Hatemail to starbound part (1/2)

Okay! before you put on a comment trying to put up an argument, I just wanna say that this is a Frackin satire alright I have no intention of offending anyone. Just here to make fun of some critics.

Critics in starbound always find a way to criticise this game and it's mostly sounds like "uhh i waited for my entire life for the final release" or "Uhh chucklefish more like *BLEEEP*" or "Terraria is way better *tips fedora*" or "Where's my japanese p0rn?". At least this isn't spacebase DF-9 (anyone get the reference?)

Here is where I'm gonna expose how Chuckling stupid are these negative reviewer

OKAY 200 hour are fine thats the amount i took to finish fallout 4
And 600 still acceptable for a sandbox game
BUT 1000 HOUR THATS BULL%$*# wanna know how ridiculous this number is because with 1000 hour you can

1. Learn a completely new language
2. Write a 2600 page book
3. Finish Witcher 3 main quest only without any collectible
4. Learn to throw a knife and other assassination skill
5. Generate 40 bucket of spit

You know what i'm gonna do if i didn't like a game? I freaking stop playing that game? WHO IN THE RIGHT MIND PLAY A GAME FOR 1000 HOUR AND LEFT A BAD REVIEW ANYWAY?
Here's an analysis: These guys is usually the same guy who give positive review 1 to 6 hour of playing this game, and left a bad review complaining not enough feature because hundred of hour is enough to explore every nook and cranny in this game or even find the elusive rainbow gun. they just hate it because the update took too long

But before you say "Man they just don't like the way the change, they waited for too long"
Wanna know how much i hate these kind of review, try make an attempt to make a game, any decent game. try it!

I'm telling you there is a pattern alright this is 100% true because if i'm wrong i'm gonna force myself to play dark souls 3 with a guitar controller, here's how it goes

1. Gamer brought the game really cheap because of dem discounts
2. Gamer play game for hours and enjoyed it
3. Gamer left a positive review
4. Gamer became enthusiast for new update
5. Gamer got bored waiting
6. Gamer left a negative review
7. New Update just came out and it brought new features
8. Repeat from step 2

Here is just the end of part 1, i'm gonna come back later with a better argument and research and revealed the biggest conspiracy in starbound

NB
If i didn't posted anything for weeks that's mean i got kidnapped and tortured by terraria fans (please call god almighty gaben to save me)

NB
YOU CANT HIDE THE TRUTH ILLUMINATI (insert x-file theme song)

NB
I don't really understand what does NB stands for, I just found out about it from a really old letter i found

 

I don't know about the 1000 hours, I left a negative review on Skyrim after 800 hours because I felt I was ready to give a good, smart and comprehensive review.
But I agree, people are angry and hate on principle because Chucklefish Slipped up with 2013.

 

Witcher 3 takes that long o.o? heck im staying away from that game!

Also, I stopped taking Steam reviews seriously lol, you should look at the tags, people are just SO intellectually challenged over there, oh and I do not want to defend negative reviewers or anything... but some people (myself included) want to take their sweet bloody time with something before giving their word about it!

E.G. I have been playing Super Hexagon since 2014, have about 40 hours gameplay on it, a game you can finish in 5 minutes, and yet I still think my review is not ready for that game, same for Warframe and a few other games I have clocked more than 200 hours each (warframe having over 500)

 

This isn't even original, I'm pretty sure I've seen this post before, and it wasn't funny then either.

 

oh you re right actually, I think it was before the whole hack thing happened.

 

Well.... the problem is i just want to reveal what really makes starbound bad, you'll just see

 

It's a bit big so I'll put it in a spoiler tag. Here's the guy with 1081 hours on a negative review:

In Starbound, you perform pointless fetch quests in a bland and uninteresting sci-fi universe. Earth has been destroyed by a monster out of a Japanese porno (did you know the tentacle thing comes from a ban on showing p*nises onscreen? True story), but it's a sign of something greater to come.

To start with, the game is not inherently bad. Oh no, you see, there's just a few things here and there. It's got a really great weapon generation system and it's easily moddable, has no character limit on the chat (I know this because on one roleplay server a pair of lesbian Novakids sent twenty-minute long textwalls of ERP into the public chat), and a nice big universe. This means it's very good for roleplay, if you play on a server that creates its own lore, but as you'll find out, it's not much fun as a game. There's some nice features, such as your character making funny faces as you chat, and the ability to click on stuff and have your character snark at it.

The first major flaw is that the lore is quite poorly thought out (this is why most roleplay servers write their own version). The Novakids, while at first interesting, lack faces and this is a bad decision because you lose out on things like facial expressions. They're really weird to play as. Secondly, the Apex, who are a mildly interesting Orwellian society destroyed by one major flaw: they are monkeys. This makes it hard to take them seriously once you imagine what a government meeting might go like. Picture it - Apex screaming their arguments across an intimidating parliament chamber adorned with pillars and banners, the debate raging until they begin flinging poo at each other.

Florans are a race of savage tribal plant people who were somehow able to miraculously reverse engineer a crashed Apex spaceship, despite having no prior experience with technology much more advanced than a slingshot. The lore mostly appeals to little kids because of these flaws, and not mature sci-fi nerds like you and I.

The gameplay while at its core a fun experience is destroyed by a horrible quest system ("make me a cup of coffee!") and an unreliable Dev team that tends to break their game in truly impressive ways ("Bug fixes: NPC tenants no longer catch fire by accident").

There's an interesting colony system where you can get tenants to move into buildings you build, and the tenant will actually be designed to fit the building.


In short, it's an Early Access Scam. This game was meant to be released three years ago but it's still in beta. Apparently the release is only 2-3 updates away, but they're hard Devs to trust. Also, three years overdue and the game has not been optimised yet. The Devs are showing signs of improving but I'd recommend waiting until a sale to buy it if you like roleplay. That's the only way you'll get many hours out of this. I am fully aware of the irony that I have 1000+ hours logged in the game, but that's what happens when you roleplay.

If you want a fun 2D sandbox metroidvania, just buy Terraria. Yes, it's got a smaller world, but quality over quantity.

This review was posted March 2nd.

 

Thats a pretty good review actually, he points out whats bad and whats good, and he sounds like hes involved with the community (lets be honest, the devs DO have been... shady at times) as much as I love this game, I havent been around nowhere near as much as that guy probably has, so I cant really state a point similar to his, other than having to agree that the game has been on beta for a while. I am not troubled by this at all, but you have to consider that quite a lot of people have stated the facts. It has been a long road to 1.0

 

Um... no? Being completely honest, I have never understood the supposed "shadiness" of Chucklefish because they have always been active in their community and even release dev builds in Nightly to showcase the things they have been working on recently for the next update.

In addition, I do take issue with some of his points.

For example:

The Apex aren't monkeys. They are hyper-intelligent gorillas, essentially. You know, the things that could kill you barehanded if they wanted to?



They don't throw poop. They are intelligent and deadly and to think otherwise is insane because the only thing stopping them from absolutely fucking you up is them not wanting to do that.

Giving them even great intelligence, hyper-advanced technology, and an Orwellian dictatorship? Holy shit, I don't know why the Apex haven't expanded their control to the rest of the universe by now. Probably dumb luck.

Maybe that will be better explained in Cheerful Giraffe, a.k.a. the Story Update.

And...

He references a long gone placeholder quest that was added to introduce the player to multiple aspects of the newly updated game during Upbeat Giraffe. His review confuses me at this point, since he seems to be stuck in-between Upbeat Giraffe and Pleased Giraffe in terms of what he is reviewing? Definitely not the current game version. The current Outpost quests start by having the player buy some Chocolate at the Infinity Express... the same NPC that was used in the "make me a cup of coffee" quest.

His review was more than just ironic...

 

I would disagree with you, but im too lazy to bother with it. I can easily say that neither of us is right or wrong... just a stand off

 

I just think people's expectations for games are different. I think Starbound is revolutionizing its video game genre and I happen to think the content amount is just right. Besides, I'm not one to be big on lore/questing.

 

Analysis of that review:

1st paragraph: Instant obvious signs of rage. Decides to make the hentai connection just because the monster happens to have tentacles. Oh lordie this'll be a good one...

2nd paragraph: points out a couple of really small "nice features" but doesn't go into detail to avoid looking like a jerk from the get-go. No, must save precious space to nitpick.

3rd parapgraph: Claims the lore is bad but says nothing about the lore other than nitpicking why the literal star people don't have facial features, which is one of their defining traits, and completely misinterprets the Apex, deciding to instead show they actually paid very little attention to the Apex lore of them being very intelligent. Yes they're space monkeys. We also have mayan space birds with magic crystals, space plasma people with space trains, three-eyed space frogs who are almost all complete oblivious pricks, and space plants which walk around and like sssstabing people. This isn't meant to be Space Melodrama Game no.20XX, this is Starbound, where we have penguins piloting UFOs.

4th paragraph: Yes, the Floran lore is a bit iffy, but probably a lot of the reverse-engineering was done by Greenfinger and other civilized, intelligent Florans, who'd had interactions with other races and studied things like this. Also, once again a stupid comparison. Scifi Nerds read stuff like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is ludicrous at times, watch Doctor Who, which can occasionally reach that same level of ridiculousness, and many enjoy sci-fi parodies like Spaceballs. This game is not supposed to be taken dead serious, just like those. That should have been pretty obvious from the moment medieval (space) robots were mentioned.

5th paragraph: Brings up placeholder content as part of an argument, and then bashes a dev team for causing and fixing bugs, just like LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE dev team that exists, anywhere. Have you seen the broken crap that makes its way onto the AAA market? Also this game is in active, pre-release development. Of course there will be bugs you ignorant prick.

6th paragraph: "Oh and now to lighten the mood again and make you forget all the bad stuff I said by complimenting the colony system in this one sentence."

7th paragraph: Pulling the "IT'S A SCAM", "the Devs are money-grabbers", "the early access game isn't optimized", and "the freshly-made indie dev team made a big booboo with the release date" cards all in one paragprah, instantly destroying any credibility this guy had (which, judging from the above, was very little). Then proceeds to justify his 1000+ hours. Well, even if it is from roleplaying, this has provided you with a platform that worked for 1000+ hours for that purpose, so don't go saying it wasn't worth it.

8th paragraph: Compares it to Terraria, a beginner's mistake since the games are quite different in everything but basic style. Also, Terraria is complete and has been getting steady updates since release, while SB is in Beta and is still working towards a 1.0 release.

That was ridiculous. He made very few actual points, trailed off from his intended purpose a few times, and most of his problems were due to early access or disliking the devs.
I rate this review 2/10: Sloppy and almost entirely useless.

 

Please don't take this as me being rude or attacking you, but why did you make this discussion? Obviously the person you are describing here is a troll and at the end of the day a troll is nothing more than bully. All a bully wants is attention and to get a reaction out of people. I bet that this same guy is on the forums and is basking in all the attention he's getting. The last post like this (which if I'm not mistaken you made) wasn't funny at all, it just angered and upset the Starbound fans and gave the trolls what they want. I'm not saying that people who do make negative reviews are trolls, I'm just saying stop making a big deal of the ones that obviously are. Starbound still has a 90% rating and over 40,000 reviews, which is better than a lot of other indie games that are already released. I'm not going against you or anything I'm just saying the only way to handle the trolls is just to ignore them, not make a discussion for them. Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that if you truly want to kill the beast you've got to stop feeding it first.

 

Ah I get you

I'm really sorry for brining this up

I'll stop talking about bad reviews

And back again on making random "Funny" cynical stuff

Incase you want to know what i'm going to talk about in part 2

It's hype factor

Thats basically it

Please don't hate me for this

 

One of the top things that starbound critics complain about is how starbound has been in early access too long, which is stupid, because it's still fun even if it isn't it's a complete game. Early access It barely makes a difference.

 

Okay, I have to admit this is actually a problem.

 

EDIT
I'M SORRY, THIS TOPIC MIGHT GET TOXIC, YOU CAN READ THIS BUT IT BETTER BE THAT YOU DO NOT TAKE THIS TOO SERIOUSLY, I'VE FALLEN TO A SAME HOLE TWICE CAUSE I'M AN IDIOT.
HERE IS A VIDEO OF ME APOLOGIZING TO ALL OF YOU /watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

BUT SERIOUSLY THO I'M SO FREAKING ASHAMED

 

At first i just saw your avatar and then proceeded to read the post, and i was like " Damn that guy is as hilarious as the other poster lichen" Then proceeded to read the name.
Not disappointed

 

have the devs made some big mistakes? absolutely
have they apologized for those mistakes? I can remember an apology for anything I had an issue with
did they have a valid reason for some of those mistakes? its an early access game with a concept fairly untried before, OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO MESS UP SOMETIMES

like all early access games they have had some issues. but as long as they learn from the issues then theres not much problem, as long as the finished problem is fine.
the biggest thing starbound got right? its in a playable state. if the development for the game completely stopped right this second, the game is still playable.
I sometimes even go back and play CUBE WORLD! last update was, what? 4 years ago? (quickly checked, was 3 years).
I can still go back and play that because the game is playable with some fun mechanics (defensive warrior against large groups of enemies, I AM IMMORTAL! or using rogue perma stealth ability to kill groups of enemies one by one)

bottom line, starbound is improving, and its playable to the point that if development stopped, you still have a fairly solid game