Chat Tell Us Your Troubles Thread - advice & friendly chats

That makes two of us, actually.
I can't help but envy people with enough drive to see large and lengthy undertakings through. I get the spark of creativity occasionally, but when faced with the daunting nature of... well, anything really, that spark just peters out.

 

Why is it that OCD is so poorly understood? I can't find any info on OCD that actually cares about the disorder itself, and not the externally visible behaviors performed to cope with it. Every single source I find says that they truly believe it is an effective treatment to tell people to just accept their OCD, and essentially "give up". The most popular treatment I've seen is called Exposure Response Prevention (ERP), which does nothing to actually treat the OCD itself. ERP involves having the patient ignore their compulsive/intrusive thoughts and not act on them. This merely teaches them to tolerate the pain enough to mask it from being visible to others, and in no way does it actually help reduce the symptoms. There's this whole idea that OCD is entirely manifested by behaviors, which is simply not true. OCD is entirely psychological, with any ensuing behaviors being the conscious decision of the sufferer to cope with it. It's not a tic, it's choosing between mental pain and wasted time. Most people seem to prefer the latter, and teaching them to tolerate the former doesn't make it subside in the least. In my case, it actually makes it worse if I disregard my intrusive thoughts. They get stronger and induce more pain the longer I disregard them, unrelenting for eternity. If a compulsion contains an impossible desire, then it will shift focus to something else without any relief. The most agonizing thing to hear is for someone who feels they know what they're talking about to suggest instead of treating the compulsive/intrusive thoughts, to just accept them and they won't hurt as much. Do they realize this is exactly like telling someone who's on fire to disregard the pain and just go about their day?

Does anyone know of any resources of information that tackle OCD from this angle?

I feel like I've said this before, but that would make it no less of an issue.

 

Not fair. Now I'm sad.

 

No! Please don't be sad.
I was bored out of my mind and my pc has been malfunctioning since mid march. I had to have something going for me, right? :c

"Deal with it" sounds like the kind of thing to say when they don't have any other answer to give.

The same would be true if we had no idea how to put out a fire.

 

for many disorders we just don't have the knowledge about the brain to actually understadn what's going on. a lot of breaking research is just... seeing that brains are different for people who have this or that. psychology is more about having overwhelming amounts of data and trying to group it in the most useful way, and it's not gonna be super efficient till we actually know what's up

 

Also, a lot of people think they have OCD, when in fact, they are just anal. I am totally anal about dishes and trash, and my friends say I'm OCD about it. No, just anal about it. It bothers me.
It's kinda like when I hear people say, "I have such a migraine", and they are at their computer and eating something. NO, it's just a headache and you have no idea what a migraine is. I think it's the same with the term OCD.

 

this is happening again

 

This is probably going to sound ridiculous, and probably won't apply to you, but I'll share anyway. I recently picked up the Pokémon TCG, (both the online one and the IRL one, they are the same but the online one let's me battle people more reliably) and it's somehow the one thing I have that actually makes me truly happy consistently despite my crippling depression. From a mechanical design perspective, there shouldn't be anything about the PTCG that should have this effect on me, I am both amazed and baffled.

 

Greetings all your beautiful people! I haven't been on the forums for far too long and I after seeing this thread I thought I might as well ask for some advice as well as possibly get involved in the future, but I'd like to enquire your opinions on my pitiful love affairs, if that's all right with you lot.

Well, there's this colleague from my school, a classmate if you would, and the two of us get along great and I think she's the most interesting, intelligent and charming company one could have; and to top it off, I also find her beautiful. I fell head over heels for this girl and even though I have a level of confidence and the two of us are friends, have a lot of shared interests and talk get along very well, I could never bring myself to ever talk to her or tell her about how I felt towards her.

Alas, as my friends warned me, she wouldn't be available forever and she now has a special someone, and all hope of the two of us getting together is lost. I have been a lot more comfortable talking to her now that I don't have any compulsion to further our relationship outside of friendship, yet I still don't feel the same way about anyone else than how I feel with her. I'm not sure on how to proceed, how to move on, or if there's even a way to disregard all my past (and current) feelings for her for the sake of moving on completely. I'd appreciate any help or insight.

 

Hello there! Welcome to this corner of the internet. You are certainly welcome to share your troubles and get, maybe even offer too, a word or two of comfort.

Love affairs, eh? Can't say I had more luck in that regard, friend, having gone through a heart breaking experience just over two weeks ago. Feels like I'm getting used to those. Your story is also very familiar to me, so I know the feeling and sympathize with you. Sorry to hear about it, mate. My only real advice for you is keep meeting new people. Who knows, maybe the next one who'll dominate your every thought is closer by than you first imagined. But... yeah. Gotta seize the opportunities as they arise, mate. Your significant other won't just fall on your lap.

 

Personally, I'd tell her how I (you) had truly felt about her up to and after the point where she entered a relationship with someone else. I can't say for certain if this applies in your case, but I don't see any harm in talking with her about this directly. The meticulous part of me even sees that it's maybe slightly possible that you could still have a chance with this person.
Don't feel too anxious to try something; what do you really feel you'll lose in the case of failure?

NOTE: My opinions here might not be ideal, as I haven't really spoken in person with another human (excluding family, etc.) in years. However, I have retained frequent real-time social contact with friends online.

 

Well got to many props right now let me start with my main problem, my family is making me sick they want me to move back to Tunesia, because they want me to get married. Well i refused it several times but they don't accept it and thats where my problem starts, can't do anything they drive me insane. they started to stalk me calling me in the middle of the night, last week they broke into my house, follow me wherever i go. don't know what to do i called police went to a lawyer they can't do shit cuz i can't prove it. now im kinda desperate ...

 

First and foremost, I'm sorry to hear you are in so much trouble. Your case is quite unique, I must say. So let me better understand your situation.

They call you in the middle of the night. At first I'd suggest changing your phone number and not let them know, but more on that later. You live in your own place, I take it? And your parents can break into your house?

Do they live in Tunisia, or are they in the same state you currently live? Because how the bloody hell can they break into your house? Did they hire someone to do that?

In any case, a break-in is easily proved. I mean, a broken lock or a smashed window is hard to cover up. If they had a copy of your home keys, change the lock too. But if you need proof that it was your parents that did that, then those midnight calls might be useful, if you can record a confession from them.

 

yes i got my own place, my parents live in tunesia but many of my family (uncles, counsins, aunts) live nearby, i asked my provider about a calling log or something but no valid numbers, like i said i called police cuz they smashed windows and furnitures but nothing got stolen or something, they just damaged stuff

 

Not smart on their part. If they had stolen something then it could be handwaved as a regular burglary. But if nothing was stolen and there was property damage, that's a clear case of intimidation. Of course, getting the police to give a damn is an uphill battle in and of itself. For now your best bet seems to be getting that confession on record. Putting your phone on loudspeakers near a microphone could do (I'm assuming they are calling you on your cellphone). I don't suppose giving dialogue another shot would be appropriate? If they are sending goons to threaten you (sorry. I know they are your family. But if they are going along with this, that makes them little more than thugs), then things might be beyond negotiating. But if you feel like it might be worth a shot, then try to reason with them again.

 

Am I correct that this is the Tunesia that is in Africa. If it is, I don't know the laws there. But, could a home security system that records everything be of use in proving a case? And would the authorities do anything about it if you could prove it? If not, then maybe a very large aggressive dog. (I'm not joking) Turn off your phone at night, and get a trained guard dog.

 

like every islam country womens don't get a chance there. Guard dog is a good idea ty all for your help i will give it a thought

 

Yeah, "deal with it" is like "get good" but for anything else other than games/interactive entertainment.
People don't know what to say.

 

I mentioned in a post that I went through some romantic problems recently. I can't go deeper into that, therefore I haven't. But it has left me in a tough place. I mean it in a 'I would certainly know what to do in my current situation had things gone differently' sort of way.

My ex-girlfriend, you know, first and only woman I ever dated, encouraged my decision to move out of home and immediatelly regretted doing so because she didn't actually wanted me to leave the state, who lied to me about a lot of other stuff and basically ruined my trust in her, still wants me back. She has been contacting a friend of mine behind my back in order to get his help in doing so, again showing a lack of understanding on how trust works (does she really think one of my best friends would keep that a secret from me. Of course he wouldn't...). Sounds like I have made my mind about the matter, right?

Wrong, unfortunately.

Despite how I became immediately distrustful of people who give me conflicting statements, especially when it's about themselves, I... I am alone. After I broke up with her, I believed I could find my happiness with someone else. I only had my heart repeatedly broken so far. There is only one person I know that seems to really want me, and that's the ex. Should I really brush her aside as I have done ever since she called me 1am to let me know she slept with someone else, later denying that fact (See, conflicting statements. What am I supposed to believe in? Either way you slice it, she lied to me).

I know that desperation is one of the worst reasons to (re)start a relationship. Almost as bad as pity. But... I don't know what to do anymore. What to think. It's starting to look like she's the only one for me, by virtue of elimination.

I also have to wonder why hasn't she gotten over me after two years. Either that means I was that good of a boyfriend, or she's mental.

 

Or, she's broken off with the new guy and is totally co-dependent and needs whomever she can find. (just a thought). Your biggest problem (sorry to be so blunt), is that you have low self esteem and until you realize that you are a good guy, smart, good looking and you don't need to settle, then you will be in these type of situations. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Work on yourself before you get into a relationship. If you don't, your relationships will crash.