StarBound's Release Date Revealed! [fictional]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by -Red-, Jun 13, 2012.

  1. -Red-

    -Red- Big Damn Hero

    Fellow members of the Starbound community! Anyone who's ever been in the chatroom for at least 5 minutes will have heard someone come in and ask "What is StarBound's release date?" and the answer is usually "not decided/late summer/later this year" Well, earlier today a Moderator named Photostyle gave a different answer. He states that the release date would be revealed on one of the most primitive timetables in history. As others contemplated how a release date would be formed via abacus my mind drifted elsewhere... suddenly, realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I made haste to do some research...

    ...after hours of screwing around on Tvtropes and macromeme, I decided to actually get some work done. I quickly got onto google and looked up ancient civilizations that were closely related to the stars. My search came down to two civilazations:



    I started with the Egyptians but in the end I didn't have much luck. The Mayans seemed more fruitful, as even today their prowess with Astrology even without modern day equipment is remarked upon by modern star gazers is highly revered, but in the end I was having no luck and was just about to give up... untill I saw this:

    At first I just got a small chuckle at how silly this man looked, and then immediately felt bad at my ignorance to other people's cultures. But as I stared more at the picture I couldn't help but feel like... like I've seen it somewhere before... Sometime recently... it almost looked like... like... . . .


    No... it... it couldn't be! That's impossi-


    . . .


    No! My mind must just be going off on a tangent... surely the mesoamerican style of the Avians is just Chucklefish being inspired by the culture... right? That Mayan Birdman Warrior... it's all just coinidence.


    I couldn't let this go. I had to look further. Deeper. I needed to get to the bottom of this. i couldn't help but laugh in my fervor, here I am looking at the correlation between ancient Mayan culture and an alien race from an unreleased videogame when originally I just came from an offhanded comment about the release date. Silly, right? As a true fan I should just be patient. After all, all I know for sure is that it will be released this year.

    ...this year.


    . . .


    OH MY GOD!!!

    It all makes sense... Starbound. The Mayans being unreasonably gifted with studying the stars. Birdmen. How could we not have seen this before, oh blind are we for so many centuries and the answer has been right there all along! My friends. Companions of space. The mayan calender does NOT stop at the end of the world as we originally believed. No. Rather, all this time, it has been counting down to the release of StarBound!!!

    But how! How could these people even know about StarBound? Could they see into the future? Could the Avians be a real race that descended from the stars and taught the ancient, uncivilized mesoamericans their culture, molding them into what we know of now as the Mayans? Perhaps they Calender was made for when the Avians' knowledge of the galaxy, nay, the universe would once again be released to the world. But... why a computer game? How can this all match up? Someone had to know of this... someone had to be connecting the two... It didn't take me long to find out who.


    Think about it, apparently he was part of the Terraria development team but has anyone actually HEARD of him? As far as I know the only two people who were part of Terraria was Reddigit and Blue. Who is this Tiy who suddenly appears out of nowhere and begins bringing this ancient Mayan prophecy to fruition? Perhaps he posted on the Terraria forums which I never visited? No, no time to do fact checking, clearly I am right. This is the only explaination that makes sense. Tiy is actually an archeologist who discovered the true meaning of the Mayan calender, but instead of revealing this knowledge to the world, he kept it to himself, using it as a basis for a game which he could make money off of, unknowingly bringing the prophecy to realization.

    And there you have it. If anyone wants to know when StarBound will be released, just look to the Mayan Calender. However, I myself can't make heaads or tails of the thing so I still can't give you an exact date from it. But surely at least ONE person here has knowledge of ancient Mayan design and can decipher the calender and give a date for us all. Untill then... we'll just have to wait patiently, after all, this is a predetermined event. i thank you all for your time.:geek::coffee:

    [This, of course, was a gag thread. As far as we know anyway... Than you for reading the whole thing and I hope you all got a good laugh out of it]

    The Squid, Zebe, Alternatus and 54 others like this.
  2. 11clock

    11clock Big Damn Hero

    If the Mayan calender predicted the release of Starbound, it would of been out about a year ago. The Mayan calender didn't count leap years. :p

    (Yes, this also means that the end of the world prediction from the Mayans has already passed and everyone is worrying over nothing.)
  3. Vespers

    Vespers Big Damn Hero

    All I did was look at the pictures.

    OMG TIY!
  4. Zovael

    Zovael Void-Bound Voyager

    That has to be one of the greatest posts I've ever seen in a forum. Ever. :DD
  5. Nate the Great

    Nate the Great Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    The Avians are based off of pre-Columbian peoples. Mostly the Aztecs and the Mayans. This thread states the opposite. I'm having second thoughts.
  6. Seahorse

    Seahorse Zeromus

    This has opened up a whole new bunch of possibilities into the motive behind chucklefish' actions. But a few things don't quite add up. If you refer to my research here you can find out their master plan. Maybe this "release date" you have speculated to be, is actually the date that they plan to make the time jump. I have recently learned that they no longer intend to go back to January to release, because I had single handedly uncovered their plan. Another thing is, where does George V, or should I say King George the 5th, fit in with all of this. I will go more in depth on my research page, when I can decipher this recent information I have received from some highly valuable sources.
    NotAnAnon and -Red- like this.
  7. -Red-

    -Red- Big Damn Hero

    Time travel! Ofcourse! Could it be possible that instead of going back to January of this year, that they instead traveled all the way back to pre-columbian MesoAmerica, possibly setting up a blueprint of the game in ancient writings so that their past selves in the future could work on the game faster? We must collaborate further...:lod:
    DakkonMartel, Breather and Seahorse like this.
  8. Seahorse

    Seahorse Zeromus

    One thing you have to remember -Red-, is that with these guys... ANYTHING is possible! Do not overlook anything just because it doesn't make sense, or their is no clear evidence. Every detail no matter how minor or large it is, is valuable in this thorough investigation.
    NotAnAnon and -Red- like this.
  9. A.N.T.I.

    A.N.T.I. Spaceman Spiff

    It's the end of the world... and the beginning of Starbound.
  10. Joxalot

    Joxalot Subatomic Cosmonaut

    -Red- knew too much... Maybe TOO MUCH!
    No human could have figure out such a thing, no living CREATURE could resist that long to find the answer...
    No living creature... living...


    Too many thoughts in you mind you must focus... How long since you started?

    How... Long...?
    -Red-, perhaps you're just tired... Feels like AGES have passed since you had your revelation...
    Put the alarm clock to wake you up at 6 am, so y-

    ...why the clock look so old and dusty...
    -Red-... why... Why the table is so dirty and... Rotting?!

    -Red- why everything looks so abandoned, why everything look so...

    Aged?... ...-Red-... ...No LIVING creature could ever survive that long to reveal the truth behind it...

    -Red-... your body... Is lying in the far corner... Mangled by...

    By the gods.

    And so you realize, all the countless years, searching for the ultimate answer... ALL THIS TIME!
    You were dead all along, kid...
    The revelation... THE BRICKS, -RED-! THEY WERE YOUR DEMISE!!!

    - Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
  11. -Red-

    -Red- Big Damn Hero

  12. Irrelephant

    Irrelephant Big Damn Hero

    That is true, but the Mayan calender didn't count until the end of the world, do some research.
  13. Blackleaf

    Blackleaf Master Astronaut

    Thats not a thread.
    Jake_Skuller, lickmyxxx and Joxalot like this.
  14. lickmyxxx

    lickmyxxx Big Damn Hero

    whoaaa very nice job man :D
    I've read it all, and it's probably true.
    BUT: 1 thing u didn't think about: The mayans didn't mean that the 21 Dec 2012 will be the release date of starbound :rofl: The developers just made it like that.
  15. EiSplasci

    EiSplasci Subatomic Cosmonaut

    Ahah you're awesome
  16. Necrius

    Necrius Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    It makes perfect sense! December 21, game release - the World ends because EVERYONE begins playing Starbound.
    -Red- likes this.
  17. photostyle

    photostyle The Old One Forum Moderator

    Awesome stuff, Red.

    I love when you guys take random junk from IRC and go nuts with it! Creativity FTW.

    (via Forum Runner on Photon)
    IceKing and -Red- like this.
  18. Kirby64

    Kirby64 Space Kumquat

    Best. Thread. Ever. Period. And even if this isn't true, you must have spent a lot of time working on this... o_O
  19. Breather

    Breather Master Astronaut

    Sooooooo, we're gonna get starbound December 21st? I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT THAT LOOOOOOOOONNNNNG!!! X3
    GabirilosGR and kirby64 like this.
  20. ImmortalFrog

    ImmortalFrog Master Astronaut

    I can't believe that this thread gave you a period.How does period works anyway? Maybe I should get one of those pads and ask an archeologist which period it came from.

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