Chat Tell Us Your Troubles Thread - advice & friendly chats

Just tried to run from home...

Only reason I came back was because the motels were full.

My parents had the nerve to still give me shit about my temper.

Deeeeep breaths time... deeeep breaths to take away the rage...

 

If you were closer I would say come over here for a bit. But, since the community just south of me (in the larger of the towns) is under a pre-evacuation from the fire, and I have friends that will come here, I can't have any more people. Unless you want to pitch a tent in my yard. I have 40 acres you could use, but you'll have to share it with the bear, cougar, wolves and the local pack of wolf-otes.

 

What country even?

 

USA, if I recall correctly.

 

Arizona, more precise

 

Well first, I have decided I'll force myself to stay here because I am actually receiving support here.

Second, I just woke up from a... bittersweet dream.

"
In the dream I was 12, and I had 11 other friends with me, the 11 best friends I've had through my entire 20 years of existence. I was told by this disembodied voice that I had an entire toy store to me and my eleven friends to do anything in, where anything was possible. The voice was old and emphasized S and R and frequently paused.
"You have one day, one day to live out your fantasies with all your friends. In return every time the bell rings I shall take one of them from you and they will cease to exist, slowly the light will fade to nothing and this realm will decay.

I strongly suggest you make the best of your time on this ROCK!"
. All the abilities you have in dreams like being able to float or various super powers were there, and there was every toy I ever looked at in a store and said "I want it but cannot afford it" but there was a catch, an oh so dark catch. Every hour (or however long it was) one of my friends would be taken away never to be seen again after the toll of a bell, they would just stop what they're doing and walk out of sight. Nobody would realize they just left, nobody but me realized that they were being erased from existence as they acted like they were never there, and that exactly one strip of lights would go dark somewhere far off.

Then came the point where the light in the windows got dim and there was just me and one other person, this beautiful dream slowly turning into a horrible nightmare. I looked outside and saw that it was just a background colored flatly like the natural light i thought shone through the windows but nothing beyond. I knew soon I would have to endure endless isolation in a universe that spanned a toy store, my last friend tried his best to comfort me until the moment the bell rang once again and he just stood up and walked out the door like an automaton.

I felt at that moment that I was alone, forever. My universe was this now lifeless toystore and there would never be anything more. I wandered alone for some time just thinking about my situation. Then, one light at a time went dark and every area that went dark seemed to be drained from existence, if I pointed a flashlight there the light would flicker out. Eventually, I was under the last shining light, with just emptiness around me, waiting for it to fizzle out too and for me to become nothing too. Only the aisle I was in continued to exist and I just sat in the middle, waiting for the voice to come and erase me too."


My most long awaited fantasy just, slowly became my most dreaded nightmare on me little by little, I had to use a technique I learned to force myself awake even though it causes a migraine each time I do it. I just had to wake myself up...

 

I empathize with this - when I was little I used to have nightmares almost every night but I could wake myself up if I strained myself.

I'm convinced it's caused me to be a heavy sleeper.

 

If you have a therapist, you should tell this dream. It spoke loads, and very loudly. Seems that this is how you feel your life is and your biggest fear.
Sorry about your migraine. Trust me, I know how they are.

 

Well im not going anywhere for the rest of my existence so yeah, you can always talk to me i guess

 

For real? I think that makes you the second person (Besides me) that I know lives in Arizona now.

This. I can relate to this. I think I said as much in a post a while back, but one of my greatest fears is that my all my friends will one day just forget about me and move on, like I was never even there. I'm afraid that I'll end up alone forever basically, and that's really scary. I wish I could say that I knew how to get around it or over it but I don't. The best I'm able to do is to just push it to the back of my mind and try to focus on other things, which isn't the easiest thing to do either.

 

Born and raised. Except for my summers growing up on my Grandmothers cattle ranch in OK.

 

New gig is alright. I don't think I am doing too badly.

But why oh why did they had to make a parking lot on gravel? It becomes slick as oil when it rains and I fell down while trying to leave with my motorcycle.

The bike fell on gravel!! it is now scratched real bad...

 

Everything up here is either dirt or gravel. It's a biker's nightmare. Except in winter. The few paved roads never get snowplowed or de-iced. That's worse.
Glad the new job is ok for now.

 

Doing a trial of doubling my antidepressants.

So far it's enough to correct the imbalance depression causes but not so much as to nullify my emotions.

 

One week in and I'm already wanting to quit class here.

I'm in computer systems and information technology and I'm not exactly at talking without the occasional pause.

I got this guy behind me who literally does nothing but showcase that I'm the dumbest person in the room every time I talk and tears apart anything I say. I'm at the point where I'm afraid to say anything or even answer a question because I'm constantly called out on my tendency to overextend on what I know into speculation and ramble (I will literally block the first person who says "well why don't you think before you speak" because I've tried and it doesn't work for me!)

I just can't take it and I'm about to walk out right now and never return, I'm starting to think that I'm just too stupid for this.

Actually, I'll just pretend that I lost my voice and refuse to talk.

 

You should share your worries with the tutor in private. Tell them that the guy is making you feel embarassed. Maybe mention your anxiety is making you want to quit, too.

 

But then I'll prove him right, that I can't handle this class.

I dunno I just feel like running off lately.

Also quite sure I'm addicted to checking steam skype and tapatalk.

 

Prove who right? The tutor? Did he express his doubts about your abilities?

If he didn't, then you should talk to him. I'd say screw those punks who make fun of you, but I know from my history with bullying that it doesn't work like that. You'll likely change seats to be closer to the teacher and away from him.

 

It's a tiny class.

I'm too tired...

 

Regardless, get the teacher on your side. At the very least the bloke behind you won't be able to mock you without being called out publicly by him.

Do not, however, do what I eventually did and bitchslap the twat. While that stopped the bullying for a while because the reaction caught them offguard, they eventually grew bold again and were now prepared to beat me up if necessary.
It's not just concern for your physical wellbeing. But this much pent up frustration can get out of control if you lash out on him. You might do something you'll regret later. What saved me (and the bully) at that time was the owner of the plot of land we were using as an arena putting and end to the fight.