OOC Coalveins - Civil War - A Steampunk Roleplay [APPS CLOSED]

While I'm allowing Kaiachi to review this one, I would like to point out that your backstory and personality are very short and rather barebones.

 

I'm going to try to improve on those when I have some more time.

 

If you don't have time to write even barely fleshed out information for your character especially after this long, I'm not so sure you're going to be a good fit for this RP. Will you post rudimentary and short posts simply because you don't have enough "time"?

 

I'm disallowing that picture's use. Not only is it poor quality, but your additional specifications don't match it (the change to brown hair, and a 'normal' face), so you could find a more accurate picture. I'm wondering what a 'normal' face is as well.

I get it, he likes fruit. Not only is this fact not important, but it's not nearly important enough to mention twice. Omit this entirely.

'Loves to build things or modify them.' / Modifier Trait - This statement is too broad. It allows for way too much to be done. Define this a bit, elaborate on what he builds or modifies, or specify his skills. You say 'certain items', what are they?

Your 'Stealthy' trait completely contradicts the 'Not very good at blending in.' flaw. Explain each one so they make sense, or get rid of one of them. Stealthy is not as self explanatory as you think, so define this if you keep it.

'Anger Management Issues' conflicts with the friendly, easy to talk to, and social nature you're describing. Fix this.

As for your musket, I can say that a modification could certainly make it more accurate, but by nature, muskets are highly inaccurate. That being said, the 70-80 yards is far-fetched.

Your backstory is very simple. What did he start tinkering with? What was his unique skill? How did he prepare his family? What happened between 14 and 26 (that's a pretty large gap in time)? Why did he join the war efforts (is this considered 'work'?) Beef up your backstory and tell us more. There's also an error in this section (you cut off the 'e' in 'he' in one of your sentences.)

You should capitalize the first letter of the first word in your sentences, such as the 'to' in your goals.

Great dancer? How does this come into play here? Shall he dance on the bodies of the dead?

 

Hold the phone! I'm gonna write an app up real quick, who will be aligned with the empire, unlike so many of you filthy rebels.

 

Am I the only one who's decision was influenced by Skyrim?

Edit:Yep..looks like I'm all by myself..

Also..Crits! I thought we were gonna be on the same team! Ah well..I'll get even..with lead!

 

On second thought, having reviewed the apps, I have revised my decision, choosing instead to support the rebels. 'Twill be wonderful.

 

You made the right choice...

 

I'm surprised no one commented on the fact that he joined the rebellion while siding with Burque. I hope the rebellion doesn't find the spy in their midst.

 

Oh crap..

 

I present to you,

Name: Damir



Age: 27



Side in the War: Burk



Picture or Detailed Physical Description:

6’4”, brown, scarred skin, though at this point it's more of a hide. Large frame, very muscled. Dark brown, messy hair. Brown eyes, missing several teeth. Face in a permanent scowl.

Basically this, but larger, and minus the swords.

Personality: Uncaring and cold, he cares not for others opinions. Not a talker, he normally stays on the sides, waiting for battle. When he does talk, he has a deep, gravely voice, devoid of emotion. He only shows emotion in the heat of battle.



Traits:

Strength of a Thousand Men- Strong beyond measure, he can lift the heaviest of blades and rend the limbs from his foes.

Berserker: In the heat of battle, nothing fazes him. He feels no pain from blows, shrugging them off as inconveniences. This, however, can lead to him over stretching his limits, and injuring himself needlessly.

Raw Power: What he lacks in technique, he more than makes up for in brute force, preferring to hammer foes into the ground than engage in a fair fight with them.


Flaws:

Bloodlust: Once in battle, he gets tunnel vision, focusing only on killing. He cares not for his allies, sometimes even injuring them if they get in his way.

Tongue Biter: Will not speak up unless it is a matter that involves him.

No Strings: Doesn't listen to authority, preferring to follow his own plan.

Personal: Hates guns, and those who use them, preferring to be close enough to his opponent to see the life leave their eyes.


Items:

Large, two handed sword, reaching four feet in length. The pommel is a spike rather than what is shown, and the cross guard is larger.

He travels light, carrying only a small rucksack with a water skin and basic hardtack, enough to last two days.


Alignment:

Chaotic Evil


Backstory:

Not much is known about Damir, few even having seen his face the story told of him is that he is a foreigner, brought here as a gladiator to some noble in the countryside. Their mistake was giving him his weapon. When no one had heard from his house in a week, the local town guard left to see what happened. Only two returned, one bleeding out and the other barely able to talk. They simply said to call reinforcements, and that a beast had slain everyone. But it was no beast, only Damir. By the time a larger force had made it to the Manor, no one was left, only the bodies he had left behind. Damir, having heard of this rebellion, headed to the front lines, wanting to kill those responsible for taking him from his homeland, wherever that may be. Some surmise it to be the wastes. Others the far north. What they do know for sure, though, is that he is a warrior.


Goal:

To rend the limbs from my enemies, and litter the battleground with their broken bodies.


Other: When not in battle, he either trains, eats, or stays in the confines of his lodging, whatever it may be.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
*Door splinters inwards*
Damir is here!
Damir, that's not how this works...

 

Now, if I understand anything of soldiers..that would best classify as one mean Berserker..

 

Exactly. But even the strongest of warriors can fall on the battlefield, and a powerful enough firearm could simply pierce through his armor.

 

If they don't get caught under the horns of that bull..I gotta say, that's a good one.

 

Edited to add joke

 

Before I prepare a review for the latest app let me say how pleased I am that people seem to understand that while the majority of rebels aren't inherently evil, ONLY Burk would be willing to allow such dangerous and chaotic individuals into their ranks.

 

Yup, they are desperate, and fighting a war against a much better trained, and much better equipped force. Of course they would take in these wildcards, they'll take any help.

 

Burk must be a bit desperate on their measures..

Edit: Took the words out of my mouth Crits.

 

Apps are now officially closed. Just waiting to see Dragonclaw revise their app, then I'll add everyone into the characters tab. After that, it's only a matter of time before we begin.

(Crits, gonna review your app by tonight. Spoiler alert, it's just a few minor things and then you're good.)

 

Alrighty captain. I may work out a back up character for if he dies. Also, should I add in the negative that he is susceptible to firearms, or is that assumed.