OOC Ruined: Temple of the Forgotten Empire

Discussion in 'Role Playing' started by Relten, May 29, 2016.

?

What should I do with this RP.

  1. Continue from where we last left off

    1 vote(s)
    6.7%
  2. Continue after a small time skip

    9 vote(s)
    60.0%
  3. Start over

    10 vote(s)
    66.7%
  4. Abandon the whole thing

    1 vote(s)
    6.7%
  5. Abandon

    1 vote(s)
    6.7%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Captain Kane

    Captain Kane The Waste of Time

    There you go @Arra

    Overall, not a bad app at all!


    The bad:


    -I’d like to hear more about his Void-Plague, origins if there are any, the symptoms, what happened last time it was unleashed upon the world. If you need, use my app as an example. I blended Aukur’s history into that of Aldria’s as a whole so that players could get a more complete understanding of the world’s lore. If the exact signs of the plague are meant to be a secret, just PM them to me and Relten so we know what to look for in the RP.


    -That’s…. it really.


    The good:


    -The concept of this character is very very cool. A diseased warrior cast out of his home for the good of his kind to search for a cure that may or may not exist.


    -The traits and flaws are described well and properly balanced.


    I’m excited to see how Hydris’ search for a cure helps or hinders the general group effort.

    @HunterC1998 Post your revised app here when it's complete and I'll re-evaluate it. Thanks for cooperating.

    I saw, it's alright now, except for "Ungold". Really though, nice work on the app and I appreciate your willingness to make the changes.
     
    Jareix Cryvix, Arra and zeskorion like this.
  2. zeskorion

    zeskorion Oxygen Tank

    I just kinda make random names. That was coincidental
     
  3. Captain Kane

    Captain Kane The Waste of Time

    I mean, you misspelled Ingold.
     
  4. zeskorion

    zeskorion Oxygen Tank

    Where
     
  5. Captain Kane

    Captain Kane The Waste of Time

    "Ungold", and watch out, mods are real strict on no one word posts.
     
  6. zeskorion

    zeskorion Oxygen Tank

    Alright, thanks. Fixed it
     
  7. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    Well, I don't really know how to integrate the Void-Plague, but I can explain it.

    The Void-Plague doesn't have a known origin, although where Seran's are, It has been reported. The end result of the Void-Plague is for the Infected Seran(s) to become an unholy amalgamation of automata and organics. The end result is a horribly tormented monster, hellbent on infecting other Serans. When a creature tries to spread the disease they grow spore like pods which will burst and kill the creature when they do. Oh, and the Serans starry core begins to go dark when they have it. The last time it appeared the Serans waged war against it, even blocking everyone in their ancient capital... so no one could ever enter or leave. And It wiped out 55% of their race.

    Symptoms:

    Anger at random moments

    Hearing voices

    Hallucinations

    Pain
     
    Kaiachi, HunterC1998 and Captain Kane like this.
  8. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    A killer hallucinogenic virus that leads to a zombie like desire to spread, that sounds rough, how does he resist the virus?
     
    Arra likes this.
  9. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    He doesn't really. Well, being a destined Oracle does give you perks. Also being on his gods good side helps too.
     
    HunterC1998 likes this.
  10. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    Oh so he endures and keeps his sanity through divine blessing? Or is it like it is winding down on his time like the disease will inevitably take control, but very slowly?
    I'm sorry if I am misunderstanding this.
     
    Arra likes this.
  11. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    No, you nailed it.
     
    HunterC1998 likes this.
  12. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    Hey, @Capn' Kane, if you don't mind at some point id like you to wham my app with the critic hammer. I seriously feel like there's something off/inadequate/bad about it but just can't put my finger on it...
     
    Kaiachi likes this.
  13. critsarecool

    critsarecool The Waste of Time

    I've tangoed with Kane before, I knew he would be the critic. I may make another character, this RP needs some more magic adepts, to many have taken the no magic route, I really thought I'd be the only one. Also, any advice is good advice, so feel free to critique Alfhild as well. I'm about to drive for five hours straight, so I won't be able to respond. Yay....
     
  14. Captain Kane

    Captain Kane The Waste of Time

    I'll give it a look then.
    Yours too. Enjoy the car ride.
     
    Jareix Cryvix likes this.
  15. critsarecool

    critsarecool The Waste of Time

    I'm sure I won't
     
  16. Captain Kane

    Captain Kane The Waste of Time



    The bad:


    -Some things are lower cased that should not be. Nothing major, but it should still be fixed, this RP is going to be of a higher level than any other here on the forums.


    -The backstory is a bit lackluster. I know you’re working on it still, but I honestly don’t have a very good picture of what kind of person Gla'-Kriik is in the slightest.


    The neutral:


    -Not so sure where his glassmaking skills could be applied to, but I think you should keep it regardless. It sets him apart from the rest of the characters.


    The good:


    -The traits and flaws are balanced nicely.


    -Well done on the artwork. It helps us all visualize chlaqtis better.


    A wanderlust stricken glassmaker with little to no experience outside of his own community. Again, an interesting character concept. I’m excited to see his personality fleshed out throughout the course of the RP.






    As usual, you did not disappoint with this latest app of yours.


    The bad:


    -”They had wanted a boy, and saw her as anything mistake.” I assume you meant “They had wanted a boy, and saw her as nothing but a mistake.” Regardless, it’s a simple fix. Just correct that when you can.

    -“So, she was raised more by the help than anyone else.” Maybe I just can’t look at this correctly, but I feel like there’s a typo in here where you say “by the help”.


    The good:


    -The backstory is concise and gives me a good picture of the kind of person that Alfhild is, as well as where she came from.

    -Traits and flaws are balanced properly, that pacifist flaw has me particularly intrigued.

    -Kudos for formatting. It’s visually appealing to read and easy to navigate.


    I wonder if we’re ever going to have two characters that get along, hm? I look forward to seeing the interactions between Alfhild and our more violent members here…

     
    Jareix Cryvix likes this.
  17. Bonabopn

    Bonabopn Fluffiest Squirrel

    Not sure what else to add to my app :s
    Name: Katie Tessan
    Race: Kaissin
    Description: She has thick, white fur with leopard spots. She has a big, fluffy brown cloak. She is shorter than average and her blue eyes appear larger than usual.
    Inventory:
    Traditional Kaissin clothes.
    A warm, fluffy brown cloak.
    A wooden wand shaped like a twig, with turquoise swirling patterns along it. Its enchantment slightly amplifies spells.
    An unenchanted shiny purple crystal shard.
    An unenchanted pendant, it is silver with a central red gem flanked by two smaller orange gems.
    Backstory: Katie is an amateur shaman from the village of Veillege. She has spent her whole life there, with the exception of a few visits to other nearby settlements. Her parents and sister run an apothecary together, however Katie is bad with money so she is not allowed to touch it and only helps with errands. She has been learning magic from an elder shaman in her village. She dreams of being a powerful sorceress with many fancy spells and shiny artifacts!
    Traits: Magical, Optimistic, Friendly, Amateur Herbologist
    Flaw: Gullible, Foolish
    Stats:
    Strength: 3
    Endurance: 3
    Speed: 5
    Dexterity: 5
    Perception: 7
    Personality: 5
    Willpower: 8
    Intelligence: 4
    Fortune: 5
     
    HunterC1998 likes this.
  18. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    That's a fine Bio, but I couldn't be the best critic, how to set up a magic class or character has always averted me.
     
  19. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    Good to know. I'll go back through, fix all of the capitalization, and update the backstory.
     
  20. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    @Capn' Kane Ok I have went through it and I think I got everything, if there is anything I missed or (hopefully not) made worse, feel free to load the cannon and open fire.
    Anybody else have a question or tip, I'm glad to hear, whether or not it tends to sound like an attack or a critique.
     
    Relten likes this.

Share This Page