Story {CHPT 16}TALE OF AN AVALI WARRIOR

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by DinoExplorer2000, May 13, 2018.

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  1. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Subatomic Cosmonaut

    not really, but in my opinion you should add in the Ryos School time to add more character to Ryos and such, but if you can't make up the School time, it's k, just move past that if you need to, but that's just me ^w^
     
  2. Niphim Das Victara

    Niphim Das Victara Tentacle Wrangler

    I think it might be useful to have maybe one or two in his school day buts thats just me
     
  3. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Subatomic Cosmonaut

    13 is really good so far! tho i found a spelling error close to the end, you mispelled "Him", it's on the line of
    "
    “Hi dad!” He says as he hugs hmi. His dad hugs him back.
    "
     
  4. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    oh thx!
     
  5. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Subatomic Cosmonaut

    you are welcome! i just saw it while reading and it bothered me
     
  6. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    if anyone is still Reading, Chapter 15 is out
     
    DutchyBoi likes this.
  7. DutchyBoi

    DutchyBoi Poptop Tamer

    I only came across this yesterday, but im already excited for more! Please keep going with it since im really enjoying it thus far.
     
  8. DutchyBoi

    DutchyBoi Poptop Tamer

    Please dont tell me its dead
     
  9. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    dont worry its not .I m working on chpt 16.
     
    DutchyBoi likes this.
  10. DutchyBoi

    DutchyBoi Poptop Tamer

    Well that comment alone just made my day! Thank you for not giving up yet, cant wait to see this finished.
     
  11. DutchyBoi

    DutchyBoi Poptop Tamer

    Wow, chapter 16 is really cool!
     
  12. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    thx!
     
    DutchyBoi likes this.
  13. Pacman6511

    Pacman6511 Subatomic Cosmonaut

    Great chapter! Loved reading it!
     
  14. DinoExplorer2000

    DinoExplorer2000 Scruffy Nerf-Herder

    Thank you!
     
    DutchyBoi and Pacman6511 like this.

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