent. My companions will be sorely missed. But such are the risks of an adventurer!”
Hart and Brandis looked at each other. Brandis was sure of the answer she would get, but she asked anyway. “Umm, what's your name?”
Without hesitation or any hint of sarcasm, the Captain replied proudly, “Why of course, I'm Captain Vernier! Dread hunter of pirates and Captain of the Blackfish! I travel the galaxy to defeat scoundrels and rescue good citizens!” The spiel was identical to the introduction to the Dread Pirate Hunter telewave show.
“Not Thomas Liflin?”
“I'm not sure to whom you are referring.” The Captain began to wander about the chamber. Several of the silver blades, flashed up behind him as he walked, cutting new holes in the cape but leaving the Captain himself completely untouched.
“Wait, weh, traps, stop...” Hart grabbed his head and Brandis waved her hands about uselessly, unwilling to leave the safety of the tunnel.
To their relief the Captain stopped again, and began to examine something hidden in the shadows by the walls.
“It's just like I said.” Brandis whispered. “He's gone completely off his rocker.”
Hart whispered back, “But how on earth did he survive all those traps? It's like he's charmed or something.”
Brandis just shrugged. She did feel like she'd stumbled onto the set of a telewave, except that no-one had given her a script to follow.
As the Captain resumed wandering, and poison darts began to clatter around the chamber, Hart suggested “Err, Captain, maybe it's best if you come back here into the tunnel, away from all those traps.”
The Captain looked about as if the idea of traps was new to him. “What, leave now? An adventurer does not abandon his quest just as he finds the treasure.” He began examining the wall on the opposite side of the chamber.
Emboldened by the thought of treasure, Brandis took a single careful step out into the chamber to take a better look. As Brandis' eyes began to adjust to the brighter light of the large chamber, she began to make out what lined the walls. Row upon row of shelving had been cut into the walls, and upon them sat countless round shapes the size of eggs. When she had examined the shapes more closely, Brandis groaned.
“Oh no.” she said, shoulders slumping.
“What?” Hart had stepped up beside her and was also looking at the shelves of small stone carvings. The stones were carved into squat, round humanoid shapes, with bulbous eyes and tiny hands and feet. All were almost identical, except for tiny differences – an incised line here, or an extra forehead bump, or a pattern of circles instead of lines.
Brandis waved a hand at the shelves. “It's a Collection.” she said.
“Well, obviously.” Hart replied.
“No no, not just an ordinary collection. It's a Collector's Collection.” she sighed impatiently as Hart started at her, obviously not understanding what she was getting at, and began to explain as if reciting from an encyclopedia. “A long time ago there was a race we know hardly anything about, except that they really liked ta collect stuff, and hide it all over the place in crazy trapped up dungeons. Nobody knows why they did it, but that's why we call them the Collectors. The Collectors collected all sorts of stuff. But it all had one thing in common – it was all completely useless, and they collected this useless guff in such huge amounts, hidden in so many places, that it's not worth a brass banana even if you grab the whole lot.”
Hart looked around. “So this stuff isn't treasure?”
Brandis shook her head. “There are probably hundreds of millions of these things hidden around the galaxy.”
“Are you sure?” Hart was still looking around hopefully.
Brandis just sighed.
Captain Vernier choose that moment to stride over to them, holding one of the carved figures. They leapt back as more blades and darts hurled about the room a hairs breadth behind him.
“I have come to a decision!” The Captain said grandly.

 

Pretty impressive work you've got going here. Keep it going if you can, this is good stuff.

 

This series is amazing I can really see it up in the big leagues,also I like avian race the most but I think I'm going to go human because I feel more personality (hard to explane)also something about me I get very attached to npc's and AI's

 

CHAPTER TWENTYONE
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“But we must preserve these ancient artefacts, for the good of all species-kind!” Captain Vernier gestured widely, with hands full of the intricate egg-sized carvings.
“No, look, see. They ain't worth it!” Brandis dropped the Captain's cape, which she had been tugging futilely. Captain Vernier (or Thomas Liflin, the actor) was turning out to be the most difficult person to rescue in her short history of rescuing.
“It's dangerous here!” Hart tried his tact for the sixteenth time. “There could be more Florans coming! If they realise their Chieftain is dead...”
“Good. There will be more hands to help us move all these priceless historic treasures!” The Captain interrupted, “Why there are so many here, it will take us a week to move them all!”
Ape and Glitch groaned in frustrated harmony.
“Team huddle.” said Brandis, hand on her forehead. She walked with Hart further into the tunnel.
“I say we leave him here.” she hissed savagely, when they were out of the Captain's earshot.
Hart shook his head. “It's like you said, I could never watch Dread Pirate Hunter again knowing I'd abandoned the lead character. I just couldn't live with myself, leaving a man so deluded that he isn't able to protect himself, especially seeing we've.. well, stolen his ship. So, however infuriatingly insane he might be, we have to get him off this planet somehow.”
“But how?” Brandis slumped against the wall. “We can't even transport out, this deep in a dungeon.”
Hart tapped his chin. “Maybe we're going about this all wrong. Maybe we should use his delusions to our advantage.”
“An' how in the name of the Big Ape would we do that?” said Brandis, still discouraged.
“Well, we've seen some episodes of the show. He seems to think the show is real, so if we can feed him a new plot, like an episode of Dread Pirate Hunter, we should be able to get him to play along.” Hart jumped up, looking happier than he had been a moment ago. “This could be a lot of fun. Come on.”
Brandis sighed and trudged after him.
“Ah, civilians, you are back!” Captain Vernier was piling the carved stones in the centre of the chamber, still obvious to the traps triggering around him. “We need to find some sort of container to put these in.” He pushed the stones around like a child trying to make a sandcastle out of pebbles.
Hart stood awkwardly, hand on hip. “But Captain, this is not the work of a hero!” he said, in the false, halting tone of an amateur actor.
“It's not?” The Captain looked up at him, paying proper attention for the first time.
“No. As your robot assistant, I suggest we contact the proper authorities at the museum. They can organise a proper retrieval of the objects, while we continue on our quest!” Hart pointed at the ceiling, dramatically.
Seizing the moment, Brandis jumped out besides Hart. “Why, yes, as your ape assistant, I suggest we return to the Blackfish with great haste!” She also pointed at the ceiling, feeling stupid, but it was certainly a dramatic pose.
Captain Vernier stuck out his chest. “Why, you may be correct, my brave assistants. Although,” The Captain began to look a little hazy, “I seem to remember I lost the Blackfish transponder somehow...”
“Err, nevermind that!” Hart jumped in. “We, your loyal assistants, had taken the ship for repairs while you adventured on this fine planet. Now we are returned to find you have completed your mission by finding the treasure, and we can return to the Blackfish together!”
“Hooray!” said Brandis, feeling she should add something.
“Well said, my loyal assistants.” said Captain Vernier, finally beginning to move towards them. “Let us return to the surface, and then to the Blackfish, to continue on our quest!”
“Yes, our quest!” said Hart, happily.
“What's our quest?” Brandis whispered out the side of her mouth at Hart.
“Does it matter?” Hart whispered back.
“I think so. If we don't make something up, then he might. And Knowledge-knows how that would end up.”
More loudly, she addressed the Captain. “Yes, Captain, our quest! We've heard.. umm... that tha son of an Avian High Priest has had to flee his planet. Yes! He's bein' pursued by... ah... ninjas. You hafta protect him!”
The Captain placed a hand across his chest, proudly. “Then I, Captain Vernier of the Blackfish, will do my best to protect him from the ninja menace! Come, my assistants, let us leave this place!”

 

CHAPTER TWENTYTWO
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Now that they were safely back on-board the Tau Ceti, Brandis had a moment to relax. She had the bridge to herself, because Hart was busy trying to get the Captain cleaned up. This was proving to be a difficult task, as the Captain treated his uniform as if it was surgically attached. They had not been able to find a spare uniform on board, and the Captain was not happy about having to change into a bathrobe temporarily while they cleaned his clothes.
“Help me!” Hart had wailed, as Brandis headed for the door.
“Sorry, Hart. Gotta protect the Captain's modesty. An' you wouldn't want me faintin' or nothing.” she grinned as she left him struggling to shove the Captain into a shower unit clothes and all, while the Captain yelled something about 'Emergency protocols' and 'needing to be always prepared for battle'.

Brandis was very glad to be leaving Galaxa Leonis 349 behind. She still felt oddly guilty about the awful dent they had made on the local Floran population even though they hadn't meant to, but after all the Florans had kidnapped them, and tried to eat her, and sell Hart to a slaver. She could see why Verden's tribe had decided to give up eating sentient creatures. It caused them an awful lot of trouble.
Sighing, she set the ship to warp back to Tetrali station. She wanted to check up on Verden and it was as good as any place to stop while they figured out what to do with the Captain. He obviously needed more help than either she or Hart could provide.

Hours later, as they approached Tetrali science station, the Captain reappeared at the door to the bridge. Captain Vernier still wore his tattered uniform, but it was clean now, and he smelt a lot less disagreeable. Hart followed behind him looking grumpy.
The Captain gestured for Brandis to get out of the navigation station chair. “I will take care of this, my fine assistant! The Blackfish is a sensitive lady, and it takes a real master to control her.” he wiggled his fingers over the nav panel in a way Brandis found rather creepy.
“Yeaaaah, I'm sure I can handle it, Captain.” Brandis glared at him. “Besides, we're almost at our destination. You better get ready for yer mission.”
The Captain stood up straighter. “Ah yes! The young Avian who needs my protection from the hoardes of evil ninjas! But I require no preparation – a true Hero is always prepared.” He reached somewhere into the folds of his cape and brought out a can of Starside Sparkling Sarparella (turned carefully to show the logo), which he chugged down, winked at Brandis, and threw the empty can over his shoulder.
“Hey, Hero, no littering the bridge. I just cleaned that!”
But the Captain was distracted again, peering at the navigation panels. “A science station? Why this place looks familiar!” Captain Vernier rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
“Yes, I think you've been here before. The Avian you're supposed ta protect is hiding out as a scientist.” Brandis explained. She was looking forward to Derot's reaction to this cover story.
Hart was leaning over her with a mystified expression “Where did he get that can?” he whispered, “I just laundered his whole uniform.”
Brandis shrugged. “I guess it's a Hero thing.”
“But he's an actor!”
“Well, maybe it's an actor thing. Shut up now, we're nearly at the station and I gotta convince Brusk to let us in.” Brandis and Hart straightened as the streaming stars shortened abruptly into single points and the Tau Ceti exited warp with a familiar jolt.
The communications panel immediately snapped into life. “Unidentified vessel, open v... oh not you people again.”
Brandis had turned on the vid channel and was grinning at Officer Brusk cheesily. “Greetings, Officer Brusk.” She said it in a way that implied that she could very well have substituted another name but chose not to.
“What do you what this time?” Brusk crossed her arms impatiently.
“Well mostly I want to just check in on Professor Beetling's progress, but I also wanna...”
Captain Vernier chose this moment to jump in front of the vid screen. “Officer Brusk, I have a mission most dire that requires access to your station. I have word that the station may have been infiltration by ninjas attempting to carry out a most heinous assassination!” He pointed his square jaw at the screen with a determined air.
Brusk looked between Brandis, Hart and the Captain suspiciously. “Ninjas? Is he drunk again?”
Brandis shook her head. “Something much worse I'm afraid. He's a Hero.”
Brusk frowned. “Hero, huh? It better not be catching. But I know the Professor will allow you on board, despite my objections. Just keep him,” she pointed at Captain Vernier, “out of my way.” She stabbed a finger at a panel and the vid channel closed abruptly.
“No problems, Officer Brusk.” Brandis saluted, and hurried to dock the Tau Ceti before Brusk changed her mind.
"I think she likes me!" Captain Vernier said, staring at the blank com screen with a misty, far away expression.

 

CHAPTER TWENTYTHREE
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They had asked Derot to meet them in the staff lounge. It was lucky that it was quiet at this time on the station shift roster, because Captain Vernier was taking his mission very seriously.
“Devilish ninjas! You can never be too careful when there are ninjas about. Always hiding out where you least expect them.” The Captain had inspected every vent, pot plant and vending machine between the docking bay and the staff lounge, making the short walk a frustrating ordeal. Brandis felt like she was walking a dog that wanted to sniff every lamppost.
“Do not worry yourself, Captain. I your robot assistant will keep a careful scan on our surroundings as you meet with the Avian.” Hart made a show of turning about the room slowly as if searching for something, and Brandis retrieved the Captain from his position behind yet another potted palm.
She managed to get him seated at a table just before Derot entered the room. Brandis hastened to intercept the young Avian before he was too confused by the Captain's behaviour.
“Derot! Glad to see you again! I have a surprise for you, but it might take a little explaining, if you'll step over here a moment...” But it was too late. Derot's eyes had widened as he spotted the Captain, who was chugging yet another can of Starside Sparkling Sarparella.
“Is thahhh...?” His pointy beak hung slackly as he took in the sight of Captain Vernier jumping from his seat and striding towards him, his tattered cape fluttering out behind him majestically.
“Ah! This is the young Avian, I assume?” He shook Derot's feathery hand vigourously. “You have nothing to fear, young friend. I'll make sure those evil ninja's never follow through with their plan!”
“Ninjas?” Derot looked momentarily confused, but then to Brandis surprise he patted the Captain on the hand and said. “Yes, of course, the ninjas. I'm sure you'll defeat them, no problems at all Captain! Just like you defeated the ones on Omnichrome Zeta.” he led the Captain to a table by the large observation window. “This table has the best view of the docking bays. If there are any ninjas on their way I'm sure you'll see them from here.” Leaving the Captain staring vigillantly out the observation window, he returned to Brandis and Hart.
“Where in the Wings of Kluex did you find him?” Derot looked astonished, but not as confused as she had expected.
Brandis rubbed her chin, looking embarrassed and trying to think up a story, but Hart replied for her. “Oh, we just chanced upon him on a cargo run when our ship crashed on a planet and he was kind enough to pick us up.” Brandis nodded, impressed. It was better than anything she could have thought up.
Derot chuckled. “Well, what a lucky break for you folks. But I'm sure you've noticed by now there's something a bit odd about the Captain... or really I should say Thomas Liflin?”
“Have we ever!” Brandis rolled her eyes.
Derot sighed and looked over at the Captain with a sad expression. “I suppose it must have been hard, going back to normal life after a long, successful career as a Hero, even a fictional one.”
Hart nodded in agreement.“But, if I may enquire, how are you aware of his situation? As a fan, I thought you would be the most shocked at his current condition.”
Derot rubbed the feathers on his forehead. “Well, it's a little embarrassing for a fan like me, but I'd sort of fallen out of touch with the DPH fan community for the last year or so. Work has kept me so busy, you know how it is. But after I saw the Blackfish in dock, of course I wanted to go tell everyone, and that's when I learned about the Captain's escape.”
“Escape?” said Brandis, thinking of his kidnapping by the Florans.
Derot nodded. “Yes, apparently his condition had been kept secret for years. He's loaded of course, from all the royalties, so they had the money to keep him in a private home, with lots of staff, but almost a year ago he managed to get back into the Blackfish and took off, and he's been missing ever since. They tried to find him quietly, but after a few months they gave up and put out a missing person report. It's been all over the news ever since... well, at least in the fan community.”
“Huh.” Brandis mulled the news over. “Umm, I don't suppose there's a reward for getting him back?”
Hart looked daggers at Brandis. “Of course, it's our duty to see him safely home, in any case.”
“Yeah of course! An' we gotta get him off our hands, I mean find someone to look after him... What?” Brandis pouted as Hart frowned at her sternly.
“We'll be delighted to escort the Captain back to his facility, if you'll send us the details.” Hart said, addressing Derot.
Derot agreed happily, and with a sparkle in his eyes he added. “On one condition – you're taking me with you.”

 

CHAPTER TWENTYFOUR
________________________


Shortly after Brandis and Hart checked in on Verden, they left the station. Professor Beetling was making progress, but only very slowly. So far Verden remained in stasis and would have to stay that way for some time yet.
Officer Brusk was more than happy to see them leaving again.
Brandis opened the vid channel as they left, unable to resist one last dig at the security officer. “Farewall, Elsie!” she cried, waving fondly at the vid screen.
The Captain seemed to want to join in on the fun. “Yes, farewell, my dear.” he said, and then placed his hand on his heart. “I'll always remember that night by the forward docking hatch.”
Brandis turned to look at him, surprised at such a fantastic jest from the addled Captain, but he seemed genuinely misty-eyed. She glanced back at the vid screen and hooted with laughter just before the vid screen cut out.
“She was blushing! Ahahaha! Oh my sides!” Brandis bent over giggling, almost accidentally triggering the warp drive when her forehead clonked the nav panel.
Hart was also sniggering with static-y laughter. “Captain, you old devil!”
“I'm not sure what you mean.” the Captain looked at them, poker-faced.
“Pash and dash, huh Cap? No wonder she was so mad at us, when we first turned up and you didn't contact her. Ohohoho!” Brandis wiped away a tear. “Oh Elsie, who'da thunk it?”
“A gentlemen does not speak of affairs of the heart.” The Captain said nobly, ignoring their laughter. “Now, if you excuse me, I have promised the young Avian lad a tour of the ship.” He left to find Derot, who had been wandering the halls in awestruck wonder ever since he boarded the Tau Ceti (which he of course referred to as the Blackfish).
“I think I'll come along.” said Hart, following the Captain out the door. “You know, I've always been interested in the ship's augmentations. Perhaps you could show me a little more about how the weapons systems are integrated. We haven't had cause to use them, but it would still be interesting to know...” his voice trailed off as they wandered further down the main passageway.
Brandis turned back to her nav station. Derot had given them the details of the Captain's home planet. It was a green, well-cultivated luxury planet, in the centre of a civilised system. Clean and safe and utterly boring. Brandis could see why he had escaped – a man used to adventure would be bored stiff on a plush retirement planet, even if most of his past adventures had been fictional.
She keyed in the co-ordinates, and felt the clunk that vibrated through the ship as the engine locks slid out of place and the coils warmed up, ready to fire. In seconds, she felt the slightly numbing, yet warm force run through her body as the ship left normal space. The stars in the display in front of her pulled like white taffy into long, streaming lines of light.
Brandis checked the displays to make sure everything was running smoothly, then she leant back in her seat, hands behind her head.
“Computer,” she said, eyes half-closed as she relaxed, “Can ya bring up a list of missing person's reports?”
Brandis was curious about what sort of reward they were offering for the Captain. It probably wouldn't be anywhere near enough to replace the Drifter, but she hoped it would be enough for her to set up a new career somewhere, and Hart too, of course. She would be sad to leave the Tau Ceti, but of course it wasn't their ship, and now that they knew the Captain wasn't a pirate, they couldn't go gallivanting around in his ship without becoming pirates themselves. And piracy just seemed like too much trouble.
Sighing, and wondering what the future held, Brandis sat up and began to go through the missing person's reports.


It was a long warp from the isolated Tetrali system back into the settled heart of the galaxy. During the three day warp, Brandis finally managed to clear out proper quarters for herself. Derot had helped her find the cosy room among the many twisting passages not far from the bridge. It was, of course, filled with junk, but the bathroom was the best she had seen on board the ship so far, and had it's own service bot like the one in the kitchen, so the bathroom section of the quarters was clean.
“Half the service bots seem to be missing for some reason.” Derot said, shaking his head. “I guess that's part of the reason why the ship is such a mess.”
“Well, I think I know where at least one of them went.” said Hart, reminding them of the bot Hart had used as a distraction back on the Floran planet. “I'm willing to bet the rest were used up on similar endeavours.”
The Captain had grown cagey as they approached his home system. Brandis could tell that some part of him knew what was going on. But Derot had been wonderful at keeping him occupied. Together with Hart, they had scoured every inch of the ship, going through boxes, repairing failed systems and sorting through old props and artefacts that had been cached all over the ship. But the hangdog expression on the Captain's face when he caught sight of their destination on the nav panel made her feel awfully guilty.

One night, when the Captain was busy searching through the cargo bay (Hart suspected he was looking for more cans of sarsparella), she gathered Derot and Hart in the kitchen.
“Team meeting?” said Hart, ordering black tea and ginger biscuits from the hovering kitchen bot.
Brandis snapped a finger at him. “You got it, kiddo. It's about the Captain. He's getting awful nervous.”
Derot frowned. “He doesn't want to go back home... I can't say I blame him. It must be dull.” He picked at the plate of seedcake the kitchen bot had placed before him.
Hart nodded. “But I can't see why it's our business. He's a wealthy man, and with a luxury home and plenty of staff to look after his every need.”
Brandis sighed. “That might be true, but I kinda feel bad for nearly getting him killed several times over.” When Derot looked up, she gave him a quick rundown about how they really met the Captain. She expected him to look upset about how they'd treated his hero, ditching him in the middle of a Floran dungeon and stealing the Blackfish, but instead Derot started to smile as she went on with the story.
“That's quite an adventure.” Derot said at last, grinning.
“Well, it's more fun tellin' it than being in it.” Brandis said, smiling grudgingly. “But you can see why I'd like to do something for the Captain before we dump him at that cushy retirement prison of his. And I have a good idea of what to do. I just need you two...” she pointed at them both with a stubby finger, ”to help me work out the details.”

 

CHAPTER TWENTYFIVE
________________________

“Man, I forgot that this is what adventuring is all about- the rewards!” Brandis reached for the banana daiquiri and almost tipped herself out of her hammock.
Hart was quick to remind her that it was their duty to return the Captain to his home, but that didn't stop him enjoying the roasted pheasant and red wine gravy with assorted roasted vegetables that cluttered his small poolside table.
“How can you eat all that heavy food?” Brandis asked, as a staff member brought out a dish of bread and butter pudding, “I'd blow up like a balloon eating all that fatty stuff.”
Hart patted his flat stomach and it clanked softly through his clothes. “Glitch can't get fat.” He smiled at Brandis, who poked her tongue back at him. If only she were so lucky! She'd had to restrict herself to one stack of chocolate pancakes at breakfast. It was a tough life.

The staff at the Captain's home were exalted to see him back again. If Brandis had ever doubted that Thomas Liflin was rich, then she didn't doubt it any more. His estate sprawled across acres of manicured garden, with pools and sports equipment scattered among the green trees and lawns. There seemed to be dozens of staff, and at least three cooks, and all of them were determined to spoil Brandis, Hart and Derot while they stayed at the estate.
When they had arrived, they met with Hart's guardian. Eleanor Grant explained that she used to be one of the production staff on the Dread Pirate Hunter show, and Thomas Liflin's few relatives had gladly let her become his guardian when they realised what a handful he could be.
“Always trying to escape, and always getting into some sort of trouble.” She rubbed at her wrinkled forehead. “This time we thought for sure he'd gotten himself killed, after being lost for so long.” She wrung her hands, and Brandis wondered how many of the wrinkles and the grey hairs were a result of the Captain's shenanigans.
Eleanor had begged them to stay at the estate for a while, and they were more than happy to comply. This gave them time to talk to her about the plan that they had devised.
She had listened, frowning, as they gave her all the details. But as Derot explained his part, and began enthusiastically flapping his arms around, Eleanor warmed up to the idea.
“So you're willing to stay and see this through?” she asked Derot. “You can't just abandon Thomas halfway through – I won't have him upset like that.”
Derot grinned, his eyes sparkling. “Are you kidding me? Of course I'll stay! This is like a dream come true! And to be honest, I never was a very good scientist.”
He explained that he had already been mining through the DPH community fanfiction for new plot ideas, rewriting them into different parts that the staff could act out. “It won't be hard to come up with plenty of ideas for new adventures. We've already seen that the Captain is willing to follow along. So he'll get his adventures, but here in the safety of the estate, and the staff get to have fun acting out the stories as we go!” Derot had already switched his clothes for flowing red and yellow striped robes and he sported a narrow golden headband to suit his continuing role as the son of a High Priest of Kluex. He'd spent an hour that afternoon auditioning the staff for suitable ninjas.
“It'll be like living in an episode of Dread Pirate Hunter!” he explained to Eleanor, who nodded tiredly. To Brandis, it sounded like a nightmare, but she kept her mouth shut.
“And what will you do?” Eleanor asked Brandis and Hart. She had already wired the generous reward money to their accounts, and while it definitely wouldn't buy them a ship, it would keep them in food and accomodation for many months.
Brandis took a moment to think about it. “Well, we used 'ta be couriers, but with the Drifter gone, I guess we'll hafta find something else. Haven't really though that far ahead, but there are delivery jobs that supply company ships, so maybe we'll try for one of those. Deliverin' stuff is all I'm used to.” She shrugged.
Eleanor leaned forward suddenly, an intense look in her eyes. “Then take the Blackfish.” she said.
Brandis and Hart stared back at her. “No no, we couldn't possibly.” Hart said eventually.
“For goodness sake take it!” Eleanor insisted, with a desperate look. “Every time he gets out, it's that damned ship. Even with all the locks on the hanger, or docking it on the orbital stations, he gets back to it somehow! Take the ship and get a good job a long, long way away from here.” She stared at them with a grim expression, waiting, as Brandis and Hart looked at one another with stunned expressions.
“Ok lady!” Brandis said, with a grin, “You've got a deal!”

 

CHAPTER TWENTYSIX
________________________


Brandis and Hart sat at the kitchen table in silence. Between them on the table sat an official document, printed out on plastic-like dura-vellum. It would have seemed flimsy, except that it was studded with several small data chips, and the surface swirled with holographic stamps of authenticity. The document ceded ownership of Tau Ceti VII-A-146886 (alternate designation “The Blackfish”) jointly to both Apple Brandis, formerly of Glory Prime, and Fredrick Gideon Loyalhart (“and you made fun of my name!” Brandis had cried, when Hart grudgingly gave up his official title), formerly of Germanus RX2 Mersandris.
It also gave them ownership of the contents of the ship, whatever that might be. Eleanor had declared it too much work to clear the ship of the old telewave props and the mysterious crates and rubbish that Captain Vernier had collected on his year away from home. “Take it all.” she had said breezily, ignoring Hart's protests. “The Captain doesn't need all those old things any more. Derot is doing a great job of keeping him happy and distracted. Now if you excuse me, I'm due on set it ten minutes!” Smiling, Eleanor had pulled the black ninja hood back over her head, and left for the spot in the gardens where Derot had planned to ambush the Captain as he took his evening stroll.

So, now Brandis and Hart sat in the Tau Ceti's kitchen, with the title document between them, staring at it expressionless. In sync, they both glanced upwards. Brandis broke into a huge grin, and Hart began to laugh.
Brandis looked around the kitchen admiringly. Mentally, she was cataloguing the huge ship and the tons of equipment that cluttered the rooms and hallways. “Some reward huh?” she said, still grinning widely. “A ship this big – we could start our own courier company – never mind all those weird boxes on board. Trading the stuff in the cargo bay alone could keep us in Ape Grapes for life!” She laughed and leaned back in her chair, amazed at her good fortune.
Hart stopped laughing long enough to add, “We don't even need to be couriers. With a good ship and some starting funds, there are loads of possibilities. Passenger service? DPH fan tours? Explorers? Pirate Hunters?” Hart began to chuckle again.
Brandis' smile snapped away and she was suddenly serious. “I never thought 'o that, really. But what else would I do?” Her eyes were big as she considered all the options now open to her. It seemed somehow scary, not being sure what she was going to do with her life. She'd assumed she would always be a courier of some sort.
“Well, there's no need to rush into anything.” Hart reassured her. “We're going to have a big job just cleaning the ship up, replacing the service bots and that sort of thing. And we need to replace the ship's weapons systems.”
Brandis looked up at Hart. “Why's that? I thought this ship was all augmented up the wazoo with fancy stuff?”
Hart nodded. “Yes, fancy automated systems, and service bots and scanners. All that sort of thing. But it is, after all, a telewave prop. The ship's weapons are just for show – pretty lights instead of laser beams.”
Brandis frowned. “But we fired missiles on that floran base. And all the guns and stuff.” She pointed at Hart's Needlestorm.
Hart shrugged. “It seems the Captain was a busy boy during his escape. He collected all sorts of real weapons, which I found in the cargo bay. I guess we'll never be sure if they were bought or stolen or traded. But I had to load the missiles myself, remember? And they worked of course, because they were newly loaded missiles, but the beam weapons installed on the ship are fakes. They just produce light and useless puffs of flame. We'd be in for a real shock if we ever got into a real space battle.”
Brandis supposed it made sense – it wouldn't be safe to have a telewave prop that fired real destructive weapons. There could be all sorts of accidents, especially with the Captain at the helm. And with the amount of pirates, cultists and impromptu space battles she had seen even in her little Drifter, she knew it wasn't safe to go around without some decent weapons.
“Right then, so I guess our first priority is ta clean out some of this guff and get some real ship guns?” she said, making the decision as she spoke.
“That's what I was thinking.” Hart agreed.

There was a pause in the conversation, and Brandis bit her lip and fidgeted with her long sideburns. She'd been waiting for her moment for days now, and if she didn't say it now, and they got busy cleaning up the ship, she might never get her chance.
She looked at Hart carefully as she said, “Of course, maybe we're not done with Missing Person's just yet?”
“Hmm?” Hart looked at her blankly.
Brandis hesitated, but now that she had said it she was committed. She pulled the display panel down from the ceiling on it's articulated arm, and tapped at it until she found what she wanted.
“I wasn't looking for it.” she explained. “I was lookin' for tha Captain, to see what his reward was. It just kinda leapt out at me.” She chewed a fingernail as Hart took in the screen that now showed on the display.
Hart sighed deeply.
Brandis waved her arms frantically. “It's ok if ya don't wanna talk about it. I just wanted you ta know I'd seen it, 'cos it didn't seem fair not ta let you know.” She bit her lip again.
Silence stretched out for a moment.
Eventually Hart said, “No, no, it's ok. I guess I needed to talk about it sooner or later.”
Hart sighed again and looked more closely at the Missing Persons report for Fredrick Gideon Loyalhart, guard to the royal family of Germanus RX2 Mersandris.

Skip to next chapter

 

I officially can't keep up.

 

Haha! You're only reading it - try writing it
Oh well, it'll always be here for later, if you change your mind.

 

If you'd prefer I take this down, just say the word.

Brandis - Apex - Bounty of 500 pixels, escaped her own people. First name Apple.

Hart - Glitch - Listed in Missing Persons report, no known bounty (so far.) Full name Fredrick Gideon Loyalhart.

Brandis and Hart were couriers who had been captured by Florans, and found their fellow prisoner was a renegade Floran, Verdan. They managed to escape, after incapacitating a scruffy-looking human with drawn guns and taking his ship.

Once in space the three looked for their two ships in orbit, but with poor luck; the Drifter (Brandis' ship and home as well as Hart's) had crashed into the surface as a total loss. Verdan's ship had been snatched and they followed the FTL trace to a science station where they got a less than warm reception, but eventually found a lead to the stolen ship by checking through a bounty board and finding not only Brandis' 500 pixel bounty, but also Verdan's 500k pixel bounty.

As it turns out, Verdan had the only set of data on a bioweapon intended to turn non-floran lifeforms into plant-controlled zombies. The data was stored as part of his ship's main computer system, and was what Verdan was actually after. Verdan's goal was to make a cure for the weapon, explaining the bounty placed on him by his own people.

Pretending to have captured their target, they made contact with the ones who placed the bounty, and found a base on a really unpleasant desert planet. They managed to knock out the base with gas, but the computer system had been removed from the ship, so they searched belowground. Turns out the base had once been Apex, and several of their bodies were in the place, mutilated by a plant weapon similar to the one they were looking for, but it only killed the targets instead of controlling them.

Soon enough they found the computer system, and removed the encrypted data. As they did so, someone from the surface got the drop on them, and it wasn't a Floran, but a living Apex with the prototype plant weapon. They made it out, but Verdan had been hit by it while protecting Brandis.

They took Verdan back to the science station and entrusted both Verdan's fate and the bioweapon data to the scientists there, in hopes of saving Verdan and finding the cure - and also hoping that no plant-zombies showed up in the future.

While they were there, they met an avian by the name of Derot, who knew about their ship: it was apparently the one used as the main ship in a fictional show about a man known as Captain Vernier – Dread Pirate Hunter. Apparently he was a retired actor named Thomas Liflin. Struck by a sudden sense of guilt, they returned to the planet where they'd been captured back at the start of the story to find that human whose ship they'd taken, in hopes he wasn't already filleted by Florans.

After frightening a captured Floran and running a scan, they found the human - alive and well - in a well-trapped temple filled with several newly-dead Florans, several more traps, and a lot of junk. They also found that the man really believed he was Captain Vernier and not an actor.

Under the pretense of protecting an avian High Priest's son from a horde of ninja, they brought him back to the science station and to Derot, and soon learned another thing about the man: there was a reward for returning him to his luxurious estate and caretakers.

Derot began plans to work with the caretakers to set up elaborate staged events to keep "Captain Vernier" occupied and relatively happy in his retirement, and in additional to the listed reward they were given the ship as well. Not just because they were without their own transportation without it, but because every time the Captain made his escape before, it was always with that same ship; perhaps with it away from the planet he might actually stay home.

Now having a larger and better ship than before, as well as money and food to last for a little while, Brandis and Hart take a moment to rest and refit their ship, as well as see exactly what's on board after years of being owned by the Captain. Perhaps a bit of personal history will come up as well....

I like the work you've done with this, it's quite entertaining.