Corrupt a wish V.2

Granted, instead of being executed you will serve in a penal regiment.

I wish for peace of mind.

 

Here's a piece of mind.

I wish to not have made this wish.

 

ERROR! ERROR! PARADOX DETECTED!

I wish for a Gun-Toting Potato and the "I Like Trains" Kid!

 

Wish granted, I've printed out screenshots of them for you.

I wish for a less climbable tree.

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Granted. It is useless. No climbing, no fruit, and it just fell on you.

I wish for the Void Star!

 

Wish granted, but it is an actual void star, a black hole.

I wish for a flaming potato!

 

Wish granted, but your jerk friend immediately puts it out with a fire extinguisher

I wish I could stop time

 

Wish granted, time is stopped forever and you die in a frozen world. Also, I have a friend?!? YAY!

I want a small hat that sits precariously on my head.

 

Granted, it pairs perfectly with your enormous head.

I wish for cardboard boxes.

 

Granted, the cardboard boxes are ALIVE! ALIVE! The boxes are also carnivorous and eat you.

I want a snek.

 

Granted, but it's ever-so-slightly lewd.

I wish for another bandanna.

 

Explain

Granted, but it will strangle you.

I want a high five.

 

Granted, you high-five a corpse.

I wish for shiny things.

 

That's not a bad thing for me...

Granted, the shiny things are bombs.

I want a bacon.

 

Granted, but it comes from unidentified animal.

I wish to be a first man, who landed on Mars.

 

It's a crash landing

I want some tea.

 

(Damn... now I'm the first man, who died on Mars... that's great...)
Granted, but your tea melted down your cup.

I wish to have a good life.

 

You'll have a great life, but you will die in 1 year.

I wish for world peace.

 

Granted,there is world peace after all of humanity is dead.

I want a potato waffle.

 

Granted, @TheCobaltMask mysteriously stops posting though.

I wish for 1337 hax.