YOU CHOOSE THE INSANITY OPTION! ... You awake some time later smelling like a lizard with a very excited looking toaster. There's smoke coming from the side of wherever you are. There's a maintenance hatch nearby. Your inventory has changed. You feel like that was a very stupid thing to do, your Chutzpah maxes out. "Pink ???" Health: 5/8 Chutzpah: 4/4 Currently carrying: Grey Jumpsuit (Worn) TOP GUN Hat (Worn) Data Recorder (New Recording) A Well-Aged Apple Pocket Pistol with Googly Eyes Power Core Flashlight Apartment 312 Key A Familiar Looking Pet Rock "Avi" Health: 7/8 Special Ability: LEAP Currently carrying: TOP GUN hat (Worn)
You play the recording. "Greetings, I am designation L.I.S.A and welcome to the light interlaced suspended aerobike. Where would you like to go today?" "Oh mah gooooooooooob it's a hoverbike that talks! THINK OF THE PUZZLES! LISA GO FIND ME A PUZZLE." "Destination: Puzzle not found." "Lisa there's two things I need to do in life and that's find puzzles and then smash the shit out of them. Work with me here." "Please specify a destination. Puzzle not found." "That... that BLURRY thingy in the distance looks good. LISA GO TO THAT FULL SPEED!" "Now departing... Please be sure to wear a helmet." "That's okay I've got my hat. How do you like your new hat Avi? Who knew that SMASHING everything would net us sweet hats!" "GWORK!" "Warning, collision imminent, recommend slowing down." "Slowing down is for people who can't solve puzzles as fast as me. GO STRAIGHT THROUGH." "Override not accepted. Activating emergency jettison. Thank you for using L.I.S.A." There's a crash and an explosion and then the recording cuts out. "Evacuation successful. Now initiating landing module." "Still going... dum dum dum dum... any... second now..." "Landing complete. Hello there drugged citizen, we have reached your destination." You can't see much down the shaft besides that it has a sturdy looking ladder. You can faintly hear the whirring of machinery and the hissing of steam. Well you certainly are high up. It's not even cold and snowy out here, pretty pleasant actually. "Pink ???" Health: 5/8 Chutzpah: 4/4 Currently carrying: Grey Jumpsuit (Worn) TOP GUN Hat (Worn) Data Recorder (New Recording) A Well-Aged Apple Pocket Pistol with Googly Eyes Power Core Flashlight Apartment 312 Key A Familiar Looking Pet Rock "Avi" Health: 7/8 Special Ability: LEAP Currently carrying: TOP GUN hat (Worn)
It looks like the hover bike you rode in on. It's currently smoking. Likely an older model due to how boxy and unfashionable it is. "What's up Toaster?" It seems the toaster, despite all its excitement, is just a toaster. Still the thought that one day it could lightly bake bread at a reasonable pace fills you with chutzpah. You throw the hats off the building in disgust when you find out that they don't hold anything valuable in them. How dare they! One lands on the hook for a weird giant mask thing. Another snags on the giant green vine near the base. You set Lisa on top of Avi and, with their powers combined, you have two mostly useless followers. Huzzah! "New vehicle accepted. Please select a destination" "GWORK!" It looks like the pet rock is an exact replica of yourself! You can barely tell that you're not even looking in a mirror. It's so lifelike that you rename the rock into "Perfect Decoy" in case you ever need to fool anyone. "Pink ???" Health: 5/8 Chutzpah: 4/4 Currently carrying: Grey Jumpsuit (Worn) Data Recorder A Well-Aged Apple Pocket Pistol with Googly Eyes Power Core Flashlight Apartment 312 Key Perfect Decoy "Avi" Health: 7/8 Special Ability: LEAP Currently carrying: LISA
You pick up the toaster and put it in the unquantifiable void that is your inventory. "Gwork located. Horse Head Nebula cluster. We will require a space-ready vehicle to be able to reach planet Gwork." "Guess I better find a spaceship..." You enter the hatch and down the ladder into some sort of control room. There's three bickering robots nearby who haven't noticed you. You can see an elevator to your left and more computers to your right. "The tower is in fact damaged. Something hit us and it wasn't a razor bird this time. We should thaw out the drones to fix it at once." "It's obvious isn't it? That bastard at Sally Burger finally has started the war! I say we launch a counter attack at once, strike that malfunctioning scrap heap into the dirt!" "Ugh... how many times have I told you, this is an atmospherics outpost not a weapons depot. We don't have any weapons. The most we could do is program the drones to spray paint their walls with graffiti. "Yessss... YESSSS! Everyone knows that wars are won on propaganda, it's the heart of the conflict, the conflict for the people's hearts and minds!" "You know it's just us here right? Who are we going to even rally? The drones aren't even good company, they just beep and repair things." "Silence! I know, we'll make a tiny robot army that will follow our every whim! Muhahahahahaha!" "Oh boy here we go again!" "Stop it, don't encourage him. You know we don't have the resources for that. Our mission is the same, maintain the atmosphere and stay in contact with the other outposts. Or do you want me to send the drones to scrap you?" "Fine! But you'll rue the day when we'll be buried in burgers! RUE IT!" "I think you should watch a few less action movies bro!" "No such thing... shut up." "Pink ???" Health: 5/8 Chutzpah: 4/4 Currently carrying: Grey Jumpsuit (Worn) Data Recorder A Well-Aged Apple Pocket Pistol with Googly Eyes Power Core Flashlight Apartment 312 Key Perfect Decoy Excited Toaster "Avi" Health: 7/8 Special Ability: LEAP Currently carrying: LISA
Introduce yourself to the robots. Perhaps the would be able to help you in recovering the resources necessary to build a spaceship.
Smash the room and loot stuff. After everything else has been done. Oh and use chutzpah to convince yourself you have a fuckton of chutzpah.
