Other [Fanfic] Diaries of a Joja Corp Franchisee

Spring 13, year 1

Watered crops, changed into my good pair of denim and homespun (yanno, the ones that don't have holes and cowflop stains), and went to go see what this egg festival was about.

Right off the bat, I check what is for sale, and find strawberry seeds! Well, I may not have a LOT of money, but I can buy some. I'll get two harvests out of 'em if I plant 'em before I get home. First harvest pays for itself, second harvest is pure profit.

You can see the little cliques by who is standing around whom. For example, Haley and Alex. Haley is whining about wanting the flower dance or something. Ugh, a dance. Yoba help me. The odds of getting me to get out in a crowd and dance is roughly the odds of the heat death of hell occurring within the next solar cycle. Fortunately, it appears to be later in the month. So, bullet dodged.

Pam has already tried to spike the punch. Really ought to... well, not really my place, I suppose. Penny and Maru chatting over by Maru's family. Robin, in her own 'subtle' way (as subtle as a brick upside the head), inviting me to join them for a bit. She seems to be the sort of lady who adopts everything. Stray cats, stray orphans, stray husbands... fortunately, she seems to be happily married so I don't think her overtures are more than polite country manners. After all, that kind of stuff doesn't actually happen. Leah and Elliot are quietly chatting together about artsy stuff.

Abigail, Sam, and Sebastian are hanging out. Abigail seems to be really excited about the egg hunt. Wait... isn't the egg hunt for, like, little kids? Really? Talking to the mayor reveals that since there's really only two kids around, participation is a more general thing. And he takes my inquiry as interest to join and puts my name down.

Seriously?

Eh, why not?

I don't really put much effort into the search. After all, since it means so much to Abigail, letting her win is no skin off of my nose. It's not like I was really all that interested in participating anyway, and it seems to make her happy. I guess she has a bit of a competitive nature about her.

Tried making my way discreetly back to the farmstead to put these strawberry seeds in the ground when I ended up getting hijacked by Robin again. Quite the friendly lady, I suppose. Practically dragged me back to her family and Penny to talk. It was no surprise to me why Penny spent more time with Maru's family. Robin, for all her extroverted manner, really is a kind person. Granted, Demetrius is a bit of a Poindexter, but I suppose I shouldn't be throwing any stones from that glass house. I do rather feel like a fifth wheel, though. Kinda awkward. I mean, I'm grateful to Robin for going out of her way to share family time, but... it's not my family, yanno? Is she trying to throw me at her daughter? I mean, I can kinda understand. If anyone needed to take a break and loosen up, it's Maru. Demetrius, however, keeps giving me that look. You know the one. That's my daughter, don't even think about it. Sheesh, talk about mixed signals there. One parent all but shoving me at her daughter, the other with the classic overprotective daddy vibe. I look over at Penny to see how she is faring with this.

She seems to be amused by my discomfiture, or perhaps it is more along the lines of misery loves company. Either way, she's apparently been watching my expressions while I've been fending off this twiddledee and twiddledum exchange. Then she gives me that shy, soft smile. Not laughing at me, but actually smiling. At me. Okay, so it's not much, but it is there. She's got a nice smile, maybe it's the way her eyes light up, like throwing open the shutters on a window...

"...So, what do you think, hmmm?" asks Robin, clearly directed at me.

Cue the record scratch. "Ummm..." there you go, ladies and gentlemen. The most interesting man in the universe, who gives James Bond lessons in suavery, demonstrating blinding intelligence and witty charm in one gutteral utterance. Yup, that's a real way to win a lady's affection. Neanderthalic semi-linguistic utterances. Boy howdy.

"Tomatoes. Fruit or vegetable?"

Reaching into my memories for an appropriate response, I come up with an old D&D saw "Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing that it should not appear in a fruit salad."

That got a chuckle from everyone around the table. Apparently the topic at hand had been that Daddy Dour had, in fact, added tomatoes to a fruit salad. So, already distrusting of me because I am a single male his daughter's age, now I have actively humiliated him in public with his entire family. Yep, there's that charisma and charm at work. I'm sure I will win him over to my side aaaany day now.

I now realize that the sun is setting, and the party seems to be winding down, so I excuse myself and make my way back to the farmstead. I do manage to get the seeds planted and watered before going to bed.

 

Well, he's not totally wrong... I mean, technically, salsa is a tomato-based fruit salad.

Why, yes, I am a Bard, why do you ask?

 

Pretty much in stitches most of the way through this This guy needs to be a villain in Jaws cuz of all the snark attacks Gotta admit he's pretty on point tho lmao.

 

Spring 18th, year 1

Past couple of days since the festival have been more of the same, so not much need to make any entries. Clearing out space on my farm, sweating up a storm, getting blisters in places I wish I never knew could GET blisters, that sort of thing. I've now got five copper bars from a mine dive. Salmonberries came in. These nearly worthless berries are, in fact, quite tasty. Instead of selling them for the few farthings they'd fetch, I'll just eat them instead.

Potatoes came in yesterday. Of course, Pierre's was closed, so I can't go buy more seeds until today. Mind you, I don't blame him for having a day off (although I will have to state for the record that I haven't had one since coming here), since he's a little ma and pa store, he can't afford to hire someone to run it on Wednesdays. So, went in today to pick up my next set of seeds.

Well, no sooner to I enter, than Morris, the local Joja Store Manager, comes in, waving a bunch of 50% discount coupons. Now, not to sound a bit disingenuous, but that's something of a misnomer. You see, the prices at Joja are about 25% higher than Pierre's when it comes to seeds, so that coupon really isn't as nice as people would like to believe. It's a classic sales gambit, and a frequently successful one. I was reading about it in my entrepreneur's books in my copious spare time while barely able to move from the soreness. I will admit it was more than a bit tacky to walk in to your direct competitor's store and offer them. Well, I'll be honest, it's rude as all heck. But then, Morris is more of a small-picture fellow who doesn't understand why what he is doing here is a long-term risk and bad idea. I mean, if he keeps pulling crap like this, he's going to end up pissing off not just Pierre, but the whole dang town. And when that happens, and you get boycotted, you're done for in a community this small. Penny wise and pound foolish. Anyway, no surprise that Pam jumps all over the offer, she's barely educated enough to read the signs much less realize when she's being played.

Pierre looks kind of bummed out about it. He knows he can't drop his prices that low. I explain to him about the concept of a 'loss leader' and the 'phantom sale gambit' and tell him that his customers will be right back in here tomorrow. And in the meantime, I've got a large order to place, if you don't mind.

Got a whole pile of potato seeds and picked up a backpack as well with the profits I showed. Not too shabby. Put seeds in the ground. I also made up a bunch of fertilizer using the sap that I've been getting from the trees, maybe that'll help my profit margin. Weatherman said it is going to rain tomorrow, so after I got done with the potatoes, I ran over to Clint's to upgrade the watering can. Sadly, he closed about ten minutes before I could make it. Bummed at the missed opportunity, I went beachcombing for clay and called it a day.

Spring 19th, year 1

Yep, it rained. Spent part of the day chopping down trees, then spent the rest of the day studying. I really need to learn how to make tree tappers if I am going to get my kegs made in time for summer and fall. I'm poised to really explode my profit margin, but I need to get my foundation set up first or I am going to fall on my face. And I really can't afford that, I've got too much riding on this.

So, let's plan this out, shall we?

Summer: Get as many blueberry seeds as possible. Don't need to worry about fertilizer, since it only works on about a third of them for some reason. DO want to start making sprinklers, if I can afford the gold. I won't be able to get down in the mines deep enough for gold until probably fall. Preserves Jars take up a BUNCH of coal. May have to purchase some from Clint, but that's going to get expensive in very short order. Will have to figure out a way to get a solid coal supply going if possible. Also Kegs, which needs the Oak Resin, as well as both copper and iron and some clay as well. Process all we can, sell the rest, use profits to expand. While it is possible for me to probably pay off licensing fees by the end of summer, it realistically won't happen until fall. Which works, since the bill is due at the end of winter.

Fall: Cranberries. Actually, that should probably be Cranberries! All the cranberries. Should easily be able to afford licensing fees by end of fall. If I can get the Greenhouse going, and find a supplier of starfruit, that might be a really good supplemental form of income. Particularly turned into wine.

Winter: If I can get that dilapidated greenhouse repaired, can continue growing something over the winter.

Of course, if something better comes along, that's going to be subject to change. Never get so married to your plans that you pass up an opportunity to improve.

 

Yes! Finally, someone else who took/understands Econ 101! Also, yay for figuring out Economy of Action. Not many people go into either of those.

 

Ah, help... Econ everywhere...

 

lmao hey he wasn't a complete jerk this time. and it makes sense. this guy is the franchisee JojaCorp needs, but not the one it deserves

 

Oh, he's going to be a devious jerk. He's gonna screw over Morris, and do it so smoothly that Morris won't realize what happened until after the consequences hit. Oh, I've got a list, I've got a little list...

Spring 23rd, year 1
Spent the past couple of days caving. Got down low enough that I discovered an underground lake. If I was an expert angler, that might possibly interest me. As it is... the fact that it doesn't have anything wanting to eat me is a good thing.

Also found a small ring that emits light. Not huge, but it's a big help in the darker parts of this mine, which I start hitting next. I'm going to delve deeply into (and the first person who pops of with a 'that's what she said' joke is going to get a pickaxe to the face) the mines. I'm going to need iron and gold to get where I need to go, and I'm going to need both coal and iron in bulk to accomplish what I need. Which is only found here.

Came back to find that hobo guy digging through people's trash. Ugh, really? I mean... it's bad enough you do the whole 'wild guy' thing, complete with utter lack of hygiene, but you really gotta do this stereotype too? Seriously? Then again, kinda pity the guy if he calls what is in the trash bins 'good food'. Anyway, told Linus that even if I don't judge him (much), he should probably not be digging around in other people's trash bins. For reals. Let Gus be the bleeding heart to feed the old guy.

Spring 24th, year 1

Potatoes came in today. Pretty good haul, too. Too bad the whole town's going to be at that dance, so there's no one to trade with now that I've got some cash. Then again, probably just as well. I don't have enough time to plant any more potatoes before summer comes in, so I'll probably save what I've got for the beginning of Summer and those blueberries I'll need. Went to the beach for foraging and digging for clay, then headed off to the dance to see what all the hubbub was all about.

The dance gave me a chance to observe the villagers socializing, which provided me some insight as to the social workings of the community. Haley and Alex were paired up, no surprise there. She was the 'spring queen' with a coronet of flowers, and taking center stage. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Not very impressive to be named 'spring queen' when no one else was interested in the title to begin with.

Leah was paired with Elliot. I'll have to admit, she does look pretty darn good in that dress. Maybe I should take the time to get to know her better. After all, I could support her artistic habits once the income starts rolling in, which is more than Elliot could say. Poets may have honeyed tongues, but that won't pay the bills. And if there's anything more starving than an artist, it's a poet.

Abigail and Sebastian were dancing together, although they both look like they'd rather be just about anywhere else. Eh, she may act immature, but she is very distinctly legally adult. And hey, there's something to be said about having a waifu. At least she won't be giving up any dreams, since she really doesn't have any to begin with other than 'get out of dad's house', which I'm pretty sure is gonna happen if my suit flourishes. She looks better in her goth outfit than that white frilly dress, though.

Maru and Harvey are paired up, although Maru seems more pleased about this than the doc. He's got two left feet, it seems, and is as physically awkward as he is socially awkward. She's never going to get him to be forward enough to ask her out, and she's not going to get the courage to ask him out. So unless one or the other of them figures out how to pull their head out of their respective scientific putterings, that's a romance that is D.O.A. I'd be tempted to sweep her off her feet, she doesn't look bad after all, but that would mean interacting in some way with her father, which is something I would have a preference for only slightly higher than, say, chewing ground glass or excreting pinecones.

Penny seems to be stuck with Sam, and doesn't appear to be too happy about it either. Then again, as shy as she is, maybe she just doesn't want to be dancing period. But I swear, if he starts getting handsey with her, I'm gonna have a bunch of fertilizer for my summer farm plot. The only thing worse than a bully is one of those damn smug jerks who won't take no for an answer. And unlike Alex, Sam's not so big a jock that I wouldn't be able to get my licks in, especially these days. After swinging that axe or pick all day long, my swing's gotten pretty darn good.

Clint sat off to one side, his gaze never leaving Emily, who seems to be mostly bored. I swear, if there was anyone I'd want to give a swift kick in the rear to, it would be to get Clint to get off his keister and go ask her out already. Then again, either Emily is so completely oblivious that they wouldn't be able to communicate effectively for a relationship to flourish, or is deliberately not noticing so as not to hurt his feelings that she doesn't reciprocate, so maybe it would be better if he kept worshiping from afar, either way.

Me? I stuck myself deep in the middle of the crowd so as to remain as indiscernible as possible. Last thing I want is to get hauled up there to dance.

There was a 'Rarecrow' for sale, but I'll pass. I'm going to need that money for blueberries. Maybe next time.
--- Post updated ---
Sorry for the delay! I kinda got caught up in a playing binge. I run Linux, and was greatly enjoying the fact that I no longer had to run it through WINE. This story is actually a novelized 'let's play' of my game. I've already gotten mid-fall in the game, so I've got a lot of writing to catch up with! I jot down notes as I play, and flesh them out in the format which you see here. Starting to get a little concerned, though. I haven't gotten a single ancient seed, despite running over a thousand berries through seed machines. If I don't get it by the last cranberry harvest, I may have to resort to alternate tactics.

The story is going to pick up a bit, with a lot of gaps coming up. Now that the farmer is established, there's going to be a lot of 'more of the same' that will be skipped over. So maybe it's just as well I did that playing binge, because the summer is going to fly!

Spring 25th, year 1

Praise Yoba for the rain! Demetrius showed up. At first I thought he was going to warn me off of her daughter, but then started asking if I would let him set up an experiment, either fruit bats or mushrooms, in that cave on my property. Well, I have no plans for the cave, and I might get something for nothing... sure, why not? Since I'm not all that fond of bats, particularly not after that last trip into the mines, I picked mushrooms. My second and final crop of strawberries came in. Not too shabby, although it is a shame there won't be enough time for a third harvest. I have an idea for what to do for Summer, but I'm going to need to prepare properly for it. I turned in some more things for the museum and as a reward, got a Starfruit seed that can be planted in the summer. Nice! I can't even buy those at Pierre's OR from JoJa Corp, and I've heard they are quite valuable.

Went to Clint to go break some geodes, then to the museum to drop off the findings. Penny was there again, sitting under the overhang outside, watching the rain. She seemed... at peace. I suppose it beats the heck out of being in that trailer all day. I do feel bad for her. I mean, it's not like her mother does anything but sit around the house and get drunk, so she's basically keeping up the whole place by herself. My little shack is bad enough to maintain, I'd hate to think how hard it would be with also having to pick up after a redneck slob. She noticed I was giving her distance and gave me an inviting smile, at least i think it was inviting. I mean, if she didn't want me to come over, she wouldn't have smiled, right? Then there was that awkward moment again where mouth refused to function. Finally, out of desperation, I reached into my pack and pulled out... a dandelion. Crap. What's she going to think if I get her that? Well, too late to back up now, just roll with it.

"Uhh... here. You looked a bit lonely. I.. umm... I mean, yanno... it's not much...." And again, ladies and gentlemen, we have an exemplary demonstration of suavery at its suaveriest. Not.

It was like I had just offered her a diamond or something. Her eyes lit up, her mouth opened slightly in surprise. Then, without warning, gave me a hug. So of course, I returned the hug. Yea. It was, yanno, just a hug. That's all. Nothin' special whatsoever. Clearly.

She thanked me for the gift, I mumbled something about it not being a problem, and I fled the scene.

Did some more mining after. Got down to level 40. Sure is cold down here. Found a slingshot. Most useless thing ever, no wonder it was abandoned down here.

Spring 26th, year 1.

Looks like my farm is going to be featured in the Stardew Valley Tribunal. Neat. Well, I had nothing left to water, so I started getting to work on preparing for summer. Cracked open a geode, then asked Clint to upgrade my Hoe. I'm gonna need it for the next growing season. I also need quite a bit of iron, gold, and refined quartz. Lots and lots of coal, too. It's time to start using modern technology to water my plants for me, which means sprinklers! Also, plants themselves are okay, I guess, but we really need to break out into making preserves or wine if we really want to push our cash flow to the max. Preserves jars need a ton of coal, kegs need oak resin and clay. Of the two, preserves jars are easier to get hold of at the moment, but that's going to change soon. Now that I am down in the icy areas of the mines, I can find iron ore.

I also REALLY need to get my pick upgraded, but right now, the hoe is more important because it needs to be done by the first of Summer. However, I won't have gold for quite some time. So some will need to be purchased from Clint.

In the meantime, I'm going to mark out the area I'll be growing in for summer. First, I take a square of 9 x 9 and break it up into nine distinct 3 x 3 plots. The center plot is going to be the scarecrow, with paving stones around it. The other eight will be a circle of tilled dirt with a paving stone in the middle. That paving stone is where my sprinkler is going to go. Then I expand outward one 3 x 3 section from each of the four center pieces and repeat the process for an additional four 3 x 3 plots of eight tilled dirt around a paving stone. This gives me twelve plots to grow on, which is going to be pretty good. I doubt I'll be able to afford all the gold for all of those yet, but I should at least get a few started, and as I progress, I'll be able to do more. Fortunately, all that clearing I've been doing this season is paying off, this area is already mostly clear, finishing touches are relatively straightforward.

 

ah the old "hoe before picks" adage. never fails going the Penny route I see. be nice!

 

It's why I've never really gotten a chance to do the Alex route, because he's all like 'Party foul, man! Bros before Hoes!'

 

Alex starts off as a dudebro, but then he becomes a proper bro. Totes broseph, yo. *Respect knucks.*

Also, you made Penny smile. YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.

 

Spring 27th

Went back down into the mines. Got the iron, just need the gold now for the sprinkler system. Met up with Penny again. She's really easy to overlook, yanno? Heard a couple of muttered comments behind people's backs about 'trailer trash'. That might fit her mom, but not her. She's actively trying to better herself. Gave her a leek I found. Her face really lit up. Is she so bad off that getting a wild vegetable is a favor? Or is it perhaps the thought that counts, that she appreciates that I at least thought enough of her to go out of my way to get something, anything, for her? I dunno. She's a nice, quiet, shy, cute woman. I mean... Haley is beautiful and all, but she's way too aware of it, the old saying about poison in pretty packages comes rather firmly to mind. Maru is very intelligent and cute, but she's always working on this or that project, and really, she's making moon-eyes at her boss. Leah is a nice girl, and quite attractive, but... well, she's an artist, and like most artists, she's always looking at a dream no one else can see... when she's not looking at Elliot, that is. But Penny seems to be the odd one out. It's a shame, really.

Spring 28th

Rained. Finished outlining my blueberry plot as per plans detailed previously. Let's do this.

Summer 1st

Oh my aching... everywhere. Eighty blueberries down in the ground, and boy are my arms tired. Also eight hops, the nine melons and the starfruit I got from the museum. I would've had more, but I spent too much money on gold for sprinklers, and even then, I could only afford like two or three sprinkler's worth. Which... really sucks. Hops are going into kegs for pale ale while I get blueberries going to fund my preserves jar habit. Eight coal a jar is also going to really suck. However, temporary setback is temporary. I can roll with this, I just need to be more creative. And more diving in the mines. Later. Not tonight. Tonight I sleep.

Summer 3rd.

Been doing some mining. Hit level 50. These soot sprites are so cute, I almost feel sorry for mercilessly slaughtering them for the coal. Almost. It does make me feel like spouting some cheesy stereotypical villain line, or maybe growing out a mustache to twirl. Actually, that might not be a bad idea anyway.

I desperately need to upgrade my pickaxe, though. Going has gone to a snail's pace because the rocks are so hard. I just don't have the energy. The slimes are getting pretty dangerous as well. The green slimes were no problem, these blue slimes are significantly more dangerous. Particularly when you are trying to fend off bats. Good thing I found that steel sword, or I'd be in a lot worse shape than I currently am. As it is, progress is slow.

Summer 7th

Oh my aching back. I swear, those mines will be the end of me one of these days. But I've got my pick upgraded. Finally. Penny seems to like Sweat Peas pretty well. We still haven't been able to talk much, but I suppose there's not really a whole lot to say. It sure beats someone who talks your head off and chatters on like a magpie.

I really do need to get out more often and socialize. I know that. But I'm also needing gold for sprinklers, and I've got a huge farm that is only partially sprinkler-fed. It's frequently well past dark by the time I climb out of the mines, and everyone's long since gone to bed. Maybe once I get this project done, I can think of something to do. I dunno. Socializing really isn't my thing, yanno? I had maybe one or two casual friends back in the city, and that was it. Of course, some people are easier to get to talk to than others. I think I've seen Robin's son maybe once since I got here, and Leah always seems to be elsewhere. Eh. I've got plenty of time for that after I become rich and famous.

 

Socializing after getting rich and/or famous? Now that's a new one

 

Summer 8th
Went into town. Ran into Penny helping the gumpy old geezer in the wheelchair get his mail, and he gripes at her for it. Needless to say, I took her side.

Got down pretty deep in the mines. Found a ring with magnetic properties. Not sure how it attracts nonferrous items like wood, but I'm not complaining. I'm sure science has an answer somewhere. Maybe it has something to do with Higgs- Bosun. Not sure how those skeletal figures are self-mobile, but they are sure a pain in the kiester. Soot sprites do not bring coal in sufficient quantities, not by a long road. But I also don't have enough money to purchase it in the quantity I need. This is... disturbing.

Summer 11th

LUAU! Are ya lookin' for a hunk of juicy... no. Just... no. Figured I should be there. They put me on the spot and asked me to toss something in the pot. Of course, my crops won't come in until tomorrow, what am I supposed to do, go hop in a police box and harvest tomorrow's crops yesterday? Sheesh. So I tossed in a grape I happened to find while walking in. People were like 'meh, it's okay, I guess', and looked at ME like it was all my fault or something. Sheesh, no pressure, right? Or maybe pickin' on the new guy or something.

Summer 12th

Hops have finally matured. Will expect to get a harvest each day for the rest of the season. This'll produce quite a bit of pale ale. Once I figure out how to make kegs. It's harder than it looks.

Summer 13th

Melons came in today. Might've been a better hit at the Luau a couple days ago. Yanno, if they'd held off or something. Alas, there were no missing melons that were plucked before their after to save me from social awkwardness. Actually, probably a good thing, those statues are creepy.

Summer 14th

BLUEBERRIES! My second harvest. Starting to bank some cash. However, I only have four preserves jars. I'm gonna need a LOT more. Also going to have to sell off most of these, just to make ends meet in the short term. Hate doing it, like eating your seed corn, but them's the breaks. Next harvest should see quite a bit more done with them. And hey, a cool 20k in the pocket never hurt anybody.

The rain was a thundering deluge, but I managed to get to Clint's to upgrade my pick. Bout dang time. This'll make my caving much easier. Ran into Penny sitting under the overhang at the museum again. Sat down next to her. Didn't say anything, didn't need to. Somehow, her hand and mine managed to get tangled up. Not too sure how it happened, but didn't want to be all awkward and yank back or something. So yea. That was a thing that happened. Yanno somethin', though? She's got a point. The rain is nice when you're out in it, but not, like, out in it. Also, white cotton blouse plus drenching rain. All I'm gonna say.

Summer 16th

Mines went from real cold to real hot. Finally found some gold ore. Now I'm going to be able to really start cranking out the sprinklers. Finally. Which means less work every morning. Which means more time for the mines. Now I just need tons of copper and iron. Also, I thought blue slimes were bad, those red and pink ones are murder. Not getting enough coal, either. This resource shortage problem is sadly familiar, but at least I've got actual cash in my pocket. Not much, after investing, but some. It's progress. Of a sort.

 

You and Penny are so cute! ...you perv.

Also, I don't think it's the Higgs Boson at play there. That ring is clearly made from a fragment of the Crystal Skull, which randomly attracts all solid objects, even non-ferrous ones like gold, and intermittently but powerfully draws in ferric items. Truly a strange substance...

 

Ahaha, I'm so happy I'm not the only one singing that song when I hear the word Luau xD I just sing it in danish, though.

 

Summer 17th, year 1

Wow, it's sure dangerous down in the mines. Found me a new sword, though. This one with an obsidian blade. Works pretty well. These things down here still hurt like heck, though. After finding the new elevator level, I rode up to the cavernous areas where copper is plentiful. Gonna need a *LOT* of it.

Summer 18th, year 1

And here's where my master plan begins. Mwhahah... ahem, sorry. Don't know what came over me there. I don't usually do the villain laugh. Honest. Anyway, called up Joja Corporate Office, and bounced an idea off of them. Basically, if I can pay off my licensing fees early, I can switch from being a franchisee to being a subsidary. In other words, instead of being a JojaCorp business, I'll be my own business that happens to be affiliated with and subordinate to JojaCorp. The reasons they liked this were many. First off, as a supposedly independent company, Joja gets to brag about how supportive of small business they are. After all, they're supporting MY business, aren't they? Second, my business here is very 'green', so this is an opportunity to crow about environmentalism. Third, I will be making handmade artisanal products, which is a far cry from the generic corn syrup and MSG laden products they normally offer, bringing in a different class of clientèle. Oh, and let's not forget profits, while we're discussing the high points. I'll be doing all the processing on my side, meaning that is processing they don't have to do. Sure, they're going to pay me more per product, but not needing a factory to process it means lower overhead and ultimately savings all 'round.

And I'm going to screw over Morris to do it. Here's how:

I'm going to make him an offer. He's been wanting to do this whole 'community outreach' project for a while. His promotion hinges on it, in fact. So, I offer to fund the whole dang project in exchange for having those funds count against my licensing fees I still owe Joja. I'm pretty sure Morris will have to go talk to HIS boss to get the okay for that, but I'm also pretty sure he'll be salivating so hard that he'll exert all of his resources and favors to see it happens. And when it does... I'm the one that is going to be featured in the newsletter, not him. And his promotion will end up... getting lost in the paperwork somewhere. And won't that be a treat? But then, that's what you get for being a greedy short-sighted local management type. Of course, the fellows up in Corporate are more visionary, but they're seeing a win/win deal here from their perspective. Which it is. And when I kick the traces and go independent, I'll still be using them as my distributor, so they aren't going to get screwed, per se, since they'll still be making their money one way or another.

And best of all... the whole town will benefit. All those community outreach projects that need to get done? Get done. The town gets a serious cash injection from the purchase of that community center that literally no one has gone into since I got here and is nothing more than a rat infested public hazard. Morris gets screwed over, which'll make the whole town cheer. And everybody lives happily ever after.

I just need one more harvest to put my plan into action.

Summer 21st

Got all my sprinklers for this season down, but I'll need more for next season. Right now, I've got 80 blueberry bushes. Next season, I'm going to double that, 160 cranberry bushes. Which will need a few more sprinklers. However, I've got most of what I need already, so it won't be long now. Got a dozen or so kegs up and running, processing the hops first.

Going to need to be careful on finances. It's gonna cost me 40k for all those cranberry seeds. Can't splurge on screwing over Morris until I'm sure I can cover that on top of the other expenses. May have to wait until fall to set him up for the fall. It'll still be worth it. And Corporate is going to be thrilled that I paid them back early. They're still not expecting to see anything until spring of next year.

 

Summer 24th
Spent the past few days doing the usual. Mining for copper, making sprinklers, finally upgrading my axe. That kind of thing. I was exploring options for growing in the spare slots, and discovered Poppies. While they do have a rather unsavory reputation for some of their uses, they are not, by themselves, immoral. Also, apparently Penny likes them. They don't sell very well, sadly, probably due to aforementioned stigma, so I might as well keep 'em to give to her. Yanno. I guess. I mean, it's not like they're worth selling or anything, better than throwing them away.

I had [several lines of scribbles where things were penned in and scribbled out and penned in again] umm... remembered that I had borrowed a book from Penny and was returning it. And figured I'd bring her a flower by way of thanks. Unfortunately... things did not turn out so well. The trailer was a complete mess when I came in, and Penny desperately trying to clean it up. So, of course, I decided to lend a hand and pitched in. Then her mother comes in. I don't know if she was drunk (at 9 AM? Maybe that should be 'still drunk'. I hope...) or hung over, but either way, she was as ornery as a grizzly bear with hemorrhoids trying to pass pinecones. What I will say is this... Pam is a verbally abusive redneck. I don't know if she would have become physically abusive if I hadn't been there and cleared my throat at an opportune time, but I'm just as glad she didn't. I doubt I'd have been able to keep my temper if she had. And, unlike her, I've got a sword, and I've got plenty of practice down in the mines.

Yanno, it's a crime what Pam puts her daughter through. Actually, I mean that literally with the whole verbal abuse thing, but more generally. She treats that girl like a slave. I'm not surprised she hangs out with Maru as much as she does. And Maru is to intelligent to not see what is going on here, either. I don't know why an intervention hasn't been staged yet, but I'm about to do something about it myself. In a non-lethal manner, of course. I may be upset, but I'm not going down that road. Except in self-defense or defense of another. Like Penny. But she'd have to go after Penny with like a frying pan or something for that to happen.

Summer 25th
Got an apology letter from Penny.

Okay, calmed down a bit. Seriously, she's apologizing for her mother being a... hemorrhoidal grizzly bear passing pinecones? Seriously? Insert profanity here. No, really, I'm educated enough that I do not typically need to resort to profanity. If you wish to curse and swear, don't despair, use some flair. Be creative with your words and enjoy the whole affair. But this? Just... no. There are no words virulent enough.

To distract myself, I went chopping trees and worked out my aggression clear-cutting a swath on my farm. Made a decent amount of progress. Maybe I'm actually starting to get a hang of this rural life. Also, did some math. A Preserves Jar requires 50 wood, 40 stone, and 8 coal. Now, wood costs 10 each, stone 40 each, and coal 8 each. So if I have to purchase everything, it's like 2k for each preserves jar. Which it may come to, eventually. But for now, I have the wood and stone, so I just need to plunk down for the coal, which makes each jar around 750 each, which is more reasonable.

Been making a bunch of kegs, and I think I finally got the hang of it. I'm not a professional cooper or anything, but it works, and that's the important part. I've got several oak trees with taps down to produce the oak resin I will need. It's not in any particular tearing hurry, but it's at least steady. Copper and Iron I can mine for, and I've got a decent reserve of clay. I don't have enough, but it's a beginning. Also going to plot out where my tree farm is going to be. And, of course, Fall is right around the corner. That's gonna be a busy day for me. My back is already griping, and it hasn't even happened yet.

 

holy s**t that grizzly bear metaphor is both spot on and disturbingly graphic please kind jerk, save Penny from her plight

 

Summer 28th, year 1

Spent the last few days clear-cutting and preparing for the fall and making preservation jars and kegs. Going to need a LOT more of those. There's some town celebration of some glowing jellyfish. Eh, as long as they don't want me to pet one or something, I'm okay with going. I like jellyfish just fine... pickled and on a plate. Or maybe in some nature documentary. Somewhere located far, far away from me. Paralytic toxin in water you can drown in... yea, that's a winning combination right there. Of course, since it is late evening, I still get a chance to get a full day's work in.

Everyone gathered by the beach. They had put a plank across the broken bridge so you could get to the tidal pool, but it was strictly temporary. Which reminds me, I need to repair that one of these days.

Chatted with everyone. Typical responses are typical. Ran into Penny. She seemed rather excited. We found a secluded place to watch the jellyfish. They were... umm... quite nice. Very... er... glow-ey. I guess we found a couple of things to do as well. I'll admit, she's a nice gal. It's surprising, considering what her mother is like. Then again, I suppose it's a perfect example of a negative example teaching an important lesson. Maybe that's why she's a teetotaler, because her mom is such a lush. I certainly don't mind. I mean, sure, if your plan is to liquor up the girl to get busy with her, that's not gonna fly. But that's not really my thing. In the first place, there's this thing called 'responsibility'. Also this thing called 'STD's' and 'pregnancy'. Also, my personal philosophy: don't stick it in crazy. And if they are willing to be willing after a few bottles... that's kind of a warning sign.

I found out from Maru that Penny's birthday is Tuesday.

Eventually, it got late, and I had a lot of work in the morning, so we called it a night.

Fall 1st, year 1

Planted 160 cranberries and two rare seeds. Crashing now, fill in later.

Fall 2nd, year 1

Penny's birthday is today. So I figured... why not? Give her a flower for her birthday. Well, came in and she was cooking and invited me to sample. Well... why not? Bottom's Up!

You know that cooking show? Yea, maybe she could stand to watch it a few times. But it's not like I'm gonna say that to Penny. So yea, complemented her food. She seemed really happy about it. Gave her the flower for her birthday. She... umm... gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was... yanno... a peck on the cheek. Not like we were sucking face or anything. Spent some time hanging out. Then her mom got back, and... well, let's just say that kind of killed any non-existent mood which may or may not have had a chance of being... mood-ish. Moody? Nah, that's for emos. Anyway. Went back to my farm to reorganize kegs into a more rational layout.