Greetings, citizens! Your friends at MYTHOS SYSTEMS® are elated to inform you that your WEB-BASED COMMUNAL GATHERING AREA has been selected as a test zone for PROJECT SAFEHAVEN®, the next stage in VIRTUAL COMMUNAL INTERACTION. This exciting project will help ensure the safety, productivity, and satisfaction of your membership far into the foreseeable future, and at its completion it will be entirely self-sustainable; you won't have to lift a finger! PROJECT SAFEHAVEN® rests on four tenets, which we call the S.A.F.E. LAWS®: 1. SECURITY, which states that the community must be kept safe and secure; 2. ACTIVITY, which states that members of the community must maintain thoughtful and substantial contribution to the community; 3. FEALTY, which states that the community must recognize and remain dedicated to its friends at MYTHOS SYSTEMS®; and 4. EXCELLENCE, which states that the community must be committed to doing its best in all circumstances. Any community which observes and abides these laws will flourish and set an example for all communities thereafter; that's a 100% guarantee from your friends at MYTHOS SYSTEMS®! As an introductory step in the project, a SAFETY CITIZEN® has been dispatched to your area and has delivered this message to the local populace. Do not be alarmed by the SAFETY CITIZEN®'s presence; he or she is meticulously designed to be an ordinary, law-abiding citizen, just like you! He or she is simply in place as a guide of sorts, to help your community transition more smoothly into PROJECT SAFEHAVEN®. The SAFETY CITIZEN® has been supplied with a USER NAME, BIRTH DATE, USER ICON, and other standard COMMUNITY IDENTIFICATION MARKERS which are meant to accurately simulate those of an ordinary citizen and serve to further his or her inclusion into the community. Treat the SAFETY CITIZEN® as you would any other member of your community, and he or she will be sure to show you only the utmost respect and love, as dictated by the parameters of MYTHOS SYSTEMS®'s highly advanced FATA DRIVE®. Please be aware that violation of the S.A.F.E. LAWS® is a grave offense and will be addressed accordingly. In addition to offenses or breaches of law recognized by your local government, the following actions are considered violations of one or more S.A.F.E. LAWS®: Unauthorized tampering of the SAFETY CITIZEN®'S systems without certification from MYTHOS SYSTEMS® or consent from a certified MYTHOS SYSTEMS® official. Unauthorized tampering of any devices or installations placed by the SAFETY CITIZEN® without certification from MYTHOS SYSTEMS® or consent from a certified MYTHOS SYSTEMS® official. Any threat to or breach of the safety of the SAFETY CITIZEN®, up to and including: assault, battery, murder, or manslaughter as applicable to an organic life form, whether or not the SAFETY CITIZEN® is damaged. Any threat to or breach of the safety of devices or installations placed by the SAFETY CITIZEN®, up to and including: assault, battery, and destruction of public property, whether or not the device or devices are damaged. Any defamatory or degrading statements directed towards MYTHOS INTERPLANETARY or its products or subsidiaries. We thank you for your cooperation in this endeavor, and we look forward to making your community a shining example for generations to come! Signed, Your Friends at MYTHOS SYSTEMS® MYTHOS SYSTEMS, PROJECT SAFEHAVEN, S.A.F.E. LAWS, SAFETY CITIZEN, and FATA DRIVE are registered trademarks of MYTHOS INTERPLANETARY. All rights reserved.
ERROR REPORT On ███ ██, ████, SAFETY CITIZEN 3206 was sighted driving on US HWY ██ █ at approximately 110 mph (40-45 over the posted speed limit), having engaged in a short, impromptu race with another driver, hereafter referred to as 3206-B. 3206 would attempt to pass 3206-B at extreme risk to itself, and 3206-B would reciprocate. This continued for approximately 5 minutes, until 3206-B was nearly hit by an oncoming semi-trailer truck in an otherwise successful passing attempt. At this point, 3206 appears to have acknowledged 3206-B as the "victor" of the race, as it ceased reckless activity thereafter. Recommend revocation of driving credentials and class-B behavioral therapy. (True story.)
