Once upon a time, long long ago, when avians had wings and lived in a sky empire, lived a happy avian family. The family had :a man, a woman and a child.The husband's name was Devon, Devon Wooltdell, his wife's name was Arabell, and the child's name was Jasper. The family and the empire wasn't always peaceful and happy because it was, from time to time,attacked by a ferocious demon of the skies, the Balgar, it was pure evil, it had red wings, his back was covered with spikes and it was rock-solid, he breathed fire and could move very fast, his body was gigantic. The Balgar had steel claws and it had big horns, the roars of that mythical creature could be heard on the other side of the planet where the people would tremble in fear. Once, the empire was attacked by balgar, at the peak of night, the avians weren't ready to repel his attack and when they began to fight him, it was too late,the balgar destroyed the empire but one family survived, the Wooltdells. They landed on earth thanks to Devon. As time passed the avians found other survivors and they made villages and survived in the world. They were skilled hunters and great builders, but there's one thing that always bothered the child, Jasper,he was the saddest for losing the empire and he wanted something else, he wanted revenge, to kill the balgar, but how could he do that? To defeat a monster he needed one. Years passed and Jasper grew up, his parents became elderly. He went away from the village with a two of his friends: Toby Ratclaw and Victoria Fregfell. They went on an adventure across the earth and found out that they can find an equal opposite to the Balgar , a monster with a good soul and it won't hurt anyone who's soul is pure good, but if it finds any evil in the heart it will kill anyone who dares to be close to him, it's name was Iruyit. They ventured and finally found the Iyurit,first Jasper's friends came close to the Iyurit, their soul was pure good so it didn't attack them, then it was Jasper's turn, it was tense but he made it. After that it asked:"Why did you come? They told him their story and the Iyurit felt that he should help,but first, he said, they should prove themselves, he gave them 3 tasks,first task was to venture on the highest mountain on the earth and defeat the snow golem. Second task was to help a man named Long John Silver travel to Emerald isle safely and defeat the Kraken on the way. The third task will come by itself he said. The group didn't lose any time they traveled on the highest mountain and defeated the fearful golem. They foundLong John Silver and they helped him.When they were coming back to Iyurit they found a family in danger, their house was on fire and nobody could help, they quickly flew in the house and saved the baby, the man and the woman. When they helped, Iyurit flew down and said:"Climb on my back and I will explain later. When they were flying, he said:"The real test was to help that family, and now that you have proven yourselves, i offer to help you in your quest"! While they were flying they saw something red in the skies. Surprisingly it was the Balgar, and he wanted to kill Iyurit and the avians. When Balgar breathed fire the Iyurit breathed water and negated his attack, they fought with everything they had but the Balgar was too strong and Iyurit crashed into the earth, luckily nobody was there. While they were falling jasper jumped off Iyurit and he remembered what his father told him once:"Son,while you're in greatest dangers all you have to do is believe in yourself, that will give you the greatest powers". He closed his eyes and hope was born, he now had spirit wings and they were gigantic, bigger that the Balgar itself, that made it mad. He charged at Jasper.Jasper focused all his power on his hand and punched the dragon in the head.The dragon fell down and died. When Jasper landed his wings were no more, just like every avian in the world,that's how the avians lost their wings. Despite the loss of their wings the avian's prospered, and as generations were born the avians prospered in the world. The end Story By:Riot(Marko Nikolic) I don't know if you have found the easter egg in the story,if you did msg me,HINT:It's a diagram
I suggest you fix the grammar -- spaces and periods and all that. Mistakes like those can obliterate the suspension of disbelief, and/or remove immersion.
Ok i'm gonna make sure i fix that,thanks for the feedback Edit:I think i fixed atleast some of the mistakes.
Ohh ok then i will fix that e.e tnx for the feedback! EDIT:I'm kinda a newbie to the forums and all so i made some amateur mistakes DOUBLE EDIT:fixed all the command and spaces,thanks for warning me...
It is now rendered readable. Also, you don't have to make a giant 'THE END' to mark the end of the story -- lack of further text does that infinitely more subtly...
Hmm sure gonna fix that in a jiffy EDIT:I fixed that,bit smaller now DOUBLE EDIT:Also i added a hint for the easter egg i put in the text also there's a game refference,try and find it xD
