Deewon

Yesterday I walked into a bar... and a chair... and a table...

Thinking about moving to Switzerland... I don't know anything about it, but the flag is a big plus.

I found out that if you wear a suit and carry a clipboard, you can go anywhere you want...

I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts with "I heard from this guy who told somebody."

A lot of people cry when they cut onions... The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Just remember… If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I overheard my neighbor on the phone telling someone I was creepy and weird. I almost crawled out from under his bed to confront him!

I’m not saying I'm batman but answer me this... Have you ever seen me and batman in the same room?

OH NO I FORGOT TO MAKE MORE STATUSES TIME FOR A TRIPLE STATUS UPDATE

It's over guys. Deewon just won the internet. We can all go home now.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

If I opened a camera store called Photo Shop, do you think I’d get sued by Adobe?

The best feature of the iPhone is the feature that keeps you from getting pushed in the pool.

“Was that lightning?!” “No, they’re taking pictures for Google earth…”

Woke up this morning with a gigantic smile on my face… Yes, my friends found my Sharpie stash.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I am proud of myself. I finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.

Yelling at frustrating video games.