Chat Tell Us Your Troubles Thread - advice & friendly chats

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by BloodyFingers, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    HER AGAIN??? And you just got over the whole issue. Try not to rubber-band back into the old feelings. I wish you luck.
     
  2. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    New year. New job. New employer. Same boss. :rofl:
     
  3. BigEaredKittens

    BigEaredKittens Master Astronaut

    Thing about living through abuse is that I'll have dreams with those horrible people in them and it's like living it all over again. Brings back muchly that undying feeling of being used, stupid, worthless trash. Like they said.

    Shit, even my own mother's say that my father and brothers think I should have a bullet in my head. I'm trash to them, a waste of time. I kind of agree. Than she turns aorund and say, "Ohh, if you died I'd be lost. I'd have to go into therapy!"

    Oh really? How about that time I nearly froze to death on the road in freezing rainstorm? Hypothermia. I barely made it home alive, after waiting for help and standing on people's doorsteps for a while. I get home, which I didn't expect to happen, and what did you think then, eh?

    "Uhuh..."

    >:\

    Perhaps people should stop calling me lazy for not beinganother one of those fools that goes chasing after that stupid american dream shit. Your picket fence, house, and job with car aren't exactly things you can get a the snap of a finger when you're fro mthe slums and haven't a right to your fucknig name. Well, except the right to be on welfare.

    Maybe, just maybe, next time your sister or whatever offers me a chacne to move with them to the city to access these types of things, perhaps you should take issue with it when they up and change their mind on their promise. I get really excited when opportunities shine themselves. I make preparations and eagerly await an improvement in life. Than it all comesdestroyed each time. I can't blame her, really. I don't think I'd much care for moving to another ghetto and risk being invovled in all their crime and gang activity. I'm not cut out for that.

    Not interested in taking chances with getting a "real job" from assholes in my area that might try to rape and/or murder me for what I am either, just to get a few dollars and your approval. It happens all the time. Why shouldn't I be afriad? Maybe it'd open your eyes a little to be with me when I'm being sexually harassed on the street or being violently assaulted by a gun toting drunk callnig me various racist slurs. All I'm doing is trying to have a walk, i'm not seeking these fuckers out! I might be illegally employed now, making a a beggars salary, but at leas I know I'll never have to deal with people all the time. I'm around them for a few minutes and that's it. My boss doesn't even know what I look like.

    Nah, I' think I'll do the smart thing and avoid falling into the pitfalls of prostitution, that so many others like me have fallen into. I think I'll just stay with my parents and live it up. Playing video games all day and having a ncie free meal every now and then. Enjoy the relative saftey within these delapidated walls... while I figure out how to unfuck my shitty life. Maybe overdose on medications with a fair hleping of booze and blackout every now and then. That gets some pretty good ZzZzZ's, ya know.

    How bout' that, eh? I think that sounds preffered to risking fuckig myself over even more.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2017
  4. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    I feel like I've been neglecting this thread lately. I... really don't know what to say right now. And one thing about me is: When I have no words that I can say with any conviction, I don't say anything at all.

    @BigEaredKittens, I don't feel equipped with the kind of wisdom and experience to offer you anything of help. You undergo heavy shit on a regular basis, it seems. The best I can manage right now is a virtual hug.
     
  5. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    Screw it, not talking about isn't gonna solve anything anyway. This is my fourth attempt at posting in this thread. I hope I can make it count. I'll also keep it short because I knew what I signed up for and this is basically my reponsibility.

    I used to be an active duty soldier, doing patrols around Mazar-i-Shaif. I won't tell you the exact locations, because they're classified and noone cares anyway.

    I saw three people die in an IED blast, one of whom was in my unit. I won't go into details, but that wasn't pretty.

    But if you want to get to the real dark underbelly of that whole peacekeeping bullshit: I killed (at least) 4 people there.

    I'm not proud of any of this. In fact, I'm ashamed. But I have to get that out else I'll never deal with it.
     
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  6. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    (terribly sorry for the double post but my thoughts concerning this matter aren't really coherent)

    To put some pus-icing on this rot-cake, yesterday I get an SMS from a Kamerad who's still there that our Afghan translator was murdered. I liked that guy really much.
     
  7. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    Hey, welcome mate. I think I understand your hesitation now. That isn't something most people would be comfortable sharing.
    Sadly, that is yet another thing I can't do anything but listen to. But for my part, my opinion of you hasn't deteriorated in any way. At any rate, I am glad you came back alive. You seem like a good person.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2017
  8. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    I don't expect anything else, and I'm quite grateful for the listen. This stuff can't be undone, and quite frankly, all of this served a higher purpose, so while I'm not proud I'm still convinced it was for the greater good.... I guess. Nowadays I ain't so sure, but I like to believe it.

    Got WIA myself, but nothing serious, didn't even get to leave the country.

    I have to admit though, in between the bullsh*t, I had a load of fun there with my comrades, mostly because officers were finally allowing us to be silly.
     
  9. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    I see. Sorry about your injuries. And again, I am glad it wasn't fatal. I can't hope to comprehend the impact war can have on a person, but I am truly glad you are able to speak with us and have fun despite all that.

    If it is okay with you, I'd like to consider you a friend here. I mean, I don't know how valuable that word is on the internet, but to me you are someone I enjoy talking with, and I hope that continues for as long as possible.
     
  10. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    I like making friends, so yeah, you're welcome to see me as such, since I saw you as such for quite a few days now as well :)

    The worst part for me, personally, isn't the violence. It's the expectation of violence. I keep switching the sidewalks when it's garbage day, I obsessively keep blank guns and knives on me. I got rid of most of the emotional garbage I took home, but some just remains, and I doubt I'll ever get rid of it all. Add to that the fact that the girlfriend I was cohabiting with decided to cheat on the exact same day I got shot and you've got a veritable shitstew I guess. Again, things have gotten better: I got accepted into my chosen uni, got into the courses I wanted to, got myself a nice appartment and I even finally bought that real expensive 6m fishing rod I always wanted.

    But it's always there, in the corner of my mind. Random objects on the streets, firecrackers going off, large vehicles moving. That's what gets me nowadays.
     
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  11. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    Thank you for your service.
     
  12. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    I certainly did not expect this reaction, but thank you for your kind words.

    We don't have the same "Support our troops" culture in Germany as the US have, mostly because people still feel guilt for WW2 and the wars we are involved in are highly unpopular. People like me can completely go under the radar in this regard, so people are usually bit surprised when they first meet me and I casually mention that I did some service back then. Though what I confessed to this thread I usually keep to myself, but trying to act like it never happend isnt going to solve anything.
     
  13. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    Since the SS was abolished (I hope), we are all fighting a common enemy in Asia. Your life was on the line and your service should be noted. I don't care which country you are fighting for. (Unless of course your fighting for ISIS)
     
  14. Surenu

    Surenu The End of Time

    Yeah, it was abolished, along with every organization related to or in service of the NSDAP and, alongside that, outlawed.
     
  15. Hidari

    Hidari Over 9000!!!

    Got into an accident this morning. I can't even remember how it happened anymore--everything went down so fast and the details seemed to fade almost as quickly.

    It's kinda weird, though. It feels almost like a dream, but then I realize I'm driving a rental and that everybody else drives absolutely friggin' crazy out here.

    I'm fine, at the very least, but my front fender got mangled and the airbag deployed. Should be fixed in a few days' time.

    Well, I guess my desire to drive may have suffered fatal casualties. If it weren't for the fact that I had to go to work, I'd probably be hiding under my blanket at home.

    I've never been in an accident before. Thankfully, I was only travelling the speed limit of 35 MPH (~56 KMH), but it was still very scary and I never want to be in that kind of situation again. Hopefully, I won't ever get into another accident ever again. It felt awful, obviously, but if I had to describe it, I'd say that it felt like I'd died, if only for a fraction of an instant. All I can remember now, after the fact, is the jarring pain and the flurry of thoughts flying through my head faster than I originally thought could be possible prior to impact. "Not like this." "I thought I'd always be careful enough to never be in an accident, but here I am." "Please, God, don't let anyone get hurt."

    I don't want to think about this anymore, so I'm just getting this off my chest before going to curl up in a corner and trying not to cry. I'll probably cry a lot.
     
  16. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    I get pissed off whenever I am involved in a traffic accident. At myself, mostly, if I am at fault or if I could've prevented it by being more careful. I hate falling with my motorcycle. It makes me feel ashamed at my poor riding skills and angry that I'll have to fix the bike. But scared? No, not really. It is a shock, indeed. It makes me drive slower and be more cautious, but that fades away after a few weeks. Then I am back to driving like my usual maniacal self (just kidding with the last part). I wonder what this means. Am I not afraid of death? No, that's not it. I am afraid. I don't want to die. But being like this does make me wonder about how much effort I put in preventing that from happening. Am I that depressed? Or maybe it's just that between almost being a stillborn and all the injuries I suffered since then, I've had enough scrapes with death it doesn't frighten me as much anymore.

    Well, speaking of depression... I don't know if it's worth mentioning here, but I will, just in case:
    I've been having an affair with Johnnie. I was originally looking to hook up with Jack, but couldn't find it. So I settled with Johnnie. I am not going overboard yet, I think, but everyday we get together and have a brief heart-to-heart.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2017
  17. Marxon

    Marxon Supernova

    I switched to a quieter store and my love was not them.

    It sucks letting your self get fully emotionally invested in someone then less than a week later they're taken away for what is now, 3 weeks.

    Safe to say its rough if your primary and often only source of comfort in this world is robbed from you.
     
  18. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    worst part of hitting the bottle is it is a slippery slope. Feels good until you throw up your innards out and realise it was all a temporary relief. Then you want more placebo... gotta admit though... feels good being numb

    damn it johnnie give me a break...
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2017
  19. Kashmir

    Kashmir Giant Laser Beams

    OMG, your first post made me think that Jack and Johnnie were real people. To each is own, whatever turns your turkey, (as the saying goes).
    I get it now.
     
  20. BloodyFingers

    BloodyFingers The End of Time

    No, I am not having an affair with actual person calle Johnnie. I was refering to to scotch. Jonhnie Walker, Black Label.
     

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