Other Skyloft Farm - A 'Farmer'/Alex/Shane Fic [**Complete**]

Oh I just love your fic so much! over here in Germany it is very late so this was my bed time story tonight. And I loved every piece of it. Your writing actually makes me feel with the characters! Please keep up the great work

 

aw sdhfsdhf thank you so much!! i'm so honored you are reading my silly fic before bed i was just starting to think people were losing interest haha but i'm glad you've stuck around sleep tight! i'll be posting a chapter a day, so hopefully you'll have a new chapter every night!

 

Shane let his feet dang over the dock, empties at his side. He finished off another beer and sighed. He just wanted to drown away the guilt in his chest. Being with Kate only made him feel worse. And he didn’t want to hang around too much, anyways. She was grieving over her husband. It was because of him Alex was gone.

“Shane?”

Shane turned to see Jas behind him. He smiled and patted the ground next to him. She sat, letting her bare feet swing in the air.

“Are you sad, Shane?” she asked innocently.

“What?” He hesitated. “Do I look sad?”

She nodded her head. “You always drink that icky stuff when you’re sad.”

Shane tried to shove the bottles out of her sight. “Oh.”

“Why are you sad?”

Shane shrugged. “I’m not sad, Jas.”

Jas nodded slowly. “It’s okay to be sad,” she said. “I’ll be sad with you until you want to be happy again.”

“I don’t want you to be sad, Jas.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.”

Shane smiled at the girl beside him. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll try.”

Jas met his gaze curiously. “Are you sad because of Alex?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“And because of Kate?”

“Why would Kate make me sad?”

Jas shook her head. “She’s sad. And that makes you sad ‘cuz you like her.”

“Well, of course I do. She’s nice.”

Jas giggled. “Noooo. You like like her.”

“What makes you think that?”

“'Cuz I know. She makes you less sad.”

Shane looked out over the lake. “Aunt Marnie will be mad that you’re not in bed.”

Jas groaned. “I don’t wanna. I wanna stay here with you.”

“Go on. Get inside. I’ll come in shortly.”

“Okay,” she said, defeated.

Shane watched her hurry back inside the house. He turned back to the lake, finishing the last of his beer. He didn’t know if he’d ever find the wizard again. He didn’t know if things would ever go back to normal, or what normal was anymore. But this was real. And all he wanted to do was make things better for Kate. No matter what.

That one was a shortie, so have another

Kate and Shane continued to busy themselves on the farm. The morning passed by quickly as they worked quietly. They sat on the front steps, resting for a moment, watching Jak chase the chickens.

“How are you doing?” Shane asked.

“Fine.”

“You don’t have to be fine.”

Kate sighed. “It just… it doesn’t feel real. That he’s… gone.” She paused, not meeting Shane’s gaze. “He just still feels away. Like the war is still going on, and I’m just here waiting for it to all be over.”

Shane watched Jak throw dried corn at the chickens, giggling as they followed him around the farm.

“I don’t know how to feel right now,” Kate mumbled.

“You don’t have to feel anything.”

“I have to feel something.”

“Maybe you’ve just already accepted it.” Shane hesitated. “I mean, he’s been gone for so long. You’re used to being alone, now.”

“I’m just used to death.” Kate’s voice shook. “My daughter. My husband. This is just my life now.”

“Don’t say that,” Shane hissed.

Kate shook her head and looked at her feet. “I’m scared.”

Shane took her hand in his. “Nothing’s going to happen.”

She met his gaze, worried. “What if something does? To Jak? To the farm? To anyone here?”

“I won’t let anything happen.”

Kate turned away and focused on her son, but she did not pull her hand away. She always felt safe with Shane around. Maybe he was right. Besides, things couldn’t possibly get any worse.

*****

The nights were the worst when Kate was alone in the dark. The bed was so big and empty. She patted the empty spot beside her, encouraging Dusty to lay with her. The dog jumped onto the bed happily. He circled twice before laying down, letting his chin rest on Kate’s leg. His eyebrows raised as he looked to her and he sighed. Kate felt a little better with life beside her through the night.

She stared into the darkness. The tags around her neck felt cold on her skin. During the day, they felt unusually heavy, but she refused to take them off of her, even for a second. It was all she had left of Alex. That and his favorite jersey, which she slept in often.

Her eyes started to well and her throat closed up. She tried to swallow, but it felt like she was swallowing knives that were on fire, burning and ripping at her throat.

She turned over on to her side and picked up her phone. She scrolled through the contacts, but she already knew who she wanted to talk to. She paused over Shane’s name in the list, scrolled past it, then returned. No one else would be awake, anyway.

you up?

She put the phone next to her head and waited.

of course. you ok?

yes.

She hesitated before sending another text. nights are the worst.

tell me about it.

are you ok?

yeah.

Kate stared at the screen, wondering what to say next, but another text came through.

want some company?

She hesitated. She really didn’t want to be alone. But she couldn’t ask him to come over, either. She needed to get through on her own. She needed to adjust to her new life.

dont worry about it

Shane didn’t text back. She rolled onto her back at stared into the darkness once more. Dusty sighed beside her. She scratched behind his ear and his tail wagged against her leg.

A soft knock made them both jump. Dusty hurried to the window, his front paws on the sill as he peered into the darkness. His tail wagged reassuringly as Kate hurried out of bed, shoving her feet in her slippers as she walked to the door.

Shane waved a chocolate bar in the air as the door opened and smiled. He pushed the bar into Kate’s hand.

“I said you didn’t have to,” Kate said.

Shane shrugged. “Not like I was doing anything else.”

“Maybe sleeping,” Kate said as Shane pushed by her. She closed the door quietly.

“Sleep’s over rated.” He let his body fall onto the couch and kicked his feet up.

Kate hesitated, staring at the chocolate still in her hand. Her favorite kind.

Shane patted the couch. Kate sat beside him and opened the wrapper. She couldn’t remember the last time she had chocolate. The aroma was calming. She broke off a piece and placed it on her tongue.

“Chocolate makes everything better.”

Kate smiled and shrugged as she took another piece. “It certainly helps.”

Shane bent over and scratched behind Dusty’s ear. “Why aren’t you taking care of our girl?”

The dog panted and wagged his tail. When Shane stopped, he looked at him with his puppy dog eyes, begging for more. And Shane obeyed happily.

“He’s pretty good company,” Kate said. “I had a nice cuddle buddy until you woke him up.”

Shane leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms. He watched Kate carefully. She finished the chocolate and tossed the wrapper onto the floor. Dusty sniffed at it for a moment before lying at Kate’s feet.

“Someone I know compared life to a pretty deep hole,” Kate said as she watched the dog snore.

“That guy sounds like a tool.”

Kate smiled. “Yeah, he kind of is.”

Shane hesitated. He didn’t want to see her lose herself like she did with Clara. He didn’t know if he could bring her out of that again. He leaned towards her and took her hand in his.

“There’s no hole,” he said.

Kate met his gaze. “What makes you think that?” she said softly.

“Because I’ve seen you in a hole. And I saw you get the hell out of that hole.”

“It was a pretty deep hole.” She hesitated, looking at her hands, still in his. “I couldn’t have gotten out of it by myself.”

Shane shrugged. “No one else helped you.”

“You did.”

Shane leaned back, pulling his hands away. “I just fixed a couple of fences.”

Kate turned her attention back to the dog at her feet. He rolled over onto his side and sighed. She nodded slowly to herself before meeting Shane’s gaze. “I’ll be okay.”

“I know. And I’m here if you ever need a fence fixed.” He smiled reassuringly.

 

2 chapters in one evening.... *happy squeal* thank you thank you thank you. Had a pretty rough day at work, so I really needed this! i loved the talk with Jas. That was very heart warming. And I am so in love with your Shane. He is so sweet and caring. I honestly wish CA would have made him just like that. looking forward to the next chapter!

 

I was hoping for a sweeter Shane too after the 1.1 update. Was rather disappointed when he trashed my house with his room xD lol. I feel like he's a pretty big softie deep down inside haha. That'a my head cannon anyway

 

I could not agree more. I know his depression would not just dissolve into nothingness but the way he still talks about drinking and his horrible room had me very disappointed. Unlike your version of Shane I simply adore!

 

The busy summer came to a quick end and fall brought the promise of an early winter. Shane continued to help Kate every day on the farm, preparing for the approaching winter. It had been almost six months since the war came to an end. Kate found herself easily sliding back into her usual routine, busying herself with the farm and watching Jak grow and learn.

When the first snowfall came, it brought with it a bitter cold, keeping everyone inside the warmth of their homes. Shane braved the cold winds to the farm to check on Kate. He knocked quickly on the door before letting himself in.

“Are you insane? It’s below zero out there.”

He leaned against the door, pushing it closed against the wind. He threw his bare hands under his armpits.

“Ugh. I know.” He shook the snow out of his hair. “Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Smart enough to stay inside.”

“I’m going to check on the animals.”

“They’re fine,” Kate insisted. “I closed everything up last night. The heaters are going. They couldn’t be safer.”

“Ah. Of course. You know what you’re doing.”

Kate smiled. “I could use some more wood for the fire…”

Shane hesitated.

“I’m kidding,” Kate said, laughing at his expression. “Sit the hell down.”

“Shane.” Jak tugged at his hand. “I want to make a snowman.”

“I said no, Jak!” Kate yelled from the kitchen.

Jak crossed his arms and pouted.

“Tomorrow Jas and I will help you make the biggest snowman ever,” Shane assured him.

“You want some coffee?” Kate called. She dug through the cabinets. “Oh, I have whiskey!” She turned to Shane, holding a large bottle. “Whiskey makes everything warm and happy.”

“You should save that for when you run out of fire wood.”

Kate smirked at him. “Good thinking.” She put the bottle away and fell onto the couch beside Shane, sighing.

“Really?”

“Mhm. Life.”

“Tell me about it.”

Jak was sprawled out on the floor in front of them, kicking his legs in the air as he scribbled on the blank pages before him.

“I’m gonna draw you, Mama,” he said as he concentrated on his scribbles.

“Just make me pretty,” Kate said.

“That’s easy, Mama.” He pushed himself up and handed her a page.

Kate admired the drawing enthusiastically. “I wish I could draw like that.”

“You’re the one with the pink hair and Shane is next to you in the purple. Purple is my favorite crayon.” Jak was back to concentrating on his next picture.

“Oh.”

“Purple is his favorite,” Shane said, winking at Kate, but Kate did not find him amusing.

“What are you going to draw now?” Kate asked. She let the paper fall from her hand and onto the floor.

Shane watched the paper slide under the couch, his lips twisted to the side.

“I dunno,” Jak said, not looking up at them.

“How about Daddy?”

“I dunno what Daddy looks like.”

Shane watched Kate carefully from the corner of her eye. She was visibly upset.

“He’s a soldier, remember?” She was practically begging her son. “You know, like I told you? He’s a good guy.”

“I’m gonna draw Dusty.”

Shane stood abruptly.

“Want to draw, too, Shane?”

Shane hesitated. Kate did not look at him. She stared angrily at her son’s drawings.

“Maybe next time,” Shane said quietly. “I have to go now.”

“Shane.”

Kate was standing now. Shane turned and met her gaze. She was smiling. She cleared her throat. “At least wait until the snow slows.”

Shane hesitated before sitting back on the couch. Kate sat on the floor beside Jak, leaning against Shane’s legs. She picked up the purple crayon and drew on Jak’s paper.

“I like purple, too.”

*****

Shane awoke to his phone vibrating in his pocket. He blinked groggily into the darkness. Kate sighed against him, asleep on his chest. Jak was sleeping soundly in her arms. He craned his neck to look out the window. It was dark, but he could tell by the light out front that the snow had slowed.

He looked at the bodies sleeping against him. A slight, orange glow flickered across their faces from the fire dying in the fireplace. Dusty snored quietly on the floor beside them. Shane carefully slid his arm out from under Kate’s head and dug in his pocket for his phone. The screen was blindingly bright. He squinted in the light. It was well after eleven o’clock.

Shane sighed. He didn’t want to wake them, and he really didn’t want to leave, but he felt that he should. He watched them sleep peacefully for a moment more before carefully twisting himself out from under them, waking Kate.

She looked up at him, her head still on his chest, and smiled, until she suddenly realized how dark it was in the house. She pushed herself off of him and blinked into the darkness. She rubbed her eyes.

“What time is it?”

“After eleven.”

Kate groaned quietly. “This couch kills my back.” She took Jak into her arms and brought him into his room.

“See ya tomorrow,” Shane said when she returned, his boots on his feet.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “See ya.”

Outside, Shane shoved his hands in his pockets. The snow fell slowly and silently on the sleeping town as he walked through the square. His boots crunched delicately in the snow, but he paused. There was another set of foot steps in the snow. He looked up as Sebastian made his way up from the beach. He stopped, surprised to see another person.

“Where are you going?” Sebastian asked.

“Uh, home.”

“Home? From where?”

“Saloon.”

Sebastian looked over his shoulder at the saloon he had already passed. He turned back to Shane, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you drunk?”

“Yes,” Shane said quickly. “Very drunk.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Well, home is the other way,” he said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Right. I knew that.”

“You have a problem.”

“Yes. Yes I do. But that’s a problem I’ll deal with tomorrow.”

“Whatever, man.” Sebastian continued walking, disappearing into the darkness.

“I won’t say anything,” his voice said in the darkness.

Shane hesitated, looking over his shoulder, but he couldn’t see a thing. He trudged on in the snow towards home.

 

The snow and wind stopped early the next morning, and the afternoon sun warmed the air to a more tolerable temperature. Jas and Vincent played with Jak in the snow on the farm, rolling the start of the biggest snowman’s body they could with Shane’s help. Shane helped them stack each snowball on top of each other, then lifted Jak up to put on the snowman’s face, scarf, and hat. Jak made sure to give him the biggest smile he could out of the little rocks that he had. He placed the carrot nose carefully in the center of the snowman’s face and admired his work.

“Looks good,” Shane said, putting Jak down.

“What should we call him?” Vincent asked.

“How about Frosty?” Jas suggested.

“His name’s gonna be Bob,” Jak stated proudly.

“Bob?” Jas said, scrunching her nose.

Jak threw his arms in the air. “Bob! Bob the Snowman!”

“I have a weird kid,” Kate muttered at Shane’s side.

Shane laughed. “Like mother like son.”

Kate narrowed his eyes at him. “Thanks.” She turned her back to Shane and took Jak’s hand. “Come on. I've got hot cocoa inside for you guys.”

The three kids hurried inside, taking their seats at the table where the warm drinks waited. They giggled and played with the marshmallows, throwing them into each other’s drinks. Kate and Shane leaned against the counter. Kate handed Shane a mug.

“Extra special, adult only cocoa,” she said happily. “For extra warmth.”

“That could be dangerous,” Shane said, taking the mug from her.

Kate looked at him over the brim of her mug as she took a careful sip. “Hm?”

“Cold nights, a little whiskey…” Shane met her gaze over the brim of her mug.

The steam from the cocoa caused Kate’s glasses to fog. She smiled behind her steamed lenses. Shane’s heart practically melted, as it usually did when she smiled at him.

“Stop it, Vincent!” Jas shouted.

Kate and Shane jumped as they turned their attention onto the kids. Vincent was throwing marshmallows at Jas.

“Really, Vincent?” Kate groaned. “Leave poor Jas alone.”

“She started it!”

“Did not!”

“She probably did,” Shane muttered into his mug.

“I heard that, Shane!” Jas scolded.

“Come on,” Kate said, pushing herself away from the counter. “It’s probably time to bring you guys home, anyway.”

They whined before finishing their drinks quickly. Shane and Kate helped them dress for the cold weather, guiding them through town to bring Vincent home. The afternoon was already getting dark as the four of them walked back towards the farm.

“Can we play again tomorrow?” Jas asked.

“You have class with Miss Penny tomorrow,” Shane reminded her.

Jas groaned and took Jak’s hand. “Do you think she’ll make us read again?”

“Will you read me the bear story?” Jak asked her.

Jas smiled. “Okay. But you gotta learn, too.”

“I can read three words,” Jak said, holding up three fingers.

“Well, at least he can count,” Kate said.

“He’s already doing better than you.”

Kate elbowed Shane hard in the side, almost knocking him backwards, but he caught his balance quickly.

“Careful,” Kate said, hurrying ahead of him. “Wouldn’t want the world to know a girl can kick your ass.”

“You probably could. I’ll be the first to admit that.”

Kate rolled her eyes and turned around, letting her guard down. Shane ran to catch up to her, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up off the ground. He spun her around before tossing her carefully into a snowbank.

Kate blinked, stunned, sitting in the cold snow. “Oh, now you’re asking for it!”

Shane’s laughter was cut short as a snowball nailed him in the leg. He spun around as Jas prepared another at her target.

“Oh, it’s on,” Shane growled playfully. He gathered a handful of snow in his hands, patting it together quickly as another one hit his back, this time from Kate.

“You wanna play?” She taunted. “Let’s play!”

Before Shane knew it, Kate, Jas, and Jak were pelting snowballs towards him. He threw his arms over his head, ducking and diving, to no avail. Jas and Jak ran towards him, pushing him into the snowbank.

“We win!” Jas shouted, jumping onto Shane’s chest.

Shane grunted, picking Jas and Jak up, one in each arm. “Not so fast,” he said as he tossed them into the snow.

“We need back up!” Jas shouted.

A blow to his side knocked Shane down into the snow beside them. Kate straddled him, pinning him to the ground, laughing.

“Now we win,” she said, her hands on her hips.

Shane sighed, defeated. “Okay, okay, fine. You win.”

“I’m sorry,” Kate said. “I didn’t hear you.”

Shane pushed himself up, wrapping his arms around her, and throwing her into the snow. “I said,” he started, pinning her. “I. Win.”

Kate looked up into his eyes, her breath caught in her throat.

“No,” Jas said. “We win, Shane!”

Shane cleared his throat and stood, pulling Kate up with him.

“I’m soaked,” Kate muttered.

“Yeah,” Shane said quietly. “Me too.”

“Come on, Jak.” Kate grabbed her son’s hand. “Let’s get some cocoa and dinner, hm?”

“Have one for me,” Shane said, winking at her.

Kate glared at him over her shoulder, but Shane caught her smile as she turned away. He watched as Jak lead his mother through town, towards home.

 

The cold, brutal winter proved to only feed into a cool and stormy spring. Kate and Shane got the spring crops planted as soon as they could but storms rolled in almost daily, keeping them from being able to do too much on the farm. The animals ventured out when the rain was soft, but sought shelter as soon as the weather got too bad.

The heavy storms kept Kate inside for most of the day. Shane had already helped her with the animals, so they spent the afternoon hiding from the rain, flipping through the tv channels until the power finally cut out. As the afternoon darkened into night, the storm raged on. Kate tucked Jak into his bed and returned to the couch with two beers in hand.

“I have frozen pizza,” she said happily. “But no way to cook it.” Her smile faded at the realization, apologetic.

Shane smiled. “It’s fine. I should get going anyway.”

Kate waved her beer in the air. “Uh uh. You’re not going out there. It’s a hurricane.” She took a sip. “Plus that just means you will be here first thing in the morning to fix those fences you skipped out on.”

“All part of your grand plan.”

Kate shrugged. “I’m a master of the weather.” She leaned in closely, lowering her voice. “But don’t tell anyone my secrets. I’ll have you zapped.”

Shane crossed his heart.

They sat in silence by the light of the candles as the thunder rolled, shaking the house. She let her head rest on Shane’s shoulder and sighed.

“Do you ever wonder how differently things could be?” Kate asked. “If I never moved here?” She paused. “I wonder if I’d still be stuck at that job with JoJa. Stuck in some shitty relationship.” She straightened. “In some parallel universe, there’s a Kate still stuck behind that desk.”

Shane shook his head. “I don’t think any universe exists where you’d be there. I think you’d always find a way out.”

“I could have moved somewhere else. Stayed in the city. Moved across the sea.”

“You’d never have Jak, though.”

Kate was quiet. “I’d never have to lose Clara. Lose Alex.”

“But would you trade that for the time you did have?”

“No,” she said softly. “But maybe, in another universe, I’d still have them.”

Shane was quiet.

Kate cleared her throat and turned to him. “What about you? What’s alternate you doing out there?”

Shane pinched his lips together. “Drinking?”

“Oh, come on, there’s gotta be something. Something you’ve always wanted to do. Something you think another Shane could be doing right now.”

“I used to want to play soccer.”

Kate raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Really?”

Shane nodded. “Maybe I’d be a pro soccer player. Making big bucks. Meeting girls.” He winked at her.

Kate laughed and leaned back against the couch. “Maybe. That sounds like a pretty good alternate universe.”

Shane shrugged. “Maybe. But I’d be missing out on a lot here. Like Marnie and Jas and you.”

“And me?”

“Well, someone’s gotta be here to help you out with the farm.”

“I guess we’re just where we’re meant to be, then.”

Shane remembered what the wizard had said. How things could change. How things did change. And there was no wizard to change things back. “I guess so,” he said quietly.

Kate shifted on the couch. Shane searched for her hand and pulled her closer to him. Their eyes met for a brief moment, hesitant.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Shane whispered to her.

Kate’s fingers found his cheek, brushing his skin softly. Her breath was warm against him. Shane’s lips met hers, softly at first, but she pressed into him, pulling at his shirt. They pressed harder into each other, their lips moving together. Their beer bottles dropped to the floor, beer spilling out, unnoticed by them. Shane pulled off his shirt, throwing it to the floor. Kate’s hands were against his warm chest, moving up his neck and into his hair as she pressed harder into him.

”Kate,” he muttered, but she pressed closer, her lips hard on his.

”Sh,” she whispered against his lips. “Don’t.”

Shane wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her on top of him as he lay back on the couch. He wanted to pull the rest of her clothes off, but feeling her in his arms felt too comfortable, too right. For that moment, she was safe, and she was his, and he didn’t want to ever let go.

 

Kate moved into the warm body beside her. The storm had cleared and the morning sun streamed through the window. Jak would be up any moment. An arm wrapped around her and she smiled.

“Alex?”

The body shifted and she bolted up right. She jumped off the couch and pulled her t-shirt on quickly.

“Shit.”

Shane looked blankly at her from the couch.

Jak called from his room.

Kate hesitated and cleared her throat. “Oh. Um. I have to…” She turned and hurried to Jak’s side.

Shane groaned and rubbed his face in his hands. He pulled on his clothes quickly, but Kate was back in the living room.

“I’m sorry,” Kate muttered.

“For what?” He growled, pulling on his shoes. “Thinking I was Alex?”

“Shane…”

“Forget it.” He stood. “It’s fine. This was a mistake.”

“Shane!”

“I’m just gonna go… fix the fences.” He opened the front door and froze.

“Shane.” Penny smiled at him, then hesitated, searching his face. “Is everything okay?”

Shane groaned and swore under his breath. Penny pushed passed him, stopping in her tracks as she found Kate in just her t-shirt.

“Oh…”

Kate blushed. “Um. Hi.”

Shane slammed the door behind him.

“What… what just happened?” Penny looked Kate up and down, then back to the door. “You… and him…”

“Let me… get dressed…” Kate disappeared into her bedroom, emerging minutes later fully clothed, bringing Jak into the kitchen with her. She sat him at the table and fished through the cabinets for his cereal.

“So,” Penny began as Kate sat across from her, putting Jak’s breakfast in front of him.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kate muttered.

“You guys slept together.”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well, why not?” Penny pressed.

“Because I called him Alex,” Kate snapped.

Penny was quiet. “Oh.”

“He’s pissed.” Kate buried her face in her hands. “I screwed up.”

“Why do you think you screwed up?”

“Because I can’t sleep with Shane.”

“Why not?”

Kate looked to Penny. “What do you mean why not? He’s Shane. And I’m… a widow.”

“He likes you.”

“What? No he doesn’t.”

Penny raised an eyebrow at her friend. “Yes. He definitely does.”

“No…”

“Do you like him?”

“No!”

Penny leaned back in her chair, waiting.

“I… I love Alex.” Her throat tightened and her chest ached. “I love Alex,” she repeated.

“You’re allowed to,” Penny hesitated, “move on.”

Kate shook her head. “No. No. Alex was all I ever wanted. Alex. Not Shane.”

“You can try to deny your feelings, but you know they’re there.”

“You’re not helping, Penny,” Kate muttered.

“For what it’s worth,” Penny started. “Not that my opinion matters, but I think you guys are good for each other.”

“I’m a widow,” Kate hissed. “I can’t see anyone else. Not now. I can’t think about this.”

“Does he make you happy?”

Kate was quiet. She looked out the window. Shane leaned against a broken fence, staring at the pieces on the ground, lost in thought.

“I don’t know, Penny. I don’t know. What if it’s just rebound? I can’t let it be that. I can’t do that to him.”

“I think you’d know if it were rebound.” Penny shrugged. “You’re not that kind of person.”

“How did this happen? I shouldn’t have let it happen.” Kate groaned into her hands.

“But you did,” Penny reminded her. “Because you wanted it.”

Kate stood from the table. “I can’t.”

Penny was quiet. “Don’t worry about it right now,” she said. “Let things run its course. What’s meant to be will be, right?”

Kate sighed. She didn’t want to think about it. It was too complicated. She tried to push the events of the night out of her mind, but they kept creeping back as a reminder of how much she enjoyed it.

”You should get to work.”

”I don’t know if I can go out there,” Kate muttered.

”Well, you have to. You have a farm to run.”

Kate nodded. Penny was right. She had to move on and act like the mature adult that she was. But she just wanted to run away. To hide from her feelings… whatever they were.

Kate made her way outside, stopping at Shane’s side.

“Shane…”

“Don’t worry,” he mumbled. “You don’t have to deal with me today. I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Shane, stop.”

Shane met her gaze. “We don’t have to talk about this. Okay? Just forget it.”

Kate watched as he made his way into the barn, disappearing around the corner.

 

Kate focused her attention on weeding the crops, but her mind continued to drift back to Shane. She hadn’t seen him all morning. When she finished the chores, she searched the barn and the coop for him, but he was already gone for the day.

Kate found Penny outside with Jak, Vincent, and Jas. She smiled as Kate approached.

“Shane left,” she said simply.

“He said he had stuff to do today,” Jas said. “He left with Aunt Marnie when she brought me over.”

Penny met Kate’s gaze. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know,” Kate muttered.

“Maybe you guys just need some space.”

Kate sighed. “What are we learning today?”

“I can read this book,” Jak said excitedly, showing Kate his favorite book about the bears. “Jas taught me.”

Kate smiled. “Will you read it to me sometime?”

Jak nodded. “It’s my favorite.”

“Maybe it will be my favorite, too.”

*****

Kate found Shane at the lake that night. She stood beside him in the darkness. The crickets chirped in the weeds by the lake, breaking the silence of the night.

“I’m sorry,” Kate said softly.

Shane shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t. I started it.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she said with a shrug. “You were drinking.”

“Me? You were, too. You totally jumped me. I was just trying to be nice so you wouldn’t feel guilty.”

Kate turned to him, her eyes wide, accusing. “You jumped me!”

Shane laughed. “It’s hard to remember, really.”

Kate turned back to the lake, unamused. “I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

“Does it? Who jumped who? It still happened.”

“True.”

“I’m still sorry,” Kate hesitated. “For everything else.”

“Don’t be.”

Kate sighed. “I don’t know where to go from here.”

Shane met her gaze. “Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Do we talk about this? Do you want to talk about it?” She paused. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

Shane hesitated. “Talking sounds like a lot of work.”

Kate nodded. “Yeah. It does.”

“I’ve never been very good at the talking thing.”

Kate smiled and looked to her feet. “Yeah. Me neither.”

Shane sighed. “We should probably change that. We should give that talking thing a try.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t do it for the hell of it.”

Kate met his gaze. “I didn’t think you were that kind of guy.”

Shane pulled her chin up to him. “I don’t want to be that kind of guy.”

Kate hesitated. “What kind of guy do you want to be?”

“The guy that makes you happy.”

“Really?” Her voice was just a whisper as she searched his eyes.

“If you want me to be.”

“Yes,” she whispered. “You do make me happy.”

Shane leaned back, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it, you know. I can handle rejection.”

“Shane…” Kate pulled at his shirt, bringing him closer. “Kiss me already.”

Shane leaned in, his lips brushing against hers, but hesitated. He searched her face, waiting for the moment to end, to be taken away from him. It had been so long since he had seen the wizard. Was this it? Was this his life now?

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, unwilling to let go. She reached for him, pressed her lips against his, pushing as close as she could to him. Her hands slid up his chest, under his shirt.

Shane’s heart raced, pulling in his chest, begging for her touch. He moved his lips against hers. His hands traced the edges of her body until they twisted in her hair.

“Kate…” Shane took her hands in his. He pulled her through the darkness. He fumbled with the door knob until they both fell through into the dark kitchen. Shane’s lips found hers once more as he guided her through the next door, closing it behind them. Their clothes dropped to the floor as they fell onto the bed, gazing into each other’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Kate said quietly.

Shane smiled. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” He let his fingers run down her cheek. “I love you, Kate.”

“Shane.” Kate hesitated, searching his eyes. She kissed his lips. He felt her smile against him. “I love you,” she said.

 

“Shane!” Jas knocked hard on the door before pushing it open. “C'mon, Shane, I’m gonna be late!”

Shane’s eyes flew open, meeting Kate’s. She smiled and slunk under the covers, hoping to keep hidden. Shane turned over carefully, poking his head out.

“Aunt Marnie will take you,” he said.

“Aunt Marnie doesn’t go the fun way like you do.”

He sighed. “Show her the fun way.”

“Shane,” she whined. “Get outta bed!”

Shane turned over and met Kate’s gaze. “I don’t wanna.”

Jas groaned. “Fine.”

Shane listened as the door opened.

“Bye, Kate.” The door closed.

“Damnit,” Kate muttered.

Shane laughed. “Don’t worry. She’s good at keeping secrets.”

Kate pushed herself up. “So, this is a secret?”

Shane hesitated. “I don’t know. Is it?”

Kate shrugged, climbed over Shane, and dressed quickly. Shane pushed himself up on to his elbow and watched her dress. When she finished, she leaned over him, inching closer to his lips, hesitating for a moment before smiling slyly, grabbing her phone from the night stand, and turning away from him.

Shane bit his lip and sighed as she scrolled through her messages.

I’ll give you this one night to act like a horny teenager, but don’t forget you left your kid with me.

“What’s wrong?”

Kate tucked the phone into her pocket. “Penny says hi and to pick up my damn kid.”

“Kate…”

“I’ll see ya later.”

Shane scrambled out of bed and grabbed her wrist, pulling her onto his lap and kissing her neck.

“Stop it, Shane,” she muttered, pushing at his chest. “I think you’ve had your fill.”

“Never.”

“Well,” she stood. “You’ll just have to wait until our next secret rendezvous. My house next time. I can’t keep dumping Jak on Penny.”

Shane took her hand in his. “I don’t want this to be some secret thing.”

“Secrets don’t stay secrets around here.”

“I know.” Shane hesitated. “I just…”

“What? Afraid what people might think? Since when do you care what anyone thinks?”

“I don’t.” His brows knit together. “This is just… complicated. And I don’t want to fuck it up.”

Kate smiled. “That’s usually my job.”

“Either way,” he said, standing. “Someone’s gonna fuck up.”

Kate kissed his lips, standing on her tip toes to reach him. “I don’t think so.”

 

“Thanks so much for taking care of him,” Kate said to Penny. “I’m really sorry I ditched him on you…” She blushed.

Penny smiled and rolled her eyes. “Just this one time. You deserved a night off.”

Kate laughed hesitantly. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Was it worth it?”

“Are you asking me how my sex was with Shane?”

Penny smiled. “You do have this glow about you…”

“Shut up,” Kate muttered. “Don’t say anything.”

Penny sealed her lips.

“I don’t even know what it is.”

“One night stand?”

Kate shrugged and smiled at her feet. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh?” Penny’s grin widened. “I’m not one to say I told you so, but…”

“Whatever.”

“He likes you.”

“Now who’s acting like a teenager?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. It’s cute. You guys like each other.”

Kate took Jak’s hand in hers. “We’re leaving now.”

“Just warn me next time.”

“Will do.”

Kate guided Jak outside into the afternoon. The air was cooler than usual for summer.

“Mumma, can we go to the park?”

Kate smiled down at her son. “Sure, kiddo. The day is yours.”

“Ice cream?”

“Maybe if you’re good.”

Jak jumped forward, letting go of Kate’s hand. “Shane, Shane, Shane.”

Kate looked up as Jak ran to Shane. Shane picked him up, groaning.

“You’re getting too big,” he said to Jak.

“Big enough for Moose?”

Shane met Kate’s gaze. “That’s up to Mum. But I won’t tell.”

Shane put Jak back onto the ground, who then bounded excitedly to Evelyn nearby, working on her garden.

“What are you up to?” Kate asked as Shane approached.

Without hesitation, Shane pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips against her for a long moment, taking her breath away. Her heart raced and her mind turned to mush until he let her go. She stared at him blankly for a moment, still in his embrace, aware that eyes were on them.

“What are you doing,” she muttered quietly. She looked passed him to Evelyn. Jak babbled on excitedly to her, but her eyes were on Kate. And she was smiling.

“Just thought I’d make this less of a secret.” He pulled away. “I will do anything for you. Anything to see you happy. That’s all I want. All I’ve ever wanted. Even if it’s not with me. I’m serious. Please don’t do anything for me.”

Kate searched his eyes. “I love you, Shane.”

His heart pulled to her in his chest, but he hesitated. She was all he wanted. She was right there, and suddenly, he was so afraid of losing her forever. He didn’t want to move; didn’t want the moment to end.

“I love you, Kate,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against her. “More than you could ever know.” He let his lips brush against hers and she pressed into him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, unwilling to let go, but she pulled away, and his heart sank.

She held her gaze on his and smiled. “I will never forget.” She squeezed his hand tightly.

Shane watched as her hand pulled away. Her fingers loosened their hold, unwrapping themselves slowly from around his. His heart felt like it stopped in his chest. He reached for her, begging her not to let go. He tried to tighten his grip, but her fingers slipped from his palm. He blinked, and Kate was gone.

 

Shane was alone in the forest, but he sensed a presence behind him. He turned to find the wizard watching him.

“What did you do?” Shane hissed, his heart racing. “Bring her back to me.”

“Is that what you want, Shane? Is that the change you want?”

Shane hesitated.

“Are you happy?”

Shane could feel his heart breaking slowly. Painfully. Screaming in agony. Yes, it shouted to him. Yes, yes, yes. “No.”

“No?”

“Evelyn and George lost their grandson. Alex was all they had left.” He turned away, looking over the lake. “Jak lost a father. Kate lost her husband. She will always love him.”

“She loves you.”

Shane shook his head. “I can’t do that to them. To her. Too many people suffered without Alex. I can’t let them go through that just to make me happy.”

“You deserve happiness.”

“Kate makes me happy. I want her to be happy. She doesn’t deserve to lose her husband.”

“Is that what you want? I can do whatever you want me to do,” the wizard reminded Shane.

“No. I can’t. I love her too much to see her suffer like that. I… I had my chance. That’s all I wanted.”

“You could have it forever. Until the end of your days.”

Shane shook his head. “I can’t.”

He turned to the wizard, but instead, Jas stood where the wizard stood. Her face was torn with sadness.

“Shane,” she said quietly. “Are you still leaving?”

Shane searched the forest and shook his head. “No, Jas. I’m not going anywhere.”

She ran to him and Shane hugged her.

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Alex had breakfast made when Kate got up the next morning. He stood proudly by the table as she sat and sipped her coffee.

“I didn’t break them this time,” he said.

“You’re in a good mood,” Kate said.

Alex sat across from her, handing Jak his plate. “Should I not be?”

Kate shrugged. “I just know things haven’t been easy,” she said softly. “It’s nice to see you happy.”

“I am happy.”

“I know.”

Alex hesitated. “I talked to Harvey.”

“About?”

“Seeing a crazy doctor.”

Kate almost choked on her food. “Alex,” she muttered. “You’re not crazy.”

He shrugged. “I know. But,” he sighed. “Maybe I should. Maybe it will help.”

Kate stared at her eggs. “What did Harvey say?”

“He knows a guy in the city. Gave me his info.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you feel safe.”

Kate met his gaze, biting her lip. “I don’t feel unsafe with you, Alex.”

Alex broke her gaze. “Well,” he started. “It could be good, anyway. I guess.”

“Yeah.” She finished off her eggs. “When do you start?”

“I made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.”

Kate nodded absentmindedly. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry for punching Shane, too,” he said quietly.

“Don’t apologize to me.”

“No. I plan on talking to him, too. But I shouldn’t have an issue with him. I over reacted.”

“Alex…”

“I don’t want to ruin your friendship with him.”

Kate hesitated. “What about your friendship?”

Alex shrugged. “He forgives me or he doesn’t. Not going to beat myself up over it.”

“You guys were friends.”

“I have other friends, too, you know. I’m not some loner like Sebastian. Give me a break.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh yeah? Like who?”

Alex shrugged. “Some guys in our unit.”

“Do you talk to them?”

“Yeah, actually. We’re getting together next week.”

“Oh.”

“Last time I saw them was just before we all came back. And, well, they pretty much all thought I was dead. So. You know.”

Kate nodded slowly. “Mhm.” She forced a smile. “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you moping around with no friends.”

*****

Alex found Shane at the bar that night, sitting in his usual corner. He slid in the seat beside him and ordered a beer. Shane ignored him as Alex finished his beer quickly. He signaled Gus for another cleared his throat.

“I hope I didn’t break your nose,” Alex said simply.

Shane had almost forgotten. It felt like an eternity ago when Alex punched him. And it had really only been a couple of days. Everything else that happened was just some strange dream.

“You didn’t,” Shane muttered.

“Listen,” Alex began. “I know I can’t change the way you feel. But you can’t blame me. I don’t like it. And I never will.” He hesitated and sighed. “But I trust you. You took care of her, probably better than I could have done. And I’m grateful for that.”

“What do you want, Alex?” Shane said into his mug, finishing off his beer and trying to force the memories - the dream - out of his head.

“We’re cool.”

Shane stared at the counter. “I was so worried,” he said dryly.

Alex rolled his eyes. “Dude, I’m giving you permission to be friends with her. What more do you want from me?”

“I don’t need your permission,” Shane hissed, meeting his gaze. “You don’t own her.”

Alex groaned. “Stop being difficult, okay? I take back what I said. Besides,” Alex shrugged. “I know Kate would never go for you when she can have this.” Alex gestured to himself arrogantly.

Shane smirked. “There he is,” he mumbled. “I knew he wasn’t gone for good.” He turned to Gus, waiting for his next drink.

“I don’t expect things to be the way they were,” Alex said quietly. “But I just want things to be as normal as possible. For Kate and Jak.”

“Hmp.”

“I don’t expect your forgiveness, either. But I’m sorry for what happened.”

Shane shrugged. “Don’t be. I would have done the same thing.”

Alex turned away from Shane. They drank in silence for a moment.

“But for the record,” Shane said, looking into his empty mug, “If you ever touch her again… If you even look at her the wrong way…”

Alex turned to Shane, his gaze hard, and he stood. “Don’t think you can be some hero that swoops in to save her. It won’t happen again.”

Shane held his glare on Alex’s for a moment before turning back to his drink. Without another word, Alex paid his tab and left Shane alone in the bar.

 

Shane kicked at the rocks on the road as he made his way home for the night. As he neared the house, he saw a dark figure in the distance by the lake. His heartbeat quickened for a moment, considering the possibility that it was the wizard. He approached the figure, who turned out to be Kate, waiting for him

“I wondered when you’d show up,” she said when he got to her side.

“I guess I’m pretty predictable,” Shane muttered.

Kate shoved her hands into the pocket of her hoodie and shrugged. “Sorry. I’ll go.”

“No. It’s fine. Stay.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad you decided to stay.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” Shane stated.

“I didn’t think you did,” Kate said slowly. “Marnie and Jas need you here.”

Shane turned to her, but she looked out to the lake.

“It would have sucked not to see you again, though.”

”Yeah,” Shane muttered. “I really didn’t want to leave you, anyway.”

Kate was quiet as she looked over the lake, pinching her lips together in thought. “I just got the strangest sense of de ja…” She looked to Shane, her brows knit together.

Shane turned and met her gaze. “Vu?”

Kate hesitated. “Yeah…” She had the feeling she had been there before, with Shane. Of course, she had stood there many times with him. But something was different about this. Something pulled at her heart. She just wanted to kiss him. To love him. To tell him she remembered.

”You know,” she started. “I had the weirdest dream last night…”

”About?”

Kate hesitated, then shook her head. “I don’t really remember much. Just that it all seemed so real… Like I was remembering some memory.”

Shane’s heart raced. He remembered. He remembered it all. “Oh.”

Kate searched his face as memories that never happened came flooding back. Passionate kisses in the dark. Standing at the edge of the lake, just as they did now. Not memories; dreams. She cleared her throat and turned away.

”Doesn’t matter,” she said softly.

Shane turned his gaze back to the dark lake. He wanted to tell her everything, but it didn’t matter, now.

But something continued to pull in her chest. Kate wanted to tell him it was okay. She wanted it to be okay. She wanted to tell him she loved him. She felt it, as strongly as she loved Alex. In some distant, parallel universe, she had a life with Shane.

But that was not this world.

“Do you ever wonder how differently things could be?” Kate asked. “If we just changed one decision in our lives?”

Kate’s fingers found his cheek, brushing his skin softly. Her breath was warm against him.

Shane hesitated. “Yes.”

“Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never moved here. Probably still stuck at that job with JoJa.”

It was like a movie - his favorite movie - and he had memorized every line.

“I don’t think any universe exists where you’d be there,” he said. “I think you’d always find a way out.”

Shane’s lips met hers, softly at first, but she pressed into him, pulling at his shirt.

“Maybe I’d move across the sea.”

“But then you’d never have Jak.”

They pressed harder into each other, their lips moving together.

Kate was quiet. “I’d never have to lose Clara, either. Maybe in another universe, I’d have her.” She hesitated, then turned to him. “What about you? What’s alternate you doing out there?”

Shane pulled off his shirt, throwing it to the floor. Kate’s hands were against his warm chest, moving up his neck and into his hair as she pressed harder into him.

”Kate,” he muttered, but she pressed closer, her lips hard on his.

”Sh,” she whispered against his lips. “Don’t.”

Shane wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her on top of him as he lay back on the couch. He wanted to pull the rest of her clothes off, but feeling her in his arms felt too comfortable, too right. For that moment, she was safe, and she was his, and he didn’t want to ever let go.

“I used to want to play soccer,” Shane forced out.

Kate raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Really?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. But I wouldn’t want that life. I’d be missing out on a lot here.” He hesitated. “Like Marnie and Jas and you.”

“And me?”

He met her gaze. “Someone had to help you out on the farm.”

Kate smiled. “I guess we’re just where we’re meant to be, then.”

“I guess so,” he said quietly. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Kate reached for his hand, taking it in hers. She hesitated as his fingers interlocked with hers. She turned and started to pull away, but Shane held tightly. She stopped and turned to him.

Lie to me, he whispered.

I love you.

“You’re not a very good liar,” Shane said.

Kate smiled at her feet. “Goodnight, Shane.”

Shane watched as their hands came apart and Kate disappeared into the night.

 

I just wanted to tell you I made an account specifically just to thank you for your story. It's wonderfully written and I binge read it yesterday (up to chapter 29 anyway - English isn't my native language so I read a little slower BUT IT'S SO WORTH IT ASFD;DA) :') It made me sad, it made me smile, but mainly it made me love Shane even more, which I honestly didn't think was possible xD;

So yeah, um, thank you and please keep us updated ;w;

 

ohmygoodness this is the sweetest thing ever I'm so glad you like it! and for the record, your english is great! ^_^
this made me so happy and just made my day thank you so much xoxoxox

 

Kate spent most of the morning alone on the farm, keeping herself busy with her usual routine. Jak was with Penny for the day and Alex was at his first therapy session. Kate was lost in thought as she worked, her mind drifting back and forth between Alex and Shane. It was close to noon when she made her way back to the house. She showered quickly and put on fresh, clean clothes, then busied herself some more around the house until Alex got home.

“How’d it go?” Kate asked Alex as he walked through the door. He threw his jacket on the floor, ignoring his wife, and sulked in the bedroom.

Kate hesitated in the kitchen, unsure whether to follow him or not. She poked her head around the corner and held her breath. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

Alex leaned against the headboard of the bed, tossing his pocket knife in the air, his brows knit together furiously.

“Nothing,” he growled, not meeting Kate’s gaze.

“Obviously something,” Kate said carefully. “Therapy is supposed to help, not make you grumpy.”

“I’m not grumpy,” Alex spat at her.

Kate stiffened in the doorway. “Okay,” she said slowly. “Sorry.”

Alex shook his head and rubbed his temples. The knife lay open beside him on the bed.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “It’s just stupid.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” he said through gritted teeth. “Don’t you think I did enough talking? ‘How does that make you feel, Alex?’” he said mockingly. “’And why do you think you feel that way?’ Christ. This is a waste of time.”

“Alex. He’s just trying to help.”

Alex stood abruptly. “No, he’s just doing his job so he can get paid. He’s a joke.”

“He’s a medical professional.”

“He’s wasting my time so he can get every penny.”

Kate sighed. “If you don’t want to do this…”

She dared a glance at Alex. His expression had softened. His eyes were distant and sad. Alex sat on the edge of the bed, suddenly exhausted.

“It’s just…” Alex hesitated, staring at the floor. “I don’t want to talk about anything. I just want to move on with my life. I don’t want to relive that shit.”

“Well,” Kate said softly. “He’s going to help you move on.”

“All he’s doing is making me realize how fucked up I am.”

“You’re not fucked up, Alex.”

“I can’t be the father I need to be for Jak. I can’t be the husband you deserve. I can’t take care of my own family.”

“You know that’s not true.”

Alex met her gaze. “What if things don’t get better?”

“They will, Alex.” Kate’s voice shook.

“You don’t know that.”

Kate sat beside him on the bed and took his hands in hers. “I do know, because I will fight for you. We will get through this.”

Alex pulled his hands away and stood. He turned to Kate, his gaze hard. “You know what he said to me?” Alex hesitated. “This… PTSD thing… I was basically doomed to get it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” Alex turned away. “Something about some new studies, and veterans who suffer from… violent outbursts… more likely because of childhood abuse… some bullshit.”

“We don’t have to talk about this,” Kate said quickly.

“They’ll take you away from me if they think I’m a threat.”

“They won’t do that, Alex.”

Alex jumped as the front door opened. Kate peered around the corner as Jak hurried in, struggling to take off his shoes. Penny followed close behind, smiling to Kate as she met her gaze.

“He’s all yours,” she said to her as Kate made her way into the kitchen.

Jak looked passed his mother, smiling wide as he hurried over to Alex, who stood in the doorway. Alex stiffened as Jak wrapped his arms around his father’s legs, begging to be picked up, but Alex just turned away, closing the door behind him.

“Everything okay?” Penny asked quietly.

Kate picked Jak up and kissed his cheek. She brushed his hair out of his face as he stared at the doorway where his father left him.

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, invisible knives stabbing her repeatedly in her chest.

Shane slid carefully into the seat beside Alex at the bar. It had been days since he saw Alex or Kate. He looked over Alex; his eyes were red and he already looked trashed.

“You’re here early,” Shane muttered as Gus handed him a beer.

“Been here all day,” Alex said.

“Are we turning to alcoholism to avoid our problems?”

“You’re the expert.”

“I think you’ve surpassed my alcoholism.”

“What do you want, Shane?”

Shane hesitated. “Nothing. Just making small talk.”

“You’re watching me.”

“What?”

Alex turned to Shane, glaring at him. “You’re watching me,” he repeated. “Making sure I don’t fuck up.”

“I thought we moved passed this,” Shane mumbled.

Alex finished his beer. “I need to know you’ll take care of them.”

“What?”

“If it comes down to it.”

“Alex…”

“Just take me out into the woods and shoot me.”

“Alex, you’re not a damn dog.”

“I need to know you’ll do it.”

“Do what? What the hell, Alex?”

“Whatever you have to do. If I fuck up. Don’t let me ruin their lives.”

“Alex -”

Alex pushed himself away from the bar and stood, swaying. “Give me a chance to make it better,” he said softly. “But as soon as anything happens, you do it.”

Shane watched Alex leave, then turned and stared at his beer. He considered following him but instead he drank his beer, finishing it quickly. He hurried out of the saloon, trotting down the steps and glanced down the road towards the farm. The road was dark and lifeless. He felt a chill run up his spine. He turned quickly and made his way home, suddenly exhausted.

*****

His fingers tightened on the grip of the gun. His arms were outstretched and steady as he took aim. He forced his breathing to slow as his finger moved to the trigger.

Alex held his gaze and waited. His heart raced in his chest, pleading for life.

Shane looked into his eyes one last time and pulled the trigger. He watched as Alex fell to his knees, his eyes wide as the bullet pierced his chest. Shane watched as the life left his eyes, glazing over before he collapsed to the ground in a bloodied heap.

The gun fell out of his hands as he stepped back in horror. It was done. He was dead.

*****

Shane bolted upright in bed, drenched in sweat and panting. He waited for his pulse to slow as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. When he was able to orient himself, he stumbled into the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and stood hunched over the sink as the dream flashed through his mind once more. He wouldn’t do it. He’d never do it. He wasn’t a killer. A murderer. Alex was.

Shane made his way back into his room and let his body fall onto the bed, burying his face in the pillow. He replayed the dream in his mind once more, suddenly realizing that it wasn’t Alex’s lifeless body that disturbed him the most. In his dream, he wasn’t Shane, pulling the trigger to the gun. He was Alex, watching himself die.

 

Shane didn’t sleep the rest of the night. His eyes were red when he finally rolled out of bed at the first sight of morning’s light. He threw his jacket on and walked groggily outside in his bare feet to the lake where he wiggled his toes in the cold water. He shoved his hands in his pockets and watched the water ripple away from him. He stayed there until Jas skipped out of the house, ready for another lesson with Penny. Jas trotted to his side happily with Marnie in tow.

"You’re up early,“ Marnie said.

"Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled.

“Anything you want to talk about?"

Shane shook his head.

"C'mon,” Jas said, tugging at Marnie’s hand. “We’re gonna be late!"

Marnie smiled to Jas and followed her down the road into town, leaving Shane alone once more. And he was still at the lake when Marnie returned.

She stood at his side and sighed. "What’s eatin’ ya?"

"Nothing."

"Stop thinking about Alex."

"I’m not.”

“Okay, tough guy."

"He’s not okay,” Shane said quietly.

“Shane,” Marnie started carefully. "He’s been through a lot. Give him time.“

Shane met her gaze. "What if he doesn’t get better? What if he hurts them?” He hesitated. “What if he hurts himself?"

"Shane, you can’t get involved."

"I’ve been involved since the day he left,” Shane muttered, turning back to the lake. “He asked me to take care of them… if he can’t."

"If he can’t?"

Shane shrugged. "If he goes crazy. If he goes off and kill himself. I don’t know.” He was growing angry.

Marnie didn’t say anything. Shane looked to her, waiting for her words of wisdom, but she had none to offer him.

“What do I do?” he asked helplessly.

Marnie sighed. “I don’t know, Shane,” she said quietly. “Don’t let him kill himself.” She kissed her cheek and left him alone again.

*****

Shane ventured to the farm uneasily, but there was no sign of Alex. Kate was helping Jak bring a basket full of eggs to the house. She smiled as Shane approached and helped Jak put the basket carefully on the front steps. Jak waved energetically to Shane before chasing Dusty across the farm.

“Where’s Alex?” Shane asked carefully.

“Out with some friends,” Kate said.

“Friends? Alex has friends?”

Kate smiled. “Some guys from the army. They’re out in the city.”

“Army friends, huh?”

“Mhm.”

“How’s everything going?” Shane asked carefully.

“Fine.”

“Really?”

Kate met Shane’s gaze. “Yes.”

“You’ll tell me if it’s not fine, right?”

Kate turned away. “Alex is fine. We’re fine. He’s getting better. I can tell.”

Shane nodded slowly. “Good.”

“You don’t have to worry.”

“Well, I do. I worry about Alex, and you, and Jak.”

“I know.” She met his gaze. “I’m glad you guys are okay.”

Shane hesitated. “Yeah.”

“Alex will be fine,” Kate assured him. “He’s in therapy, now.”

“He is?”

Kate nodded. “He’s getting help.”

“Oh.”

Kate hesitated and tilted her head slightly. “What are you thinking?”

Shane hesitated. “A lot of things.”

“Talk to me.”

Shane shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Kate picked up the basket of eggs. “Want to come in?”

Shane followed Kate inside, stopping short in the kitchen. On the table rested a gun with an empty magazine beside it.

“What’s that?” Shane’s voice was low as his pace quickened.

Kate followed his gaze to the weapon and hesitated. “Alex’s gun.”

“He just leaves it out for Jak to get his hands on?”

Kate took the gun and slid the magazine into place. She grabbed the case from the chair and carefully put the weapon against the velvet, closing and locking the latches.

“I left it out,” she said casually.

“What were you doing with it?”

Kate hesitated, staring at the case on the table. “I don’t know.”

Shane’s hand was on her wrist. “What were you doing?” he growled.

Kate turned away from him. “I was going to hide it.” She pulled her arm away from him.

“Hide it?”

“I just… I don’t…” Kate stammered. “I thought it would be best. Until he’s better.” She hesitated. “I hid mine already. But I had to wait until Alex was gone so he wouldn’t notice.”

“And what if he does?”

Kate sucked in a breath. “Hopefully he will understand.”

 

It was late when Alex got home. Jak was sleeping soundly and Kate was dozing on the couch, jumping when the door opened. She flicked off the tv and turned to Alex.

“I wondered when you’d get home,” she said.

Alex leaned down, kissed her head, then fell onto the couch beside her, kicking off his shoes.

“Sorry,” he said simply, draping his arm around her shoulders.

“No biggie. Have a good time?”

Alex shrugged. “Yeah. It was good to see them all again.”

“That’s good,” Kate said quietly.

Alex cleared his throat. “What did you do all day?”

“The usual.”

“Ah.”

Kate turned to her husband. “Have you talked to Shane lately?”

Alex narrowed her eyes at her. “Yes. Why?”

Kate shrugged. “He just seems worried.”

Alex turned away from her and stood. “Coming to bed?” he asked.

Kate hesitated. “Yeah, I guess so.” She stood and stretched, and Alex seized the opportunity to pull her into his arms.

“I kinda missed you today,” he said as he kissed her cheek.

“Only kinda?” Kate said playfully.

Alex shrugged. “I miss you all the time.”

“You just miss the sex.”

Alex looked to the ceiling in thought. “It has been a while.”

“We never really had much of a chance since you got back…”

“I guess we should change that.” Alex pressed his lips to hers.

“If you’re up for it.”

“More than up for it.”


*****

Alex was already at the saloon when Shane walked in. He took his usual seat beside him and ordered his usual drink.

“Did you say anything to Kate?” Alex mumbled, not turning to him.

“No,” Shane said simply.

“So why does she think you’re so worried?”

“Maybe because you asked me to shoot you like a rabid animal,” Shane muttered into his mug.

“If you don’t, I will.”

“Stop,” Shane hissed. “This isn’t funny.”

“No one’s being funny.”

“Jeez, who died?” Gus said as he brought them each another beer. “I’ve never seen you guys look so angry.”

Alex and Shane both shot him angry glares. Gus raised his hands in defense.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. He made his way to the other side of the bar where Pam was calling for another drink.

“We’re not talking about this,” Alex said.

“No,” Shane started. “We do need to talk about this. You can’t just dump Kate on me again.”

“You didn’t seem to mind last time,” Alex shot back at him, narrowing his eyes. “What’s the matter, Romeo, don’t want to be her back up bitch?”

“I swear to Yoba, Alex, I will knock you out.”

Alex snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”

“This isn’t about Kate,” Shane muttered. “This is about you and this idea you have of killing yourself.”

Alex shook his head. “I’m not going to kill myself. Not yet.”

“Not ever. I’m not going to clean up your mess again.”

“Fine,” Alex muttered. “It’ll be clean. Couple pills. Less dramatic.”

“Do you hear yourself right now?”

Alex pushed his empty mug away. “It’s just easier to know things are taken care of if it comes down to it.”

“You will take care of things.”

Alex didn’t say anything. He pushed himself away from the bar and left Shane alone in the saloon.

Shane hesitated, finished his beer, then followed Alex out into the night.

“I don’t know how to take care of things anymore,” Alex said as Shane made his way to his side.

“Give it time,” Shane said quietly. “Things will get better.” He hesitated. “They certainly can’t get any worse.”

Alex bit his lower lip. “They probably could.”

“Well,” Shane said with a sigh. “You don’t let it. You do it for Kate and for Jak. Don’t make them go through that again.”

“Only if you hold up your end of the deal. As soon as I fuck up.”

“Well,” Shane started. “Don’t fuck up.”