OOC Ruined: Temple of the Forgotten Empire

I was using mine as an example

 

Name: ingold topin
Race: wverian
Description: a gray haired wverian, ingold has intense purple eyes, and a quirky smirk upon his face. He looks young and spry, despite being on the older side. Lines creasing his face as well as his graying hair are signs of age. He wears a tan overcoat, over a normal police uniform. His hands are always gloved, and his face has a large burn on the left cheek
Backstory: As a young boy, his father, idraft topin ,was one of the top kingpins of the wverian mafia, and always a step ahead of the police. He wanted his son to succeed in his footsteps, which ingold hated. His father was abusive toward his mother, and his son. Ingold did not understand, but within him grew a deep hatred. Somehow, he managed to keep a bright, sunny exterior, which infuriated his father. But ingold still had obtained creases and graying hairs by the age of twenty, from the sheer stress alone. Eventually, he snapped. One day while his father was in a drunken rage, he went down into the wine cellar, spilt all the booze, and lit it up. He exited the cellar, and took his father's favorite gun from the case in his study, and walked into his father's room, killing him.
He exited the house, sustaining third degree burns to the entire right side of his upper body, as well as smoke inhalation, making his voice deep and hoarse. Eventually, he found his way into the police academy, his extensive knowledge of the mafia strategy giving him a good boost into the role of a detective. He becomes well known for his brutal and risky strategies, and his always carrying his father's ornate 50 caliber revolver, grimy and burnt with use.
Traits:detective- he can decipher clues easily, and has great problem solving skills
Good shot- he has very good aim
Thick skin- he has great emotional and physical pain tolerance
Flaw: distinct- his scars make him easy to recognize
Infamous- people know who he is
Hatred- he sometimes kills his suspects when they anger him, taking away important evidence
Getting older- he is not as old as he looks, but he doesnt have the skill he did in his prime
[magically stunted]
Strength:4
Endurance:4
Speed:6
Dexterity:7[+1]
Perception:9
Personality:2
Willpower: 3
Intelligence:5[+4]
Fortune:5

 

I invited you into the kitty dev convo, but just in case you do not wish to read several pages of pointless information, I have a little summary here for you:

- Magic users
- Uses magic on a daily basis
- Technophobic
- Monarchy
- Not a fan of Dwarves
- Mice r pretty chill
- Taiga Forest dwellers
- Loves the cold
- Floof
- Holy trees
- Religious (worships forest spirits)
- Very superstitious
- Currency made of sticks
- Extremely natural and rugged clothing with extra floof
- Likes shinies
- Peaceful
- Pineapples
- Believes in freedom
- Enjoys the quiet life


Rhom drew this to illustrate them:

The fella at the bottom is a kingly cat king...person.

 

Relten you missed this

 

Let's start with the things that need work, shall we? You have several words throughout your app that need capital letters. This is important because that sort of neglectfulness isn't going to fly in the RP.

Now onto your traits and flaws.

"Detective" This one is okay.
"Good shot" This one is also fine.
"Thick Skin" this trait, does not make any sense. Both his endurance, willpower, and personality are below average, and with not even one of these decently high, the trait makes no sense. I suggest you change this.
"Distinct" This really means nothing, as if you make enemies throughout this RP whether you have a scar or not, you will be recognized. I assure you.
"Infamous" This is essentially the exact same as the previous flaw. How would this logically ever come into play in the RP? Why is he even infamous? Because he killed his father? Because he's a police officer? Wouldn't he be famous then? If he's ever done something memorable, wouldn't people like him? He's never done anything against the law, as far as your app says.
"Hatred" Again, I don't see how this could logically come into play. If the group ever kidnaps an individual and Ingold kills them before they could get info, several of the characters would remove Ingold from their company just like that. This isn't going to be an RP where you can do whatever you want and get away with it just because "Zeskorion controls so and so and he doesn't want to leave the RP". There will be consequences for player's actions.
"Getting Older" All this implies is that he used to be better, it says nothing about his skill now and is therefore irrelevant.
Now, the good.

I like your backstory, he seems like an interesting sort of character, and unlike any we have thus far. A crooked cop with a vengeful streak would be a fascinating character to RP with.

 

1. Capital letters. Sorry about that, i types this up on mobile, and the keyboard is already incredibly hard to use, having to fix typos ever six words or so. I will fix that up next time i enter the forums on my pc.
2. I get your point here, and will point out that pain tolerance is not the same thing as physical toughness/endurance. As for the willpower half, i took this at surface value for the stat explanation, not into the extended connotations. If you wish, i will edit the stats to compensate
3. Infamous/distinct
Yeah, now that i see it they pretty much mean the exact same thing. The message i meant to convey with "infamous" is that he just barely acts within the code of the law, (sometimes overstepping it, as with the initial arson, but never getting convicted due to his value, or denying it. )
It also means he cannot infiltrate any local organizations, and people are more likely to attack him, and less amiable.
I will change distinct to "ugly sonofabitch" however
4. Your point on consequences is exactly why this is included. Ingold makes a rash decision and pays in full for it

I will make an edit of the app after you reply to these ideas with what you think

 

Well I'm going to assume that anything you didn't address you agree with. Is this the case?

 

This is the case.

 

Be careful Zesk... Kane knows how to take advantage of flaws to a cruel extent...
(Hell, I'm probably going to end up finding myself on a conveyor in a meat processing plant with no way out but to run at a decnt pace. Something Gla is not easily capably of...)

 

I'm fine with this. What fun is there in being invincible with a plot-shield? That's why game of thrones is so interesting- getting invested with a character who dies unceremoniously is a strange feeling, and semi addictive. This does not mean i want ingold to die in any sense.... But risk is intruiging

 

Indeed it is, So try not to do anything suicidal.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

This is going to be fun.

 

I am risky, not suicidal. Though the difference between base jumping and suicide is only a parachute

 

I think I've been well trained by having you as a GM

 

What sort of spells would my character start with? I would like to be able to summon snowballs.

 

@zeskorion I'm fine with everything you said.

 

I am going to include an inventory slot on the character sheet, so could everyone add what is in their character's inventory? I'm sorry for any inconvenience that this might cause.

You can start with a simple snowball spell

 

Already ahead of you

 

Second draft!

Name: Katie
Race: Kaissin
Description: She is white with leopard spots. She has a big, fluffy brown cloak. She is shorter than average and her blue eyes appear larger than usual.
Inventory:
Generic clothes.
A warm, fluffy brown cloak.
A wooden wand shaped like a twig, with turquoise swirling patterns along it. Its enchantment slightly amplifies spells.
A shiny purple crystal shard with no known use.
An unenchanted pendant, it is silver with a central red gem flanked by two smaller orange gems.
Backstory: Katie is an amateur shaman from the village of Veillege. She has spent her whole life there, with the exception of a few visits to other nearby settlements. Her parents and sister run an apothecary together, however Katie is bad with money so she is not allowed to touch it and only helps with errands. She has been learning magic from an elder shaman in her village. She dreams of being a powerful sorceress with many fancy spells and shiny artifacts!
Traits: Magical, Optimistic, Friendly, Amateur Herbologist
Flaw: Gullible, Foolish
Stats:
Strength: 3
Endurance: 3
Speed: 5
Dexterity: 5
Perception: 7
Personality: 5
Willpower: 8
Intelligence: 4
Fortune: 5

I think she needs to start with at least three spells to be considered 'magical', though. How about a simple fire spell, a simple frost/snowball spell and maybe a shock spell too? That seems basic enough.
I'm also not sure how to design her clothes. I'm bad with outfits.

 

When i get home from school

 

Village of Veillege