The Avali Nexus

Not really...

 

well, I have done a very interesting set of Plot twists. and Reks very much enjoyed it

 

Alrighty then, since part two of my story didn't seem to be noticed, I think I might hold off on part three until there are more people in the thread

 

I did, actually. He surprised me with quite a few.

I even have one of my own, but most people wouldn't guess it.

 

It did get noticed. It's just that not a lot are talking about it.

 

True. Still, two chapters in one day might be a bit overkill anyway

 

did you see mine?

 

Plumage malfunction, never knew there was such a thing.

 

Those stims seem to have fixed you up!
...Except your plumage.

 

*quickly craws out of bottomless pit, pop back in image sensor optics*
what just happened? how did you? blue stim pigment?

 

You could just use dyes... like, you know... a LOT of avali do - especially females.

 

well, you look better

 

temporary side effects...
Tail on the other hand... still quite sore from that darn door. It doesn't look too crooked does it?

 

looks a little bent to me

 

Looks a little... too thin.

 

not really

 

a bit crioked, it'll heal up I hope....
you should recalibrate the doors for a longer delay

 

It does. You should try going through the door the other way to fix it.
That might help.

 

Pretty good, though I'd recommend sticking to a single verb tense throughout. I personally prefer past tense, but I've seen some people pull of present tense admirably. Personal taste as to which you use.

...and why is the spear named the same as me, that's just weird. It should be named after Icebelly. We can't complicate the Reks-Icebelly-Shadowhunter shipping triangle further with name assignments like that!

 

Past tense giving the impression of a narrator recounting events that have transpired, and present makes you a witness to events as they transpire.... do you suppose it'd be possible to write a story in the future tense, like a prophet or fortune teller, saying what is *going* to happen?

Twist ending - the epilogue is in past tense, it didn't happen that way at all