Chat Assorted original fiction discussion.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jareix Cryvix, Jan 6, 2017.

  1. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    Anyone care to contribute?
    Firebird Zoom likes this.
  2. Firebird Zoom

    Firebird Zoom Oxygen Tank

    If I have the time to, I may.
  3. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    Let me contribute with a request for help: For a roughly late 1920's/early 1930's inspired fantasy setting (basically, pre-nazi Europe), I'm currently making up the major faith - the Church of Trinity (or, in German, Kirche der Dreieinigkeit). Basically, they worship the Holy Trinity of Man, Earth and Sky, i.e. mankind, country and the Angels above. Their most important tenent is that mankind is perfect as it is, and thus Abhumans (Mages, the Undead, the few surviving Elves and Dwarves, other humanoid-but-not-human species etc. which are btw the player characters) are Heretics (hence the name of the game, Heretic). Now, I want two major denominations there, just like Christianity. So far, I have only one, the Iconoclasts who are basically hardliners who punish any deviation from mankind, any study of non-approved texts and even visual representation of humans, especially saints.

    So, maybe y'all can help me brainstorm the more "tolerant" faction here. Now, "tolerant" doesn't mean tolerant here - both sides have their own inquisition, both sides are willing to hunt Abhumans to the death. The only concession the other side (For now I call them the Liberals, but that name will be subject to change) has made is that they lobotomize some mages who specialise in meta-magic and use them to spot hidden mages.
    HunterC1998 and Jareix Cryvix like this.
  4. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    Perhaps they can be called "Rebirthers"? Forcing the abhumans to accept their inferiority and putting them to work rather than killing them, or just generally making the abhumans useful to them while still dehumanizing them.
    HunterC1998 and Surenu like this.
  5. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    I like that idea. Might depend on the Abhuman though - Mages specialise in different areas (guess Demonologists and Necromancers won't put their skills to use, but eh, they can still till the fields as slaves), Vampires are utterly useless in daylight... but still, slave labour (and maybe some "progressive" medical research)
  6. Arra

    Arra The End of Time

    *cough* Although unrelated but still

    Serans: Three eyed, humanoid, mouthless metallic sentinels of peace. A strange inclination to strange technology. Tall, three eyed near genderless metallic beings, faithful to their god, and with a zeal to match. Self-Representative govt, no understandable culture.

    Etriidians: Cruel, lovecraftian inspired creatures, only wanting to consume and destroy. They look like Salloks and or Salazar from the waist above, and a mass of fibrous tendrils from the waist down. Communistic and japan-russian culture.

    Anusites: Highly technological Anubis people. Yes. Canine people. They only watch and observe, some throwing themselves into the midst of war. They fight with weapons forged from crystallized light, displaying the splendor of the heavens in every cannon blast, every hammer swing, every slash of a blade. Parliment/ Monarchial govt, greek culture

    Altmori: Diminutive, but courageous race of draconian elf people with horns, displaying an internal aurora. They fight using mechanized chassis'. Their weapons have crystal as a main energy source and ammunition. You might think their 4 foot tall stature reduces their individual effectiveness in battle without the suit, but you'd be wrong. Triumvirate, mesoamerican culture

    Drell: The purest form of motherly love. A queen commands this race, her children, the Drell love their queen how a child loves a mother. The Drell have long, curved foreheads, lacking eyes and ears, their arms and legs farther out then normal. Their body plan follows a humans, other than their features. The majority of them are brilliant thinkers, able to cannabalize any and all technology like a plague. The royal ones can take on the form of a human. No understandable culture. Monarchy

    Cnithderans: A race of mimic creatures, or plague doctors made out of bone. They house a hideous, monstorous body inside their bones, able to pull themselves inside of themselves to allow their mimicry to come into effect. They can mimic anything, given enough time. No known culture.

    Feprix: Six eyed, Telepathic mantis people without mouths, but probiscises in their arms. They also brew a mean ale. Nomadic wanderers, burrowers. 7 feet tall is the norm, they have a thin, chitin covered body, lanky and brightly colored. Nomadic culture like that of the bedoiuns

    Nifaalem: Sub-oceanic four armed, quadruple eyed sea serpents, with a knack for hunting. They can swim amazingly fast through the water, and live with a queen. Divisions among the Nifaalem allow for specialzed breed types, knights, farmers, scribes, etc. Peak of Rome-like culture

    Jiangyankshi: Sociable beings, made from cloth. They come in many shapes and sizes. They are as diverse and varied as humans, coming in different materials, colors and patterns. They live on a peaceful world of constat dark, their moon mimicking a sun to an extent. They have a early chinese culture.

    If you wanna ask about one go ahead....
  7. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    Well....I've been doing some thinking...I may want to try a little story of my own, but no promises...I'm no expert..
    Firebird Zoom and Arra like this.
  8. Roland Weiss

    Roland Weiss Tiy's Beard

    Laugh if you want, but I might actually type up some lore for an Avali faction I've got stewing in my head.
  9. Dipdoo

    Dipdoo Existential Complex

    Instead of laugh, I shake in anticipation.
    Firebird Zoom and Surenu like this.
  10. Firebird Zoom

    Firebird Zoom Oxygen Tank

    Same here, actually.
  11. Roland Weiss

    Roland Weiss Tiy's Beard

    Well, anyone familiar with my two Avali characters Surge and Simo will know a couple things about this faction. They're basically a clan that rejected the Illuminate policy of isolationism and decided to travel the stars in a massive nomadic fleet. They also engage in piracy.
  12. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    Kinda felt it would be like that, I'm interested in hearing more about it.
    Firebird Zoom likes this.
  13. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    You know, I feel l should bring up this little comic I've been planning on doing for a while now...
    I have no idea for the name, I've just built up the primary characters, the world they inhabit, the history of said world, and the future of said world.
    Oh, and the basic premise...
    Should I share it...?
    Dipdoo, HunterC1998 and Firebird Zoom like this.
  14. HunterC1998

    HunterC1998 Cosmos Killer

    Firebird Zoom likes this.
  15. Roland Weiss

    Roland Weiss Tiy's Beard

    Finally sat down to write something. So here's what I came up with.

    Clan Aalto council chambers, onboard the Suuri Aalto

    It was never fun being the bearer of ill tidings; the pack who had been sent as a liaison to the Illuminate authority had just such a burden. “Alright, this is it. Shall we?”
    They stepped through the doorway into the chambers, and stood before the council. “So, what is it?” Said the chief councillor. “What have you brought us from our ‘overlords’?”
    The leader of the liaison pack hesitated for a moment, before looking up to face the council. “They have ordered us to cease all operations, recall all our ships, and terminate all outside contact.”
    There was a moment of hushed tones, then the chief raised his hand to prompt silence. “That is their sanction?”
    The pack leader simply replied, “Yes.”
    An angry voice barked from one of the side stands, one of the shipmasters. “Do they not know our trade? Such an act would ruin us!”
    A senior councillor barked back. “Of course they do. That is why they chose this course of action. They have simply gotten serious.”
    A junior councillor rose her hand to get a word in, “So what are we to do then? Just accept their ruling? After all, we did violate the decree of isolation; trading with outsiders and all that.”
    The shipmaster’s anger flared up at this statement. “Are you saying we just roll over and capitulate? Have you no backbone?”
    The chief brought up his fist, slamming it on the table; the chambers fell silent. “Enough. Infighting will not help us here. We should follow their order for now; but perhaps it is time we plan for our ‘secession’.”
    The silence continued, as the gravity of that statement sunk in; after all, he had advocated deserting the Illuminate. The shipmaster broke the silence. “What do you propose? We cannot fight an open rebellion; such an act would be suicide.”
    The chief shook his head. “No; I would advocate no such thing. We should simply leave once the opportunity presents itself. Avalon will no longer be a safe harbour, of course; but better we ride the winds of uncertainty than be locked in prison.”
    More hushed discussion, another of the senior councillors spoke up. “So, shall be vote on this plan? I motion that we follow our fearless leader’s mad scheme.”
    The shipmaster stood up. “I second that motion.”
    The chief simply nodded. “All in favour?”
    Many hands rose, more than enough.
    “All opposed?”
    The junior councillor was about to raise her hand, before realizing very few shared her sentiment.
    “The motion carries.” The chief returned his gaze to the liaisons. “Return to our erstwhile ‘overlords’, tell them we will comply with their sanctions. Tell them nothing else.”
    The leader of the pack salutes, as he and his packmates leave the council chambers. “Well, that was something.”


    The Aalto clan is one of the many independent Avali factions, having cut ties with Avalon. Unlike the more sedentary and planet-bound factions, Aalto chose to be truly nomadic; though it helps that they have a sizeable fleet to rely on. The core of their fleet is the mothership ‘Suuri Aalto’, or ‘Great Wave’, which can be better described as a mobile, space-borne city and the seat of their ruling council.

    However, since they are less a nation with a fleet, and more like a fleet that poses as a nation, they are heavily militarized. No Aalto ship would be caught unarmed, and this has become quite taxing on their resources. As a result they often rely on piracy to secure supplies; captured ships are likely to be broken down for scrap to keep their fleet spaceworthy.

    Feel free to throw any of your questions and comments my way; and no need to sugar-coat it.
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2017
    HunterC1998, Dipdoo, Surenu and 2 others like this.
  16. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    This is actually super cool and I like it! I've no knowledge on the avali beyond fluffy ammonia raptors, but I really like your writing style. The vocabulary usage just really makes it pop.

    I finally decided to pen at least the fundamentals of Salian common. Please note this is the first iteration and subject to revision, and is also very much prone to slang and contraction.

    General context’s are often used because people aren’t idiots and typically can infer to what you refer to after what it is has been established. Use specifics when changing context.
    E- modifier inverts something, much like the prefix Im- or Un-. Ghrol is “intelligence”. Eghrol means “without intelligence”.
    If someone is a (or just is) “ghrol” it means they are possessing intelligence. If someone is an “eghrol” they have no intelligence. It can be used as both a noun and adjective it would seem. Ghrol… (Smart one…) (Though in this context, there’s sarcasm. Typically it is implied for there to be an E, but you are so worthless that that’s not even worth adding)

    Other modifiers for nouns include Sa- (very/great (quality) ) Que- (Much (quantity)) *Gei- (Big/large(size)); Sar- (Better), Quer (more) Geir- (bigger); *Sal (greatest/highest) Quel (most/many) Geil- (biggest/largest). While E- inverts them all. Esa- (Poor/bad) Eque- (few) Egei- (small); Esar- (poorer/worse) Equer (fewer/less) Egeir- (Smaller); Esal- (worst) Equel- (Fewest) Egeil- (smallest).
    *A Turan is a derivative of Turalok, swimming lizard. Geituran are Big-swimming-lizards.
    There are more, but these are just some examples that are widely used. Bu is deep for example (Bur- deeper, Bul- deepest. Ebu- shallow) (Esalghrol… Worst intelligence/person of worst intelligence)
    Salghrol… (Smartest one…)
    *This is also how the anme of the salian races came to be. An “ian” is essentially anima;/creature. A Lok is a lizard. A Zar is a serpent. Salian; Best/greatest creature. Sallok: greatest lizard. Originally, zar were referred to as ezarlok, legless lizards, but differentiations were made and they were classified as something separate.
    Verbs however are more heavily modified. Often doing so in regards to the most recently stated noun/adjective.

    In this case, a single syllable dictates the subject of the verb, who did it. (In this case, "ha" means "to be")
    1st: S (“S’ha” “I am”)
    Sh (“Sh’ha” “We are”)

    2nd: T (“T’ha” “You are”)
    Th (“Th’ha” “Y’all are”)

    3rd: P (“P’ha” “They/he/she are/is”)
    Pf (“Pf’ha” “They are”)

    Context: D (“D’ha” “[context] is”)
    eghrol: Idiot/idiotic
    S’ha eghrol “I am an idiot/ I am idiotic”
    T’ha eghrol “You’re an idiot”
    Balor? P’ha eghrol! “Balor? He’s an idiot!”
    Uloric ha eghrol. D’loueco basqe Mjalor yhro Ebanqe... “Those rules are idiotic. They were put in place because Mjalor was taking action without thinking / Mjalor was acting impulsive).”
    Urloric… D’ha eghrol… “Those rules… They are idiotic…”

    Past: -o
    Future: -e

    Onto modifying the object of the verb when needed.
    1st: -u (“S’Hribu” ”I give to myself”)
    -uc (“S’Hribuc” “I give to us”)
    2nd: -a (“S’Hriba” “I give to you”)
    -ac (“T’bgrac…” “you understand...”/ “you get the point…”
    3rd: -i (“S’Hribi” “I give to them”)
    Context: -e (“S’hribde” “I gave to [context word]
    Skti: (a type of sexually transmitted disease. Skti ha Borhl Hricuski (“Skti is a disease given through sex”)
    T’Hribue Skti! “You will give me skti!”
    S’Hribao Skti… “I gave you skti…”
    Talo Balor… S’Hribi skti… “About/regarding balor… I gave him skti…”
    Pf’ha eghrol… Pf’hribice skti… “They are idiots… They will give themselves skti…”
    (Conversation about person in picture) hribece skti… eghrol… “He will give himself skti… Idiot...”
  17. Roland Weiss

    Roland Weiss Tiy's Beard

    Thanks for your vote of confidence; I kinda like this little format I'm working with. Alright, here's the second 'chapter'.

    Onboard the Imu, an Aalto clan destroyer

    A few tense months after the council’s decision, and it was finally the day their plan would go into motion; they were just waiting for the signal. The captain shifted in her chair, the tension was getting to her. “Any minute now; do we have anything on comms?”
    The comm officer switches between channels. “Just the usual chatter, captain. Heh, to think what we want to hear is nothing at all.”
    That was the signal, after all. Their only chance to make their escape from Avalon was when the Illuminate’s communications, surveillance and alert systems were offline. They only had a few hours before the systems reboot.
    A few more tense minutes passed, then the comm officer’s ears perked up. “There! White noise!”
    The captain almost jumped from her seat, ready to shout orders. “Alright, get us moving pilot! Fire up our engines, maximum burn!”
    A loud hum echoed through the ship trundled forward, picking up speed. After all these months, the Imu’s crew were ecstatic to finally be underway again.
    “We’re now out in deep space; looks like everyone else is already leaving port.” The pilot took a moment to marvel at what he was seeing; this was probably the first time the entirety of Aalto’s fleet set out as a single unit.
    “Just keep alert; we have no idea how long our window will be open.” The second in command, always the voice of reason.
    A few minutes passed by, then hours. It seemed like everything was going according to plan; then a sudden chime broke the calm. "Hang on, something's just showed up on radar."
    "Besides our fellows?"
    "Of course; it's small. A drone?"
    The alarm chimed again, this time with a lasting tone. "Damn, looks like there's more. They must've caught on; I guess we're not getting out without a fight!"
    The captain took a deep breath as she got ready to bark out orders. "Get ready for combat action! Fire up out weapons, fill this space with gunfire! Comms, inform the fleet that we have trouble inbound!"
    "Roger that." The comm officer opens up the channel. "Fleet command, This is Destroyer Imu! The Illuminate is approaching our position!"
    A voice crackles over the radio. "Understood, Imu. Do not engage them directly, stay on course."
    The ship suddenly, shook, prompting a shocked yelp from one of the bridge crew. "We've been hit!"
    The captain spat out a curse. "Pilot, evasive maneuvers! Damage control, where were we hit?"
    "It tore through our starboard engine! We've lost half our thrust!'
    More warning alarms flash. "G-rays detected! We've got fires onboard? Reactors two and three are failing! They just grased us!"
    Grasers. The captain realized too late; those drones were just spotting for the big guns. They didn't stand a chance if grasers were involved.
    "I guess this is it. We've not walking away from this one." The captain stood from her chair, taking one last look at the fleet that was now receding from them. "But if we can't escape, we'll make damn sure the rest of our kin will! FOR CLAN AALTO!"


    When your livelihood is threatened, it’s no surprise when you take drastic action. Aalto’s leadership didn’t take too kindly to their fleet being grounded, and as a result they choose to secede from the Illuminate. Since this would no doubt spark retaliation from the Illuminate authorities, it was decided that the best to leave would be during a ‘blackout’, without communications or sensors, the Illuminate response would be delayed, hopefully long enough for their escape.

    It'll never be known how they managed to disrupt the Illuminate's network; careful sabotage, inside sympathizers, or a lucky break, but they had their opportunity. After months of careful preparation, they set out in one massive fleet, with the plan to open the distance as much as possible before the Illuminate could chase them down. However, the response came sooner than expected, and a running battle ensued. Aalto lost several ships in the skirmish, though the bulk of their fleet escaped; most importantly the Suuri Aalto.

    If there's any particular topic they'd like me to cover next, feel free to ask.
    HunterC1998 and Jareix Cryvix like this.
  18. Jareix Cryvix

    Jareix Cryvix The Waste of Time

    I think you should put this in the fan fiction section. I'd totally read it.
    Btw, thoughts on the language?
    Firebird Zoom and HunterC1998 like this.
  19. Bonabopn

    Bonabopn Fluffiest Squirrel

    i think it is interesting! i like fictional languages. c:
    Firebird Zoom and Jareix Cryvix like this.
  20. Roland Weiss

    Roland Weiss Tiy's Beard

    Maybe; I'm going to be writing a fair amount more before I throw it it over there.

    As for 'the' language, what do you mean? I'm not one to write fictional languages, I'm not a linguist by any means.
    Jareix Cryvix and Firebird Zoom like this.

Share This Page