Defend Yourself!

It technically was an actual chip though.

NP hates the great elder god and squid daddy lord Cthulu!

 

He broke open my house whilst I was conduction research. He deserves to burn!

NP knows what Violet Crumble is.

 

They're alright. I prefer picnics though.

NP underestimates my power.

 

An understandable mistake, you're underwhelming.

NP doesn't know what Timtams are!

 

I actually do, they're really nice.

NP doesn't know what a Timtam slam is.

 

The power of Google has alleviated the problem

NP may or may not be Parastratiosphecomyia stratiosphecomyioides.

 

WRONG, im actually Pachygastrinae.

NP is the test dummy sitting inside the Tesla roadster on Falcon Heavy that just launched yesterday.

 

I wish... *sad sigh*

NP never told me life was gonna be this way.

 

Well, if I had, you would have killed yourself after trying to start a nuclear war.
NP is using mind-control to make me procastinate everything, including things I actually want to do.

 

Well witches bewitch, I'm just acting according to my nature!

NP likes to eat metal

 

Metal eat! *nom nom nom*

NP's power level is pretty low.

 

FOOL, THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM

NP isn't in their final form

 

No, but even then I have the power to go further beyond!

NP doesn't have magic

 

Shit he knows I'm a fraud *jumps out window and runs*

NP is a fake wizard

 

I am no conjurer of cheap tricks!

NP is covered in vegemite.

 

It keeps my fur nice and dark!

NP refuses to accept the cat overlords

 

Well, of course the dragon overlord would.

NP can't fly.

 

Why fly when I can teleported many thousands of times in a second? It's vastly superior to flight.

NP is unaware of their surroundings.

 

Considering it's literally just air there isn't much to be aware of.

NP is trying to steal my job.

 

Yes I am! I can terrorize villages a thousand times better than you!

NP is a bad supervillain, as in they're crap at being bad