Well this looks promising... You're grammar is good and the plot is nice, however I must ask you add a little more detail.
Alone Precursor ruins - Ares (SU-04) - Sol - Delta Arm Local time: 17:00 Stardate: 80/74/500 I looked outside the window of my 'cell'. It was late in the afternoon on this planet, and the sun of this planet was low. I shielded my eyes from it to look at the beautiful red landscape. The only thing on this planet are deserts, canyons and mesas made from red sand and rocks. Aside from the ancient cities left by the precursors, of course, many of them. The precursor ruins I had set out to research, and now I was stuck in them. Not even a proper cell or trap or so, of course. I had to get stuck in what looked like an office. An empty office, aside from a brown wooden desk I was lying on, trying to fall asleep. I had little hope to be rescued. My phone was dead and the people who I had hired were incompetent muscle. Not that they were incompetent at being muscle, just at everything else. They were pretty trustworthy, though, so I did not believe one of them had locked me up. Just an inconvenient tremor. I yawned and sat up. I stared at the concrete walls for the hundredth time, hoping they would have a clue I had overseen. They just reminded me of my old job. My old job was as a researcher (I have a minor degree in power weapons) on Prophet, a planet just a system away from here. With a magnificent double sun. It had ruins, too, but not as much as Ares. Ares has the most ruins of any planet known to us. Other than the ruins, Prophet was yellow deserts, deserts and deserts. We hated the sand, yet I worked in it for ten years. Ten years, because the accident happened. I was in the ruins at the time (I liked to wander them), while one of the other teams was testing a new weapon. I think it's safe to say it didn't go as planned. A new type of weapon, a void railgun (I only heard it used dark matter, which is lingo for non-legal technology) exploded and set of a chain reaction that took the whole base with it, only leaving a single survivor: An avian who was just a temporary secretary. We only know she survived because she checked in on one of our ships later, never to be heard of again. Which is sad for her, because I was given a very generous amount of money by my employer to keep my mouth shut about everything to the media. I made a very quick retirement at the age of 31, one year ago. I must have dozed of somewhere, because I woke up roughly by an explosion in a nearby room. Another one closer to me. Another one. I thought quickly, and made a blast shield by pushing the table down and hid behind it. Boom. Boom. It couldn't have been one of my employees, we don't have any real explosives with us. I doubted it was someone who had came to rescue me, and I kept still. Another explosion, in the room next to me. I braced myself and closed my eyes. The next explosion was sufficiently stopped by the table to keep me from harm, but made me ears feel like they were exploding. I quickly raised my hands in the air and rose from my cover. A dark-blue avian woman clad in a white exoskeleton, how unusual, stared at me. Her rocket launcher was very crude and damaged. She wore sunglasses. "Thanks!" I started. "I thought I was going to be stuck here forever and die." She held a finger against her beak. "Shush, human. I know who you are. I did not expect to find you here, but please follow me. Don't talk, I like silence."
I don't suggest you put the chapters in spoilers -- it ruins the whole point of posting here. If they don't want to read a wall of text, that's their problem. This thread is for this thread, and you can do whatever you want. It also allows for more formatting options, and freedom in general.
Personally, I'm a great fan of the spoilers because it keeps the post tidy. I'm not posting them in spoiler brackets because I don't want people to see them, I post the parts of the story in spoiler brackets so people don't get confronted with a lot of words in one go, in the same way a book doesn't have the first page of the story on the cover. Besides, I like the formatting of the spoiler brackets.
If they don't want to read your story, they won't read your story. No amount of spoilers will change that. If you feel that the formatting is better that way, though, feel free. Just wanted to know your motives
I prefer when fan fic stories are posted by using spoilers, since that makes the thread a little more "comfortable" to be in. You can check comments a lot faster, instead of having to roll all the way down :/
The purpose of the thread is for the story, rather than the comments, no? It could go either way, depending on personal preference.
I don't want to come over as a bastard, but can you please stay on topic and discuss the spoiler thing on a thread related to that? I love constructive feedback, but the spoilers are not going to change. Edit Lolchangedit
New chapter added. Feedback is welcome. Also, general formatting junk. Because I don't know how to link to specific lines, all chapters will be posted double for now, so the links at the top of the page work and it's all in the first post (which was the main reason for using spoilers).
Exit Precursor ruins - Ares (SU-04) - Sol - Delta Arm Local time: 18:45 Stardate: 80/74/500 I pondered the identity of the woman who had freed me. She didn't act stereotypical avian. I wanted to ask her so many things. For example, why couldn't I talk while she was exploding rockets? Guessing my thoughts somewhat, she decided to open her beak. “The roof above the hallway has collapsed, that is why I have to destroy all these walls.” And then five more minutes of silence. We had arrived at a staircase. She seemed content. “Now we go up.” We walked up stairs for what seemed like an eternity until we arrived at a locked door. Not something that couldn't stop a rocket, though. “Well, this is a letdown,” the avian murmured when we entered an empty room. I finally worked up the courage to say something. “Why are you here? Who are you, anyway?” She looked at me. “You hadn't guessed? The reason we’re all here, to find Iehovah. And I’m sorry, my name is Zeta.” I looked through the room. The walls had no decoration, there was only plain concrete. The floor and roof were the same story. Everything was cast in a dim light that came from the hallway “I’m not here to find that, at least that’s not my primary goal. I’m just here to research. Xi Chi.” I offered my hand. Zeta shook it. Her grip was firm, but I could feel she was at unease. “We have to get out of here.” She said. Just as she had said that, another tremor hit. The whole building shook and we hurried through the doorframe. “To the roof!” Zeta shouted and we went up another floor. Another door. Before Zeta could take out her rocket launcher, I opened it by hand. She shrugged. “What now?” I said as loud as I could to get above the deafening wind. The roof had no ornaments, and if it ever had any they were all blown away. The view of the ruined city around us was amazing though. Concrete and steel buildings standing, big bricks lying everywhere. “You know, those bricks were used to quickly construct buildings when settlers arrived on a planet before nanite building!” I happily informed Zeta. “We have to jump!” She responded. And she jumped. I looked down. Zeta fell and fell, until she hit the ground in a blue glow. She didn't spat apart, so I assumed it was some sort of safety net. Looked like Hylotl technology. Zeta pointed at me and then at the field. Another tremor hit, I had no choice but to jump, even though I barely trusted the strange and curious Avain. But I did, because the building itself started shaking. Falling isn’t much fun. I raced down past the building and even thought I saw the room I had been locked up in, but they all look the same. I wanted to scream, but knew I could choke so I just concentrated on aiming at the quite large field when suddenly a gust of wing punched me off track. My life metaphorically flashed before my eyes as I closed them to prepare for the worst when something exploded next to me. The explosion hurled me back on track, and with a speed of about two hundred meters per second I hit the blue field. Half surprised it didn’t hurt in the slightest, I lay on the ground as Zeta pressed a remote and the field disappeared. She pulled me up. I hugged her. This completely startled her so I quickly let loose. “Uhm, right.” She tried to regain her cool. “Thanks for saving me!” I quickly said. “It… was nothing. Let’s return to your camp, it is close by.” She replied and quickly started walking before I could open my mouth again. I wanted to talk more, but I was satisfied with knowing how she could know my name.
Chapter 3 released! Gunpoint Desert Ruins – Ares (SU-04) – Sol – Delta Arm 19:45 Stardate 80/74/501 The encampment was only half an hour driving from the city. I had ordered my men to set up camp and prepare some food at a group of ruins just before I had departed into the office building I had been trapped in. It was a small camp, but the tents looked welcoming and warm. I parked the buggy we had been driving in. “Hello!” I shouted. No answer. Zeta raised her rocket launcher. “There were people here a few hours ago.” There was fear in Zeta’s voice. I nodded. Where could my people have gone? Suddenly a bright blue floran appeared. He had his gun raised towards Zeta. I reached out with my hands to calm. “Relax, she means no harm. Where’s everyone else?” The floran and Zeta kept their weapons aimed at each other. I placed myself between the two. This didn’t help. The floran finally opened his mouth. “Apex and Humans fled. Only me and the Viola sisters remain.” He moved his head towards a tent. “They’re not getting paid. Now, you won’t get paid either if you don’t lower your gun.” This worked. The floran lowered his gun. Zeta didn’t, though. Suddenly, 2 florans tackled her and kept Zeta to the ground. “It’s you again! Didn’t I tell you to stay away!” One of them shouted in her face. I sighted. Zeta did not say a word. “Please get off her.” The florans were not convinced. “She came in earlier and hacked the computer. We’ve been trying to get it back up for the last few hours. We couldn’t communicate with you.” Zeta tried to push them off, but to no effect. “Well, if you let me go I might repair it.” This sounded fair, so the florans got off cautionary. They took Zeta’s rocket launcher though, and gave it to me. I wanted to return it to Zeta, but she refused. “And we just do this this and this.” Zeta worked the computer magically. Her fingers danced on the keyboard and within a minute it was back up and running. “I’m sorry, thought you were on another side.” To nobody’s surprise one of the viola sisters pulled up a gun. “What side?” Zeta swore. She had let more slide than she wanted to. “Talk.” The other sister said. I didn’t intervene. “You know everything about us. Let us find out something about you.” Zeta gave me the evil eye. She jumped the unarmed floran but before she could even harm her Zeta was hanging upside down in a strange grip by the floran. Zeta looked quite cross. “I’ll tell you who I work for and why I trust you. Will you let me go if I do that?” I nodded slowly. “You know Diesel made illegal weapons, right.” It was no question. Everyone who worked there knew that. “Of course, you were in the legitimate team. That’s why I trust you; you had nothing to do with any of the nasty business Diesel was pulling. You even worked with police research into the accident both before and after you received money to be silent to the media. The police found nothing, of course, but Diesel was shut down some time after regardless, for other reasons.” I did not know that. “They were shut down? Strange. They keep sending me the agreed to annual sum.” Zeta was put back on her feet, but no weapons were lowered. “Indeed, they still exist behind the shadows. They’re an illegal weapon manufacturer now. Full time. We thought you were with them. Is that enough?” I nodded my head. She had answered my biggest question. “Alright, avian. We’ll trust you, for now.” I looked outside. I started spouting every vile word I could remember. Everyone looked at me. “Why,” I asked no one in particular, “is the shield not up?”
Elsewhere Tangent – Orbit around Redux (XR49-9) – XR49 – Delta Arm Stardate 80/74/501 Captain Leopold Morley was staring into space. This was a bad sign, as he usually stared onto the bridge from the command room, affirming his power. He stood there, completely silent and not moving any part of his body. Ashley Douglas, his second in command, was worrying about him. She had learned not to show that to him. He wouldn’t tell what was troubling him, anyway. Next to him lay a report. Ashe, as everyone called her, was hesitant to pick it up, not because she feared to upset Morley more, but because she feared the contents. Had they lost another battalion? They were losing them by the cycle, and control on the Gamma Arm was now down to double digit sectors. Ashe took her hat off her short red hair as a sort of greeting towards the captain and picked up the report, standing directly next to him. It was coded in Apex military key, which mend it was not from their organization because they had over ninety percent human. Ashe (and Morley) could read all 6 military codes, precursor II and standard. Obviously. Ashe read the report. She sighted in relief when she found out it was no bad news regarding them. However, she did not understand what it was about. Morley turned to her, revealing his snow white face and the decoration on the otherwise plain grey uniform everyone was wearing. Although he was not bald, Ashe could see no hair coming from under his cap. “Douglas,” Morley said as if talking to a child, “do you have a clue what is in there?” Ashe shook her head. “This means the last member of the Alpha Radiation Research Accumulation, aside from me, has died. I worked with those people for a long time, and now they’re gone.” Ashe reread the report. The A.R.R.A. finished their project hundred and twenty-five years ago, after twenty-five years of work. Ashe looked at Morley. His face looked younger than most on the ship. Morley laughed. “My age is indeed over a hundred and fifty human years.” Ashe restrained herself from saying or doing anything. She stared into the stars. Morley took a sip of coffee. They stood there for a while until a man came in. “Am I interrupting anything, sir?” Both Morley and Ashe shook their heads and Ashe was happy that the awkward silence was over. “We are ready for the jump to Sol. Estimated time is twenty cycles.” Ashe nodded, and followed her superior out of the room, onto the bridge. “Engines off.” Morley said loudly. “Omicron status?” Ashe read a monitor from the wall. “One percent,” the computer replied. Morley smiled faintly, noticed by nobody. He liked the girl, as a second in command. He would be happy to pass off his position to her when he died or retired. Eta levels rising!” Ashe exclaimed and everyone except Ashe grabbed their heads as thoughts of others flowed through them for a split second. Ashe was grinning, because she had caught that last thought of Morley. “Jump successful.” She said gleeful. Most others looked very annoyed with the sudden telepathic outburst. “Eta levels down again,” said the computer in its usual mechanical voice. “The head mechanic just mailed, he’s sorry. The damage from the last fight has now been localized, though, so this should only occur this once.” What puzzled Ashe was that Morley had AAA-level training. How could she still have read his mind on accident? She looked at him, but he was already giving orders to mechanics about the Eta radiation leakage. It probably hadn’t been on accident. She was not stupid. Already a fight was breaking out between the bridge officers about some thoughts, so she put it in the back of her mind and sighted again.
