Can you do me a favour?

I would, but I ate all the food.

Do me a favour and get me some worshippers.

 

I would, but I got kicked out of Jehova's witnesses for a reason.

Do me a favour and find me someone to hug.

 

I would, but I'm a parrot so they'd probably not follow me to you.

Do me a favour and get me some crackers. Aaawk~

 

Í would, but whenever I try to call them they tell me they prefer to be called Caucasians.

Do me a favour and get me a pack of cigs.

 

I would, but I already did the groceries today so it's someone else's turn.

Do me a favor and fix our weapon laws.

 

I would, but I don't know what country's weapon laws you want me to fix.

Do me a favour and help me sleep

 

I would, but dropping a book on your head would be considered assault, and you're a cat so you'd propably eat me.

Could you do me a favor and use your magic to make me like, human sized?

 

I would, but last time that resulted an a giant kill ant.

Could you do ma a favor and set my kettle on fire?

 

I would, but I still have to fix up my Sputnik mask.
(Actually no I don't. It's already the way (a nice color of black) I like it and my favorite mask by far )

Could you do me a favor and not hurt the police while robbing the bank.

 

I would but they'll NEVER GET ME ALIVE *starts continuous fire*

Do me a favour and do something cute.

 

I would, but I delegate all cute stuff to the actual parrot and record that.

Could you do me a favor and make REAL snow fall over here in the good ol Impending Atlantis (AKA netherlands)

 

Granted. The Netherlands now have the same climate as Greenland. (Also wtf, there's snow here in Germany and I'm not that far away from the Netherlands)

Do me a favour and buy me a new phone.

 

I would but I'm saving up money for my own PC.

Do me a favor and don't get an iphone

 

I would, but Apple is now employing mind programming in their marketing.

Do me a favour and make me stop listening to 90's pop music.

 

I would do you that favor but I A: Don't want to be a hypocrite because my favorite song is 90's-ish pop, and B: the music of the current day is way way worse.
(Though I also really really like the song in my signature. And all his songs.)

Could you do me a favor and explain to me why your eye is on blue fire?

 

Too much ethanol in my blood plus smoking. It just ignites.

Do me a favour and get me some curtains.

 

I would but the only thing I do is shred them.

Do me a favor and don't consume too much ethanol and smoke

 

I would, but no, no I won't.

Do me a favour and get me a banjo.

 

I would but I'd like to do the world the favor of not doing it.

Do me a favor and please don't kill me get a piano instead.