Defend Yourself!

I did, once, but now my death count is OVER 9000!

The NP is a loli.

 

The proper term is neko, baka!

NP is a tsundere

 

No I'm not! I don't become warm or affectionate, baka!

NP is pro-capitalism.

 

You communist bastard! (no offense)

NP is a weeaboo.

 

BAKA! I AM A NEKO!

NP gave me a stomach ache

 

Teach you to give me bald spots!

NP's swag is too loud.

 

What? I can't hear you! Don't worry about it, you're probably wrong anyways!

NP is accusing me of pyromania. Well, not "accusing" really, but let's call it that for argument's sake.

 

I'm accusing you of pyromania, I'm telling you that I have pyromania.

The NP has a lolita complex.

 

It's not exclusive to lolitas, I hate everyone and want them all to burn in a fiery inferno before lord Cthulhu consumes them all.

NP is a non-believer and shall be consumed by our great Old One lord last.

 

My old god is better than your old god!

NP still worships Cthulhu

 

I did, do, and will worship. Time is a concept with no bearing on reality.

NP has no eyes.

 

I very clearly have 4 eyes. (6 if you coun't the one in my signature)

NP can't count

 

Yes I can, there are nine planets. Viva la Pluto!

NP doesn't like Constantine.

 

He stole my modern-day occultist shtick! Fucking Constantine, can't believe he got Zatanna too.

NP is a heretic

 

YOU ACCUSE ME OF HERESY YOU MUTANT? I SERVE THE MOST HOLY GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND!

NP ate a grenade.

 

I was hungry.

NP stole 666 sweetrolls.

 

I never liked using healing potions, ok?

NP is a dirty thief

 

No I'm not, you have no proof. Also, on a completely unrelated and totally inconspicuous note, let me put this basket on your head.

NP isn't wearing a seat belt in the car.

 

brooms don't have seatbelts!

NP is a Mormon

 

I reject your reality and substitute my own! I can live my own life.

NP ate a silicon chip thinking it was an actual chip.