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Story TALE OF AN AVALI WARRIOR

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by DinoExplorer2000, May 13, 2018.

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  1. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Title Not Found

    not really, but in my opinion you should add in the Ryos School time to add more character to Ryos and such, but if you can't make up the School time, it's k, just move past that if you need to, but that's just me ^w^
     
  2. Niphim Das Victara

    Niphim Das Victara Tentacle Wrangler

    I think it might be useful to have maybe one or two in his school day buts thats just me
     
  3. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Title Not Found

    13 is really good so far! tho i found a spelling error close to the end, you mispelled "Him", it's on the line of
    "
    “Hi dad!” He says as he hugs hmi. His dad hugs him back.
    "
     
  4. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    oh thx!
     
  5. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Title Not Found

    you are welcome! i just saw it while reading and it bothered me
     

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