[1] I Downfall The two Dragons eyed each other down on both sides of the caldera. One is massive, 200 meters to be exact, four times larger than the smaller one. He had the same scale color as the other, which is purple. However, unlike his adversary and his yellowish aura, a weird purple glow surrounded the large one. Magma bubbled and stirred below. “Why have you done this, my son.” The smaller dragon yelled from across the pit. “Why did you kill your sister!” The other dragon smirked and landed. He dipped his arm into the magma. “She was getting too nosy. I had to stifle her, but apparently it wasn’t enough since you are here.” The large one answered. There was a pause. “Well, if all you are going to do is waste my time, then I’ll be on my way-.” Just before flying away, he was cut off by a blast of a brilliant yellow flame passing by. The larger one was frightened, for he knew what the flames are capable of. “Y-you’d kill your own son?” He looks back. The small one looked furious. That same fire danced all around him. One of the flares bounced onto a plant resting nearby. The plant simply decayed on contact, leaving nothing behind. “No, I won’t, but you need to start with the truth. Why you have the stench of void on you would be great place to start.” He clamped his teeth. The large one sighed. “Well, it’s simple. I wanted more power.” His voice seemed fuzzy and stings to listen to for the other dragon. “What more power can you hope for. You have mine after all. Have you gone mad?” The magma seemed to have risen. More bursts fly from the magma and into the air. “One can say. I had sought for this power for a long time. It intrigued me. It called for me. It’s power is well beyond much of this realm. Don’t you understand? With this, we don’t need to live in fear of the Gods anymore. You don’t need to be considered lower than Allia anymore! He said it is capable of much more than your breat-” Cut off once again by his father. “Who is He?” The father asked. The larger one laughed. “He is the one who made this stuff. He promised me.. No, us, All of us, that it will make us Dragons the most powerful beings in all of reality! It has the power to bring back the dead! It can bring ruin to those who stand before us! We would be unstoppable!” The more the larger one talked, the smaller one seemed to get angrier. “Jugon showed me so-” He was cut off yet again, but this time his father had leaped for his throat and stomped it into the ground. Despite his size, he kept him down. “What! You made a deal with a Devil himself! You really have gone insane Obtulon! The void will destroy you if you keep it.” The small one pleaded but to no avail, Obtulon spit a deep indigo fire at the Father and clawed at him. “You aren’t getting it father, this won’t destroy us. This will save us!” He yelled. His Father merely looked in disgust. “No. You aren’t getting it. This magic was specifically created with one thing in mind, to corrupt and destroy anything and everything that exists. If you keep yourself in it, you will be too far gone.” “You are wrong! There is nothing bad about this magic, Father! Why don’t you understand!” Obtulon tried to reason. “...but perhaps you are already too far gone.” These words resonated inside Obtulon’s head. The more he thought about it, the more he got angrier and angrier. The smaller dragon pounced once again, but this time going for an attack. He bit down on Obtulon’s throat. Obtulon roared with pain and rage. That was short lived however, as the smaller one bit down harder, forcing Obtulon’s claw. He bat his Father away. “Why father? Why must you do this. I am doing this for the good of drakin kind!” Obtulon said in hope. “You murdered your sibling! You’ve betrayed me! You’ve betrayed anything that lives, and worst of all! You signed a pact with Him! I’m sorry, but you are no son of mine.” There was a pause. The magma was at the rim of the caldera now, ready to become lava and erupt. “So be it, Atriss.” Obtulon then charged Atriss with all his might. Impaling him with his nose spike. Atriss screamed as the pike went through his body. He grabbed his snout and began to breathe the yellow flames on it. Obtulon quickly reacted however and released his Father in a bloody tangled mess. A cloud formed around Atriss and a small man rolled out of it. Atriss had shape shifted into a human form. From his hand erupted more of the fire, but just then, the Volcano finally erupted. Both of them were brought into the volcano’s insides. [2] I Blaze Atriss returned into his Dragon form and landed on a spire inside the bowels of the magma’s lair. Obtulon had fallen in before him, and he was nowhere in sight. Atriss looked down in realization that he was beneath the magma and jumped off the spire. It was too late, however, for Obtulon was already on the move. The spire launched upward and hit the ceiling, which knocked down several sharp crystals above Atriss. Atriss hit the bottom, covered in crystal spines that impaled through his tough armor-like scales. Obtulon loomed overhead and laughed. He opened his mouth to prepare for a fire breath. Before he was able to pull it off, Atriss, in his final bout of energy, spit fire into his mouth. Obtulon stumbled back in horror. After a few moment, he began to scream. A dark smoke began to emanate from his ever growing agape mouth. Holes formed under his jaw. The holes got bigger as time dragged on. Obtulon was clawing at his throat and roaring in pain. His roars began to gurgle as blood filled his mouth and throat. His bottom jaw eventually fell off after what seemed like an eternity. Obtulon collapsed onto the ground, barely clinging to life. One of his lungs had completely filled with his drakin blood. Atriss stared at his victory, not with pride, but sorrow. He had nearly killed his son. Just then, a presence filled the room. A disgusting aura passes through Atriss. A purple portal opened from underneath Obtulon, bringing him and much of the magma with him. The portal closed and Atriss was left alone. With his thoughts. Stuck under crystal spikes. [3] I Birth of Disaster Atriss sat alone in the dark cold cave for what seemed like years. Crystals slowly fading due to the time. More years passed. Decades. Centuries. Finally, the Crystals faded just enough to where Atriss can lift himself and heal. Back then, he couldn’t risk shapeshifting because the damage may have been greater. The spines were in him at the time, so they’d have torn him in half. Atriss healed his wounds and recuperated for the next couple of days before he left the husk of the volcano. It took him much longer to fly back to his nest this time. He was weak from the battle still. He put too much energy into his final shot that it siphoned his deep Uva reserves. Each flap of his wings felt to him like a mountain on his back. Atriss crashed into the nest face first. When he brought his head up, he died. Not physically, but he died on the inside. Remains. Everywhere are the remains of his kin. Young, old. Strong and weak. All dead. He inched toward one of them. Anyir. His third daughter of the fourth hatching. She ly, covering a cowering, injured whelpling. They were the only survivor of whatever attacked. Atriss heaved himself over his dead child, bringing the living one close to him. Atriss began to sob. He left with the child after four hours of mourning. Atriss became the Godslayer at this moment. And thus, the countless years of Atriss’ hatred and fury had begun. No one was safe. No one. Not even the gods. Atriss the Godslayer A cold, ruthless killer of gods who had nothing to lose. [1] Downfall The two Dragons eye each other down on both sides of the caldera. One is massive, 200 meters to be exact, four times larger than the smaller one. He has the same scale color as the other, which is purple. However, unlike his adversary and his yellowish aura, a weird purple glow surrounds the large one. Magma bubble and stirs below. “Why have you done this, my son.” The smaller dragon yells from across the pit. “Why did you kill your sister!” The other dragon smirked and landed. He dipped his arm into the magma. “She was getting too nosey. I had to stifle her, but apparently it wasn’t enough since you are here.” The large one answers. There was a pause. “Well, if all you are going to do is waste my time, then I’ll be on my way-.” Just before flying away, he was cut off by a blast of a brilliant yellow flame passing by. The larger one was frightened, for he knew what the flames are capable of. “Y-you’d kill your own son?” He looks back. The small one looked furious. That same fire was dancing all around him. One of the flares bounced onto a plant resting nearby. The plant simply decayed on contact, leaving nothing behind. “No, I won’t, but you need to start with the truth. Why you have the stench of void on you would be great place to start.” He clamped his teeth. The large one sighed. “Well, it’s simple. I wanted more power.” His voice seemed fuzzy and stings to listen to for the other dragon. “What more power can you hope for. You have mine after all. Have you gone mad?” The magma seems to have risen. More bursts fly from the magma and into the air. “One can say. I had sought for this power for a long time. It intrigued me. It called for me. It’s power is well beyond much of this realm. Don’t you understand? With this, we don’t need to live in fear of the Gods anymore. You don’t need to be considered lower than Allia anymore! He said it is capable of much more than your breat-” Cut off once again by his father. “Who is He?” The father asks. The larger one laughs. “He is the one who made this stuff. He promised me.. No, us, All of us, that it will make us Dragons the most powerful beings in all of reality! It has the power to bring back the dead! It can bring ruin to those who stand before us! We would be unstoppable!” The more the larger one talked, the smaller one seemed to get angrier. “Jugon showed me so-” He was cut off yet again, but this time his father had leapt for his throat and stomped it into the ground. Despite his size, he was keeping him down. “What! You made a deal with a Devil himself! You really have gone insane Obtulon! The void will destroy you if you keep it.” The small one pleaded but to no avail, Obtulon spit a deep indigo fire at the Father and clawed at him. “You aren’t getting it father, this won’t destroy us. This will save us!” He yells. His Father merely looked in disgust. “No. You aren’t getting it. This magic was specifically created with one thing in mind, to corrupt and destroy anything and everything that exists. If you keep yourself in it, you will be too far gone.” “You are wrong! There is nothing bad about this magic, Father! Why don’t you understand!” Obtulon tries to reason. “...but perhaps you are already too far gone.” These words resonated inside Obtulon’s head. The more he thought about it, the more he got angrier and angrier. The smaller dragon ponces once again, but this time going for an attack. He bit down on Obtulon’s throat. Obtulon roared with pain and rage. That was short lived however, as the smaller one bit down harder, forcing Obtulon’s claw. He bat his Father away. “Why father? Why must you do this. I am doing this for the good of drakin kind!” Obtulon says in hope. “You murdered your sibling! You’ve betrayed me! You’ve betrayed anything that lives, and worst of all! You signed a pact with Him! I’m sorry, but you are no son of mine.” There was a pause. The magma was at the rim of the caldera now, ready to become lava and erupt. “So be it, Atriss.” Obtulon then charged Atriss with all his might. Impaling him with his nose spike. Atriss screamed as the pike went through his body. He grabbed his snout and began to breathe the yellow flames on it. Obtulon quickly reacted however and released his Father in a bloody tangled mess. A cloud forms around Atriss and a small man rolls out of it. Atriss had shapeshifted into a human form. From his hand erupted more of the fire, but just then, the Volcano finally erupted. Both of them were brought into the volcano’s insides. [2] Blaze Atriss returned into his Dragon form and landed on a spire inside the bowels of the magma’s lair. Obtulon had fallen in before him, and he was nowhere in sight. Atriss looked down in realization that he was beneath the magma and jumped off the spire. It was too late, however, for Obtulon was already on the move. The spire launched upward and hit the ceiling, which knocked down several sharp crystals above Atriss. Atriss hit the bottom, covered in crystal spines that impaled through his tough armor-like scales. Obtulon loomed overhead and laughed. He opened his mouth to prepare for a fire breath. Before he was able to pull it off, Atriss, in his final bout of energy, spit fire into his mouth. Obtulon stumbled back in horror. After a few moment, he began to scream. A dark smoke began to emanate from his ever growing agape mouth. Holes formed under his jaw. The holes got bigger as time dragged on. Obtulon was clawing at his throat and roaring in pain. His roars began to gurgle as blood filled his mouth and throat. His bottom jaw eventually fell off after what seemed like an eternity. Obtulon collapsed onto the ground, barely clinging to life. One of his lungs had completely filled with his drakin blood. Atriss stared at his victory, not with pride, but sorrow. He had nearly killed his son. Just then, a presence fills the room. A disgusting aura passes through Atriss. A purple portal opens from underneath Obtulon, bringing him and much of the magma with him. The portal closes and Atriss is left alone. With his thoughts. Stuck under crystal spikes. [3] Birth of Disaster Atriss sat alone in the dark cold cave for what seemed like years. Crystals slowly fading due to the time. More years pass. Decades. Centuries. Finally, the Crystals fade just enough to where Atriss can lift himself and heal. Back then, he couldn’t risk shapeshifting because the damage may have been greater. The spines were in him at the time, so they’d have torn him in half. Atriss heals his wounds and recuperates for the next couple of days before he leaves the husk of the volcano. It takes him much longer to fly back to his nest this time. He is weak from the battle still. He put too much energy into his final shot that it siphoned his deep Uva reserves. Each flap of his wings felt to him like a mountain on his back. Atriss crashed into the nest face first. When he brought his head up, he died. Not physically, but he died on the inside. Remains. Everywhere are the remains of his kin. Young, old. Strong and weak. All dead. He inched toward one of them. Anyir. His third daughter of the fourth hatching. She ly, covering a cowering, injured whelpling. They were the only survivor of whatever attacked. Atriss heaved himself over his dead child, bringing the living one close to him. Atriss began to sob. He left with the child after four hours of mourning. Atriss became the Godslayer at this moment. And thus, the countless years of Atriss’ hatred and fury had begun. No one was safe. No one. Not even the gods. Atriss the Godslayer A cold, ruthless killer of gods who had nothing to lose.
Okay. So. There's a number of grammatical and spelling errors but that's to be expected. In addition you keep changing tense throughout. Also, you should look up proper formatting for paragraphs that include dialogue. But for the good, this is a pretty interesting start. Very imaginative. Is this the complete story? Because there's definitely room to add to this short bit.
I would like to ask what bits and places in particular have this spelling and tense screw ups. I would really like to fix them. Though, I am fairly sure that my spelling is on point. However, I don't doubt that I have grammar errors because, to be honest, I have a loose grasp on all that. In addition, Almost every book that I have read has that dialogue set up, so I am curios as to how it is wrong and improper. This is the whole story for this altercation, but Atriss and Obtulon do have an extensive history and future in this case. Though, I'll admit, I would like to add more detail in the ending bit there. Thank you for reading.
"Magma bubble and stirs below" should be "Magma bubbles and stirs below" for example. I suspect they're typos more than spelling errors. Normally for dialogue a new paragraph is started when a new or different person speaks so that no paragraph has speech from two different speakers. You don't have to start the paragraph with dialogue, though. As for tense changes, you start off in present tense and switch to past tense. You kind of go back and forth between them. You should stick to one tense when writing.
Edited the story. I believe that I have fixed majority of the issues. Thank you for pointing out the error in that. That was, in fact, a typo. My keyboard has this lovely habit to not register some key inputs. I did a bit more searching on dialogue and paragraphing, and you are right. Thank you. And a final thanks goes to you for this. I looked over and fixed all the tense errors.
