Can you do me a favour?

I would but you'd need a lot higher salary to hire me.

Do me a favour and ask me a favour.

 

I would, but you're gonna come up with some excuse anyway.

Do me a favour and compose an epic soundtrack about my life.

 

I would but an individual's life is quite worthles to humanity as whole.

Do me a favour and take the blue pill. (Matrix reference.)

 

I would, but the last time I took a blue pill I had to visit the ER because, uuh, you know...

Do me a favour and get me an espresso.

 

I would but I drank it all

Do me a favour and give me something to do

 

I would, but cleaning out my basement is something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

Do me a favour and give me an excuse not to go to a wedding this weekend.

 

I would but weddings are important and you should attend them for the free cake

Do me a favour and get me a slice of cake

 

I would but *OM NOM NOM* I ate it.

Do me a favour and get me a napkin.

 

I would but I just accidently set the whole place on fire.

Do me a favour and make me less accident-prone.

 

I would, but I'm in the hospital because I've had an accident.

Do me a favour and help me steal a new car.

 

I would, but I only got my license today and I won't risk it.

Do me a favour and bring back the fallen.

 

I would, but my my Necronomicon has been torn apart by dog.

Do me a favour and say something positive.

 

I would, but I'm an electron.

Do me a favour and taste my cookies.

 

I would, but I burnt my tongue and can't taste anything.

Do me a solid, and get me some salve.

 

I would but I ran out of plant fibre.

Do me a favour and make me not die all the time in Starbound.

 

I would, but my patented. "Git_Gud_Quick" file was corrupted.

Do me a favor and tell me a real knee-slapper.

 

I would, but all I have are kneecappers.

Do me a solid and do something about the BEEEEEES!

 

I would, but all I see are wasps. The striped devils that invade from the South and claim the underside of the grill every summer.

Do me a flavor and grab the questionable steak that's in the freezer, don't mind the texture.

 

I would, but I'm kind of queasy about grabbing other people's meat if you catch my drift.

Do me a favour and make me stop listening to the same 5 songs on repeat.

 

I would but I have that habit too

Do me a favour and kick me in the throat