Story The Night Before Christmahannakwanzaakuh

Discussion in 'Winter Holiday Contest' started by Toxic, Dec 22, 2012.


Do you think my short story was good?

  1. Shamazing

  2. *Pooping Noise*

  1. Toxic

    Toxic Poptop Tamer

    Here is my entry for the Holiday contest, it's a short story, about a far off planet in the Bounded Star System, called Toxivania... it's suppose to be about not wanting clichés anymore.. but in he spirit of X-Mas, it's a cliché.... or is it? Or is it? Or is it? Etc.



    By: Toxic
    So, it's that time of year again, where contests are to be held, and prizes to behold, but, we don't always have to stick the the program, some of us, like myself, don't want to carry on with the same old, Holiday clichés. I myself would like to start a new tradition, that the newer generations, o in the future will break, as I am doing now. So, are story begins in a desert, on a far away planet, in the universe of Bounded Stars, this small planet, you might jot down, is Toxivania, not Transilvania, or Toxicvania, but Toxivania. On this very night there is a celebration being held, to crown the cast in the inaugural Christmahannakwanzaakuh play, and here instead of saying the entire name, they call the fine holiday, C.H.K., pronounced as "Chick". Anyway, back to this "Holiday" story, everyone on the planet is at the center of Toxicvania, for the casting in the play, and as always little Stephanie Yadikley is going to be crowned the beautiful Annie Star. You see Steph, as her friends call her, is not a normal Toxivanian, she came from a far off place, when she was a tiny tot, to this planet, she is an avian, and as her parents have betrayed the God of all Avians, she is to never have her wings, but lets not talk about that, it is a very touchy subject.

    Another present figure would be Glashina Rhndsy, a middle aged Floran, she simalarly came to the planet when she was a young girl, and at this very moment, she is rather upset. Every year, at the time of the casting, she hopes that her father will finally let her try for Annie Star in the play, but he never does, and this year was no different, accept, her brother is trying out for Toxic, the main male character, and founder of the planet. His name is Jake Rhndsy, and he is a skinny felow, not very muscualr, and he eats like a six legged PopTop. He loves making little contraptions, such springamjigs, but what is strange, is that he in no way desires the theatrical arts, he is only aouditioning because of his mother, a beutiful Floran, who was one of the higest praised witch-doctors in there tribe. She has prided herself as being very social and dramatic, and she is to be sure her son does too. Glashina is very upset, that her mother won't talk their father into allowing her to try, she is much like her mother, she belives that she belongs on the theater.

    So on this fine C.H.K. Eve, everyone is in the center of town, awaiting the drawing, to find out who is to be crowned, and then sadly, sacrificed, but everyone in Toxivania acknowledge's this as necisarry, and many people love it, see it as great entertainment. Back at the beggining I explained that Steph was to be Annie Star again, don't think that I am coming up with things as I go, and that this is just a quick fix to a large hole in the plot, but they only sacrifice the actor of Toxic, which is another reason that Jake isn't happy about being in the play. But he is not going to muster a fuss, he understands, that if he did so, it would highly dis- honor is family further. If he were to do that, his father may even sacrifice him in cold blood, as it would not be formal, and in any way religious, if you get my drift
    Now, time to stop straying away from the story, that I deffinitly am not winging it through... This play is all about th efounding and starting of the town, you may wonder why I am saying town, when it is an entire planet, but it is a small planet,100 miles all the way around. But, this play is about Toxic's trip across the Bounded Star System, in search of a place to call his own, on which journey he found many strange places, which he catalogged, and formed a map from, and he catalogged any and all strange species, of which he found a plenty. By the time he found his planet, he had a ship full of all humanoids alike, such as Avians, Florans, and Trilobites. That is why there are some strange species on the planet of Toxivania, all of which being all sorts of decendants, from pure breeds to different mixes, some of which being very ugly...

    Though his journey he found a very very beutiful Avian, who's name was Annie, Annie Star, she was a very beutiful Avian, but she was always questioning the religion of all Avians, wondering if she really should worry about not getting her wings, she hated the thought of never being able to fly, she always wanted to be free. Sadly, she knew she would never truly be free if she were to follow the strict set of rules, that came with becoming a flyer, one of the many street names of Avians that gain their wings. One day she was on her way back from the Multi-Gravitational Pond, which everyone in town used to get stubborn stains out of cloths with, see, back then, Oxi-Clean hadn't been invented yet. Anyway, she was on her way home, and there was a large comotion going on at the docking bay, a large silver ship, that looked like a fifty calibur bullet, was parked, wit htons of creatures piling in and out. By the time she got there, about two douzon beings outside, and it looked like mahny more inside, there was a big argument going on, in which her dad, was holding his ground. See, her dad was the town mayor, so he was the first to greet, or in this case, huras' new-comers.

    She walked up behind him, grabbed his arm, and rubbed his shoulder. She has known to do that all her life, it is the only way to calm him down. When he finally calmed down, she looked up to see who he was arguing with, it was a short but very atractive young man, probably thhe same age as her, he was a straping young lad, much stronger than most his size and age. At that moment he looked up, and saw the most beutiful girl he had ever seen, a bit shorter than him, with tan feathers, and pink streaks of lighter, weaker down. Slowly, she looked away, and walked her father home, then as she sat him down, and made him a steaming bowl of PopTop stew, asked him what was going on. "That young man, Toxic I belive his name was, is trying to steal!" said her father "What do you mean trying to steal? What did he take?" she asked. "He wasn't trying to take anything, he was insisting on paying a very low price, saying that on other planets, the price was much lower." uttered the mayor "Father, we haven't had visitors in months, most of the stuff we offer, is old and dusty... you can't let him pay sa much as he offers?" She protested. "No! We cannot be robbed, it would send a bad message to the other officals!" He screamed "Did he mention why he was here?".

    After a long pause he said "He is on a journey, been traveling for months, looking for a small planet, to claim as his own, on the way he has picked a plenty of pasengers.." "Father, do you not remember your journey to find this planet? Scrounging to get enough fuel and food for the others? Don't deny this, Mama tells me the storys all the time!" after this commment, the mayor ignored her. After about twenty minutes like this he rose, opened the door, and stormed out. Annie got up to see where he was going, towards the docking station, after an hour or so, he came back, counting pixels, she looked out again and the young man was leaving. She thought back to her father saying he picked up many pasengers on the way. She got up and ran out of the door, all the way to the ship, a large feet for an Avian, as they are not the most athletic. When she got there she jumped on the ship, wit hout a glance back, when she found an open seat she sat down and peered out the window, seeing the town get smaller and smaller, then open space.

    It's been a year sense Annie Star jumped onto the ship, she is now a very calued member of the crew, having discovered a nack for navigation, her and Toxic are very good friends, they do everything together, hoping that they will be the founders of a very prosperous planet. They just left a planet called Felderon, a very strange place, right for claiming accept, it's nothing but fire and Hellsquid larvie. They are now going hyper speed, Toxic and Annie are running through the sleeping conpartments, Toxic stole her feather brush, and Annie will not stop until she gets it back, she is a very determined young girl. Lately she has been determined to claim Toxic as hers, Avians claim mates, so that others no not to mess with them, and she is getting to the age at which she would do so. Toxic looked back at her, and t that moment the both noticed a little twinkle, as he turned around, he ran smack into a wall.

    Annie ran to him, and looked into his eyes, he had a bad gash on his forehead, she started pressing buttons on her watch, seconds later, a medic ran down the hall and rolled him onto a gurney, which loudly rolled away has Annie watched. A week later, Toxic was okay, just a scratch he said, but everyone knew this was a lie, they all knew that he was just happy it hadn't been Annie, who hit the wall, mostly because Avians have a week tolerance for head inguries, mostly having thin bird bones, they break easly.

    By the time they found a planet which to inhabit, they had been to many, all filled with strange creatures and inviorments, Toxic and Annie where in a very strong relationship, claiming forms very strong bonds between two beings, as it is a long bonding ritual taking course over a week. As they arrived to the small planet, everyone was staring in awe, never having seen such a beutiful place, when the landed, everyone piled off, and walked around, some people claimed land right away, others kept searching for hidden riches. Annie and Toxic had a different idea though, they wanted to find a cave, to explore, then they would find a forest, and deep within, build a dream house. After about a week of searching, they found a cave, it seemed perfect. They both were quick to explore, right away they both found a fair share of minerals, but they found a strange cave, very semetrical, and somewhat like an entrance, they both steped in, Toxic making sure to keep infront of Annie, as they reached the back, a small mechanical ticking began, and a smaller opening apeared. They both climbed through, making sure to watch their step.

    The floor was almost gone, accept for a few stepping stones here and there, they jumped across, Toxic slipping twice, and Annie saving him, which he un-happily accepted. But they continued on, by the time the got to what seemed to be the end, it had been hours, Annie was examining the fine designs on the wall, why Toxic tried to translate the inscreptions on the wall, to no avail, as he had not documented such a language before. Just as he thought he may have found the right language, he heard a loud rock against rock scrape, and a screech from across the cavern, he set off across the cavern. As he got there, he saw any running, from what looked like a stone spider. He raced after them, shot his grappel at the ceiling, and swung across the cavern picking up Annie in the process. Then, he drew his sword, and droped onto the spider to distract it, Annie screamed his name, but he would not let her die, Annie got to the end of the cavern and droped down, Toxic yelled "Annie go, we cannot stop it, go!" and reluctantly she ran, hearing a cry of pain as she exited the last room.

    Years later, everyone in town decided, there was to be a celebration of the sacrifice Toxic made, to help this town prosper, they found out when they went back down, there had been a cave closed in, most likely caused by Toxic, everyone decided to build a statue of him. The statue was to be made out of the finest material posible, gold and silver, diamonds a plenty. The only thing left to decide is where. Annie had gone mad after loosing Toxic, always thinking it was her fault, after about a year, she decided to end it, she found a small mountain, climbed it, and said one last prayer to Toxic, then, she jumped off the cliff ending with a grusome seen, I don't care to explain. So Annie wasn't an option for a decision, over all, everyone decided that it should go in the middle of the forest, were Toxic was suppose to build his fine house. All that was there was a small tent, and a firepit. That is the story of Toxic and Annie, the lovers, and founders of Toxivania.

    The play was started much later, bye the descendants of the first inhabitants of the planet. It was to show the towns appreciation for Toxic, and everyone decided that the actor to play Toxic would be sacrificed, and from then on it was a great honor to be crowned Toxic and Annie. Now is when you would think I would go back to the beginning of the story and continue, but you would be wrong, like I said I didn't want a cliché, so I started a story, then gave a lot of back story, then I ended the story there, but he maybe that leaves room for a sequel, but that's also a cliché, so maybe not. I guess everything in life is cliché. So, I hope you liked my little story, and enjoyed the non-cliché of it all.

    Crazyon, Xetor and Noc like this.
  2. Crazyon

    Crazyon Master Astronaut

    So...Many...Words... O_O
  3. Toxic

    Toxic Poptop Tamer

    Haha yeah, when I got close to the end of back story I was like "Crap! Crap! This is suppose to be a short story!!
  4. Just thought I'd point that out :unsure:
    WoxandWarf likes this.
  5. The trick isn't finding a non-cliche, the trick is finding a cliche that hasn't been used in the longest time period.

    That being said, I still have no idea what happens in this story, and I've read it at least 3 times.
    WoxandWarf, nababoo and Garneac like this.
  6. Toxic

    Toxic Poptop Tamer

    Umm... Sorry?
  7. I don't really understand the plot.
  8. Every plot twist you can think of has been used in the past.

    Just saying from experience.

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