Other [Fanfic] Diaries of a Joja Corp Franchisee

*Singsong.*

Farmer and Penny, sittin' in a trailer.
K-I-S-S-I-
Oh sh*t, Pam's here, see you later!!!

 

Well, I just learned a new word I can call myself, "teetotaler".

Anyway, cute chapter. Penny is such a sweet girl

 

I have a sneaking suspicion that Pam's gonna be involved in an unfortunate bus accident lmao

 

Gabaw no D :

 

Fall 7th, year 1

Spent the past week clearing out the farm. I've got plenty planned for next year. Various fruit trees, oak tree farm, this is all gonna need some space. Did find a huge red mushroom. Left it alone, maybe I can get more to grow. Mushrooms on tap, maybe? Wouldn't be the worst thing to have happen.

Been building kegs and preserves jars. Still don't have enough, but there's only so many I can make at a time. However, I have a plan. If I run berries through a seed maker, I get like two or three seeds, but each seed is worth almost as much as the berries themselves. So I figure it might be an alternative, moreso because it won't take much to run it. Unlike making fermented beverages, running seeds through a seed maker is a very rapid process. Might be worth testing, anyway.

Fall 8th, year 1

HOLY FRIJOLES! 350 cranberries out of 160 bushes. So many berries. So tired.

Fall 9th, year 1

Well, that was a cool 60k, and that's before the jars and kegs are done. The seed maker is definitely a profit multiplier.

Ran into Penny and the kids. Permitted myself to get drafted as a 'guest speaker'. After, Penny and I had a nice chat. It was... nice. Kind of odd, the topic turned to families. Not sure if I should be picking up some kind of secret code in that, or if a cigar is just a cigar. But she seemed happy enough, so I'm willing to shrug it off until evidence is provided one way or the other.

Tomorrow, I talk to Morris. I've got all the money I need now. It's time to kick this into high gear. Cue the climactic music.

 

Fall 10th, year 1

I'm about right there with the Kool-Aid man... OH YEA! Here's about how it went down:

Went to the Joja Mart. He had that look. You know, the 'sleezy used car salesman' expression. The one that makes you feel like you need to wipe the sleeze off afterwards? Yea, that one. And he starts up with his shpeal.

"Well, if it isn't the new farmer. You know, I've got a special deal right now. For a single initial investment in a lifetime membership, you get a permanent discount on all Joja Mart prices. That is, of course, in addition to and on top of any sales or coupons we might offer. This bad boy can pay itself off before you know it. So, shall I put you down for one?"

"Actually, Morris, I've got an even better idea for you. I hear you're trying to get this 'community outreach program' up and running, but having a shortage of funds, right?"

He was clearly taken aback that I was not immediately refusing or accepting his offer. Off his script, he stammered. "I... er... yes, actually. Ummm... may I ask why you have taken an interest?"

"Simple. You see, I'm already a Joja Franchisee, so I am by no means against JojaCorp. And I want to help you out, and also help myself out in the process. You see, I've got enough cash on hand, right now, to fund your entire project." And with that, I drop a bag on the counter, which makes a very satisfying sound of lots of chinking of coins, which draws his attention like a dieter seeing an all-you-can-eat dessert buffet. "So, what I want is this: I fund you, in entirety, including purchasing the membership. In exchange, I want the money to count against my franchising fees. Win/win. You get your project, I get my franchise paid off. Whaddya say?"

Not taking his eyes off of the bag of money, he manages to utter "I... ummm... I'm going to have to get permission from Corporate before I can agree to those terms and conditions, but... er... lemme give someone a call. You wait right here, won't be but about five minutes." And with that, and barely restrained glee, he heads to his office. A few minutes later, and he emerges with a big ol' grin. You'd have thought he had a gal back there under his desk or somethin'. "Would you like to step into my office while we draw up the contract?"

Score.

The rest was mere formalities. A brief conference call with Corporate to make sure all the I's were dotted and T's were crossed. Signatures all over the place. And it was done. I handed over the cash, which he treated like a teen with his... ahem... 'article' magazines. I got my membership card, and I left him in his office to his own devices. And hey, whatever he does in his closed room is... really none of my business.

Elated with my success, I swing on by Pierre's. He had mentioned that he is now stocking bouquets, and I figured I could get one for Penny. It's not like I can't afford it. Maybe give her the good news while I'm at it.

 

A bouquet? Already? Awww yeah, you go girl- Err, dude.

 

Fall 11th, year 1

Preserves came in. Really need to get more jars, but they're quite the popular hit. Penny found me, rather than the reverse, and she wasn't particularly happy either. The expression was like I had just kicked a puppy, that cross between hurt and angry and confused.

"I thought you cared about this town." the accusation was in a sharp tone of voice, and the glower was fierce

"Of course I do."

"Then how could you go over to that slick bastard Morris's side?" Clearly, Penny had several reasons to be upset with Morris

"Now, who ever said that?" There was a lilting tone to my voice, the verbal equivalent of a smirk. I think I know where this is going.

"Well, this morning, Morris threw your membership in Lewis's face, and Lewis just... caved. Sold the old community center right then and there. You could see tears in his eyes as he did it, too."

"Ahh. And I bet Morris was bragging about his community outreach project too, wasn't he?"

"Well, yea. Crowing about it somethin' fierce. Lemme guess, you had something to do with that too."

"Can we continue this conversation on my farm? There's some things I'd like to discuss with you in a less public venue."

"You did, didn't you! Why should I go over to your corporate shill farm?"

"Because Morris's interpretation of what is happening is... about as accurate as your mother's when she's drunk. He's drunk on power, and it is going to bite him in the ass. However, I would prefer he not realize this until it is too late. So, the question is... do you trust me? Or do you wish to never speak to me again?"

"I... I..." her glower was fierce "Fine, let's go. This I've got to hear."

As we head back to the farm, we pass through the cranberry bushes, ripening another crop of berries. "Look around, Penny. What do you see?"

"Umm... cranberries?"

"Are there any machines spewing smogulous smoke or schloppity schlop?"

"Uhh... no."

"Precisely. When I came here, I did so as a Joja Corp franchisee. In layman's terms, I put my farm up as collateral on a loan, and in exchange, the corporation helped me get a start, hooking me up with distribution and purchasing my products at a good rate. It was the only way I could get a start from where I came from."

"And just where was that?"

"Much like Shane, I suppose, only I worked in a customer support call center. You know, that 1-800 number on that bulletin board 'for concerns or compliments'? Yea, that was me. I got to listen to people whine, moan, and complain all day long. Then the position got outsourced overseas. I didn't have two cents to rub together. I wouldn't have even made it here if it wasn't for the deal I made. I'd never have... well... I'd have never met you."

"I'm paying off my franchisee fees so they can't repo the farm and I will, again, own it outright. And, bluntly, I'm taking advantage of Morris's greed to do it."

"Wait... what?"

"Morris is a short-sighted local management type. I've seen all together too many of that sort. Only, for once, he wasn't my boss. I know how he operates. He's looking for his big promotion. Which he thinks he is going to get. Only I've been in contact with Corporate on my own, and what will happen is something slightly different, which will benefit not only the town, but Joja Corporation as a whole."

"And how's that? Morris has already bulldozed the old community center and put up a great huge warehouse."

"Penny, Lewis showed me was was in there. Trust me, that building was a hazard waiting to happen. Rotting support beams, rats infesting the place and making nests... and once rats nest, they start running around all over town. Tearing that dilapidated danger down is the best thing that has happened to this town in years. And yes, Morris put my warehouse in its place."

"Wait... your warehouse?"

"Yep. He doesn't know it yet, of course, or he wouldn't be so damn smug, but every last dime I put into his community outreach program is going to retire my entire debt to JojaCorp. So not only do I not owe them anymore, I'm going to be my own company now, as a subsidiary of Joja. A green-friendly, completely organic, using a sustainable business model. These are big buzz words to corporations, especially to one with as bad a rep as Joja.

"This cranberry field? It's a start. Over there, where I just got done clearing? That's going to be my tree farm. Renewable resources, Penny. Working with nature instead of against it. And over on the other side of that pond? That's where the fruit trees are going. This farm plot is going to stay right where it is, just about as passive as it is going to be. And that building over there? That's going to be the greenhouse. Morris is going to have his guys over tomorrow to put it into ship-shape. Those rows of kegs? Are going to be expanding. And those rows of preservative jars too. I will be producing organic 'yuppie treats'. Wines, fine very expensive wines, not that cheap rotgut your mother guzzles, the kind people pay thousands per bottle for. Preserves, too. The phrase is 'hand-made organic artisanal comestibles'. And JojaCorp is not only funding it, they're going to be my distributor. My profit margin here is huge. I'll be making money hand over fist. I'll be dragging Joja into a more economically friendly business model whether they like it or not, and Morris will end up getting screwed out of his promotion because of all the costs involved in retiring my debt that he took over.

"And let's look at what it is going to do for the town. JojaCorp is here already. This is not a change in the status quo. What this is going to keep from happening is for JojaCorp to get any more fingers in any pies around here, because they'll be too busy with me. This will keep Morris from profiting off of everyone else. Pierre's will not be closing. The whole town just got a huge influx of money from the sale of that decrepit old building, and will be getting more on the taxes I pay. And my business is going to put Pelican Town on the map in a big way. You'll have bus-loads of snobs coming to check out the winery and eat cheese and sip wine and pay a fortune to do so and to be able to brag about it to their snobbish friends. Tourists. Who will be far more interested in shopping at a 'quaint little place' like Pierre's than at a Joja Store which can be found on any corner. The governor will be more impressed by this than by any soup made at a Luau, I assure you.

"When I first came here, this place was a plot of wild unclaimed land that hasn't seen a crop in years. When I pass away, it is going to be one of the most profitable farms in the world. A legacy to pass on to future generations. That's what I'm doing Penny. I'm already indecently wealthy by any individual standard. If I want to be honest, I'm already a millionaire if you take into consideration non-liquid assets. If I was just looking out for myself, I wouldn't have needed to have done this. But I grew up poor, about like you did, and I'm not going to inflict what we had to go through on any kids I might have. I'm going to make sure I can give them the kind of life I never had. That's why I'm doing this."

Penny was stunned. "I... I never... that is... I didn't know..."

"You never knew... because I never told you. And I... don't feel particularly good about that. However, I absolutely cannot let this get back to Morris before everything is done, because there still might be a chance he can get out of it. I am in a very delicate position right now. In a week, Corporate is going to drop the bomb on him. And when that happens, I can 'go public', so to speak. But since you trusted me and gave me a chance to hear me out, I'm trusting you, telling you this, explaining it to you. If you wanted, you could ruin me right now, by going to Morris with this information. All the work I've done, my grandfather's farm... gone overnight. I won't ask you not to, because I have no right to ask you what to do. I will simply trust you to do what you think is best for yourself and for the town. If you truly think what I am doing is going to hurt the town... now's your chance to shut me down cold."

"So you mean... this whole time you've been here... this has been your plan?"

"Pretty much. I... umm... I kept a journal, if you want to read it. Yanno, if ya want to."

"You... you'd let me read your journal?"

"Well, I trust you. So yea. I guess. Oh, there was something else I'd like to show you while you're here."

"Oh, umm... what?"

Doubtlessly someone romantic would have pulled out the bouquet with a flourish. I managed to avoid tripping myself. Graceful I am not. It didn't seem much the worse for wear, though. "I know you like flowers, so... here."

Her response was positive, nonverbal, and none of anyone else's damn business.

 

The shrewd businessman with a heart of gold! who'd have thought? Morris is gonna get what's coming to him

 

Fall 16th, year 1

Something kinda odd. The rare seeds sprouted into Gem Berries this morning. Don't know how that happened, they were still far from maturing yesterday. Also, a couple of the cranberry bushes nearby suddenly sprouted fruit at the same time. Doubtless the old hoax would have some silly excuse about 'fairies' or some nonsense. Personally, I care less how it happened than the fact that it did happen. Despite being a very sweet fruit, it doesn't look like I can turn it into preserves or wine, so I suppose it's just going to get sold as-is. Still not a bad haul, but could have been better.

The bus got fixed. Pam, of all people, is driving it. Seriously? I mean... really? We're going to give the alcoholic the keys to the bus. Is that really what we're doing here?

Fall 17th

Fall festival. They were asking me to do a Garange Display or something. Yea... not really my style. Too much like bragging to me. So I just purchased some points. The wheel of fortune guy has a magnet behind the display which affects the odds, smart money on green. Got enough to get me everything I needed, including a nice hat, and left.

 

Fall 18th, year 1

Got a letter from Morris, he'd gotten a response from Corporate, and is inviting everyone. Will I attend? Of course! I wouldn't miss this for the world. But first, a few stops...

Knocking on the door of Penny's home, my smirk was showing by the time she answered. "What's with that look? You look like the cat that stole the cream."

"You know that thing we talked about earlier?"

"Yea?"

"It's getting announced. Wanna see the expression on Morris's face?"

"Oh. Oh, yes. This, I have to see."

"Might want to hunt down the mayor while you're at it. I think he's going to want to witness this as well."

"You know, I do believe you are right." With a quick peck on the cheek, she skipped off to go tell Lewis, while I went over to the warehouse.

All of the local Joja employees were already gathered. Shane had that eternally suffering look on his face, but slightly less disgruntled than normal. I guess getting out of a few hours of work qualifies as a bright spot for him. Morris has that smug look on his face. The envelope is still sealed, he still doesn't know. Oh, this is going to be good.

"Ahem." Morris clears his throat to get everyone's attention. I fade to the back of the gathering, where I found Penny and Lewis. My hand found hers, and we shared a knowing smile. "Today marks a significant event in our fair city. We've reached a milestone by completing the Community Outreach Program to beautify the local area, with the help of a few local donations, of course." He didn't even mention me by name. Clearly, I wasn't the only one who was planning on hogging credit. "As a result, we're being mentioned in the JojaNews broadsheet, and we were sent an early copy. Let's see what it has to say!" With a dramatic motion, he tore open the envelope, shook out the newsletter, and began reading

"It is always a pleasure to see our local offices go above and beyond the call of duty and exceed anyone's wildest expectations and set an example by which others can follow. And never before have we had such a shining example as our location in Pelican town." He paused a moment to bask in his ego, then continued reading. "This is truly a success story that every employee of JojaCorp can take example from. As everyone already knows, JojaCorp has been offering Franchise opportunities to any employee with enough gumption to go out and make a change for themselves and their community. Today, we recognize the accomplishments of one such go-getter and his success story..." Morris's voice began to peter out, with a note of confusion, but then gamely continued on. "When we outsourced our support systems, many simply found jobs elsewhere within the company, with assistance from Human Resources of course. Others simply left Joja entirely to seek employment elsewhere. One man, however, decided that he didn't want to settle for just another job. He took advantage of our employee to franchisee program. And today, we're pleased to announce that in less than a year, he has paid off his franchisee fees in total, and has become a fully fledged subsidiary of Joja! And so, with heartfelt applause, we welcome Shneekey's as the newest member of our corporate family." Now Morris was glaring at me. With a similarly smug look, I walk up to him and take the broadsheet to continue reading. Shane went from 'eternally suffering' to 'holy crap, is this for real?' to 'the boss just looks like he bit into a raw lemon, this is gonna be good!'.

"Thank you, Morris. I'll continue from here." I look over the crowd, whose attitude had somewhat changed, and whose attendance had grown exponentially. Practically everyone in town was present now.

"Shneekey's is a completely green and organic producer of artisanal treats. Due to the lack of preservatives, the offerings will change with the season, but will always be including fine wines and preservatives. Always 100% organic and hand-made, Shneekey's is leading the way to a greener future for JojaCorp, who has always strived to be a good corporate citizen and help small businesses like this become established and thrive. With help from JojaCorp, Shneekey's has won the 'biggest growth quarter' for Q3 award. In addition, The Pelican Town Community Outreach Program, the testing bed for countless other community beautification and outreach programs, has been a resounding success! With help from Joja, the humble city of Pelican Town is once again connected by mass transit, a few old buildings have been rebuilt, and thousands have been poured back into the local community from JojaCorp's Corporate Citizen fund."

"The founder of Shneekey's started off much as any of our employees. Today, he owns his own wildly successful business which has been growing exponentially over the past two quarters. So you see, anyone can succeed, and Joja can help them get there. We always have room for upward mobility for anyone willing to reach out and grab it by the horns. We'd love to award him with Franchisee of the Year, however he doesn't actually qualify, because he was a Franchisee for less than a year."

"With the resounding success of their green and organic business model, Joja is expanding into a leaner, meaner, greener business model. You can expect to see Shneekey's fine artisanal comestibles, and other organic offerings from our many other subsidiaries, at a JojaMart near you."

"If you are an employee tired of your work-a-day world and wanting to move up, see your local Human Resources representative about Franchise opportunities today, and our next feature could be about YOU!"

I look back up to the crowd "When I first came to Pelican Town, I didn't really know what to expect. I was practically a stranger, my parents went off to the big town to get away from the small city life well before I was born, and only a few of you ever really knew my grandfather. And yet, I was welcomed from day one like I was part of a family. Today, I'm returning the favor. I'm going to put Pelican Town on the map. Shneekey's is already being advertised under JojaCorp's green ad campaign, you can probably see the commercials after the evening news tonight. But I won't be betraying the values that built this town in the first place. I won't be polluting up the place. My business is, and will always remain, a completely green and organic business. Seeds purchased from local establishments like Pierre's," I nod to said local business owner, who nods back "no artificial ingredients or harsh fertilizers. My grandfather had a farm, I'm going to make that farm into all that it could be. I'm going to be setting up a 'quaint local winery', the kind that rich people visit as a tourist trap, with their big wallets. I'm going to be bringing in money to the town without paving it to the ground. The kind that gets the attention of the Governor. We won't lose that small town model, but we will lose that small town poverty. Now, local artisans will have a chance to sell their wares not just to local people, but to people from all over the country. Maybe we can even set up a tour to hit all the bright spots and make sure that all of our artisans are featured. Whadday say, Lewis?"

"I'd say that sounds like a grand idea. When Morris came to me with your membership card, I thought... well, nevermind that. But I'm glad to have been proven wrong. You've got your heart in the right place, and a good head on your shoulders."

With that, the gathering mostly broke up, and I headed back to the farm. And found Penny there.

"Uhh, hi there."

"Um, hi. I just wanted to, yanno, congratulate you and stuff. Oh, since the bus got fixed, mom has had something to take her mind off of everything, so she's been drinking less, since she actually has something to do in the morning now, she can't afford too bad a hangover. And she can't drive if she does the 'hair of the dog' thing. She's not sober, but... it's a start. And she's been less... umm... well, you know."

Remembering the shouting match Pam had when she saw me pitching in to help clean, I just nod "Yea. Not so loud."

"Yea. So, umm... thanks. For not being a greedy corporate jerk." She leans in and gives me a hug

"Thanks for believing that I'm not a greedy corporate jerk." My arms just kinda naturally wrap around her and hold her close. It was... nice. Very nice. Not necessarily, yanno, but nice. We spent the rest of the day on the farm hanging out, and watched the sunset together. Then I walked her home, and went back. Somehow, the farm seemed... emptier... without her. Weird.

 

Aww, I love how you turned the Joja route into a good thing

 

*Cackles wildly, applauds madly.* Epic win, mate, much pwnage. Eat it, Morris! Muahahahaha!

 

Yeah you made him eat s**t in front of the whole town lmao! Good goin' Shneeks. You took them down from the inside. Grandpa would be proud. *sniff*

 

The last couple of major chapters have got me fully back on board.

Really enjoyed!

 

Fall 24th, year 1

Well, this past week or so has been rather lively. While processing my cranberries through the seed maker, I came across a rather unusual seed. Took it to Gunther for examination, and he said it appeared to be some kind of fruit seed that hasn't been seen in ages, but it appeared to be viable. So, planted it in the greenhouse, just to see what it will do.

Hit the bottom of the mines. Found a 'skull key' and some odd note left by a Mr. Qi challenging me to find where it fit. Uh huh. Pull the other one, it plays 'my country 'tis of thee'.

Hired Robin to upgrade the house. Been subsisting too much lately, I need a real kitchen.

Fall 28th, year 1

Raining today. Heard rumors about some old mariner who shows up when it is raining, so went out to the tidal pools to check it out. Turns out they were right. He sold me a seashell necklace. At this point, money isn't really something I have to worry about, but maybe Penny will like it.

Winter 1st, year 1

Got a letter from Lewis explaining about that necklace I picked up yesterday. So... basically an engagement ring. Good to know. Glad I didn't give it to Penny yet, that would've been sit-com level embarrassing.

Also got a note from Penny asking me to meet her in the bath house after dark. Oooo-kay. Sure, why not? Did some mining, seems like I'm always needing Copper, Iron, and Coal. Came back up, went to the bath house.

And there was Penny. In a very cute, and very revealing, blue two-piece that nearly qualifies as a bikini if it wasn't an off-the-shoulder top. And what happened next? Well, suffice to say, we got a chance to have a very meaningful conversation on the topic of relationships. She made it perfectly clear that my intentions were, in fact, quite welcome. And as for myself? Well, I may or may not have admitted some things too. What, precisely, that might have been is between me and her. And the rest of what happened? Extra-special none of anybody's damn business.

Winter 2nd, year 1

Praise Yoba for the dawn! I swear, today is just amazing. The sky is amazing. The bracing wind is amazing. The light snowfall dusting everything is like something out of a damn storybook. I swear, I didn't know life until I came out here. People kept giving me this odd, knowing smirking look, but I didn't mind. Maru, in particular, nearly blew her nose out trying to contain all the smug when she saw me for some reason or another. But that's fine too. After all, it's a wonderful day. Yanno, something my old man told me once just came back to me. "Ya wanna know what love is, son? It's simple. It's not 'can I live with her', it's 'can I live without her'. When that answer is 'no', that's love". Dunno why that suddenly popped into my head this morning. Oh well.

 

You managed to snag the necklace in the nick of time instead of having to wait all damn winter You got a wise old man!

 

Winter 3rd, year 1

Ahem, pardon that last entry.

Anyway, I suspect I am the target of a rather elaborate prank. Went to go explore the bus hall a bit. Found a battery station with a bad battery, which was causing the darkness. Tossed in a pack, and got a note from a Mr Qi telling me to go put a rainbow shell in a bin over in the train station. Sure, why not, I'm heading that way anyway to go into the mines. Do that, get a note to put ten beets in the mayor's fridge. Wut. At this point, I'm fairly sure that this 'Mr Qi' is, in fact, the mayor playing an elaborate joke on me. But what the heck, I need to get off the ol' farmstead for a bit anyway. Go to the oasis shop, pick up some beet seeds, plant in the greenhouse. Not like I've got anything but a single seed in there anyway. Actually, should probably get on that. Got some leftover cranberry seeds I can plant.

Winter 5th, year 1

Got a couple of irridium bars worth of ore from the skull cave. Nasty place, that. Made a couple of iridium sprinklers to put in the greenhouse. Need a few more and I'll be set. Planted some cranberries, some beets, and some starfruit. My lonely ancient sapling is still growing. Wonder how long it will take.

I was staring at that necklace I picked up off of the old man, that ancient mariner. It's odd, I haven't seen him around since. Not entirely sure how he got there either. The necklace is equally strange. At first, it seems a simple conch shell. But as you look at it deeper, you notice the fine filigree work, actual gemstones where one would expect salt crusting, and the entire thing is made out of some substance that is as thin as porcelain, with that same vaguely translucent property, but far more durable. Just taking into consideration the stones and artwork involved, it was a steal at the price I paid for it. Part of me wanted to see how much I could get by reselling it, but I really didn't have the heart to actually go through with it.

And that got me thinking about Penny. Knowing what I know now, I can't possibly give it to her. I mean, it would be cruel to give her basically an engagement ring and not follow through, right? I mean, sure, if I want to leave a legacy, that means I'm going to need to find a woman, get married, do the whole kids thing, to pass it on to. And I meant it when I told Penny that, this is my goal. But I couldn't do that to her. I mean, I may be rich, but I'm not that egotistical. I know I'm no prize.

The question isn't 'can you live with her', the question is 'can you go through the rest of your life without her being a part of it'. That's one I was still wrestling over when there was a knock on my door. Penny had come over to share with me a new dish, or rather I was to be her test subject for a new dish. However, I had inadvertently kept the necklace in hand when I went to answer the door.

The moment she laid eyes on it, I was doomed. I knew I was. There was absolutely no way out of this, no pretending it wasn't there. So... I winged it. With my typical suavery and eloquence.

"I... uhhh...." There, see what I mean? James Bond himself couldn't have been more suave.

"I... is that...?" She seemed equally eloquent herself. I can't really blame her.

"I... umm... yea. I think. I mean, I got it from some old sailor guy. Looked pretty."

"You do know what that represents, don't you?" Her voice was breathless, her eyes a mixture of fear and... something else.

"Ummm, I think Lewis sent me a letter about it. Basically, umm... yea." Well, no backing out now. It's not like I'm going to give it to anyone else around here. With a deep breath to calm myself, which was amazingly and wildly unsuccessful, I opened my mouth and inserted foot "Yanno, it's silly. Everyone married just says 'you'll know when'. I thought it was complete and utter foolishness." Umm... gee, that ground sure is... umm... dirt and stuff... "But... I mean... you've always been there for me. You trust me when just about anyone else would've just screwed me over. You're a good friend, a beautiful woman, and... well... I got it with you in mind, before I knew what it meant. I've spent a few days thinking about it after I found out what it meant. There's no one else here for me, Penny, so there's really no reason not to. Will you... umm..." at that point, my nervous blathering ran out of steam and I just held it up for her.

She didn't say a word at first. You know that phrase 'time stood still'? Yea, I'd like to find the guy who came up with that idea and choke the life out of him. I swear I could hear each and every heartbeat thudding as time seemed to come to a total and complete halt. Then she smiled. That smile. You know the one. Not even Elliot could describe that smile. Words have not been invented which could come close. And she reached out, took the necklace, and put it on. Her response from thereafter, while nonverbal, was a quite... umm... enthusiastic acceptance.

We never did get around to trying that dish.

 

Tsk tsk, she's gone and made an honest man out of you. Looks like you'll just have to enjoy being successful and married to the sweetest cinnamon roll in town.

 

Winter 8th, year 1

Past few days have moved in a blur. I have a sneaking suspicion that I have that silly stupid grin on my face. I also don't care in the least. Wedding was today. Went off without a hitch. Well, except us getting hitched, of course. Lewis pontificated a bit, I wasn't really paying attention.

There was also some winter festival being held today. I don't know if they changed the date to make it a wedding celebration, or it just ended up on that day. Ether way, we made a polite entrance, talked to a few people, got the well-wishing out of the way, and retired early. I don't think anyone minded. And really, can ya blame us?

Winter 9th, year 1

Yanno... I could really get used to this whole 'married life' thing. I really must say, I'm doing really well for myself. Money coming in hand over fist, beautiful woman who loves me for a wife. Yea, that word, wife. That stupid ass grin is back, isn't it? And not even the most fundamental conservative twit can say a damn thing about us anymore. It's not only permitted, it's encouraged. Granted, her mom gave pro forma threats about treating her right, but I suspect it was largely for her benefit rather than mine. I may have to do something about her living quarters at some point. Maybe get Robin to build her a real house so she doesn't have to live in that trailer. But under no circumstances is she EVER going to move in with us. Penny and I both agree on this topic.

So, beets came in, I delivered them to Lewis's fridge. There was a note. In his fridge. Directing me to give 'a dragon his last meal'. Ooookay, now this is getting creepy. Well, there's a big fossil that looks like a dragon. Last meal... maybe that essence those things down in the frozen levels has? So, got a ride from Pam out to the desert. And yea, a note saying to check my woodpile. Okay, NOW this is starting to creep me out. Go back to my woodpile, and there's a club card there.

Apparently, behind the oasis store, there's a casino run by this Mr. Qi. I politely advised him that if he's ever found on my property again, his body will be found there the following morning. The primary game in the casino is a variant on blackjack. I really have no interest in gambling, house always wins in the end.

Winter 18th, year 1

Settling into a comfortable routine with the missus. Yea, that still gives me the most ridiculous grin on my face. I know I look like a complete and utter moron, I just don't give a fig. Yanno, I never thought, when I first moved here, that I'd ever be saying anything like that. I was going to become financially stable so I would never have to work one of those damn dead-end minimum wage jobs ever again. This was not part of the plan. SO not complaining, though. Anyway, nice routine. Since it is winter, not a whole lot of cropping to do, the stuff in the greenhouse mostly tends to itself. Producing steady quantity of barrels and preserves jars to continue increasing my production output. Then I call it a day when Penny gets done tutoring the kids. As far as what happens next? Well, newlyweds, you figure it out. If you're still lost, it's really not my place to educate you on that topic, ask your parents.

That ancient seed finally matured. Looks like some kind of stalky vine thing with large, succulent fruit. And the taste... oh my. It's like an explosion of sweet flavor in my mouth. This... this is it. This is going to be the cash crop to end all cash crops. So, the rest of the fruit went into the seed maker (tempting as it would be to finish eating it). We're going to make this an exponentially growing business. As I get more of these, I will slowly be phasing out the starfruit and cranberries until the entire greenhouse is nothing but these things, and a few sprinklers dotted around.

Winter 22nd, year 1

So, after a full season needed to grow, the plant then produces fruit roughly every week. Good to know. This should significantly increase the rate of expansion.

Not going to ignore the plot I still have outside. When spring comes, I'll be making Rhubarb my cash crop of the season. Might get more money out of strawberries, but I don't happen to have any strawberry seeds on hand, and Rhubarb preserves are a great cash crop, marketed as a great pie filling. Might pick some up for next year if they are selling them again at the egg festival.

I can get in two crops of Rhubarb before the end of the season. Should net me just under a quarter million for the season, on top of everything else. Summer is going to be profitable as hell, though. Starfruit Wine is ludicrously profitable. I'll have to run the numbers and see if I want to do starfruit wine or blueberry preserves. Will need a hell of a lot more preserves jars for doing the blueberries, but that's just a cash investment at this point. Maybe some Hops as well, Pale Ale is also a real cash cow. Fall is going to be more cranberries. This is, of course, in addition to, rather than instead of, the ancient fruit in the greenhouse.

Might also look into a Barn for raising cows. While not particularly profitable, cheese is a very welcome gift among the vast majority of the community, and of course, the social elite who will be visiting my quaint little organic winery will want cheese to go with their wine, so why not keep it in house? Plus it is a very energizing food for those times when I go caving. It may, in fact, be the first major farm expense that is not expected to return significant profits in cash, but it will pay out dividends in other ways that can be equally valuable.