Chat The Monthly Events Thread - Darkbound

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kaiachi, Sep 29, 2015.


What's March's theme?

  1. Inanimate objects

    10 vote(s)
  2. Chibi/children

    22 vote(s)

    5 vote(s)
  4. Pixellated

    8 vote(s)
  5. Silly hats

    6 vote(s)
  6. Scifi-punk/dieselpunk/steampunk

    13 vote(s)
  7. Floof

    7 vote(s)
  8. Foodbound

    7 vote(s)
  9. Backwater

    6 vote(s)
Multiple votes are allowed.
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  1. Relten

    Relten The Waste of Time

    Good one, I bet you I can 1-up that:

    The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'

    Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

    The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'

    Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.

    Did I win?
  2. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    I think you just killed me with that one... It was predictable as hell, but it was so great... :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
  3. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Oh, this wasn't a competition. But ok:

    A man has bought a classic 1969 220-Sedan Mercedes Benz, and wanted to show off to his friend. As they stopped at red lights, the driver then had an idea for a prank.

    -hey Steve. I bet that hood ornament works perfectly as iron sights!-

    Amused by the thought, his friend went along with the joke. As an old lady was crossing the streets, the driver hit the gas and went straight for her, putting her in his 'crosshairs'. At the last second, he pulled the car sideways to avoid her.


    -Oh SHIT! I didn't mean to actually-

    -you owe me twenty bucks. That thing is not a good targeting reticule. If I hadn't opened the door, you'd have missed.-
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2016
  4. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Here's another one:

    A woman enters a drug store and asks for an obsene amount of antideppressants.

    The pharmacist, suspicious of her, asks: "Do you have a prescription for all this"?

    "No. It's for my husband. I want to kill him!"
    "Are you out of your mind? I won't sell you anything!"
    "Oh yeah?! Then take a look at this!"

    The woman produces a printed photograph of her husband shagging another woman. After taking a look at the picture, the pharmacist says:

    "Well, if you had a prescription, why didn't you say so?"
  5. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    aaaaaah good one :poke:

    Here's one that I didn't come up with but is pretty good:
    What's pink, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2016
  6. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    riiiiiight. Now that he edited the missing part, I get it.
    JesusBillyChrist and The Squid like this.
  7. General Nuclear

    General Nuclear Supernova

    i hate it when i speed writes and forgets a or more words
    also this thread is on fire now
  8. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    Speaking of edits, I edited my last post and I'm too lazy to repost it.
  9. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    I was wondering how long would it be until the dead baby jokes come along.

    Also, this thread took a turn for the dark indeed. Just not in the intended way...

    *sigh* now if only the OP would grace us with her presence... :wut:
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2016
    The Squid, Alkanthe and Relten like this.
  10. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    How do you fit 18 babies into a blender? Turn it on. How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.

    Trust me, I have an entire list of dead baby jokes that I've compiled over the years.
  11. Rgbunpro

    Rgbunpro Cosmos Killer

    The Squid likes this.
  12. Crossfang

    Crossfang Supernova

    Damn, this dark humor is killin' me indeed.
    But guys.. let's tone it down a bit.. or you know.. stop posting about dark humor for a while.

    Overdose of this things isn't always good.
    Yeah, I'm a party pooper. Bite me.
    The Squid, Arra and Relten like this.
  13. rhomboid

    rhomboid 0118 999 881 99 9119 725... 3

    probably take it to the dark stuff pm tho guys. don't want to upset anyone :p
  14. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    Welp, there goes the last of my sanity....
    BloodyFingers likes this.
  15. zeskorion

    zeskorion Oxygen Tank

    dark stuff pm...?!
    The Squid likes this.
  16. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time


    Bleh, veggies xP
  17. The Squid

    The Squid Oxygen Tank

    sorry guys... I hope I didn't offend anyone too much... :badpokerface:
  18. rhomboid

    rhomboid 0118 999 881 99 9119 725... 3

    i think this thread is probably mostly ignored except by the people who frequent it, but better safe than sorry :love:
    The Squid, Relten and Alkanthe like this.
  19. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    { Suddenly, Arra throws a Rhombus at rhomboid! What do you do? }
  20. rhomboid

    rhomboid 0118 999 881 99 9119 725... 3

    /absorbs rhombus

    you fools, now i am unstoppable!!@
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