Chat Tell Us Your Troubles Thread - advice & friendly chats

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by BloodyFingers, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    No, I am not having an affair with actual person calle Johnnie. I was refering to to scotch. Jonhnie Walker, Black Label.
     
  2. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    When you said drinking, I realized Johnnie Walker and Jack Daniels.
    But hey, unless you're in Kenya or Russia, if it makes you happy....
     
  3. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Happiness doesn't factor in here. If anything I think my latest behaviours only pushed people away. People I care about a great deal. Even here in these Forums.

    I don't know why I am doing this, honestly.
     
  4. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    I should have clarified. IF Johnnie and Jack were real people, then unless you're in Kenya or Russia.....

    And, you haven't pushed everyone away. I still like you.
     
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  5. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Sorry. This might sound weird coming from me, but I have a terrible sense of humour. My mood lately doesn't help either.
    It doesn't feel right talking about my relationship with other forum members like this. I just wanted to let that out of my chest, and talking about CF Forum with an outsider would take a lot of effort and explaining.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2017
  6. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    Totally understand. I was just saying, if it makes you happy.
    I don't talk about relationships with even close friends.
     
  7. Rgbunpro

    Rgbunpro Oxygen Tank

    Okay uh... I need an adult.
    So today this person I haven't spoken to in years started talking to me again. She's a really attractive girl that I went to community college with and for the most part she was a cool person. She had some depression issues but that's neither here nor there really. Anyway she starts messaging me today saying things like "I really missed out missing you" and "I reallt really miss you." Which kinda sounds to me like she wants be maybe a bit more than freinds rather suddenly after not talking to me for like 3 or 4 years.

    Anyway, under normal circumstances I wouldn't be that bothered by it but I'm terrified for 2 reasons.
    1. As far as I know she's currently with someone else
    2. This wouldn't be the first time since I've known her that she got with someone else while still "Being with" her boyfriend.

    Quite frankly, considering those 2 facts I'd rather just be friends, I'm just honestly scared to tell her because it'll hurt her. To be fair, she's an awesome friend and I definitley enjoyed hanging out with her when we did but...
    Anyways, just a potentially bad situation that got dropped on my lap this morning.
     
  8. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Well, well, well... tricky situation indeed. You'll find out even adults often make a right mess of themselves in those scenarios, mate. When it comes to the opposite sex, being rational is harder than you'd think. I chalk that up to reproductive instincts. Our brains seems to be hardwired to seek a mating partner above all common sense. In fact, most adult men would tell you to, pardon the vulgar language, "bang her and bail out".

    But as someone who didn't quite reach maturity just yet and still read stuff like Rules of a Knight (yeah, I still dream of being knighted. Don't judge), I can counsel you towards being a loyal and righteous person. Simply put, "treat others as you would have them treat you". I'm sure you'd hate it if your partner cheated on you, right? So don't so that to someone else... BUT...
    If she keeps on making moves on you, then ask her where is she going with it. Who knows, maybe she could be willing to break up with her boyfriend or whatever and you two could then be together. If she just wants to fool around, then lay your cards on the table and tell her that you are interested in her (if you are. Otherwise leave that part out), but you won't do casual nor cheating.
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2017
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  9. Surenu

    Surenu Parsec Taste Tester

    Here's my take on the whole ordeal: Saying things like that don't necessarily mean she wants to be more than friends. At least in my experience, girls just... say this kind of thing, you know If she does however, and you don't want to, it's tricky, yeah. Remember however, that your life is your life and it's your right to live it the way you see fit, so if you want to be just friends with her that's basically it, end of discussion. If she gets pissed about that, how much of a friend is she really? I mean, disappointed, yeah, I could get that. But I'd wager that if she really likes you, whether as a friend or more, she'll respect your descision.

    Also this.
     
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  10. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    One thing I have learned in my many, many years, is that a leopard doesn't change it's spots. Not much anyway. If you couldn't trust her before, chances are, she hasn't changed. Not in only 3 years.
    The big question is, do you want to risk being with her? She will probably cheat on you also. (that is, if you are not the one she's cheating with). Don't worry about hurting her feelings by saying friendship only. If she can't handle this, then what kind of friend (or girlfriend) would she be?
    Also, girls/women don't say things just to be saying them. You are correct thinking she's testing the water. Putting her toes in to see if she will get bit, so to speak. It's been 3-4 years since you spoke with her. She's looking for something and chances are she won't find it until she grows up a little more. If you are happy with where you are right now, you will really reconsider this one. Go with your gut, it is almost always right.
     
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  11. Rgbunpro

    Rgbunpro Oxygen Tank

    Taking all this into consideration I think that if she approaches me, I'll just tell her I'm not interested in a relationship. I'd rather be her friend and try to keep her from cheating some time in the future then be the one she's cheating with and then get cheated on later. If she can't handle that then...
    Man, life really doesn't pull any punches.
     
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  12. Surenu

    Surenu Parsec Taste Tester

    Guys and gals, we have a motto for 2017! ... and the hundreds of thousands of years before that.
     
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  13. I_am_the_Storm

    I_am_the_Storm Aquatic Astronaut

    Life give us many and many punches, and some of our wounds will be never healed by themselfs. We must do something to recover from our wounds, but it will take time.

    To your problem, @Rgbunpro.
    Your wound is your fear from relationship, that will not work, will be false -which is worse-, or will be only from your side.
    In example: I've been in relationship, and last month was false. Worst thing is, she cheated on me with her own imagination about my current good friend, and she lied to me about how strong is our relatioship. She doesn't tell me, it would be better if we break up. That was more than three years ago and today we are 'enemies N.1' and she doesn't even said 'Sorry, as***le'. Yes, I'd loved her, but pain from this relationship will be here forever.

    Your case is similiar. If you know that there is a chance she will cheat on you, she will be secretly with her boyfriend, or you just feel, that your relationship will not work or will be false, then tell her you are not interested. Politely, of course. She is not worth it, even if she is such a amazing girl. YOUR broken heart is not worth it.
    But as Surenu said, it's your life. YOU create your own future and YOU make a decisions in your life. No one gives you an orders, what to do next.

    My advice? Listen to your heart and think twice about her behavior, either in past or now. That's all I can say.
     
  14. SivCorp

    SivCorp Spaceman Spiff

    Once a cheater, always a cheater.... that's been my experience.

    It takes constant effort to be better, be better.
     
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  15. Rgbunpro

    Rgbunpro Oxygen Tank

    Literally everyone I've told either here or IRL have all said the exact same thing. I'm pretty sure that I know the right decision now. Thanks peeps, you guys have helped me out. If the situation occurs where I have to tell her, I'll let you know how it goes.
     
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  16. Surenu

    Surenu Parsec Taste Tester

    Progress report: This was the first nightmare-free night's worth of sleep I got in god knows how long. I even had a good dream!
     
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  17. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    I feel left behind.
    By the times. By the people around me.

    Which is ironic given how I moved away from home and now I am about to move abroad to study in Canada. But I still feel like I'm not moving forward.
    I get that it eventually happens to everyone. But, as a doctor once said regarding my high blood pressure, "you're too young to have that kind of problem".
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2017
  18. Surenu

    Surenu Parsec Taste Tester

    i know that this is probaly not said people's fault. Hell, it's probably nobody's fault. But do you want to elaborate?
     
  19. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    the first one is self-explanatory, I hope.

    The second one... I see my friends and close ones achieving what they set out to do. They are no longer the same as they were when I left. Meanwhile I don't feel like I have moved an inch forward in any way other than geographically.

    I guess that also feeds into the first sentence. Because time does not wait for me to make a move. So it leaves me behind.
     
  20. Surenu

    Surenu Parsec Taste Tester

    Huh. I won't try to delegitimize your experiences, but looking at it objectively, is that true?
     

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