Here is my story, that I wrote, with the aid of Snackin', who made my writing less dull. It is my first attempt at not gory, non-medieval writing, do enjoy. Oh, and do tell me how I can improve, and if you want it to be more graphic, such as limbs being torn off, and things such as that, do tell. Oh, it is short, yes, as I said it's my first attempt at something other than non-medieval. A great shudder rocked the planet as the bomb struck the surface, several more could be seen in the distance, the planet was in chaos, civilians running amok to and fro from the bomb-shelters, though the bombs were obviously designed to destroy such things, as there were several holes in the ground where the bomb shelters prominently were. Of course, the planet was doomed, it was rather obvious as the hundreds of thousands dead, along with the several hundred buildings collapsed on the streets. Xelos, however, was leaving the planet as it were, holding no emotion towards the destruction of his planet, his home obviously destroyed amongst the rest of the building, his ship slightly damaged, though still able to travel, even if slightly slower than he would have hoped. As he ignored the pleas of his fellows, he boarded his ship and started it up, a minor earthquake and a deafening explosion signalled two things, the bombs were closer, and that it was time to go. Xelos groaned in anger as his ship struggled to start up, the ship itself groaning in exertion. He slammed a fist onto the dashboard, careful not to strike the controls. It started up, as though it understood his anger, and as to not anger him any more, the pistons started pumping, the friction inside the ship causing it to fuel inside to combust, rocketing it off the launch pad of his home, moments before it crumbled, it being the last piece of his home. He grumbled his annoyance as his ship finally started to work properly, he was the only person on his ship, and that’s the way he intended it to stay, for now at least. He needed no-one, and wanted no-one, obviously too full of himself to think about others who may want to work with him. He grumbled once again and switched the ship to autopilot, heading simply straight forward, he would figure out what he wanted to do after a little relaxation. Leaning back into his chair with a smirk, he laughed, a cruel laugh devoid of happiness. “I just escaped death.. Idiots on that planet, foolish enough to not be prepared in case of a disaster this catastrophic.” He laughed again, thinking about all those that died and laughed even harder, this time with real happiness, although there was a slight hint of discomfort in his laughter, he choked once on the laughter and regained his composure. “Idiots.. Having to die.. Making me the survivor..” A sudden shock wave rippling throughout the ship caused Xelos to grunt, something hit his ship, something big. The engine crumpled, causing him to lose any directional force, letting him drift slowly towards a planet, a blackened planet that looked to be inhospitable. His face was a mixture of rage and shock, he quite obviously expected things to go swimmingly, but now he was slowly drifting towards what many would consider their death. He screamed, in fear and rage, yet no one heard it, and no one could save him from crashing, he didn’t want to die, the idea sickened him to the stomach, he cursed himself silently, annoyed that he didn’t hire anyone capable of protecting him from this, so he simply moved to a coat-hanger, grabbing onto his space-suit, and sighed. He grabbed a tank of oxygen, and several more. He muttered under his breath as he entered the escape shuttle and pressed its launch button, drifting in space towards the planet, though much slower, and with far more protection than his ship would provide, he awaited either his death, or when he would land on the planet. Entering the atmosphere was a rocky ride, the pod shaking uncontrollably, he blacked out from the sheer pressure of the g-force. - Dazed, he opened his eyes, everything around him seemed like a blur. It took him a moment to concentrate his eyes onto his debris-filled surroundings, around him was a battered pod, lit on fire and obviously dilapidated by the impact. He laid flat onto the rocky ground, unable to control his body, but he luckily avoided the improbable odds of being impaled by the small, rigid, spear-like rocks around him. Pain lingered throughout his body, and his consciousness again, faded.
Sweet man, I love the personality you gave your character. It really made me start to wounder how the character will develop. Will he maintain his stone hearten personality, will he soften and learn to work and trust in others?
It's pretty good, though there are a few usage errors and you should group your sentences into paragraphs. Overall, though, good concept, if not one done over and over from what I have seen. (Using Starbound's premise almost exactly.)
I like the way you revealed enough to catch my attention but only just enough to keep me interested for more.
You should've told me about this! This is quite good, and I'd love to see more. Although, I'd say that you need to separate your phrases a bit more. For example: You could make at least two phrases out of this. Something along the lines of: "It started up, as though it understood his anger, and as to not anger him any more, the pistons started pumping, the friction inside the ship causing it to fuel inside to combust. (That (what is underlined) doesn't make much sense, might be a typo (or maybe I'm just too stupid to understand (That's probably it, actually)).) The vessel rocketed off the launch pad of his home, moments before it crumbled, it being the last piece of his home. Do what you will with my criticism, but keep on writing. This could turn out great!
