(Satire) Recommended Changes To The Game

I think the following changes should be made to the game because it is being silly things like "Challenging" and "Too Hard" and I want something that appeals to my incredibly specific tastes, something that is fun and easy but doesn't bore me. I want something that says "Even though the Developers have put endless hours of their own personal time into creating this game for people to play and enjoy together I feel they are obligated to satisfy my every demand for no reason."

1. The pixel system is bad and I don't like it, I want to keep my thousands of pixels upon death, I am not satisfied with every monster, chest, and container holding dozens of pixels for me to loot. The massively excessive amount of copper ore that can be refined into pixels is also not enough. I want the death penalty changed and I have no good ideas for what it should be changed too. I die too often and lose my pixels because I don't understand that combat can last past running headfirst into the monster while swinging my weapon, which brings me to my second point.

2. Melee weapons are silly I demand more guns because SPACE AND SCIENCE FICTION mean guns. I don't care if two races are tribal civilizations and one is stuck in a medieval era of technology they should all obviously have MOAR GUNS. Also 1 handed weapons are bad because I can not attack in every direction I want with them. Being able to equip a second weapon or other one handed item like a shield is not a sufficient counterbalance, I want to swing them over my head and be able to hit everything around me thus rending all 2 handed weapons obsolete. Having to try and hit a monster with my sword is too hard.

3. The races are silly, robots should have more future space science stuff and apes should be caveman. I think they should be this way because all science fiction ever made in the history of forever has to obey the exact same stereotypes and if they don't they are silly and should be changed.

4. Even though the Beta has been out for only roughly a week I am appalled that vehicles are not perfected yet, I want giant overpowered death machine mechas and super star destroyer sized space ships to fly around the galaxy in. The developers obviously should have everything perfected and polished when they release beta. It is as if they released the game without everyting 100% done, boy they should come up with a word for games that are released for testing early.

5. Finding things is too hard, I demand all ore, armor, weapons, and miscellaneous cool background decorations be conveniently placed in glowing chests for me to loot. I also want to be directed on how to encounter every boss by friendly NPCs with giant yellow exclamation points over their heads who ask me collect zebra butts for them 10 times before teleporting me straight to the boss where I can stand in one spot and whack it to death to get the EPIC LOOTS. What do they think this is? And Exploration game?

In conclusion I believe I've summed up roughly every major suggestion to the beta so far while also ignoring the aforementioned 'Beta' part and the game's astounding playable life-span of six whole days. As soon as these changes are implemented I will create a new list detailing why all the new changes are bad and wrong.

 

I feel 1 is largely reasonable.

 

Then go make a mod that does that for you.

 

Of course.. You need to be able to jam logs into the furnace of your intergalactic ship also. How else is one expected to get anywhere? Actually look for fuel sources!? That's what adventurers are for.

 

Ill also do a little satire.

Making this thread was a good idea. It shows how much you know about each side of the arguments for your suggestions and your totally not biased and dissing one side.

 

Many of these suggestions sound like "trolling" suggestions.

 

All of these are so good and should be implemented immediately. I don't care that there are others out there that want things differently from me, I want to shoot monsters, not explore in this space game. Why do they even make you go to other planets? They are useless. I can get all the glitch dungeon loot I need in the avian town my planet has.

 

Please tell me the other side of the argument for these things other than "It makes the game too hard. I don't like Grinding for -insert item here- even though basically every exploration/sandbox game is either a grind to the next item or building things for fun and not worrying about tiers and stats."

 

Also kudos to those of you who know what 'satire' means.

 

It won't be to hard to tell by looking at the comments that will be posted in this thread.

 

Don't overestimate people's ability to take things seriously.

 

Oh, I sadly agree with you. I was implying that you'll know by the comments you get that will be taking this "seriously"

 

But sir I agree with you! You displayed the facts perfectly! Your thread title says it all!

 

Thread is going to attract a flame-war.

*Hits the fire alarm* Everyone out of the building!

 

No way.