Story Edward The World Hero

Discussion in 'Winter Holiday Contest' started by Bughunter, Dec 24, 2012.

?

So, What do you think so far? (Scale 1-10. Ten = Best one = worst)

Poll closed Jan 6, 2013.
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  1. Bughunter

    Bughunter Spaceman Spiff

    So, hello everyone! Merry Holidays! This story is still WIP !

    It was raining. Whenever it rained on Ranor V we had to stay inside. After so many years of polluting the It was raining. Whenever it rained on Ranor V we had to stay inside. After so many years of polluting the planet, the atmosphere started to decay. Rain turned acidic, thunderstorms were worse, tornadoes and hurricanes were more frequent, and it was harder grow grow our crops. Without the crops our planet will become poor. The Puyon Solar System depends on our food production for the rich business planets. Anyway I grabbed my pencil and paper and started to draw the outdoors. I always did this when i was sad. My mother and father died two days ago in a storm. They were out fixing the roof to our shack when a tornado hit and blew them away. Our town , Yenwai, presumed them dead. I have been stuck in the house for the past week waiting for them to come back, even though deep down i knew they were lost. I stood up and walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, nothing. I was out of food and it was raining outside. "This is bad" I thought to myself, if I can't get to the store, I might starve. It was way to dangerous to go outside, due to the rain. I had to come up of something. After a few hours I finally had a crazy plan. I could take my umbrella, and cover it in aluminum foil. After toying around with the glue I finally made the damn thing, It only took 2 hours of my precious time.I took my new umbrella and stuck it out the door, it didn't melt, so I guessed it worked. I started my walk to market to buy some food, but on the way I noticed my neighbor, Mr. Adams, was selling his spaceship. I intently looked it over for imperfections, but there were none. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to go to space and draw the beautiful stars and planets, now i finally had a chance to. I continued my walk to the market, still thinking about that ship. On my way home I looked over the ship again, I noticed it was an old model from 3452, and it was a rare brand by the name of "Breyton" .These things were only manufactured for 2 years before they became too expensive to make, due to the bad economy back then. I glanced over the controls and noticed it had an auto-pilot mode and a manual mode, very rare. Most models had only a manual mode, and Business class ones only had auto-pilot. I pulled myself away from the beautiful piece of machinery, looking back on it as I neared my home. I had to find out how much that thing costs. If I could save enough for it I might be able to go to space and explore the Puyon Solar System. I took some chips to my room and looked inside of my Floran Bank (Which is a little ceramic thing in the shape of a floran head), there were 15,000 Pixels inside. Not much but I might be able to haggle a low price for the ship. It was getting late so i hopped in bed and pulled up my covers. I dreamed of me going to other planets, drawing the intricate landscape, the flora and fauna, the sky, and the ground. All of my life I have been waiting for an opportunity to do this, and now I finally had a chance.​
    I woke up to loud cracking noises and bangs. I looked out the window and saw huge cracks in Ranor V, lava was bubbling up and animals were climbing up. I panicked and grabbed my dad's old "Icarus" rifle. I slung it across my shoulder and ran to the door. I had to see if Mr. Adams was okay, and if we can use his ship to get the hell outta here. There was one problem with my plan though. My door was blocked by an extremely large stone. I had to find another way out. Looking for a window that wasn't getting burned by lava, I noticed that my house was on fire. The lava must've reached my house. If I didn't find a way out soon I will be dead. I started to shoot the wall with the Icarus rifle, but it was only helping fuel the fire. I flipped the rifle around, and used the butt to smash the weakened wall. In ten minutes I had a 2x2 foot hole in the wall. I jumped through and made my way to my neighbors house. I had to avoid the multitude of fissures in the ground, and the countless animal coming out of them. By the time i got there Mr. Adams house was burned to a pile of ashes. He was nowhere to be seen, but his ship was still there. It had been blackened by the flames but seemed intact. I tried to open the hatch, but it was locked. I had to find that key. I started my dangerous walk into town. Also I noticed that the fissures on the planet were getting bigger and bigger every minute. Upon reaching the town, I noticed it had been overrun with monsters of all sizes. Every building seemed to be on fire and falling apart. I looked around for anybody that can help me find Mr. Adams, But I couldn't find a single living person around town.​
    I started to look in each of the buildings. In the Green Floran Pub, the owner and his wife were sitting in a corner coughing heavily. I helped them up and led them outside. "Go to Mr. Adams place! There is a ship there we can use!" They ran in the direction of my neighbors house and looked back every few minutes. I went to Planetary Bank to look for more people. I saw Mr. Adams, but he was dead. There were burn marks everywhere and most of his head was missing from his neck. I was tempted to run away and look for more people, but i knew i had to search for the keys. I checked all of his pockets, but didn't find it. Then I noticed the key hanging around his "neck". I slowly reached for it, just waiting or him to get up and kill me. Nothing happened. I looked around the decimated bank for anything of use, but couldn't find anything. Then I remembered the safe. If I could find a way to open it, I might find a weapon, and lots of pixels. I looked for a working computer, upon finding one I used my HV45 hacking device. This was no ordinary hacking device, I made it myself. It could crack codes up to 25 letters long. It quickly matched the password and i logged in. Looking for the password for the safe would be hard. I had no idea were to look. I read Emails, Notepad documents, and anything on the desktop. I looked in a folder marked " 168324", opening it caused the vault door to swing open. I got up from my seat and looked inside. There were millions of pixels here. I grabbed as many as I could and took a few guns from the emergency bin.I made my way back to Mr. Adams house after checking the rest of town for survivors. I found 2 other people while i was searching, both were my friends. Lily was a young Floran, while Eric was a 18 year-old Avian. I looked for Mr. and Mrs. Rain at the Adam's place. I spotted them sitting near the ship, looking glum. I waved the keys to the ship and them and they sprang up in joy. I unlocked the old thing and hopped in. "Get in everyone!" I yelled. "Whaddya think we are trying to do?" retorted Lily. After we got everyone in, I closed the cockpit and started the engine. I put my foot on the pedal and the Breyton started to gain altitude. I flipped the switch that allowed us to leave the gravitational pull of our planet​
     
  2. Bughunter

    Bughunter Spaceman Spiff

    I had it formatted in the RTD but it unformatted it when i C&P'd it...
     
  3. Bughunter

    Bughunter Spaceman Spiff

    I vote for my own stuff :p
     
  4. AUGH MY EYES ARE YOU TRYING TO BLIND ME SIR

    Sorry, but even properly formatted, I just can't really get into the groove here.
     
    slayer90000284 likes this.
  5. slayer90000284

    slayer90000284 Big Damn Hero

    A lot of this doesn't even make sense. And also, format. Format is really important because people can understand your writing better, and it isn't bunched up in slobs. And your GRAMMER! You don't even finished your writing with a period! What is this? Child's play?
     
  6. Be nice...it's called constructive critique, not soul crushing. There is a different time for that.
     
    nababoo likes this.
  7. You definitely do not want to be on the receiving end of this kind of criticism. Please don't go around insulting the author for things they're only learning about :\
     
  8. YOU BE NICE TOO
     
  9. Eh... that was a bit uncalled for. Editing :\
     
  10. Nice.

    In all honesty, though, I don't really get the Starbound vibe from this. It feels just more generically sci-fi.
     
  11. Sort of difficult to write fiction about a game whose story hasn't been revealed yet tho...
     
  12. Perhaps, but there was little, if any mention of Starbound details that HAVE been revealed. There was I think three tiny things mentioned...uh...Pixels, a pub name, and a piggy bank.

    And it's actually quite possible. The fanfic section isn't barren. You just need to improvise a little. keyword is little
     
  13. I think you're forgetting the holiday theme.
     
  14. Nah, different circumstances. She said fanfic, not holiday fanfic.

    Still possible.
     
  15. I love reading others' fanfics, and this is a great place to get it out there. But without a winter theme, a story won't have a chance of winning.
     
  16. I...know. My response was a response to Zooey's response and...never mind, I'm tired.
     
  17. Sorry for the confusion. My original post was responding to OP.
     
  18. I don't know, I don't think something that is sci-fi is any less starbound related than most of the hat contest entries. See most of those were related only by virtue of being put on a starbound sprite.

    There have been some general details revealed, but not really the sort of things you need to have a lot of variety in a writing contest. I think it's good that the OP is taking some things and extrapolating.
     

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