Souls of the Sun | Newest update: "Chapter 6: Union"

Discussion in 'Writing' started by Ponamis, Jan 9, 2016.


Do you like the story so far? Should I continue writing it?

  1. Of course! Keep going, it's great!

  2. Sure, it's pretty good.

  3. Meh, I guess it's okay.

    0 vote(s)
  4. No, I'm not interested in reading any more.

  5. Irrelevant poll choice that is a reference to lemonade and shadows or something.

  1. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    It's been 2 days, and as promised, the second part of "The Sixth Cycle" is up on the main post! I hope this update warranties double posting...
    However, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't plan on making another chapter for this story, due to various reasons. On the bright side, this mostly likely means I'll get back to working on chapter 6 of SoS.
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
    EricD112 and Zebe like this.
  2. EricD112

    EricD112 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    The story is great. I think. But i'm always glad if you write more SoS.
    Ponamis likes this.
  3. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    April 29th. That was the time the last SoS chapter came out. That's nearly three months ago.
    Sure, I may have released an extra story on the 18th and 20th of june, but that wasn't really a SoS chapter, was it?

    ... Well. Anyway, I bring good news!

    Chapter 0.2: Insignificance is out. It's the first chapter of Arc 2.
    This chapter, consisting of 100% dialogue acts as Arc 1's epilogue, a Q&A for many things left unanswered, and a short prologue for Arc 2.
    I have also spent nearly over 6 hours going through all previous chapters and refining them once more, while refining also the thread itself by doing half a dozen different small changes.
    Did you notice any of them, by the way?
    Besides giving new readers a better first impression, I'm sure at least some of you will want to have a quick re-read through them to remember what's happened, since it's been 3 months since the last update.

    You may also notice I've put up Bonus Chapter 2.1: Seeking the truth over on Arc 1. This is not actually a new chapter, but simply a piece of chapter 2 that wasn't exactly part of the main plot; you could say it was a sub-plot. I have plans to make many more of these bonus chapters, with subplots that will not only reveal more of my universe's lore, but will also get closer to the characters.

    Finishing the main chapters is still my top priorty, however. And I absolutely promise you the next chapter I'll release will be the sixth main chapter: Union.

    And no, I haven't given up on this story. It's just the same excuse as before, I have no motivation to write because I feel like no one reads this.
    Hopefully, the next chapter won't take 3 months for me to write.
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2016
    EricD112 likes this.
  4. Lodish

    Lodish Black Hole Surfer

    So, I just started reading this. And wow,I wasn't expecting something that huge. Even though I am not fond of the way you narrate (things such as "50/50" in a story slightly disturbs me), the plot is still quite interesting, and this "voice from above" brings the clarifications needed but not too much either.
    You did a good job here, I'm looking forward to see what happens next!
    EricD112 and Ponamis like this.
  5. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    Thank-you! I'm glad to hear you liked it!
    Also, as per your feedback, I've gone ahead and edited the sentence you're talking about to "it would have been an almost even result". I have also changed "day/night cycle" in chapter 1 to "day to night cycle", because it was a similar issue.
    EricD112 and Lodish like this.
  6. Lodish

    Lodish Black Hole Surfer

    Alright. ALRIGHT. So I just finished reading, and wow. I didn't expect such proportions. At first when I read that there wouldn't be "main" characters, I was pretty surprised, and I was really wondering what kind of story it was.
    And I can't say I was disappointed.
    Every chapter surprised me more than the last one, always bringing the story on a larger scale. And this is clever how you start mentioning characters once you reached the galaxy scale, no less.
    Anyway, great story, I'll patiently wait for the next part :)
    EricD112 and Ponamis like this.
  7. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    The long-awaited Main Chapter 6: Union is out!

    Besides that, I don't really have much to add this time. Just one question; would you guys prefer the next chapter to be Bonus Chapter 6.1: The Meeting OR Main Chapter 7: Exodus?
    Oh and of course, a little hint to help you decide: the cliffhanger from Chapter 5: Inquisition will only pick up during Chapter 8: Contact.
    EricD112, Zebe and Lodish like this.
  8. HarmonicRev

    HarmonicRev Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I have certain problems with the way the introduction is written that seem to persist throughout most of the story.

    Firstly, you do a lot of something called "Front loading" in your story. For example, this sentence: "But as time went on, the tribes adapted. They merged into a single community, built settlements of their own, and created rules within their society. And then, they ceased to progress."

    The reason this sentence is unnecessary is that this is a point that is addressed later in the same section, and by front loading you detract from the over-all experience. It'd be better if you took that sentence out altogether, since the following paragraphs explain the history of the Pazeri and the reader is smart enough to infer they stopped advancing by the way you described them. If you are really attached to that particular sentence, you could rearrange the order of description so that you describe: The star system, the planet, the native life, and then the Pazeri. It is hard to read when you aren't focused on your topic.

    Another thing that's worth noting is that it is somewhat off-putting that the narrator lacks any kind of emotional response to anything being described, it is somewhat hard to see this as someone telling another person a story. The way it's told reminds me more of the telling of a folk-tale than a historical event, since it's just the narrator going through the passes of "This happened, this happened, this happened, then this happened."

    I am very intrigued in where you're going with the story; and I feel you would reach a larger reader-base if your writing was more focused, concise, and expressive. The way it's written, it almost seems, I don't know if this is the right way to say, like you're shy. Do not feel reluctant to emphasize parts of lore and such you are particularly proud of by loading up on emotional response, describing it in more detail, or expanding upon it.

    I see great potential for this story. Just work on the way you present it and you have fantastic writing capability. The later chapters are great, I think you just need to rework the way you built up the setting, to make the pay off more satisfying.
    EricD112 and Ponamis like this.
  9. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    Thanks for the review! I will try to fix the front loading problem as much as I can; as for the narrator lacking emotional response, that is intentional. The narrator is supposed to be cold, describing the events that happened as if they never really mattered; as if he doesn't really care.

    However, I will try improve the general narration of the story, only the parts that are colored in purple; such as the prologue, are supposed to seem like that.

    - - -​

    EDIT: I have completely re-written the first two paragraphs of Chapter 1 thanks to your feedback, as well as rewording several other sentences thorough it.
    One more thing I've been meaning to ask you but forgot; did you find the length of Chapter 5 to be a problem? Currently, it's almost longer longer than all previous chapters combined, which I always felt was a bit odd.
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2016
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  10. EricD112

    EricD112 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    I don't know if you already started work on one of those 2 chapters (6.1 and 7). If you did not, I personally would like to see 6.1, because meeting sounds interesting. It's about the Purians meeting the Pazeri, right?
    I would have replied earlier, but there were so many update notifications that i completely forgot this thread.
    Ponamis likes this.
  11. Ponamis

    Ponamis Title Not Found

    Chapter 6.1 is actually the meeting between the six supreme admirals that attend it. The meeting between the 2 different alien species doesn't happen until chapter 7.
    EricD112 likes this.
  12. EricD112

    EricD112 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    Oh. Well, still sounds pretty interesting. Even more now, because i now want to know what they discuss.
    Ponamis likes this.

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