...it was 1 mistake...that took my life.....It all started innocently enough,I was just loading up some farm supplies at my grandpa's house,my grandpa owns a whole farm which happens to be the main food sourest for a nearby village anyway I was just loading up corn,cabbage,you know the usual,then I notice something in the sky...it was...a...a.....Fllee...ee A WHOLE FLEET OF FLORANS,I had NO IDEA what to do as florals usually never took the sky.I quickly ran inside and got my grandpa,luckily he was still only in his late 60's so he could stand up easily and run ok.We ran into our farm truck and kicked the accelerate pedal. The truck ZOOMED off,we were heading to the village as it as a rather big village and has lots of guards and so,we guessed that would be the safest place to go....We were terribly,terribly wrong....as we advanced to the village we saw scorching fires,blood,fleeing innocent people.....the florals had already came...I headed straight to the archery range to find some weapons as I have been a student there for 6 years and knew how to use a bow,my grandpa went to help some injured people.The archery range had been half destroyed yet I could stiff dig out a longbow,a quiver with 17 arrows and a saxe knife.I ran outside with my bow slung on my back with my saxe in my hand 2 florans advanced on me,they seemed badly trained and were easy to take out,luckily for me most of the florals I advanced after we're merely thugs and nothing more,yet there were some warriors,I advanced on a light brownish-green floran.I expected another thug but when I clashed my saxe knife against his short sword I felt the power of this flora and realised he knew what he was doing, he moved like a hawk and dodged all my hits,I had now took a couple of slices against my torso, I remember learning a move you should't usually do as it is very risky, it's was to corner yourself while fighting a fast enemy so they couldn't get behind you and could only attack you from direction, as soon as I reambered that I ran to the nearest house and went against a wall. CHAPTER 2 With my Saxe Knife drew I saw the floran in the corner of my eye and now realising what I was doing advanced on me with no attempt on stealth, our weapons clashed once more, struggling our weapons against each other, sparks came flying out, I used my right leg to kick him in the shin, his flinch was enough time for me to stab him in the torso, I see him slowly drifting off on the floor.I see a large building to my left, I head to it and climb its wall with lots of cracks with he made good foot holds, as I was on the roof I unslung my bow and drew my first arrow, targeting a nearby floran i released, zooming throughout the air it shot on the florans heart, witch i was surprised it even had.I kept on shooting for about 6min until I only had 4 arrows left, so far I have killed 9 florans and saved 3 people, I was happy with my work.I looked around to only see that most of the florans that has attacked the village died.But then I saw...there was a giant floran ship using a vine like rope to capture anymore humans they can, I saw in the jumble of people my..grandpa...my last piece of family...gone....no no no NO GRANDPA IM COMING,I ran as fast as I could to the vine knowing I had to go on it with being captured from the vines.I quickly went up the stairs of building nearby and broke open the roof and went on top of it.I went back a bit then RAN....THEN JUMPPPED,I grabbed the vine only to see my grandpa was only about 7m below me, I ignored him and started climbing to the top of the vine Chapter 3 YOU DECIDE THE REST....try to make your own continuation to the story through the comments and look at other story to see different unique story's...well? What are you waiting for? WRITE WRITE NOW OR ILL EAT YOU!!!
I like it, but it needs some work on the spelling and grammar. Just say the word, and I can fix it up for you.
Free spellcheckers such as the ones you can find on Google Docs, Microsoft Word, plugins for internet browsers will solve the most glaring issue present in this story. Even then, there's online resources such as this: http://www.jspell.com/public-spell-checker.html As for basic grammatical things, there should be spaces after commas. For a suggestion I recommend you convert a lot of the (...) things to just plain periods to prevent it sound like it's rambling.
Keep working on it joe - It's the only way to get better! If you keep switching to new stories instead of working on the old ones, you never actually finish anything (that's something I learnt over the years). Most writers throw away at least four or five first drafts without showing anyone else - and many of their first drafts are 'stream of thought' just like your story. The difference is they keep on editing them and twisting them and shuffling them around until they get better.
he was too fat and kissed the ground. when he landed, a giant shockwave came which destroyed the whole sector.END
-EDIT- -after reading it over I realized i had too much of "He did. He looked. He clenched his teeth. He.. Etc so I chenged it up a bit.- -some spelling fixes. ... After climbing a few yards, Thire's hands began to burn. He scowled and threw his quiver and bow to the ground. His muscles flared in pain as he clenched his teeth as he took another step up the vine. As he looked up he saw what he had hoped wouldn't happen, the floran on board was starting to cut the rope. They aren't trying to capture us, he's trying to downright throw us to our doom! He thought. The floran was already halfway through the vine, he had to think fast. He let go of the vine with his right hand as his left hand turned white as it took the whole weight. Thire grabbed his knife and threw it. The ship started picking up speed and the saxe was whisked away in the wind, the vine started rocking violently. "No, stop you idiot!" He yelled. The floran stopped and looked at him for a moment before getting back to its work. He started climbing again, a leaf cut his hand and blood started to fly in the wind. Sharp pain flared as he ground his teeth and did what he could to stop the floran, he took of his shoe with his cut hand. The floran was almost three-quarter through, he wasn't going to make it. Thire calculated the wind, he would need to throw his shoe up into the wind to hit the floran. He reached behind his head and threw with all his might. It missed the floran. The shoe flew upwards and missed the floran's face by a few inches. The floran stumbled in surprise and fell, dropping his knife. The floran screamed as he fell, a sound that wasn't unlike the hiss of acid. The floran grabbed on to the vine and slid down before stopping right above Thire. Thire grabbed the floran be the ankle and put his weight on the floran. The floran screamed again and started kicking. "Shut up." Thire said with venom. He climbed half a foot before grabbing the floran's ankle again and jumping upwards. He fell before his weight ripped the floran off and grabbed the rope quickly again. His cut re-opened as he slid down the rope, the falling floran screamed and writhed as he fell into the mountains below. He looked down and saw nothing. No people. "No." Thire thought of the possabilaty of losing everyone on the vine, his grandpa, everyone from the village. His eys's teared up as he let go of the vine and let himself fall into the cold clouds below. -End of part one- -I am naming the character Thire -(Just because I had a dream like this and the guy called himself Thire (I'm not sure if it was Fire))- as I continue this story. Thire lives after he falls, I'll just finish part two if people enjoy my story enough.
Thanks you, at leat I hope that's good. I have been practicing writing and taking classes in literature for the past year, for my dream to become an author someday.
this is AWSOME I'm really happy someone is putting time and thought into this, also I really like your idea (ps I'm fine with you naming him thire) of the story and can't wait for part 2 thank you.
Thank you so much! I'm busy with school and I'm writing a fantasy novel (A path of power. (The cape of dreams series book 2-Won't find it anywhere, just a write-for-fun at the moment and I don't know if I will publish it.)) right now, but I should have part 2 sometime this week or next week.
I have some of the first draft files, I can post some for you if you want, It might be a little messy since it's first draft
