Story Grounded Faith

Discussion in 'Winter Holiday Contest' started by Mercenary Lord, Dec 22, 2012.

  1. Interesting story. I like how it talks about the Avian religion, and that idea of the 'Grounded' Avians seems like something that would be interesting in the game. :up:

    I really like this story. It doesn't really feel like it's got much of a conflict in it, though. It feels unfinished; this could conceivably be the start of a longer story. Also, there's a line that's somewhat difficult to understand:
    Imagine trying to read that if you didn't know English well, like many members of this forum. Just a thought.
     
    Mercenary Lord likes this.
  2. Constructive critique, wonderful. :)

    Haha, that part is meant to be completely unreadable, even for me. I really have no idea what he was saying. I think it's something about a girl. It was just to draw our protagonist in.

    Conflict is something I might add in.
     
    WoxandWarf likes this.
  3. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    I know what it says, more or less. I thought it got the job done!
     
  4. Really? What does it say? :lolwut:
     
  5. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    “Ha! And ya know what I told her?” A rough and low voice echoed through the trees. “I told that broad that she better have the house spic and span when I go home. That’s what I said, I did!”

    More or less.
     
  6. Holy shit you're right. I remember now. o_O
     
    WoxandWarf likes this.
  7. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    I speak many languages, including drunkish and Hillbillian.
     
    nababoo and WoxandWarf like this.
  8. I do, too. I just don't speak my own drunkish. :/
     
    WoxandWarf likes this.
  9. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    Always a pleasure to be of service! :up:
     
  10. Small changes. I gave our hero a reason to leave, and explained that the one drunk human is meant to be ridiculously had to understand. I forgot everything else I was planning to do.
     
    WoxandWarf likes this.
  11. Nifty banner has been created. Yaaay~
     
    Sham likes this.
  12. It's rather... frosty. Sorta hard to see the words, but not a real problem.
     
  13. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    I wish I had a nifty banner!
     
  14. There's a title up top, too. I just needed something worth an update.

    In that sense, I also went through and touched the whole story up, trying to make it a bit more in line with the criteria.
     
    nababoo likes this.
  15. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    I am actually reading through it again just because, and I can definitely tell there has been some polish. Excellent work good sir!

    I tried to shine up my entry, but to be honest it has become one of those "this is as good as it is going to get" things.
     
    Mercenary Lord likes this.
  16. Well, when you don't spend too much work on something, there is definitely a lot of room for improvement. I looked at it again at the deadline (Read: today), and thought to myself: What was I thinking?

    So I did go through a large portion of it and change some minor things. The story is still pretty much the same, though.
     
    nababoo likes this.
  17. Sham

    Sham Spoony Bard

    Yeah, I spent a ton of time on mine before I posted it. There are some lines I am not completely happy with, but I have not determined and suitable alternatives.

    You have a great story, and I think it has a great chance!
     
  18. Thank you very much. :)
     
  19. Great, great, now read my story Merc!
    I need some constructive criticism, or else I'll just sit here for a week wondering how bad it is. :(
     
  20. Good luck to all the entires! Can't say I'm expecting much, since there are some killer entries out, but It's been fun. :/
     
    nababoo and WoxandWarf like this.

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