Defend Yourself!

I just said you, a cat, were screwing a pooch... If you feel ashamed by that then perhaps stop doing it?

The next poster won't let me sleep.

 

If you find it creepy for a flaming bird to watch you sleep, just say so.

The np has no idea what's going on.

 

It's true, these painkillers are doing their job in more way than one.

The next poster replaced my gokstad shield with a tiny buckler! How am I supposed to bludgeon someone with this!?

 

Simple, you punch with it.

The NP thinks the hammer is an all solving tool.

 

I've yet to see something that didn't break after enough whacks from a big man with a big hammer.

The next poster refuses to stand aside, I have some heretics to purge.

 

What, do we live in a medieval theocracy? I won't let you murder these people for not believing in your sky-daddy.

The NP is forcing some crazy religion into our secular government.

 

Listen, I am a Phoenix, I have enough people trying to worship me already. And let me tell you, it's freaking annoying.

The np thinks I'm a diety for some reason.

 

Thank god I'm an atheist. Otherwise you'd have caught me red handed.

The next poster walked into the wrong neighborhood.

 

To be honest, there's no right neighbourhood in my city.

The next poster is directly responsible for Erdogans insanity.

 

I think that guy was a paranoid, thin skinned jackass before I trolled him.

The NP digs through the books to find antiquated, vestigial laws to get at their enemies.

 

The other option is to start a blood feud like grandfather would have done. We lost Grekka, Brun, and Bjorn in the last one.

The next poster replaced my shovel with a spade. I need more surface area!

 

Not just any spade. It's the Ace of Spades.
Unrelated question: Is your grampa named Ragnar?

The next poster didn't understand this joke.

 

It wasn't a good joke in the first place.

The next poster refused to take part in a trial by combat.

 

That is correct, I wrestled my opponent instead.

The next poster turned down an invitation to a flyt. You're not afraid of some mean words are you?

 

You just weren't pretty enough.

The next poster had illicit sexual relations with my shower.

 

Couldn be, my relationship is strictly with your toilet.

The next poster put a cactus in my underwear.

 

Oh, uhh... well, how should I say this? Ummmm...

You may picked up someone else's laundry by mistake. That's not your underwear...
sorry :c

The next poster is a trickster.

 

Nonsense, I am honesty incarnate, after all I honestly and openly label myself a swindler!

The next poster has... licked my entire keyboard wtf.

 

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

The next poster destroyed all the evidence.

 

I did it to save an innocent man

NP is not an innocent man