Corrupt a wish V.2

Granted, but the Moogle joins the Mafia and performs a hit on you.
(Thanks for clearing it up)

I want a jar of perfectly good mayonnaise.

 

Granted, but even the jar is so perfect it's seamless, unopenable and unbreakable.

I wish my avatar birb can come to life and be my familiar friend.

 

Granted. However, he dies within a week due to ceiling fans.

If I can't have a moogle... I wish to BE a Moogle!

 

Granted, you are the worst possible moogle and your existence is agony.

I wish I was a fish, and once I become a fish, I fell on the ground and flopped around on the ground for a bit before finding I river that leads to the ocean.

 

Granted. Then you become a victim of the fishing industry.

I wish to be a better moogle.

 

Granted but you have heat stroke and die because its summer

I wish the eggplant emoji was replaced with a cuccumber emoji

 

Granted but people do weird, unspeakable things with the cucumber.

I wish I was a ghoul from ghoul Tokyo in america.

 

Granted, but you're shot in the face several times because of it.

I wish I was a pie!

 

Granted. But what flavor? PIE FLAVOR! (beooow!)

I wish for a wish to be expended later, with no chance of failure.

 

Granted, but I expend it elsewhere.

I wish I had supper strength.

 

Granted but because you are used to weak noodle arms you break alot of things and accidently break peoples backs when hugging them (YOU MURDERER)

I wish people would not doubt that I am tottaly a normal flesh being

 

Granted, but you actually become and eldritch beast

I wish I were a robot

 

Granted but now you cant feel

I wish I had more monocoles

 

Granted, but they're cursed monocled of blindness.
I wish for a gun.

 

Granted. It has no ammo. What? You wanted a loaded one?

I wish for a nail sword, like the one my profile pic has.

 

Edit:ninjad
Granted, but you trip and stab yourself with it.

I still wish for a limp noodle gun

 

Granted, but the bolignaise jams the receiver.

I want a chainkatana.

 

Granted. Do I need to explain why this is a horrible idea? Because this is a horrible idea. Your katana-flail cuts all your limbs off.

I wish for a space ship legally given to me, along with a pilot's licence, training, crew, and completely functional systems.

 

Granted. However, your pilot has a curse that causes any vehicle he operates to break irreparably.

I wish for a drink.

 

Granted, it's a drink of acid.

I wish for a severed finger.