Art is a lie, nothing is real (+ FAN-FICTION)

HIIIIIIIIII!!!
(Title from Bo Burnham's recent comedy special)
This thread was created (by me) just to post art every once in a while.
This means: Don't expect art from me every day, or every week, or every month, maybe.

Now I don't care AT ALL if someone else posts art of their own-go ahead, please-because this thread will basically be dead with the rate I'M posting art. So post away!
To start, here's a picture I JUST finished! ​

It's the Contact Light. If you haven't noticed.
I WOULD put it in one of those fangled dialogue boxes, but I couldn't figure it out. Sorry! You'll just have to look at this picture without clicking on something!

Here's some of my previous art (It's already posted elsewhere, I'm just posting it on the ART forum now.)

MINI PROVIDENCE!!!!!!!!!

Just a boss I came up with.

BTW I couldn't've done it without the To The Moon soundtrack. If you haven't heard of it, look it up!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: In order to keep this forum nice & tidy, I posted my fan fiction on this thread. (Instead of making another one.)

Stories of the Cargo.

Part 1: Lost Doll…
duh.

(Disclaimer: I am only expanding on the story of the already amazing narratives of the in-game items. I do not own any ‘writes’ (rights) to any of these stories. Enjoy.)
BASICALLY: my plan is to relate all the items in a special narrative way, some how, ULTIMATELY showing SLIGHT clues as to what Providence's motives are, eventually. You know, dragging stories across many, many, many, many, plotlines.

ALSO, Prepare for some somewhat creepy, or somewhat mortifying (If you’re like me) horror.

“Honey!” John was shouting from the garage. He’s probably just going to ask me to help him with some cabinet, or something. I already told him I don’t want anything to do with what he does after the incident regarding the cupboard. I still have the scar.

“Could you help me with something? Please?” Typical.

“Yeah, sweety just let me wish the kids a good day!” Dear, god I would do anything to get out of helping my husband. He’s so stupid I can’t bear it anymore! We were in love for only a few years, and that’s all! After that the magic just faded away…

“Mommy can you get my backpack?” My son is so lazy. I can’t get him to do anything around the house-but he is my son and he is adorable, so I will help him.

“Sure thing, sweety.” I kissed him on the forehead, and went to fetch his backpack. If memory serves I last saw it in the living room, on the floor in front of the TV. I walked towards the arch between the kitchen and the living room.

“AHHHHH!!” I Screamed! I looked at the ledge next to the wall and saw the- the stupid doll my daughter bought at that garage sale. I swear it wasn’t there before. It keeps moving! Just so aggravating! I have to calm down, I’m embarrassing myself.

“Honeyyy!?? Are you okay?” John was so worried about me all the time! He needs to learn I can take care of myself.

“Yeeeeess!! I just saw that STUPID DOLL, MOVE AGAIN.” I replied.

“It’s all in your head, honey!” Oh, shut up! I know what I see!

“Whatever you say, John!” Anne, snap out of it, get the backpack, get the backpack.

I walked past the doll and retrieved my sons backpack, then proceeded to give it to my son.

“Here you go, have a good day, sweety!” I hugged him and waved goodbye, before he walked outside. My daughter, however, unlike my son, was old enough to walk to school, and actually take care of herself. Which is GREAT for me. Just less work!

“Honeyy??? Could you help me nowwww???” John was still asking for help. Seriously? Take a hint, John!

“Yeah, one second!!” I replied. I looked around. I don’t know really know why, but I was especially stressed today. But I can’t help think that it’s not stress I’m feeling…

Eventually I made my way downstairs to John’s “workplace”.

“Whaddya need, honey?” I asked. I hope it’s nothing “serious”. What’s the worst that could happen? He needs help repainting a cabinet because he got a smudge on it on the second coat? Not likely.

“Well, actually-” BONK! A loud noise startled both of us. It sounded like it came from outside. After a few seconds of awkward silence, John continued.

“Well, actually, I need help moving this cabinet upstairs.” He gestures to a cabinet with a blue tarp over it. We rarely ever actually USE the cabinets John makes, but it makes him feel good when he makes them, and making John feeling bad, is not something on my to-do list.

“Oh, honey… No… you- you don’t- what’s so special about this cabinet that we should have it upstairs?” I tried acting happy and curious when saying this. Scratch that, I succeeded.

“Okay, this cabinet has ten drawers, two doors and a fine maple finish that will look great with our blu-ish walls. Please?” John pleaded. God, If I let him do this will he stop bothering me?

“Oh… sure thing, honey! Whatever you say! I’ll help you right now if you want me too!” I said

“Ohhh that would help sooo much! Thank you Anne!” John is SUCH a SUCK-UP. Seriously!

We both grabbed an end and lifted. I was backing up towards the stairs as John was pushing from the other side. It was surprisingly light!

“Okay! Almost there! Almost done!” John chanted. I am aware we are at the top of the stairs-jesus!

When we got to the top, we were both fine and had no major pains or sore-spots. Although, when my husband came up to the top after me, he hit his shoulder on the doorway and started falling. He wobbled at first-I tried grabbing his hand, but it was too late. He was falling down the stairs, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Oh, god, why!

I could only show despair. I saw his lifeless body at the bottom of the stairs and started to cry. His arm was dismembered. I couldn’t bear to look at it. I glanced at the window to my right in awe to see if anyone saw that.

When I looked back, the doll was sitting on the corpse. I was trembling now. I was extremely terrified, but I didn’t want to scream. I was too scared. I immediately looked away and burst out the door to get some air. I truly needed it.

I paced towards my neighbor’s house-maybe he could help?

I approached the house and listened in towards a conversation happening, between two people. It was extremely hard to breathe-living on Venus-because of all the volcanic activity. My neighbors sounded very smart, anyway.

“We need to hurry, Brian! You incompetent- We need to get this thing on the ship to Mars before it leaves! Hurry up, Brian!”

“I’m on my way!” I heard very fast and declarative footsteps.

“Why are you walking so peculaliarly? You idiot!”

“What? What are you talking about! I am walking like a GENIUS! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING!?”

“I- I don’t know, James. I don’t know…”

“Anyway, Chop, chop! We have no time to waste! Load the brain into the ship, we have to GO, GO, GO!”

“ON IT, JAMES.”

“Again! With the yelling!”

I then saw a ship power up and leave the atmosphere from their backyard. They obviously weren’t gonna be any help.

I turned around to start walking towards my other neighbor’s house. I saw something in the road on my way, though. It looked somewhat familiar though. I got a little closer to see what it was, and it was my son. But that’s not the worst part-the doll was on top of his mangled corpse. I couldn’t contain myself! Why me!? Oh god! I am going to take that doll and I am going to burn it. I am going to take- that- UNGODLY doll, and I am going to burn it!

That’s what I did. I took the doll and threw it into my fireplace. I waited for a while. A long time-a longer time, now. Nothing was happening to the doll. I was just staring at it. Nothing was happening! This doll- I swear- I will- leave for a while and come back just to make sure it can’t be burned. So I went into the bathroom to relax, but that’s when I couldn’t take it anymore. I saw my dead daughter in the bathtub.

The water was blood-red, and it looked like she’s been there for a while. I thought she went to school! I guess I never saw her leave…

...

Oh my god! What am I gonna do!? I couldn’t decide! Eventually I just grabbed a knife and decided to cut its arms off. With one swipe of a rusty knife I slashed its arms. THAT didn’t work. I sighed. What’s cutting its arms gonna do anyway!? Ohhhhh my god. I need to calm down. I am just going to send it to the nearest planet with no designated address. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

And that’s what I did. I walked to the post office-which was extremely awkward, because I couldn’t stop staring at the doll. But it happened. It’s gone now. I was relieved, but I couldn’t believe the emotional trauma I just went through. I was never one for crying. Even after seeing my whole family die, I didn’t feel like crying. I don’t know why, but I just had to press on. Arrange the funeral plans, I guess…

As time went by, I eventually stopped talking-at all. I think it was because of the doll… but it’s gone. At least that’s what I’ll keep telling myself-I still have night-terrors. Anyway, my arms got dismembered in a terrible accident in public in an empty airport. So I guess it wasn’t that public. There was only one other person there, who got me to the hospital. Apparently he was there personally delivering a golden steering wheel to a captain of a ship, called Content Light, or something like that.

I hope I feel better soon. The night terrors are making me contemplate suicide. I’ll just have to hope… hope… hope for that doll to be sent to the dark depths of hell where it belongs.

Part 2: Tesla Coil

This story will have less horror, and more adventure and mystery. Just FYI.

One, two, three, four, five. Reset. One, two, three, four… five. Reset. UGH! This puzzle is impossible! Why would anyone make a puzzle this complicated! It’s… incomprehensible!

“What’s takin’ so long, Zach?” Oh don’t act like you wouldn’t take this long too! Mr. Better-than-me.

“It’s just this sequencing part. I was never really good at sequencing, anyway.” I really wasn’t. My math grade was all like D’s. At least.

“Oh yeah, you suck at math. Haha, just kidding,” said Rex. “But you do.” He whispered, I swear he said this just quietly enough for me to hear it, and think it was nothing. I hate him so much.

“Well,” I put down the cube and stood up, “you said you had an assignment for me?” I asked.

“Yup. And I’m thinkin’ it’s a big one, this assignment. Says here you’re supposed to delve deep into ancient ruins to get some key. It says that the key can open any lock, or unlock… anything, really. This, obviously in my opinion,” He stressed every syllable of opinion. I hate that ‘accent’ so much. “Is either A: a big f*****’ pile of BULLS***, or B: a big pile of bulls***, comma, f*****’, or finally, C: A big pile of f*****’ bulls*** AND a cancer to my guild of trained elites. Now I’m hopin’ it’s either A or B, and I won’t find out until you actually get in there and get this godd*** key, but that’s why we have you people. Ain’t it? Dismissed.”

I walked out of the office very calmly and I opened the door the same way. Afterwards, however, I stomped and stomped and stomped until I was out the door and outside in the public. Don’t worry, the building never has people in it. I just hate his accent so much. He said ‘trained elites’? Seriously? GOD, I need to stop thinking about it. Just walk home. Also, stop stomping.

I got to my house and thus checked my mailbox. Rex said earlier that the info would be shipped there.

It was written on a small slip of paper. This is what it read:

N 63, E 86. DRY-ARID CLIMATE. VOLCANIC ACTIVITY; PREPARE.

Huh. I guess this really WILL be dangerous.

After I put on my coat, walked to my jet (this planet has very small population, so I have room for a jet.), and eventually got to the island, I knew that this mission would not be very fun. But who knows? I sure don’t.

…

It was dry and the desert wasteland’s wind was making my eyes hurt. Walking was very boring-in the desert at least-for just about anyone. In the distance I saw a temple of sorts. Except it wasn’t made of sandstone, or adobe, instead it was made from some sort of… dark-crimson metal it looked like! What the…

I’ll spare you the walking. Anyway, Eventually, I came up to the temple and confirmed that it was metal. I knocked on it a few times, which actually hurt my hand, a lot. Nevertheless, I walked in a giant golden arch in front of me.

It immediately got darker. I couldn’t see anything unless I looked outside. I paused, cleverly anticipating the cleverly placed chasm that lied at my feet. I knew dungeons. Trust me.

I backed up ‘till I was outside and scorching hot again, to get a running start. I built up speed and ran into the darkness, jumping (cleverly) just at the right time. It was fun-no-it was exhilarating. Flying through the air, without knowing what lies at the ground. I should probably focus though, I’m about to land.

There. Success. I don’t really know what I should do now… Walk forward I guess…

I got out my lantern and lit it. That’s weird… the inside is just mossy stone… I could see weird totem faces put up on shelves next to the walls. Other than that it was just pure hallway. I walked for about 10 minutes. Without changing direction-without thinking about WHY I’m seeing the same totem face on the wall more frequently-or not that they’re all looking at me as I walk by…

“OK, STOP!” I exclaimed. I looked at one of the totem faces specifically. Its ‘expression’ didn’t change-I didn’t expect it to. I approached the face declaratively and stoutly. I then said.

“Do you know the way out of here? Or are you just going to waste my time?” I said. Nothing happened. What was I thinking!? Never mind that. Let’s just make sense of all this…

…

“AHA!” I announced. I walked to a totem face and thus continued to rip it off its place. Obviously, all the other faces then disappeared. Revealing the mirrors activated by motion sensors when I jumped. I smiled and nodded. The whole room began to fade away to show it was a hologram, and there was a small teleporter at the end of the room, and a receiver at the back. It is a very futuristic age we live in. Yes, indeed it is. That’s besides the point. I pressed on through the door that opened in the wall.

Now completely lit, the room I was in was entirely a metallic sky-blue with a white light outlining the ceiling to the end of the hallway. I began to remember in the paper that Rex said there was volcanic activity… Where? Maybe he was just playing a trick on me. Wait, he wouldn’t do that, would he? Anyway, I reached the end of the hallway to find two paths directly left and right of me. I chose to go right. A mistake? I have no idea.

I kept walking-jogging, really. I came to a glass case. It was tinted so much I couldn’t see through it. This must be it-the key. I got out my backpack and started rummaging through it. I remember all the things my backpack and I have been through… good times. Anyway, I found a box in my bag, and it was cold to the touch. So cold, in fact, I got my pliers and grabbed it from my bag. I opened it and a flood of freezing cold gas immediately hit my face. I was freezing! It was so cold in that room all of the sudden. I tried getting closer, and I saw that there was an ice cube inside. It was grey, and it looked… really cold. So cold in fact, I took my pliers, grabbed the box, saw my pliers freeze, and carefully moved it over to the glass (for the pliers would break if I moved too hastily.). With one decisive motion I flipped the pliers upside down, to let the ice cube and the box fall out on to the flat glass surface. It started… freezing the glass. The weight of the box and the ice cube broke the glass almost instantly.

Remembering the danger of this ice cube, I quickly took the pliers and thrusted them forward. Forgetting that the pliers would break if I moved them too fast, I despaired. My utencil broke before it could touch the ice cube. I was cold, but I was more disappointed than anything. I witnessed the ice cube fall through the glass, and my hopes and dreams thus shatter to the ground (the ice cube would freeze the key.). I got out my handy secondary emergency pliers, and reached for the ice cube inside. I pulled out the box, put it down, then reached for the ice cube-I had to act fast if I were to transport the ice cube. So I did. I reached in to take the ice cube, and then I swiftly put it right into the box.

Still in a irreversible state of despair, I looked into the glass box. I saw the key-still completely intact. I was in awe! I wasn’t in despair anymore! “Yes!” I shouted. I bashed in the glass (It was frozen), and then grabbed the key. I took it out and just… looked at it. It was slightly orange, but nevertheless, it was a key. It was also the size of my forearm.

Anyway, I was happy again! I should call Rex now, just to tell him that it does exist and the answer was C. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. I was holding my phone in one hand, and the key in the other. And the second I turned my phone, the key remolded itself into a 3x4 grid with space in between each vertex. It then started to type in my phone password… This key really can unlock anything… I wonder…

I hastily called Rex-it rang. But then I thought, this key can unlock any door, any treasure chest, any password, or any box with a lock on it, so why would I need to work for Rex anymore? I ended the call…

I walked out of the room, knowing something that I didn’t before. I realized that Rex can just go screw himself. I can make a living with this key, and I can destroy Rex’s. As I walked out though, I saw another box of the same color as the box the key was in. Except, I noticed an actual keyhole… Well that problem’s solved. I opened it with my new key, and inside was a coil of some sort. I looked closer and saw it was a tesla coil. There are only a few of these left in existence! What’s it doing here though? I didn’t care-I could sell this for a hefty sum. So I took it back to my jet, along with the key. I decided to write a letter to Rex.

This key has opened lock and bolt, card readers, eye scanners, dead bolts, chains, zippers, and my phone password. I expect a hefty sum for this, otherwise… well… your ‘guild’ will simply become obsolete because of one key.

I shipped the letter to Rex, and later, sent the key to Rex as well. I’ve pulled off enough heists for one lifetime.

In other news, I sent the tesla coil to a museum that specializes in Tesla artifacts… and also meat factories… Very strange.[spoiler/]

I tried to make them short enough to convey a little story, and still be able to read in a few minutes. I'm not exactly the best writer in the world, but I have a plot.
Can YOU notice all the item references? (I know it's pretty easy but there are a few hidden ones...)

EDIT: 5/14/14 - oh my god this is terrible ;_;

 

Title is from Bo Burnhams comedy show "What."

 

Yeah I really like his show. Forgot to credit him