This is a fanfic I've been working on, about two soldiers who are the only chance humans have of survival. There's a few bits of language, but nothing really terrible. Please, feel free to give feedback, and PLEASE give me some constructive criticism. It'll help me become better at this. Without further ado, "Our Last Hope". Jafarr was well known for its beautiful beaches, crystal clear water, and perfect temperatures. That's exactly why I had chosen to come here for some well-deserved R&R with my friend John. Military duty was exhausting, and we were lucky that out of the hundreds of thousands of names entered into the lottery system, we were the ones who had gotten picked and gotten a week long break on the planet of our choice. So, while we were relaxing, every other soldier was busy on guard duty at one of the bases scattered throughout the galaxy. This realization brought a smile to my face. "What are you smiling about?" my friend John asked. I looked over at him. John had black hair, a tanned face, and a muscular body. He wasn’t big on talking, preferring to let his actions speak for him. Although he acted like nothing shook him, you could see the long years he had lived had caught up to him when you looked in his eyes. Even so, we remained close friends throughout our lives. "Just our luck, I guess," I responded. "It's kind of odd that two friends were chosen together, huh?" "About that..." John began, with a grin on his face. "That might not have been ENTIRELY luck. Someone might've accidentally beaten the system." "You clever bastard," I responded. "Don't get all high and mighty on me," John said. "Wasn't planning on it. We're here, aren't we? Who cares whether we got here by legitimate means? I'm just glad I'm not stuck at that base still," I replied. "Good. Hey, remember that bar we passed earlier?" "Yeah, what about it?" "I was just thinking that we could go there later." As he said this, John leaned over and winked at a passing girl. The girl promptly blushed, giggled, and ran away. Jafarr was also known for its large amount of "the gentler sex", who weren't really gentle once you got to know them. "Maybe we could pick up a few girls there too," John suggested. "Show 'em soldiers aren't just good on the battlefield." He grinned deviously. "Hell yes." I was jolted out of my relaxation by the urgent beeping of my communicator. When you enlisted, it was attached to your wrist, and was only removed when you died or retired. Unfortunately, rest and relaxation doesn't fit in either of those categories. I quickly composed myself and answered the call, while John did the same thing right next to me. When I saw who was calling, I automatically gasped. It was Zach Whitman, the commander himself. Whatever his message was, it was urgent. I had never heard of the commander directly contacting a lowly soldier such as myself. There were established channels for these things, so whatever reason he had for contacting us was incredibly important. The quality of the call was terrible. The image would randomly fuzz over, and the sound kept popping in and out. From the little we could see, we could tell something was going terribly wrong. The air was thick with bolts of purple energy, something I had never seen before. The only people with those types of weapons in this lonely stretch of the universe were us, the good guys, but our bolts were red, not purple. There were only a few red beams being fired back at our unseen opponent. From the vantage point provided by the camera, I saw one of our soldiers take a shot right to the chest. It went straight through him, leaving a hole in his stomach. Next to me, John let out a gasp. Even our weapons weren’t that strong. Whoever we were facing was a lot more powerful than we were. "We are under attack," the commander began, "by an unknown enemy. They have brand new weapons, and they're cutting through our defenses with ease. We can’t stop them. Reinforcements won't be coming either. Moments after the battle began, we lost contact with all of the other bases. They cut most of our comms, but luckily we had this old piece of shit that was so low-tech that even they couldn’t block it." As he said that, the image cut completely, leaving a blank screen. His voice continued to transmit. "For decades, the job of a soldier has been patrolling the planets and making sure no fighting breaks out. We’ve been successful. There have been no threats and no battles. The galaxy has been in a record long era of peace and prosperity. That's all about to change. This was a planned, coordinated attack against our forces." "This is war." Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Also, if there's a link in the middle of the story, it's most likely a visual. Try clicking it. Thanks to Owl24.
"It is highly unlikely we'll make it out of here," the commander continued. "If that happens, you must stop them. We don't know what their intentions are, but they can't be good. They have access to technology we have never seen before, and we can't penetrate it. Hell, we can’t even slow them down. They’ll wipe us with ease if we return fire or not." As he said this, the video feed flickered back into life, giving us another view of the conflict going on. It was even worse than before, with most of our soldiers lying motionless on the ground. "You have to go to Jerna. We have a secret military development base – one of our best kept secrets. Almost no one knows about it, and it’s impossible to get into without the password. I’m going to entrust this into your care – no matter what, you cannot reveal this to anyone. The password is 123908230958. Got that?" he asked. "Yes sir," John and I both replied. "Good. The scientists in the lab were working on a bomb that would have a force greater than any other bomb. It's up to you to get to this. Once you do that, you must sneak into the enemy's base and plant the bomb. In theory, it should blow up the whole planet. Although it sounds suicidal, you have to try. You are our last ho-" The commander was cut off mid-sentence by the purple blade that emerged from his chest. As we watched, the blade slowly disappeared, and Zach's dead body slumped to the ground. A figure stepped neatly over the body, pausing to wipe his blade while doing so. I noticed the blade had visible streaks of energy running up its side. Then the thing straightened up and we got a good look at it. It was massive. At least seven feet tall, with a long, pale face and a weapon I had never seen before strapped to its chest. Its red eyes glowed with hatred, and a long scar ran down its face. It laughed a harsh, booming laugh and then began to speak. Its voice was more of a growl than a voice. From the way it was speaking, you could tell that its original language was very guttural. Hard as it was to understand it, we still got the message. "Give up now," it began, "and we'll give you a quick, painless death. Try to stop us, and prepare for a drawn out death filled with agony. All of your forces are dead. You have no chance." Suddenly, the dead commander moved. He was apparently not as dead as we previously thought. With an enormous amount of effort, he lifted himself up and aimed a pistol at the beast's head. "Go to hell," he whispered and fired. However, the bullet just bounced off the invisible faceplate on its head. "You'll pay for that," it said, and laughed again. As he severed the connection, we heard him tell his troops to pack up and head for Jerna. He gave one last final laugh, which intermingled with the commander’s screams as the connection terminated. "Well, shit," John said. What an understatement. As always, please leave feedback/corrections (if you have any).
good description, it allows you to get the image and feel of the alien with enough room for imagination. good job
I literally can't read this because of the color of the text. Still, I'm sure it's great. I made do with highlighting it. As I thought, great work.
Sorry this is so short :/ After the call, John and I retreated to our hotel room. While I thought we should go ahead and do it, John argued vehemently against it. "Let's do it John. You heard the Commander. We're the only hope," I argued. "Why can't we just find a nice planet to settle down in? It wouldn't be too hard to create a new identity. We have enough money," John countered. "They'll never find us." "You saw those things. They weren't human. How do we know they won't keep attacking? How do we know they won't attempt to invade other planets and incite a genocide against humans?" I replied. Their technology is way too advanced. We'll never succeed." "But we have to try." "I'm staying here, and that's it. I can make a life for myself George. There's no way we can stop them." I had one more trick up my sleeve. "Is that really what your dad would do?" I asked quietly. His dad was in the military like us. However, when John was 9, his dad was sent on a mission to an unexplored planet. Not one of the fifteen man team returned. All John and his mom got were a few bones and his dad's tags. It was a sad funeral. John had always admired his dad, and wanted to follow in his footsteps. Finding out his dad died only made him want to become a soldier even more. Maybe he thought he could succeed where his father failed. Whatever his reasons, I knew what he would do. "Fine. I'll do it," he said. "Just don't expect me to be happy about it." And with those words, we began our preparations for the mission that could very well cost us our lives, but save the galaxy. As always, I'd appreciate feedback and constructive criticism.
I know it's been like a day since I posted last, but here's part four. We hadn't come to the planet expecting to be placed in a situation like this, so we packed lightly. So lightly, in fact, that we hadn't brought a gun. I cursed our lack of foresight and tried to think of what to do about it. The obvious solution was to buy a gun. The obvious problem was that the galaxy had been at peace for years, and there had been no need for guns. Crime had also hit an all-time low. Eventually, we just decided to test our luck at the market. I was glad we had at least brought a good amount of money, even if it was for somewhat shady purposes. The market place was in the center of Catla, the city we were staying in. There was one entrance, and the rest was closed off by the various shops, stalls, and buildings scattered throughout. "One hotdog, only 3 Tems!" a merchant kindly informed us. Tens were the galactic standard currency. Because it was so affordable, we had money to share, and it would remind us of home, where they made the best hotdogs, we bought two. We munched on our food while wandering around. That merchant wasn't the only one selling stuff. All around us were multitudes of exotic merchandise and souvenirs, both legal and illegal. After wandering fruitlessly for hours without finding a decent weapon, we decided to just pay someone for information. The man we asked, who ran a fruit stall, pointed us in the direction of "Hank's Gun Store", which sat in the very back corner of the market and was falling into disrepair. The lights on the sign had long since faded out, leaving the name of the shop illegible. The walls were sagging from the years of continuous weight, and there were several broken windows. Even so, we entered. A small bell rang when we opened the door, alerting the man, presumably Hank, and sending him scurrying toward us. He was a middle age man, slightly heavy, with few hairs and stubble on his face. He stank of sweat and beer. When he spoke, he had a pronounced drawl. "Go away," he said with a worried look. "I have nothing to sell." However, there were several display shelves filled with guns on either side of the store, which I kindly pointed out to him. Even though they came with ridiculous price tags, we could afford them. "I'll take two," I announced. "Too bad. They're not for sale," he replied, while nervously glancing at a door in the back of the store. "Then why have a shop sell-" I began, before being cut off by the door opening. All heads turned towards it, where a head peered out with a sheepish look. Before anyone could say anything, the head retreated and the door closed again. "On second thought, you can have them for free," Hank stammered nervously. "Maybe later," I said absentmindedly while heading towards the door. Unfortunately, Hank blocked my way. "You can't go back there," he warned. "Let him go," said a voice from behind us. Until now, John hadn't said a word, and I forgot he was there. I made to get past Hank, but he stubbornly blocked my way. "Leave, please," he begged. "We can't," John said. "I didn't want to have to do this," Hank replied. Then he pulled out a gun and aimed it at me. As usual, constructive criticism/feedback please.
This is really great! The storyline is exciting (I was about to say "gameplay" there xD) and i hope to see more flashbacks/backstory. I can't wait to see what's up with Hank
It's been over a month since I last posted a new part, so here is the long overdue part 5. “Oh shit!” John yelled and dove to the side. A bolt of purple flew where his head had been seconds earlier. It managed to burn a hole through the door and continue out into the street before dissipating. Hank then turned to me. Because I lacked a weapon, I ran forward and tackled Hank. His gun was forced upwards while he attempted to shoot. All he was able to do was create a few new holes in the ceiling that shed a bit more light in the shop. John quickly grabbed a gun off of the nearest shelf. He tossed it to me, and I caught it. I brought it down swiftly on Hank’s head, knocking him out. That was one problem solved. Now we had a chance of discovering what exactly Hank had wanted to hide so badly. Then all hell broke loose. The door in the back exploded off of its hinges, flying towards us. We both dropped to the floor as it flew over us and out into the street. Then, the man who peeked out earlier came out again, except he wasn’t looking sheepish this time. Instead, he was armed, and wore some sort of body armor. He brought up his weapon and started firing while I crawled quickly to cover behind one of the shelves and bolts of purple flew over my head. On the opposite side of the store, I saw John do the same. However, we’d seen what weapons like that could do, and knew our cover wouldn’t last long. We had to think of a plan, and quickly. The man was packing some heavy weaponry. He had what appeared to be a modified light machine gun, which replaced a battery pack with a belt of purple canisters that fed into the gun. I noticed that the gun didn’t make any sound at all. Whatever it was, it was more advanced than anything we’d ever had. It seemed to be the same type of weapon the aliens had used, and I knew the type of damage it could cause. Just looking around the shop and its newly acquired holes attested to its power. I looked to where John was. He signaled that he was going to sneak up behind the man and tackle him. I nodded okay, and he began crawling slowly towards his destination, using racks for cover. While he did that, I was constantly moving, to lower the chances of getting hit. However, when I looked over to John again, it became apparent that his plan wouldn’t work as well as we’d hoped. There was a good 20 feet of open space between the farthest rack and the man. If John wanted to fight him hand to hand, he’d have to get closer. To do that, he’d have to cross that deadly empty space, which would give the guy plenty of time to aim his weapon and shoot away. We needed to think of something better before it was too late. A part of me wondered if it already was, and if we were doomed to die here, in this old shop, before our mission had even begun. As always, feed back, constructive criticism, etc. is welcome.
You HAVE TO KEEP WRITING!! Excellent piece of fanfiction literature if I do say so myself. Perhaps you can have a co-creation with Owl24 to make more illustrations? ***************************** May the stars be in your reach!
