Chat Tell Us Your Troubles Thread - advice & friendly chats

You did? So that was your decision, not Rei's?

 

Yes, and I stand by this decision. She's a sweet girl, intelligent, funny, beautiful. But that was unsustainable.

 

I'm glad you won't be working yourself to the bone anymore. But I'm also sorry for you, seeing all that hard work being for naught.

Well, actually now you can spend that money getting drunk and getting laid. But hey, leave some for the less attractive blokes here, ok?

 

Can't get drunk at the moment, but once I can again, I sure will. Got my eyes on a bottle of "Don Papa" rum.

Can't promise that, buddy

 

It currently appears that life may finally be improving, in a logistical sense. LEarning how to drive and applying for new jobs.

Thanks to mental illness my brain hurts a lot lately. It feels like there's something bloody in my head that wants to pop. Hopefully rest and good experiences will mitigate whatever that is.

Have a doctor's appointment soon. I suppose he's going to be just thrilled to learn how I've been doing this year.

 

That's great news, Kittens

 

I suppose. Hope for best prepare for worst, always.

 

I'm trying real hard not to give in to despair, but I need a source of income soon.

Notice how I didn't specify the source nor did I say I need a 'job'. Things are getting that bad.

-edit-
...
goddamnit. Why do I still feel jealousy when it comes to her... this can't go on...

 

Well, I've hurt a friend that I have feelings for, and I'm scared that it won't be like before, specially since she might have ( or worst, had) feelings for me as well.
I don't know what to do, aside that after the misunderstanding I've promised to not do it again, she said we were cool but I got the feeling she cried. It wouldn't have been a big deal for others, I just worded a suggestion in a manner it appeared that I forced her into something, but she hates conflicts and changes up to her core... I'm not sure if that's the kind of partner I need to grow as a person, to be really honest ( because I'm a lazy fag too and I need to change it if I don't want depression and frustration at 30s).
And it pains me, it's like a small despair. Even though it's an online friendship ( and I have no proofs she's a woman aside her manners of thinking, behavior and consistency which fakes don't have unless they are schizophrenic), I'm really worried and it's haunting me, after this she might have lost the feelings she had for me, or maybe never will go out of her shell with me.
I don't know if I confess to her as soon as she gets online ( sounds like a bad idea), if I analyze her speech to me for some days (I'm not sure if I will manage to keep it just for me much time), or if I don't start a conversation with her until she does so ( but that might be enough time for her subconscious to kill any feelings she has for me )
It's not the first time that it happened to me, the same happened about 5 to 6 years ago with my ex-gf, terrible feeling indeed.

I might sound innocent and stupid, and I might just be, but for you who is reading this, please leave your thoughts.

 

well, I'm afraid I'll have to be frank here. For better and worse. So I hope you won't get mad with me for what I'm about to say:

Do you know that online person for long? You didn't tell us a lot about her (and you shouldn't, it is none of our business), but the way you phrased it sounds like most of what you know of her comes from observing her behaviour. Which means you are currently troubled over someone who exists largely in your head.
The pillar of any relationship is communication. That goes double for online relationships, where words are often all you get from each other. You can't be expected to deduct how someone feels over the internet unless they're being crystal clear. So you both need to talk it out and trust each other is telling the truth. Because if communication is the pillar, trust is the cornerstone. Lack any of the two and things will collapse sooner or later.

That doesn't mean you have to bare yourselves to each other fully. You may have things you don't wish anyone else to know, and the same goes for her. But if you DO talk about something, it has to be the truth, plain and simple. So no telling each other that you're ok when you're not. Let her know how this matter is troubling you and that you need to know how she feels, no matter how painful it is. (I'm being a hypocrite with that last couple of advices, but that doesn't nullify them). If she wishes to be with you as well, she will understand and tell you the truth so that you can start over from a clean slate. And if she doesn't, all the more reason to tell the truth and put an end to both of your miseries.

 

You didn't made me mad at all. Instead I agree totally with you and I'm aware of it all, or very close to that.
We've known each other for about 6 months or so, at least since then we talk pretty much daily.
One thing that I learned painfully with my last relationship is that once you hurt someone, whichever he/she misunderstood on his/hers end or it was an actual bad movement, it's not erasable, and lowering yourself to try to make up for it just makes it worst and puts you on a pitiful spot.
I might end up losing the chance to know her better and getting to be something beyond a friend, but I believe I'll likely downgrade from a great friend to a good/normal friend, or just lose the chance to be a boyfriend, and that won't suck as much. That is, if you consider that she doesn't have the personality "I need" to help me be a better person, and that she lives in US while I live in Brazil ( same with old online relationship ), and how it's highly unlikely we'll ever meet, sadly.
I was even thinking on how things would be if I'd date her online and then find a woman that I'm interested in and she's interested in me, since I'm not one to have more than one lover/girlfriend in my life. That could turn out as an emotional mess. But yeah, I don't have a gf for over three years, so maybe not much sense thinking in that view.

I should rather ask for advice to find a nice woman, and well, should you guys be nice to reply some to me, I'll be grateful. Also, dating sites are worth it nowadays? Which ones you know that more trustworthy?

 

well, greetings from a fellow brazillan, then!

And I've been there and done that. My last online relationship didn't end very well and it didn't last as long (at least we did video chats so I knew it was a woman). Sorry, I can't offer dating advices. If anything, I need some as well.

 

Well, I did once too, it was actually the way I met the woman I had my first kiss with. BUT she had foul breath and it didn't last longer than 1 month.
I was thinking of using it only to find women around me, since I'm living in a metropolis, there's quite a lot of interesting woman around

And neat! But I'll refrain from speaking Portuguese here, if you want to pm me for chatting though, feel free!

 

We would need to provide translation for it anyway, so it is easier to just speak english in the first place.

A former coworker of mine used to be a bit of a nerd, but after gym and Tinder he became the most womanizing guy I've known. I'm talking a different girl every day of the week. It was insane.

I have no idea how effective it is now, though.

 

I've set up on parperfeito , but it's not totally free as some claimed, not anymore at least.
I can't try tinder since I have windows phone, lol. Those smartphones died when skype got unusable for WP8.1 ( 80% of the users).

 

Well, sounds like you know more about those things than I do. Being the sucker I am, using dating apps couldn't possibly go well for me.

 

Honestly, the only reason why my meeting with that woman wasn't a disaster, is that she was just as naive and badly experienced as I am.

 

Docotr's appointment tomorrow. A bit nervous.

 

Hope it all goes well for you.

 

Going to the doctor is always a nice idea, either you relax by knowing things aren't so serious, or you get to know that things are worst than you thought and then you can plan better. Even if there's no actual updates on your situation, they might give you hints or more strength to go on.