Appearance & Story Wild cuddle bunnies were very social animals with a complex language, but they are long since extinct. They have been selectively bred to the point where they are unrecognisable. They now have no lips and are incapable of anything more than screaming and crying, which is appropriate because their lives are so depressing and the sight of one is enough to make anyone scream. Domestic cuddle bunnies are a pet selectively bred for their tendency to hug anything in sight. You may describe the cuddle bunnies as an experiment gone wrong, but the breeders couldn't be happier with the outcome. Their creators however, were blind crustaceans who had a very different idea of a hug from you or me. Their thick carapaces and lack of vision meant they didn't notice that what they had created was a disgusting abomination and was more than capable of felling a sizeable tree with their "cuddle paws" which look more like a pair of scimitars than cuddling implements. Note the structurally unsound ear, due to failed attempts at self-hugging. Cuddle bunnies themselves are unfortunately not blind, and can see how ugly each other really are. This upsets them and they hug themselves to ease the pain, but remember their arms are giant claws. So this just causes much more pain. Life as a cuddle bunny is hard, it's probably best to put them out of their misery if you ever see one, but do it quickly before they try hugging you. Behaviour They sit in the dark away from reflective surfaces (including water), crying and hugging themselves (causing damage). If two come into contact with each other they scream and run in opposite directions. When they see another living being they run to hug, whilst trying to greet them. Their greetings sound like someone trying to say "friend" whilst pulling their cheeks and lips apart. If they reach the thing they are trying to hug, they inadvertently claw it to death and go back to crying in the dark. They do not learn from their mistakes, centuries of inbreeding will do that to anyone.
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
