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Prevailing Romantic Customs Among Species

Discussion in 'Starbound Discussion' started by FakeGeekGamerGirl, Feb 27, 2015.

  1. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    I can spam-click to perfect-block all of the spears in one direction and
    tank the rest with impervium armor and a cooked steak.

    Then I pull the flamethrower.

    Then I bake a berry pie. A really big pie. And crush their heathen temple with it. And become the king of the world.
    I roll the giant pie over all of those who contest my benevolent rule.
     
  2. Wulf_Oman

    Wulf_Oman Existential Complex

    You can if your Jacky Chan or Chuck Norris?
     
  3. Sheepedify

    Sheepedify Void-Bound Voyager

    As a professor in cross-species and intercultural relationship Hylotl official studies, I have been granted permission to share the "dirt" (as you lowers seem so fond of calling it) on Hylotl love and relationships.

    When it comes down to simple relationships of emotions, we are very similar to humans. From gifts of affection (hand made devices, stuffed toys, favorite foods, ect.) to public signs of affection (ie. kissing) we act in surprisingly similar ways to humans. Of course our methods are inevitably more successful and heartfelt then any human could achieve. At higher stages of relationships, we tend to begin living with the significant other and share literally every thing we own. This requires plenty of trust, which Hylotl have no problems acquiring unlike other inferio- erm... races. In terms of marriage, an assembly or "get together" is rarely created. Our relationships are easy enough to spot without the huge money wasting performances, besides, the pheromones we emit while in love are so strong even Glitch could smell it (That is a joke because Glitch are usually incapable of smelling, save for a few special occasions).

    Now, reproduction is a much more... I believe you simple languages would call "disgusting" process. To begin, our two love fish would join minds via concentrated third eye staring (More personal contact level than any of you others could ever aspire to achieve). Once joined, and clothing removed, the cleanest way to put it is the same thing happens as with human mating. Of course our system, although highly similar, is much more successful at creating healthy offspring and truly binding a male and female Hylotl than that of humans. Humans are also not certainly successful, the transfer of the male germ in human systems allows for it "miss" it's target, whereas is the Hylotl system, the female latches on to the man inside herself thus insuring one hundred percent transfer. I hope that wasn't too graphic for you other races with your inferior stomach to these subjects. It should also be mentioned that this has to occur in a special room which is either rented, or can be bought for high prices. This is because the scents we produce are highly corrosive, and have been known to create decay in a monstrous amounts of material. The common solution is Tungsten.

    Anyways, this is as much as I've been allowed to share with the simpler minds. I hope this clears up any of your immature questions and curiosity.
     
  4. Nibolas O Anelbozas

    Nibolas O Anelbozas Spaceman Spiff

    Hey hylotl, i like you but this is why people dislike you
     
  5. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I mean 36 spears

    from all directions

    yer so damn silly like seriously
     
  6. braydon

    braydon Phantasmal Quasar

    Dude NPCs are blind you just hurl grenades, rockets, or staff projectiles at them from across the map and they all die.
     
  7. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    Who's to say I'm not already protected from all angles?

     
    Wulf_Oman likes this.
  8. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I say it

    HAHA
     
    Wulf_Oman likes this.
  9. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    You sayin' it ain't so don't make it ain't so, you photosynthetic phony.
     
  10. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    Don't speak to me in such bad manners you feathered abomination
     
  11. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    Hah! You can't even alliterate, you rooted rapscallion! Bow before my beaky brilliance, and maybe I won't
    array you in ranch dressing and croutons!
     
    CrimsonGiraffe likes this.
  12. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of your currently-cooking relatives.
     
  13. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    What's that supposed to be? A Floran "your mom" joke?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2015
  14. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    No

    it means I kidnapped your relatives and I am currently cooking them to eat at a floran feast

    sheesh

    and they call me the stupid one for saying birds have tiny brains

    HEHAHEHAHE
     
  15. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    Do you have any idea who I am? I'm Big Derp. I'm pure derp. See this tiny beak of mine? It can
    stretch. It can really, really stretch. After I stun you with a mighty blow from my spectacular chin,
    I will strip you of your armor and weapons and gulp your squirming, helpless self down alive and
    whole. You can not hope to escape. Then, if you get lucky, MAYBE I'll spit you up and staple you
    to the outside of my ship as a photosynthetic energy generator to fuel my FTD (Fastdurr tharn Derp)
    drive. If you get lucky. Like, really lucky.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2015
  16. braydon

    braydon Phantasmal Quasar

    Do florans actually have to cook meat or can they just eat it raw? I mean they are plants so they shouldn't be susceptible to the same bacteria that's in the raw meat.
     
  17. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I don't wear armor, I'm not a pansy little scared bird who needs to hide behind armor like you
    of course they can eat it raw

    I just like it cooked because then I can hear the screams of the cooked-alived hooligans
     
  18. SoopaDerpcat

    SoopaDerpcat Pangalactic Porcupine

    I don't hide behind my armor. In fact, since it goes around my whole body, half of IT is hiding behind ME.
    I'm shielding half of my loyal armor behind my own body. Think about it. If somebody hit my armor with a
    hammer and my torso wasn't there to absorb the shock, it could get dented pretty badly.

    Of course savages like yourself can't comprehend such a noble sacrifice, so I don't expect
    you to understand. You're all about cooking people. And you know what? Cooking people
    isn't even very nice. Nobody's ever gotten a Nobel Peace Prize for cooking people. You
    know why? Because it's really rude. Some people don't even like taking hot baths. So what
    you're doing is forcing somebody to take a hot bath in a deep metal tub. It's so deep that
    you could be completely submerged, and some people can't swim. It's like you're making fun
    of their inability to swim. How would you like it if somebody made fun of the fact that you're
    not Scottish? Scotsmen play bagpipes. Bagpipes are made of cloth. If you're not Scottish, that
    means you don't know how to wear clothes. Hipsters wear clothes. Hipsters are hip.

    You're not hip.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2015
  19. braydon

    braydon Phantasmal Quasar

    ...

    No.
     
  20. CmereSweetHeart

    CmereSweetHeart Subatomic Cosmonaut

    I wear a coat

    I'm hip

    and you're still a pansy armor-wearing bird

    Oh, and an another thing

    you're ugly
     

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